Bionicle's Best Burns!

[tent163phantoka]

BIONICLE is full of great insults used by various characters. Which ones do you think are the best? here are my top 2:

...That you would see, Toa of Stone, if your head was not filled with rocks as well.

-Kharzhani plant to Onewa

...By choice, or because no one can stand you?

-Pohatu to Kopaka.what are your faves?

[PokamuTheChexGuy]

Don't break it.

[Disciple]

"Toa. You are an anachronism — pure and noble heroes, still striving for right in a universe of chaos, unwilling to admit that your day is long over."

Ouch.

[Toa Smoke Monster]

"I would rather be fed to the Great Furnace than live in a city run by an obnoxious, foul-smelling, overgrown pile of vegetable matter good for nothing but clogging canals"-Onewa

Best insult ever.

[Ballom Nom Nom]

Actually, none of them really come to mind as particularly good, other than the line Disciple mentioned, if it is in fact considered an insult.~B~

[Baron Von Nebula]

"Carapar, you are an ignorant spawn of a Brakas monkey, and you always were. You couldn't snap your fingers without help ... if you had fingers."-Teridax "Ah, dear Kalmah, try using your head for something besides scaring small animals."-Takadox

Edited June 24, 2012 by Baron Von Nebula

[Anti Nui]

“I would sooner offer my neck to a dull axe blade than trust you, female. Your name has become another word for ‘treachery.’”“Better that than being another word for ‘failure.’"Spiriah vs. Roodaka.

[JPNML]

"Don't break it."

best I can think of. Edited June 24, 2012 by Raiden: Toa of Storms

[FrozenFlash]

"You? I'm the one suffering here, stuck with a Ko-Matoran big brain and an Onu-Matoran stock boy."- Onewa to Nuju and Whenua.

[Axilus Prime]

"There are a thousand ways I could destroy you right now...and 941 of them hurt."

[Nuparu1995]

"There are a thousand ways I could destroy you right now...and 941 of them hurt."

Pure Teridax lulz.

[Dralcax]

"I have endured your webs... I have endured your venom... But the one thing I will not endure... Is your breath!""Look out, dumb stuff, comin through!""I know it makes your head hurt, but try thinking, Reidak.""Well, there went any clues to the Mask of Life in here, you Rahkshi-brained pile of--""Wow, you make Kongu look handsome. You're almost as friendly as he is, too.""Sorry about this, but we're full on ugly monsters this week. If we need more, we'll call.""Sorry for asking. I forgot-- You're crazy, too."

[Obsessionist]

"I have endured your webs... I have endured your venom... But the one thing I will not endure... Is your breath!"

Was this from Vakama? I can't place it.

[Toa of Ice - 1987]

Toa Hewkii in 2007 mahri nui storyline"Sorry about this, but we're full on ugly monsters this week. If we need more, we'll call."That sentence made me chuckle when i first read it

[Toa Lapaka]

"Trust you? That's like a Visorak saying 'Pet me.'"-Hakann"You don't know Matoran very well.""Sure I do. Whining little creeps always running to a Toa or Turaga when anything goes wrong — that's what Matoran are."-Garan and Vezok"You Toa are all alike - all mewling morons."-Zaktan"That was a long fall down the mountain. Long climb back up, too. It's an experience you shouldn't miss. How about I throw you over the side, Thok, and see how many times you bounce? Won't that be fun?"-Reidak to ThokMost of the best insults come from the Pirika

Edited June 25, 2012 by Toa Lapaka

[~garnira returns~]

Best I can think of is this: "...and we are going to build a great temple to the three things that mean the most to me. me, myself, and I." - Hakannor " I've seen things under rocks that have more class than you, makuta, and I am a toa of stone, I know rocks." -pohatu

Edited June 25, 2012 by ~garnira returns~

[Makuta Matata]

Something like this: *Hewkii sees Gadunka* "Oh, it's my friend again!", says Hewkii. I don't think I like your taste in friends", says Kongu. "Yeah, I think of that every time I look at you", says Hewkii. Burned.

[darkslizer]

" I've seen things under rocks that have more class than you, makuta, and I am a toa of stone, I know rocks."This is the best one I've ever seen. Except for maybe:"Sorry about this, but we're full on ugly monsters this week. If we need more, we'll call. I think that the Toa of Stone come up with the best insults, besides the Piraka. " If Gadunka had a bigger brain, especially a sarcastic one, he might say "ooh, take me to the burn unit." Besides the fact the they didn't have burn units in Bionicle, as far as I know. But still, har dee har har.

[Blitzkitteh]

Both by Lewa:"Oh, don't be such an... ash." -Lewa to Tahu, Swamp of Secrets"You will be remembered in legend as Reidak, Defeater of Doors!" -Lewa to Reidak, Dark Destiny-Longcat is Long!

[Dralcax]

"I have endured your webs... I have endured your venom... But the one thing I will not endure... Is your breath!"

Was this from Vakama? I can't place it.

Nuju Hordika.

[Toatapio Nuva]

"You don't know Matoran very well.""Sure I do. Whining little creeps always running to a Toa or Turaga when anything goes wrong — that's what Matoran are."-Garan and Vezok

This.

[Click]

Saw this one yesterday on BS01:"Only you would be foolish enough, reckless enough, to come after me here. You were a danger to everyone on the road as a rider, and you will probably be a danger as a Toa, too."Orkahm to MatauFrom Tales of the Masks"Nokama began to reply but was cut off by an angry string of clicks and whistles coming from Turaga Nuju of Ko-Koro."Don't know Birdspeak? Well this is the next line:"'Um, Turaga Nuju says..." Matoro began. 'Oh no, I can't say that about Turaga Onewa!'"Worst burn we may never know.

[Mare Tranquillitatis]

"I know you. You were among my rescuers from Artidax. You were the one who never shut up."— Miserix to Vezon, Reign of ShadowsHe gave Vezon a 10/10. OWNED!This one's nice, too:"What's next? — The walls close in? Swarms of fireflyers attack? The Shadowed One sings?"— Thok, Inferno

Edited June 27, 2012 by Emile A239

[Aderia]

One thing I do remember (geez, I gotta go re read those books) is someone telling Onewa to go chew on a rock, which I found amusing.

[Geardirector]

Here's my favorite."You play with pebbles, Toa, while your universe burns""Everyone's gotta have a hobby"- Antroz and PohatuOK, so I don't know if this categorizes more as a comeback or not, but it's still my favorite

[The Swimming Beard]

"Toa. You are an anachronism — pure and noble heroes, still striving for right in a universe of chaos, unwilling to admit that your day is long over."

[Click]

Destiny War is also full of the best burns! Here's a few:

...Karzahni, who seemed to Vezon to be quite insane. And Vezon knew insane.

"No," said Trinuma [to Vezon]. "I think they said something about needing someone who could die horribly without being missed. So, naturally, they thought of you."

[tent163phantoka]

"Matoran should be seen, and not heard. And even seen is debatable."-Avak "Fall, Vastus! Today belongs to Malum!""I know all about your might, Malum. Too bad there's no sane mind to direct it." -Malum and Vastus

Edited July 2, 2012 by tent163phantoka

[Click]

I just found the "Go chew on a rock" quote. It was in Bionicle Adventures 7: Web of the Visorak. Onewa got burned!EDIT: And, from the same book:"Amazing,' said Onewa. 'I have finally found it!''What?''Someone who makes Whenua sound cheerful.'

Edited July 3, 2012 by Click

[The Iron Toa]

"No," said Trinuma [to Vezon]. "I think they said something about needing someone who could die horribly without being missed. So, naturally, they thought of you."

It was the response to that that made it really funny:

Vezon's addled brain processed what Trinuma said, and somehow decided it was a compliment. "Well, naturally," he replied. "Lead on, and let me show you all how dying's done."

[ALVIS]

Both by Lewa:"Oh, don't be such an... ash." -Lewa to Tahu, Swamp of Secrets"You will be remembered in legend as Reidak, Defeater of Doors!" -Lewa to Reidak, Dark Destiny-Longcat is Long!

Oh, Lewa. Both of those made me crack up. Thok also got quite a few good ones in on Reidak, such as:Thok: Reidak, there is this new thing called 'thinking.' You really should try it.Reidak: Well, I'll be a Muaka's dinner...Thok: With any luck at all, yes.Some others...Pohatu: Everybody's gotta have a hobby!Antroz: And how is being slow and stupid working out for you? Edited July 5, 2012 by Angel Bob

[Click]

Three more I found in a burst of Nostalgia. "No, he decided. I can't believe fate would be so cruel as to condemn me to an eternity with Kualus by my side."Nuju in Bionicle Adventures #8: Challenge of the Hordika"'That's the problem with you water types. All that swimming makes your spines soggy...''That's the problem with you air types. You have too much of it between your ears."Matau and Nokama in Comic 26: Hanging by a Thread"I have enormous trust-faith in my own talent.""I think maybe I'll do something safer with my day, like hand-feed hungry sharks."— Defilak and Gar, City of the LostThose are some pretty good ones.

Edited July 9, 2012 by Click

[soularin]

"Now, you rancid remains of a rahi's dinner. Let's try that again." -Lesovikk to Karzahni “And the traps here are sensitive to Makuta. I see, I see. And come to think of it, Spiriah is somewhat rodent-like.” - Roodaka

[man774]

"And we're not going to give him that time ... we're going to do a Pohatu on him.""A Pohatu?""That's right. 'When in doubt, smash everything and hope you're somewhere else when it all goes boom"-tahu to kopekeor better"You can walk out, Roodaka, under your own power, and carry out a mission for some friends of mine, or I can carry you out, plant you in a hole outside, and we'll see if anything grows."-brutaka to roodakaand then:"Excuse me, oh brutal, blade-wielding, lover of gardening."-vezon to brutaka"Your talents are still of some use to me, and so I will not kill you...today. But one day — perhaps in a year, or 1000 years, or 100,000 years — I may grow tired of you, Icarax. You may cease to be amusing, with your posturing and your boasting and your lust for battle. And on that day, your armor will be a meal for metal-eating scavengers, and your essence a wisp on the wind."-teridax to icarax"Ah, Makuta. We are the same being in different universes, but I am not you. You're a plotter ... a schemer ... not wanting to get your claws dirty, if you can avoid it. You would think of all sorts of ways to fight the Takanuva from a distance ... all of which would fail."-teridax to... himself?"Treason. Worse than treason — stupidity. Succeed in your grand design and you risk the death of the universe itself. And what will you use to attack the Great Spirit? Your shadow hand? A troop of Rahkshi? You are an insect in the eyes of Mata Nui... and in mine."-miserex to teridaxAnd how is being slow and stupid working out for you? Now my hobby is quite unique - I collect broken Toa."-antroz to pohatu"and you are Gali Nuva, Toa of Raindrops."-gorast to gali "As usual, you design Rahi that are a bludgeon rather than a dagger. I, on the other hand, put some subtlety into my work. It's as if I signed my name to them."-mutran to chirox"Vican! I told you to kick that last experiment over the ledge and into the swamp. I can't have it screaming and melting all over the cave. I keep slipping in it."-mutran to vican"Speak, fool! And let only truth and clarity come from your mouth if you wish to continue having one." "Very well, Skakdi trash.-tridax to vezon"You don't know Matoran very well.""Sure I do. Whining little creeps always running to a Toa or Turaga when anything goes wrong — that's what Matoran are."-garan and vezok"Your Turaga speaks in riddles. I hate riddles."-kopaka to nujuRight. I can tell from the bat wings and the leeches that you three are just all happy-smiles and rainbows."-lewa to antroz

[avak3]

I have some funny ones that, some-what fit. "We'll just stand very still and quiet. When they come, they won't even notice us. Or if they do, they'll think, 'Look how still and quiet they are. They would never harm an insect.' Yes, they will see how well we behave and not be afraid to come close and then... and then..."— Vezon, Power Play "What do you have in mind, and does it include explosions?"— Tahu to Onua, Reign of Shadows

[~Shockwave~]

"That was a long fall down the mountain. Long climb back up, too. It's an experience you shouldn't miss. How about I throw you over the side, Thok, and see how many times you bounce? Won't that be fun?"-Reidak to Thoki remember that one. not really a burn, but awesome nonetheless. so many good ones in this topic.

[ALVIS]

I'm noticing a trend away from "great insults" to "funny quotes."Well, I suppose that was always inevitable.

[Click]

Fine, to get us back on topic, try this:"Since that would be a sadistic, cruel, demented thing to do, I naturally thought of you."-Vakama to Teridax, Time Trap (best Bionicle Book ever!)

[The Iron Toa]

What's the context of that one?

[Click]

In Time Trap, Makuta traps Vakama in an illusion of an alternate universe where the Matoran who found the Great Disks became Toa (Nuhrii, Vhisola, Ehyre...) instead of the original Toa Metru, and sends Vakama on a scavenger hunt for clues about the Mask of Time. Eventually, Vakama breaks the illusion, and has this little discussion with Makuta.