It was homecoming, and unfortunately, my team lost. That was the only time I ever cared about which team won. My record of apathy saved me, though, when the enemy team won with a score nearly twice as high as ours. I'm not an expert in football, but I will assume that's bad. The dance was to take place after that, when the game was over. In the meantime, it was the topic of several conversations I had. Of course, I had many conversations with many people, but a couple stood out, both of them with girls, and both of which had been people whom I had got off on very bad starts when I first knew them. I was surprised how eased our conversations were, and how we acted like regular friends.
So, the game ended. A little disappointed by the outcome, I had reason to look forward the dance to treat the school spirit. On the way from the football field to the school building, I talked with my cousin, an intelligent lad who looks absolutely like me. We talked about respect, which lead to how respect was a building block in the long confounding concept of love. It's always good to talk to someone who is willing to understand these things. Most people would have been turned off if a friend wanted to talk about deep subjects, because its not within their comfort zone to talk about these things. This is why I'm proud of my cousin.
Now, we got to the place early. He didn't have to pay since he's school staff, but I didn't mind. We were possibly the first people there.
Now, the story doesn't seem to go anywhere from here, does it? Of course, it's not supposed to be a story. I'm just recording what happened, although there is a point to this entry. The title to this entry reads Veraltete, which is German for "outdated." This quickly became the word of the night. Immediately, once other people came by, some people I couldn't help but notice had changed. I had attached certain labels to certain people, and now I realize that I am looking at people who no longer fit the description, or need a deeper description. What I know about many of these people is coming from a mental encyclopedia dated 2006. We are teenagers, highschoolers, and I realized that other people are changing faster than modern computers. Some of the conversations during the game were the first hints, but this thought dominated my mind throughout the rest of the night at the dance.
Once more people came in, the place was a mess. People were shoulder to shoulder, making it rather cramped. You had to yell in order to be heard over the music. If you stood in front of the speakers, you'd literally feel a strong breeze.
I'm a guy, and I'm very uncomfortable with girls. I established a friend, another guy, as "home base", the person I would return to if there was nothing to do, and there often wasn't. I just wasn't asking people to dance with me. A friend of mine, this short guy, kept on telling me to dance with someone. Just pick someone out and ask them. I said "no". I realize that in this way, I was different from most every guy at the dance. I just don't socialize enough, which is a major weakness in my character. Sure, everybody thinks that I'm really cool, which is lucky for me, I guess, but communication only runs deep with a few people. This is one of the reasons I am outdated.
At one point earlier on, another friend of mine wanted to dance with me. He's another guy, so all we did was hook our elbows together and pound the air. I have to admit that although it wasn't true dancing, it was fun. Then, soon afterwords, came the early climax to the dance, the thing that sends my mind buzzing still, days later. I won't mention her real name, but to identify her I will call her Jennifer Schindler as a pseudonym. Schindler was one of the girls I talked to a bit during the game. For the past couple of years, I considered her ground zero. We just never got off to a good start when she first came to my school, although I tried. That night seemed different. I just remember that she was in the crowd, about three people away from me. Every time I looked in her direction, she was coming closer to me. I probably wouldn't have thought much of it, if it wasn't for the fact that she seemed to be looking in my direction.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly attracted to her. Jennifer Schindler, according to my tastes, one of the prettiest girls in the grade. Most people don't think so, but I do. She's intelligent, too. Of all the people who were at the dance, if I had to pick one person to dance with, it would have been her. When my short friend pestered me several times to ask someone, she was the only person who came to mind.
Well, next thing I knew, she was standing right next to me, and she asked if I would like to dance. I really couldn't answer that suavely, partially because I couldn't believe the situation. It seemed like some far-off daydream. I really can't put it poetically, and I can't be honest with my feelings, because I have no idea what to think. I danced with her for about a minute, clumsily. The rest of the knight, part of me was in shock. The rest of me had dropped completely into "philosophical mode". I just kept on thinking about how much everybody had changed. Jennifer Schindler was someone who before had honestly not liked me very much. I sort of had sour feelings toward her in the past as well, mostly feelings of jealousy, but I always tried to respect and appreciate her. Still, our past had been rocky. Of course, this wasn't the only change. I realized just how outdated I was, how truly different everyone else was from how I thought of them. People acted differently at the dance. In some ways, I saw more than I would have liked, but still, people are different. There's still a lot I don't know about everyone out there. I'm no fan of small-talk, and I'd like to run on a deeper mode of communication. I've lost a lot of time in these last few years, and I will have to rediscover my friends.
In the meantime, my mind is still reeling over dancing with Schindler. That thought is going to be branded into my brain for quite some time. Why do I feel so differently now about her? I don't have a crush on her, at least I don't think so, but I feel connected now. It's...odd. What psychological effect is taking place on me? I've never looked forward to my next counseling appointment this much. Perhaps I have lost track with even myself.