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A Tad Of Writing...


55555

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It was another boring day on guard duty for Gopu. Nothing happening, just standing on the wall... He reflected on how many hours he'd spent of his life just standing on the wall, watching, waiting, with nothing happening. 1,000? 500? 5,000? He really had no idea.

 

Then something moved in the bushes below. A Muaka? A Matoran? Ah, now he could see it, a Nui-Jaga. Well, he'd settle that.

 

He yelled, and a small squad came from the barracks. Rahi attacks were routine, but better than just watching. As the squad came up, he pointed out the Rahi to them. They threw their spears, three pierced the Nui-Jaga, but Gopu's fell short. There was something non-threatening about this Jaga, something different... Was it afraid? That must have been it, it was afraid... But of what? The Nui-Jaga had no predators, right?

 

He reflected on his near miss with his spear, "Well," he thought, "Us Uno-Matoran were never the best with spears, the Ta's and the Le's were always the most accurate." He resolved to practice with his spear when he was off duty. But that wasn't for hours yet.

 

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Interesting...

 

Nice bit of writing. It's a little short....

 

Actually, on the shortness, I bet if you added in a little more detail and action and thoughts, it would be better.

 

-CF

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Rahi attacks were routine, but better than just watching.

I don't understand this line.

 

Otherwise good.

 

-Taipu-

(really Bunda)

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It's supposed to be short, I was just wondering what you thought of t.

 

By better, I meant more interesting.

 

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