Review Topic: Dawn of the New Century

[TNTOS]

Hello and welcome all to the review topic of my latest epic, Dawn of the New Century. You can read the epic itself here.

 

Dawn is the first of a planned duology of epics of my Bionicle fanfiction universe, also known as the Shikaverse. This duology will be the finale of the Shikaverse, for it will resolve and answer many unresolved and unanswered plot points and questions from my past stories.

 

As a result, when I sat down to write Dawn, I faced the task of trying to make it understandable to someone who has never read any of my past works while balancing it with a good story that can stand on its own. Frankly, though, whenever I had to decide whether to include an explanation or not, I generally chose to exclude it because I felt a good story is generally preferable to good exposition, however important that exposition might be.

 

Having said that, I will be posting "Notes on the Shikaverse" within this review topic, which will give concise explanations for characters, ideas, terms, and locations that appear in this epic but are not explained or not explained well enough. Notes will only be provided for old characters, ideas, terms, and locations. New characters, ideas, terms, and locations introduced in Dawn will not be explained in the notes, as they should hopefully be explored and explained well enough within the story itself (though there will be a few exceptions). Notes are divided by the chapters in which past characters, ideas, terms, and locations are mentioned.

 

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Notes on the Shikaverse:

 

Chapter I:

 

Kafor. Kafor is a Skakdi who has been on the run from the Dark Hunters for years, as she knows an important secret about the Shadowed One. She is a Seer, which means she occasionally has vague or obscure visions of the future, although why she has this ability has yet to be explained. First appeared in epic Dimension Hoppers: The Other Tale.

 

Barc. Barc is a Roffican who runs and owns the bar called the Tarakava's Fist. He is the only person Kafor truly trusts, which basically makes him her only friend. First appeared in epic Dimension Hoppers: The Other Tale.

 

Rofficans. "Roffican" is the name I have given to the species to which the Dark Hunter Krekka belonged to. In the official Bionicle story, they are usually called "bruisers," but as that is obviously not a species name, I had to make one up for the species. I first use the term in the epic Dimension Hoppers.

 

Gadarians. The species name for the Glatorian. The Glatorian species has no official name in the canon, but for the purposes of this epic I had to make one up. I first use it in this epic.

 

Chapter III:

 

Kra-Matoran. A tribe of Matoran of Shadow created by the Great Spirit Mata Nui 150,000 years ago, toward the beginning of the old universe. Originally benign, the Kra-Matoran became greedy and tried to conquer the Matoran universe, but were defeated by the Order of Mata Nui and a Toa team called the Toa Avha. The entire tribe, save for a single villager, was banished to a pocket dimension called Wyoko, the entrance of which is barred by a Door that is locked by a Toa seal created by the Toa Avha. First appeared in Tapestry of Evil.

 

Toa Akuna. A Toa of Lightning and one of the two surviving members of the Toa Shika. First appeared in The Tales of Shika Nui.

 

Toa Kiriah. Toa Kiriah is a Toa of Psionics and guardian of the Time Stone, an ancient object that is important to the peoples of Tanjo Nui. First appeared in Dimension Hoppers.

 

Time Stone. An object created by the Almighty Ones (see below) to record the history of a universe. First appeared in Dimension Hoppers.

 

Almighty Ones. The Almighty Ones were once the Great Beings of an alternate universe, but were transformed into powerful entities after exposing themselves to energized protodermis. They are very mysterious and enigmatic and are not comfortable directly talking to other beings. They created the Time Stone (see above). First appeared in Dimension Hoppers.

 

Jetrupi. A mysterious Gadarian and agent of the Almighty Ones. First appeared in Glatorian Chronicles #8: The Stranger.

 

Dimension-hopping. The term used to describe travel between universes. First used in Dimension Hoppers.

 

Chapter IV:

 

Toa Niham. Toa of the Green. Originally from the island of Shika Nui prior to Teridax's death. First appeared in Dimension Hoppers.

 

Turaga Kicho. Turaga of Earth. Former member and deputy leader of the Toa Tanjo. First appeared in Dimension Hoppers: The Other Tale.

 

Toa Laomos. Toa of Gravity and former member of the Toa Tanjo. First appeared in Dimension Hoppers: The Other Tale.

 

Chapter VIII:

 

Toa Avha. One of the first Toa teams. Help defeat the Kra-Matoran Empire 150,000 years ago and helped in the rebuilding of society that took place afterward. Nearly all members are either dead or retired and old now. First mentioned in Tapestry of Evil.

 

Chapter X:

 

Toa Chimoy. One of the two surviving members of the Toa Shika and a Toa of Iron. First appeared in The Tales of Shika Nui.

 

Toa Nonzra. Toa of Sonics and dead member of the Toa Shika. First appeared in The Tales of Shika Nui.

 

The Ghost King. A legendary figure said to reside on the island of World's End at the very end of the old universe. First appeared in The Ghost King's Tragedy.

 

Chapter XVII:

 

Toa Oggakia (also known as Oggak). The only Toa of Shadow outside of Wyoko. Was originally the Chronicler of the Kra-Matoran tribe, but betrayed her people during the Kra-Matoran War 150,000 years ago. Is in a relationship with Toa Jokao (see below). First appeared in The Recruitment of Axonn.

 

Toa Jokao. Toa of Fire who as a Matoran led the Matoran resistance against the Dark Hunters on Shika Nui 50,000 years ago. Is currently in a relationship with Toa Oggakia. First appeared in The Tales of Shika Nui.

 

Shika Nui. An island from the old universe, located west of Stelt. Was ruled by the Dark Hunters for 25,000 years. First appeared in The Tales of Shika Nui.

 

Shadow travel. The ability to travel through a shadow-like dimension in order to travel long distances quickly. It is similar to teleporting, although it has a longer distance and can only be used by shadow beings or beings with a close affinity toward shadow. First used in Tapestry of Evil.

 

Chapter XIX:

 

New Odina. Prior to the Core War, was a fortress belonging to the Element Lord of Ice, Xocion. First appeared in Glatorian Chronicles #9: Reluctant Allies.

 

Chapter XXIII:

 

Toa Nasis. Toa of Iron and former leader of the Toa Tanjo. First appeared in Dimension Hoppers.

 

Chapter XXIX:

 

The Almighty Ones' warehouse. A large warehouse containing everything the Almighty Ones ever made. First appeared in Dimension Hoppers.

 

Reviews, comments, criticisms, etc are all welcome .

 

-TNTOS-

Edited July 29, 2013 by TNTOS

[Scanty Demon]

It's been a while since I reviewed something of yours, and I feel really bad about that. So here you go.

 

First, I'd like to say that the Skrall and the Skakdi being mad at the Great Spirit is an interesting idea and makes sense. Seeing as they were the only two sentient creatures (rahkshi don't count as sentient in my opinion) to fight against Mata Nui. So I like that. Also Masquoth sorta reminds me of the Mandarin from Iron Man 3 explaining why would go into spoilers. Another thing is the inclusion of characters from the past. All the characters have goals and are all (inadvertently) working together to stop the big bad. I always liked those kinds of things in stories. I am curious as to see what will happen when they meet up.

 

Now I did have some problems. The first is the inclusion of human technology like TV. It may be just me but it sort of bugged me how they now have all this technology they didn't have before. Plus I think they were still a little behind when it came TVs (or they were absurdly expensive). Opening with the newscast bugged me a bit because of the above. I think the Dark Hunter "Night" might have been tricked into his name. I really don't think Night is a good code name Heavyweight is a bit iffy (would be insulting to call a lady such a thing XP) but yeah Dark Hunter names need work. Another problem I had no idea what Rofficans were before this. If I recall correctly there wasn't much of a description for these creatures in the story. Gadarians I think I'll let slide because you implied they were Glatorians.

 

Some things I'm iffy on include the Shadowed One's name. Now this is very hard to do admittedly and you did a reasonably good job with the name. Personally though I would've preferred if his name was spoken but it wasn't a terrible name and the Shadowed One killing the other person who knew it seemed in character. I just think that might put people off naming official characters. Another thing would Night's ship. I do believe it is made clear that the ship is recognizable, wouldn't that be a bad thing for a Dark Hunter like Night. He's not doing a good job of laying low with his ship.

 

Back to praise, I will say that the idea of New Odina is a nice touch especially its location. The Shadowed One would logically want a place that would be difficult for non Dark Hunters to reach. Only the strong would survive. The King of Life being evil is a clever play on things. The we associate with life are usual jolly things that invoke good emotions. Your King of Life does the opposite and him having a grudge against a mortal would make him a threat.

 

One last thing, last I read The Shadowed One disappeared when he was Xia. Here, he's known and still kicking. This probably intentional but I'd just really like to know why he was missing for a certain time. It's not really a problem so much as me nitpicking. Will that ever be explained.

 

I hope this review will suffice, I must say we need to work together some time soon and I need to review the Legend Imploded. This needs more people reviewing it.

Edited June 10, 2013 by Scanty Demon

[TNTOS]

Thanks for the review, Scanty . I would like to address a few points you made:

 

 

Also Masquoth sorta reminds me of the Mandarin from Iron Man 3 explaining why would go into spoilers.

 

Having seen Iron Man 3 myself, I think I know what you mean about the similarities between Masqouth and the Mandarin.

 

 

Now I did have some problems. The first is the inclusion of human technology like TV. It may be just me but it sort of bugged me how they now have all this technology they didn't have before. Plus I think they were still a little behind when it came TVs (or they were absurdly expensive). Opening with the newscast bugged me a bit because of the above. I think the Dark Hunter "Night" might have been tricked into his name. I really don't think Night is a good code name Heavyweight is a bit iffy (would be insulting to call a lady such a thing XP) but yeah Dark Hunter names need work. Another problem I had no idea what Rofficans were before this. If I recall correctly there wasn't much of a description for these creatures in the story. Gadarians I think I'll let slide because you implied they were Glatorians.

 

First: This fic takes place 50,000 years after the death of Teridax. Even in the Bionicle universe, I think that's plenty of time for technology to develop to the point where TVs are smaller, cheaper to produce, and more widely available. Maybe I didn't explain it that well, but that's my explanation for it.

 

Second: Night was originally called "Shadow" in earlier drafts, but I felt it was too generic and changed it.

 

As for Heavyweight, the Dark Hunters are far from what I would call gentlemen, although I agree that her codename isn't perfect.

 

Third: True, but I had no idea how to describe the Rofficans in a way that would invoke Krekka's appearance, as Kafor never knew Krekka and hadn't seen him before. That's why I made these "Notes on the Shikaverse," I suppose.

 

 

Some things I'm iffy on include the Shadowed One's name. Now this is very hard to do admittedly and you did a reasonably good job with the name. Personally though I would've preferred if his name was spoken but it wasn't a terrible name and the Shadowed One killing the other person who knew it seemed in character. I just think that might put people off naming official characters. Another thing would Night's ship. I do believe it is made clear that the ship is recognizable, wouldn't that be a bad thing for a Dark Hunter like Night. He's not doing a good job of laying low with his ship.

 

Yes, naming the Shadowed One was one of my biggest worries for this fic (and I am still not sure about his name, to be honest). However, seeing as the web serials are dead, I felt it was safe to name him.

 

On Night's airship, you make a good point. My original idea was for Night and Heavyweight buy passage aboard a smuggler's ship to get them out of New Atero, but in the end I decided it made more sense for Night to have his own personal airship. Perhaps the original idea would have been better.

 

One last thing, last I read The Shadowed One disappeared when he was Xia. Here, he's known and still kicking. This probably intentional but I'd just really like to know why he was missing for a certain time. It's not really a problem so much as me nitpicking. Will that ever be explained.

 

That never even occurred to me. I guess I just assumed that the Shadowed One didn't disappear for very long, hence why no one finds it odd that he's still known. Perhaps I will deal with his absence and reappearance in the sequel.

 

I hope this review will suffice, I must say we need to work together some time soon and I need to review the Legend Imploded. This needs more people reviewing.

 

Yes, we do need to get back to work on our project soon. Send me a PM and we can talk about it.

 

-TNTOS-

[Akavakaku]

Very awesome story! You did a great job adapting the Bionicle world into something unique and equally exciting. My only nitpick is that TSO's name sounds a bit Latin, whereas beings from his universe usually have names resembling words from Pacific island languages.

[TNTOS]

Very awesome story! You did a great job adapting the Bionicle world into something unique and equally exciting. My only nitpick is that TSO's name sounds a bit Latin, whereas beings from his universe usually have names resembling words from Pacific island languages.

Thanks for the compliment .

 

As for TSO's name, yeah, I guess it does sound rather Latin. Oh well.

 

Also, I don't know if you know this, but this story's sequel, In the End, is currently being posted. You can find it here, if you aren't already reading it.

 

-TNTOS-

[In Between the Shadows]

Great Story! I thoroughly enjoyed it!        

Will you be writing more

[TNTOS]

Great Story! I thoroughly enjoyed it!        

Will you be writing more

Thanks .

 

You can find the sequel here. It's currently still being posted, but there are plenty of chapters for you to read already.

 

-TNTOS-