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Guest Saya Moonshadow

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(First off, I've seen your name around, but I think this is the first time I've seen you back on BZP, so welcome back! Always nice to see an old writer drop by.)I really enjoyed this story. Like you, I was never quite moved as much as some people seem to have been by Matoro's death - probably because I wasn't following Bionicle when it happened, heh - but I've always wondered about how the characters of the universe were affected by it, particularly Nuju. Seeing the Turaga pushed past logic in this crisis is an effective way to show off the few vulnerable spots in his character, and gets you to understand at least a bit of the grief he's feeling. And I enjoyed how you mixed that with his old Toa instincts - it's not just about saving a statue, it's about saving another Matoran, one who's very, very dear to him.Your prose also flowed very well, with practically no spelling/grammar issues. The only line I'm iffy on is near the end - "And then he has no time to think of anything else but the survival of his people, and he nearly dies in the process of making sure they don't do the same" - since the latter half feels a bit like it's glossing over something. But one line with a slight, might-be-in-my-head bit of possible awkwardness is a pretty small deal.Nice work!

Edited by GSR

Hey: I'm not very active around BZP right now.  However, you can always contact me through PM (I have email notifications set up) and I will reply as soon as I can.

Useful Topics: The Q&A Compendium | The Official RPG Planning Topic
Stories: Fractures | An Aftermath | Three Stories | LSO 2012 Epics: Team Three | The Shadow and the Sea | The Days They Were Needed | Glitches | Transformations | Echoes | The Kaita and the Storyteller | Nui

BZPRPG: Komae · Soraya · Bohrei

Blog: Defendant Lobby no. 42

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