I sent this in a requested PM a few minutes ago, but because of the PMs and feedback I got from last night's blog stuff, I wanted to post it here. I don't think the recipient will mind. I'm not trying to be "Oh look at me I'm married I know all about this" or trying to get attention, I just liked what I wrote and wanted to share it for anyone else who might like it.
Marriage is so much its own thing that a fair comparison is very difficult to make. I was trying to think of ways to explain it last night, but neither Rob or I could think of a comparison that worked. Marriage is millions of tiny things that are beautiful, tragic, ridiculous, hilarious, on and on. And it's different for everyone in each little aspect; marriages differ like personalities differ. To me, it's the highest and most intimate form of friendship. We were getting ready for bed last night and naming off stuff that marriage was to us, but it's so many little things coming together to form the big picture of what makes us happy and what pieces together our lives. Marriage is similar to the world itself in that respect.
As far as having "responsibilities" and "obligations": it's kinda hard for me to say that because we don't have to try and it never felt like taking on new responsibilities. When one partner needs something, the other is like Yes okay how can I help. There's no lack of interest or sometimes getting tired of it or forcing yourself to do it or even feeling like you have to do it. When one partner is hurt or upset, the other absolutely does everything they can without even thinking about it or hesitating. You do things and treat one another without any regard for individual gender, sex, personality, background, ethnicity, etc. The two of you come together to create a home, but the things you do for it depends on who the other person is (not what
they are, but who
they are.). It's like adding more to your own self, because not only will you strongly care for and respect the other, but your respect and care for yourself must be very high as well. If those are out of balance (respect and care for yourself vs respect and care for your partner) then the relationship suffers tremendously.
To come close to understanding it, though, I had to actually be apart of it. I thought I knew enough about marriage to be ready for it beforehand, but I probably knew like 20% of what it was actually going to be, and how it would change me and him before we could realize it. And since it's only been a year, we have so, so much farther to go. I really can't fathom it but I'm also excited to move forward.
So really, I wouldn't worry too much about figuring even a small fraction of it out, because it's really best treated as something learned and appreciated while it's being experienced.