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The Eleventh Hour - Review Topic


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  • 2 weeks later...

Bit 1: Okay, Aclaraung bringing Inc close, but not to, the final battle doesn't help my image of him as Odahviing.Bit 2: I told you Nikarra's mean.Bit 3: I suppose Reich doesn't deserve any dignity, and will die without it?Bit 4: Inc's really changed if he doesn't want to make a new friend.Bit 5: This must be the dialogue you spoke of. I suppose it had to be done to advance the plot.

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Bit 1: Okay, Aclaraung bringing Inc close, but not to, the final battle doesn't help my image of him as Odahviing.Bit 2: I told you Nikarra's mean.Bit 3: I suppose Reich doesn't deserve any dignity, and will die without it?Bit 4: Inc's really changed if he doesn't want to make a new friend.Bit 5: This must be the dialogue you spoke of. I suppose it had to be done to advance the plot.
1: I don't care. He's Aclaraung. Not a Skyrim dragon.2: This is a different Nikarra.3: Wait and see.4: Indeed he has.5: It is, yeah. But I liked Arkrak's line.

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Well, here I am again.It's always- never mind, I'm going to cut off that reference right now.I was planning to catch up on this when your PM reminded me. Probably not its intended purpose, but it worked. :PAnyway, comments:1. I see from his conversation with Aru (who apparently managed to keep up with the giant flying dragon - impressive!), that Inc continues to get darker.But not too dark to appreciate his dragon ride! There's still plenty of classic Incommodo in here.2.(Oh, and just BTW, this phrase struck me as awkward: Aru stood thoughtfully for around a second. It sounds like "Aru stood around," and just doesn't seem to describe her action very well. I would suggest something more like "Aru paused thoughtfully for a moment." Of course, some of that is just personal preference, but I thought I'd mention it. That's what review topics are meant for, right?)3.I have to admit, I'm puzzled by the identity of the 'snake.' Who here talks in bold...?4.And the Apocalypse Team is now six, it would seem. (Speaking of which... why is Proditor's first move on seeing Inc to "reach for his sword"? Well, okay, he may have thought it was some evil thing pretending to be Inc. Maybe.)5.How does Nikarra know Aru? Are we supposed to not know that, or did I just forget?6.Oh, and for the record, I like the dialogue. Besides advancing the plot, it lightens things up. We may in the middle of the apocalypse, but that's no reason to lose your sense of humor! Unless you're Incommodo, that is. Then, yes, probably losing your sense of humor right about now.(Huh. I think this is my shortest review yet.)-Excelsior

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My writings:

The Toa Ekara - Visions A short story. Ga-Koro Mobs My entry for the LSO Comedies Contest. Team Extempore's entry for the LSO Epics Contest

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Oh how we laughed and laughed...Yeah... intended purpose... sarcastic.gif1: Yep, Inc's still getting darker.2: Indeed it is, and I'll keep that in mind.3: Dark Mirror: Part I. The mirror scenes with Reich.4: Proditor's first reaction to everything is to reach for his sword. Seriously, look back, it's true. :P5: Some of you might know it, but the epics haven't explained it yet.6: Thankyou. :lol:(it is, yeah)-Vorex

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The 'Line-Creepers' joke made me cringe. It works for Reichenbach because his name is frequently mispronounced, but Time Keepers is very simple and easy to understand, making Proditor just look like a fool.On the other hand, Pirok roundhouse kicking Laz shows how epic and deserving of a fanclub he is.I don't get why Reich is suddenly helping them. Ever since Sonic 06 I've been really cautious about good guy-bad guy team-ups.

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Well, the newest chapter was too fast-paced for my liking. Every thing happened much too quickly, and Reich joining the group seemed rather random. The combat was somewhat hard to get into as well.But hey, plot development.
PLOT DEVELOPMENT.
The 'Line-Creepers' joke made me cringe. It works for Reichenbach because his name is frequently mispronounced, but Time Keepers is very simple and easy to understand, making Proditor just look like a fool.On the other hand, Pirok roundhouse kicking Laz shows how epic and deserving of a fanclub he is.I don't get why Reich is suddenly helping them. Ever since Sonic 06 I've been really cautious about good guy-bad guy team-ups.
It's Proditor's idea of a joke, something that decreases the value of things other people have said. So, he mocks it.Pirok may deserve a fanclub.No idea what Sonic 06 is, and Reichenbach never does anything without a reason.- Vorex

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Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

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It's Proditor's idea of a joke, something that decreases the value of things other people have said. So, he mocks it.Pirok may deserve a fanclub.No idea what Sonic 06 is, and Reichenbach never does anything without a reason.- Vorex
I thought Proditor was meant to be funny :(YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESSonic 06 is basically the worst Sonic game of all time.
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It's Proditor's idea of a joke, something that decreases the value of things other people have said. So, he mocks it.Pirok may deserve a fanclub.No idea what Sonic 06 is, and Reichenbach never does anything without a reason.- Vorex
I thought Proditor was meant to be funny :(YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESSonic 06 is basically the worst Sonic game of all time.
Proditor, while often funny, is also cruel.Maybe when all the epics are done. But the Pirok fans (hopefully) will not be disappointed.Understood.- Vorex

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Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

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Ok, first... CALLED IT!Second, so know we have 3 of the Time-Keepers assembled, with one other being the ultimate antagonist at this point. Here hoping more amazing plot development!-Scratch
:lol:Well, there'll certainly be more plot development. Whether or not it's amazing really depends on all of your personal opinions. :P- Vorex

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Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

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Wotz, don't even mention Sonic 2006. That does not exist.Anyway Vorex, any chances of the next chapter being longer and fleshing out the characters more? Along with more Plot Development?
Next chapter is going to be longer, and I'm hoping for a good bit of fleshing out. And there's always plot development. :P- Vorex

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Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

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I'm not surprised that Aru kept up with Aclaraung, she's smaller and lighter and can still fly. :PAlso...I still think there's too much dialogue, but meh. Inc's getting darker and darker.I can't wait to see what happens from that.@Wotz: Aclaraung=/=Odahviing.Aclaraung is much cooler.

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i'm a south american giant otter now

 

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I'm not surprised that Aru kept up with Aclaraung, she's smaller and lighter and can still fly. :PAlso...I still think there's too much dialogue, but meh. Inc's getting darker and darker.I can't wait to see what happens from that.@Wotz: Aclaraung=/=Odahviing.Aclaraung is much cooler.
True dat.The last chapter consisted almost completely of action....*facepalm*
You're only here for Accy and not the plot aren't you?
My thoughts exactly.
I'm here for both.But we can obviously tell which of the two I'm more likely to comment on.And don't call him Accy. >.<
The plot. Of course. :sly:- Vorex

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Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

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Bit 1: *Dark Knight theme*Bit 2:

"Aru still exists physically, but only as a corpse."
Har har.Oh, and plot/character development hooray.
Someone: Who killed all the Shades?Incommodo: Who do you think?
Bit 3: "We need target practice" *stabs him*Lulwut?Bit 4: When New Atero is... Ashes... You have my permission to die.Also I really want some wild Rahkshi to turn up and do stuff.
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@Wotz: Before I get to commenting on your review, I have one thing to say:You've been watching too much Batman.1: :P2: I rather enjoyed having Inc throw Reich out the window.3: Nekron's just that kinda guy.4: Glad you caught the little reference. :lol:Maybe later.@Kal: Well, she was posessed for a while, but now she's just a corpse.- Vorex

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Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

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First off... ARU, NOOOOO!!!!!Now that that's over, I love this darker, smart-alec Incommodo. He reminds me of me when I'm a bit ticked off.Poor Reichenbach. Only trying to help and Inc throws him out a window.Wow. Who knew a Shadow could be so harsh? XDWow. Pirok... Thats a bit harsh, but I suppose its true. The comedic, bright-minded Inc doesn't exist anymore. But just how far will Pirok follow before he decides that it isn't worth it any longer?Looking forward to wait I'm assuming marks the end of Part I (Its getting to the storm...)-Scratch

Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...

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First off... ARU, NOOOOO! !!!!Now that that's over, I love this darker, smart-alec Incommodo. He reminds me of me when I'm a bit ticked off.Poor Reichenbach. Only trying to help and Inc throws him out a window.Wow. Who knew a Shadow could be so harsh? XDWow. Pirok... Thats a bit harsh, but I suppose its true. The comedic, bright-minded Inc doesn't exist anymore. But just how far will Pirok follow before he decides that it isn't worth it any longer?Looking forward to wait I'm assuming marks the end of Part I (Its getting to the storm...)-Scratch
It's too late for Aru, now...He doesn't remind me of anyone in particular. Although I drew some inspiration from The Doctor in A Good Man Goes to War.Well, if you could call the 'Come to the Dark Side' speech 'help', then yeah. :PNekron's no ordinary Shadow.Pirok's a hero, he doesn't care if he's fighting a lost battle, because if he doesn't no-one else is going to.Wait and see, Scratch, wait and see...- Vorex

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Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

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  • 2 weeks later...

First off... WHOA!Inc, what happened? I never expected Inc to threaten Frustro, especially not with a graphic and physical example of violence.Vorex on the move! Things are going downhill. We just have to find the Ta-Matoran...Things seem to be taking an explosive spiral downward for Incommodo and his group, but how will it all end?-Scratch

Now fades the great harvest of my betrayal...

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First off... WHOA!Inc, what happened? I never expected Inc to threaten Frustro, especially not with a graphic and physical example of violence.Vorex on the move! Things are going downhill. We just have to find the Ta-Matoran...Things seem to be taking an explosive spiral downward for Incommodo and his group, but how will it all end?-Scratch
Threatening Frustro was the quickest way for him to get through that, and they were running out of time.Indeed they do.I'm not telling you that. At least, not here. :P- Vorex

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Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

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Bit 1: Darkommodo :oNow Pirok's taken over the 'in charge and Doctor-y' role :PBit 2:

Instead, he was outside on the street, looking out as the sun rose up–But it was too early to be dawn, the sun wasn’t green, and last time he had checked there had only been one of them.
I love how Arkrak's mind works.Bit 3:
“My apologies. Right body, wrong time.”
WHAT IS THIS SORCERYBit 4: So shadows can't pass through trapdoors? D:
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Bit 1: Darkommodo :oNow Pirok's taken over the 'in charge and Doctor-y' role :PBit 2:
Instead, he was outside on the street, looking out as the sun rose up–But it was too early to be dawn, the sun wasn’t green, and last time he had checked there had only been one of them.
I love how Arkrak's mind works.Bit 3:
“My apologies. Right body, wrong time.”
WHAT IS THIS SORCERYBit 4: So shadows can't pass through trapdoors? D:
Pirok's always been in charge. Incommodo just hasn't noticed yet. cool.pngDon't we all? :PHehehe... :evilgrin:Nekron's inside Pulse's corpse, and he could easily get through the trapdoor if he wanted to -- he decided to wait.- Vorex

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Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

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Bit 1: How did the Ta-Matoran go from being cool to a dusty bloke in a tunnel? :( (rhetorical question FYI)I'm still slightly confused as to whether the BOOMtoran and the Ta-Matoran are the same person.Bit 2: I love how Pirok is just like 'screw it he'll be fine'.Bit 3: Nothing to see here.Bit 4: Ooh, moral conundrum.But was it really necessary to have the whole 'earlier' thing?

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Bit 1: How did the Ta-Matoran go from being cool to a dusty bloke in a tunnel? :( (rhetorical question FYI)I'm still slightly confused as to whether the BOOMtoran and the Ta-Matoran are the same person.Bit 2: I love how Pirok is just like 'screw it he'll be fine'.Bit 3: Nothing to see here.Bit 4: Ooh, moral conundrum.But was it really necessary to have the whole 'earlier' thing?
1: Several months in a cave does that to you.2: Hey, that's Pirok.3: You sure?4: Moral Conundrum Cliffhanger.I had to put it in to have everything I wanted there, as it was originally that part and then the Rahkshi, skipping out Pirok on the other side altogether, but I rearranged it all to provide a little cliffhanger.- Vorex

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Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

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1: Several months in a cave does that to you.3: You sure?- Vorex
1: Thanks for answering my queries about the BOOMtoran mad.gif3: Oh, right erm... *thinks of an excuse* I was being sarcastic :P
1: It's the same guy.3: Suuuure. :sly:- Vorex

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Nikarra - Kaelynn - Ronan - Muir - Donal Aerus - Montague - Kira - KouraLearu - Alteora - Fuacht - Caana Nessen - Merrill

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