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The Tower

Posted by Velox , in Personal Writings May 14 2012 · 141 views

write-off 15 minutes vignette baby

The Tower


At the sound of his cries I was instantly brought awake. I tried to get out of bed quietly, but it was too late; she was already awake.

“I’ll take care of him,” my wife said next to me from under her covers, beginning to rise.


“No, no, I’ve got him. Go back to sleep,” I insisted. She relented, knowing better than to say anything else. Most couples fight about who has to get up to take care of the baby; we “fight” about who gets to get up and take care of the baby.


Even the intense wailing put a smile to my face. Most are annoyed at being awoken in the middle of their night by their newborns, but I cherished the moments as I knew they wouldn’t last forever. I loved my son, unconditionally, and every moment – even time taken away from sleep – was worth spending with him. A gift. To see his beautiful, brown eyes. His adorable smile. His pink tongue always sticking out so ridiculously. His tiny arms, hands, feet, fingers, and face.


I walked into the nursery room, quickly advancing to where the crib was. I swiftly picked up my son, Liam, swinging him back and forth gently in my arms.


“Shh,” I whistled to him in a soothing voice. His big chocolate-colored eyes staring back at me; his mouth still mewling. But after a few moments, the noise began to silence. I walked around the room, a bounce in my step for his enjoyment, and the crying ceased all together. His eyes were still focused on mine, and the smile on my face finally brought one on his.


“You hungry, buddy?” I whispered. I moved to a dresser on the far side of the room on top of which stood a bottle. I grabbed it and carefully placed the nipple of the bottle in his mouth. But he wasn’t hungry, so I removed it and placed it back on the dresser.


“Alright, come on,” I said to him, carrying him out back into our room, then hastily into the hallway so as to not disturb my wife. I took him to my study where I had various case files lying on top of a large wooden desk. On all four walls stood bookshelves and various other items. On top of one bookshelf was a small model of the Eiffel Tower.


.“You see that, Liam?” I said, pointing to the object. He followed my finger, but if he actually saw what I was pointing at I wasn’t sure. Still, I continued. “That’s a tower. Probably the most famous tower in the world. An iconic landmark.” He smiled back at me as if fascinated by my tale.

Of course I knew he had no idea what I was saying, but my voice was soothing to him. And that was enough for me.


“Your mom and I went there for our honeymoon.” I paused for a moment before continuing, thinking back on the memories. “I still remember that day, that whole week. The most amazing week of my life. Your mother is amazing woman, Liam.” I kissed the top of his head lightly, eliciting another smile from him. “One of these days you’re likely to get married to, and you’ll find the perfect woman just as I did, just you wait.” I heard movement behind me and turned to find her in the doorway.


“Hey,” I said softly.


“Hey,” she answered, advancing toward me and giving me a kiss before giving four to Liam.


“Not fair,” I mutter, laughing. She laughs with me, kissing me again.


“Come on,” she said, “let’s put Little Liam back to sleep.” I smiled at the alliteration used in his nickname. We must've said it a thousand times, but it never got old.


I nodded and smiled at my son. “Let’s go, buddy. We’ll learn more about towers some other day,” I said, following her into the hallway and back toward our room and then his.

~ :: ~


Theme: Tower. Another 15-minute write-off from last night, one of my favorites. Yes, this is definitely the dad I want to be some day, and this is also the main character in a novel I am somewhat in the process of writing. Anyway, enjoy.

~ Velox

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"quickly advancing to where the crib was." IMO the word advancing has an aggressive connotation, it doesn't really fit here. The syntax of that sentence is also rather awkward. I'd use "quickly walking up to the crib."

Other than that, it's a great short piece. I like the transition from one unrelated subject -- his baby -- to another -- the Eiffel tower.

And if this is the kind of dad you want to be, it sounds like you'll make a great dad :P
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:kaukau: I'm sorry I said I didn't like this in my blog. To be honest, I hadn't read this piece yet, only assumed that the theme would be too difficult for make a decent story out of, because mine sucked (review it, by the way).

Anyway, I have no disagreements with Zaxvo. My further thoughts include the following:
  • Liam Neeson.
  • Are you thinking of naming any future sons Liam?
  • "Little Liam" doesn't actually roll of my tongue, but that's just me. Most things don't.
  • I like alliterative M names, like Mary Maria.
  • Actually, "Little Liam" sounds like it could be a character from a Superman comic, no?
  • Sweet and simple, I like how you didn't let the story take up the narrative an found something with substance to write about, unlike me.

Your Honor,
Emperor Kraggh
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@ Zaxvo ~ I see what you mean. I don't really know why I wrote it that way except perhaps because of the time limit and the fact that this guy is a military man ('cause, you know, an army advances -- who knows if that was done unconsciously or not haha). But thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I really hope I am some day. The thing I want most, after a "perfect" wife (perfect to my wants, that is), is to be the best father I can because let's face it: kids are awesome.

@ Kraggh ~ Really? I guess it's just me, but I actually have a lot of ideas for tower-themed short stories (some sort of dungeon tower, the Tower of London, a watchtower, a prison [mentioning a tower guard], an actual skyscraper, a bridge tower, things that "tower" over others, etc.). Of course with most of those ideas I feel like I'd need to think about them and write an actual short story than just a vignette in 15 minutes with no planning. But yes, I'll try to review yours soon.
  • Lol, several people have told me that's the first thing they thought; I actually wasn't even thinking of Neeson when I named him. I wanted an Irish name and liked this one. Still, though, it's fitting because Neeson is definitely one of my favorite actors.
  • No, probably not. It's an awesome name, but I'm most-likely going to be naming my children with Catholic Saint names.
  • I can see how it might not for some people, but for me and some others it does. I just really like how "Little Liam" sounds.
  • Yeah, those are nice, too. A lot of alliterative names are really cool and sound nice.
  • I suppose, but not to me.
  • Thanks.
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:kaukau: I just noticed that you have the Eiffel Tower as a recurring artistic theme in your blog.

Your Honor,
Emperor Kraggh
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