Posted Oct 24 2011 - 08:38 AM
The joyous holidays—the holidays where friends come together to rejoice in peace and happiness—were alive. Rohan was celebrating the one holiday loved most, the one holiday all dreamed about: Holendi. Decorating the walls of the famous temple Zerchilek were thousands of branches of pine, decorated by lovely red ribbon and little bells, mistletoe dangling from above by mischievous Toa from the Toa Rohan, dangling from fishing rods to trick their friends into an embarrassing kiss for others to laugh at—of course, the Toa above were holding the fishing rods from the pathway or catwalk above surrounding the upper areas of the temple. It was an easy way of humiliating others, of course until someone sneaks up behind them hangs mistletoe over the mischief-makers’ heads.
Holendi was held in the Ice Region of Rohan, where the temple was and where white snow surrounded the area beautifully. The only person that couldn’t care less of the holiday was the Matoran of Lightning, Nagii. She had no reason to celebrate and be happy—not when nobody cared to be with her. She was the bitterest and coldest of the Rohan’s whole military. It didn’t matter—she was the toughest, roughest, and hardest to reach out to, an iron exterior surrounding that was unbreakable. She did not want to come across as heartless, but she showed no warmth. No one had ever seen her happy or expressing any want to be with another person. In all honesty, she was a tough cookie.
Not even her kind friend, Sylin, understood her behavior for being so angry to others, uncaring and not at all very kind. But Nagii resisted any one to be a companion or partner with her. There she was, standing with her elbows resting on the railing of the balcony-like walkway that went in several staircases upward to the tower top where the clock of it ticked and rang. Her armor was a glistening amethyst, the amethyst shrouding her Calix in the lavender color while dark purple colored her knees and feet, elbows and shoulder armor. Her heartlight was a cold and icy blue, as was her eyes. Nagii sighed.
Nagii, startled in that brief moment of shock, whirled around while a jagged and deadly sharp knife was pulled at the being’s neck in a split second movement. Nagii saw the speaker’s face and realized her churlish mistake. She slowly brought the knife down and encased it in the scabbard hanging at her waist by a brown leather belt. She gazed up into the cooling dark blue eyes of Jilin, leader of the Toa Rohan and Toa of Fire. But her eyes brightened at his cool and icy glare. His arms crossed, a thin eyebrow rising upward above his eye in that moment. The Matoran of Lightning cleared her throat, regaining a proper posture, stuttered a few words in response.
“Err...umm...hello there,” she stammered, bowing to her respectful equal reluctantly as she stumbled back to a standing position, embarrassed. “I am sorry, friend,” Quickly she retained her same position moments before the icy encounter between the two, and she rested her elbows back on the railing. Her voice changed to a smooth seductive remedy of bitterness. “What do you want?” Nagii snapped, her eyes glaring up at him coldly in anger of his shocking entrance.
“I wanted to see where you were,” Jilin answered, brow still raised above his eye in a staring contest between the two as hateful glares were shown towards the other. Anger seemed to bounce off each other with ease. He uncrossed his arms and leaned his body against the stone railing. An unclosed eye (Nagii’s) was steadied upon Jilin’s face in concentration, wondering what his next cool and smooth words were to be voiced from him.
“Why?” she retorted back, her eyes unwavering. She inclined her head towards him, leaning her back upon the railing and crossing her arms. Her expression was kept in one of still an unbreakable coldness. But Jilin kept stern to rival her attitude. It was only fair to say that he enjoyed this icy banter between the Toa and Matoran. It kept him happy and excited, while on the other hand it annoyed and exasperated Nagii gradually and continuously. But, somehow, eerily she enjoyed it inside. Somehow.
“I’ve given you nightshift duty around the Rohan headquarters,” he responded, eyes focused upon her own. A certain playful deadliness crossed the diligent blue eyes of the Matoran.
“What I have done so wrong to deserve this little Holendi present?” she questioned him.
“You’ve been to rough. Unforgiving, you haven’t had it easy on the new recruits, including the Toa Rohan. They are your friends, not recruits, you should treat them with respect,” Jilin said. A quick reclusive grunt escaped Nagii as her eyes replaced a cool acerbic expression with a solitary iciness.
Jilin simply grinned. Secretly, a tiny firelight blossomed, representing the slightest bit of affection for the Matoran of Lightning. Her solitude made him push further to break her to becoming a sweet, kind, gentle, and appealing person to others. Not a dagger-eyed, glaring, cold, quiet, deadly female smaller than an average Matoran. This made her peculiar—her height difference almost made her more intimidating in her grumpy demeanor. To Jilin, she seemed the slightest bit attractive in her own way.
The Toa of Psionics shook her head as she realized the small mistake she had made. Having not plugged in the festive holiday lights that were strung around the fifteen-foot high Holendi tree, she quickly climbed down the little ladder she stood on and plugged the lights into the light socket in the wall that had been installed not too long ago. As this happened, the blue, red, green, and yellow lights sprang to life, shining brightly in an array of dazzling colors. The little ornaments on the tree added to the effect.
“Nice lighting, Aly,”
Alyssia’s head shot towards the familiar voice of her faithful comrade and friend, Kuhi. His gun-metal grey and light brown armor was a different and special coloring for the Toa of Stone, differing from the stereotypical colors of a Toa of Stone, which were dull brown and another random color oriented and associated with it. But on his armor was decorative holiday-spirited green tinsel showered upon his hands and feet.
“I told you, never call me Aly,” she responded, a little frazzled by the name. She hesitated, clearing her throat as she sat on the first step of the ladder. “Sorry. Nice glitter. It keeps the Holendi spirit in mind. You remind me of the one Holendi Rohan had when you pretended to be a Holendi tree and have ornaments and tinsel brightened on you,” She grinned as she reminisced of the hysterical memory of the Toa of Stone stumbling and accidentally crashing down on Watua, the Toa of Air. It was a fond and unforgettable memory.
“I figure I’d crash down on somebody else instead,” he said, the wide trademark grin of his shining on his expression. “But the tree looks great. I like the ornaments you hung on it—another traditional spirit of Holendi. But where are the others to help you...?”
“Stelt and Atuu were helping me earlier,” Alyssia replied. “But sadly Watua thought it would be funny to hang mistletoe over my head when Atuu was next to me helping me hang ornaments, ribbons, and tinsel. Atuu was humiliated and thought I had planned it that way, and since then I haven’t talked to him in over an hour. Maybe he’ll forgive me when I tell him I’m planning on hanging mistletoe over Watua’s head when he’s with Talin,” A smile cracked on her face as her mischievous side prevailed, then she added, “At least I caught it in time before anything happened,”
“He’ll be up for that, just for revenge,” Kuhi smiled. “Do you need any help?”
“Not really, I have just about everything under control,” she replied. She looked around, looking at the walkways above, staircases’ railings and other things around her. “Then again, why don’t you help me hang some ribbon and branch along the railings? It might add to the effect of the holiday,”
“All right,” he responded, smiling. As they set off to work, things became unnaturally quiet, broken by the freewill of Alyssia and Kuhi, joking of memories far back into the past as laughs were shared and many smiles cracked among their presence in the temple, as Holendi Eve was fast approaching, just hours away from nightfall.
The wind whipped and brushed past the Matoran as she grumbled words unladylike to her nature, saying rather mean and angering words to herself about the Toa of Fire. Oh, why is it his business how I treat my recruits? she thought to herself. For Mata-Nui’s sake, he has enough to take care of, let alone my responsibility of teaching recruits for the Stealth Division...
Her thoughts dwindled as she sighed, resting against the wall of the headquarters’ brick wall. The city itself was plagued by the dreadful whipping cold wind that seemed to blow by the area, chilling Nagii to the bone. It made her all the angrier. Though seasons of the year did not affect Rohan bad enough to efficiently change the climate, winter, spring, autumn, and summer changed the climate of some of the regions on Rohan.
Oh, that little... Nagii’s thoughts faded again as words rather bitter and acerbic came to mind. Jilin and I have been friends for years...why is he acting like this just now? She sighed. It was typical of a friend to turn foe on her, on such joyous occasion. Not exactly joyous for Nagii, but joyous for the Rohanian civilization.
The voice made her jump up in surprise. Split-second reactions came to her and the jagged-edged knife was quickly released from her hand as she swung it like a boomerang. It was thrown like a dart would, and finally it thudded heavily into the stone of another building not far from the headquarters. Whoever the being was, they had saved themselves by a quick left movement, the knife thudding beside their throat. The being revealed themselves quickly by releasing the knife from the stone and handing it to the Matoran.
“Oh,” she retorted quickly. “It’s you,”
Jilin’s eyes glowed brightly in the darkness as a sudden snowfall came downward upon them, landing on their shoulders and on their feet, coating the asphalt ground as ice and snow formed. “Sorry, I guess I was too hard on you,” he replied. “Maybe I should let you come and group with the rest of the Toa Rohan, like the rest of us have. I guess Holendi isn’t the same without that old grumpy face of yours. You almost make the place brighter, even though you have a sensitive and serious mood,”
Though it seemed impossible, the smallest smile crossed Nagii’s face. “All right, I’ll come,” she said, a darkening grimace turning to a brightening cheery smile. Quickly both began to walk forward towards the Ice Region where singing, joyous stories, happy memories, jokes, and the greatest of happy memories unfolding ever second for Rohan.
Happy young voices sprang to life of Holendi songs, storytellers telling newcomers of Rohan of memories long before this new Holendi, the battles bravely fought by the Toa Rohan, previous courageous movements and battles and strategies given by many Toa previously years yonder, and all deliriously happy. The talent seemed to come so greatly, as paintings were made of the moments then and writings written made history tomorrow. All of it was proud and gorgeous sight as the Toa of Rohan gloriously told their beginnings and the ends forth coming. The temple Zerchilek had never had so much joyous things made brighter and happier in only one eve.
As the Matoran of Lightning gazed around her of the curious happy things she could not understand, not understanding the purpose of why these Matoran and Toa seemed to rejoice in this curious moment of some happiness. Holendi was a special holiday, and she remembered when she was a young springy and eager Matoran before her becoming the eldest of the Stealth Division, the most talented of all the people. She now was perplexed about why these Matoran enjoyed it, but the mere memories of her sharing presents with others brought the happiness back. It reminded her of the constant Holendi spirit shown primary to this moment onward.
One of the Toa Rohan, Talin, a Toa of Water, welcomed the pair to the festivities. “Nagii, I was wondering where your face went,” she grinned. Talin embraced the Matoran gently, and Nagii reluctantly gave into returning the gesture as she patted the Toa on the back awkwardly. “And Jilin, pleasure to see you without your face in stacks of paperwork. I remember last Holendi festival you took your old sniper rifle out and shot fireworks for all of us,” Jilin smiled at the memory of the glowing red and green fireworks alternating as the shots emitted from the barrel of the rifle.
Another good memory, I suppose, he thought to himself, smiling.
“Anyway, Watua wants to see Jilin real quick. He wants to know whether or not throwing a gust of wind at Atuu would be a wise decision,” Talin continued. A quick grin cracked on Jilin’s face at the words. Jilin shrugged in response, then his grin widened, as he snickered quickly at the thought of it.
“Maybe I might join him in that,” Jilin responded. With haste, he sprinted toward where Watua waited, behind the quiet and stubborn Atuu upstairs on one of the walkways. Nagii sighed, shaking her head at the mischievous and prankster-like Toa. It only seemed typical of Jilin and Watua—they were the jokesters of all of them, but Kuhi could top them both when working together. But she shook the thought from her mind as she quickly turned her head back to Talin.
“So now what?” she asked.
“I have a bit of a plan for you and I, I figured you might want to partake in something as clever as dropping an egg or two on a group of Matoran who have been trying to throw buckets of water at me, but I just splash it on them right back,” Talin replied, a sneaky grin shining on her expression.
“Maybe I might,” Nagii said, shrugging. “What the Karzhani, I figure I have nothing to lose in some fun doing with roguish Matoran,” The idea of dealing with impish Matoran like that appealed to Nagii very, very much. Having that feeling of her youth as a Matoran when she used to do the same things made her feel that way again. Though she thought of herself as an old Matoran, she wasn’t that way. She in fact was remarkably young for a Matoran having not been turned Toa yet. But she called them her ‘younger days’ before she had become the Elite Stealth’s squadron leader of the division. It brought authority to her and made her a higher-up.
But all of that was tossed away in her mind as she planned to have fun.
As the Toa of Sonics stepped off the hover bike hesitantly, shutting down the motor, he parked it at the front of the temple, waiting to hear music so brilliant and familiar to him sound inside the temple. Of course, he knew that the place would be emptied instantly as the Kolhii tournament begun inside the temple. Indeed, a higher floor in the temple had been a Kolhii stadium, with crowds able to seat themselves inside the large temple room as the famous sport among Rohan was played—Ice Kolhii.
The game consisted of playing on ice, the players designed with armor and durable skates to skate on when playing the game. Harder than the regular game of Kolhii, it brought challenge and excitement into one game. But it had seemed that the game had either ended or was soon to begin.
As he stepped through the iron chamber doors of the temple, on the inside was a simple dance beginning, as partners paired to waltz across the stone floors of the temple and a little band of musicians beginning to warm-up for their conducted music. Holendi Eve lasted until the crack of dawn, if not longer. It began five-thirty sharp in the afternoon. And it lasted for hours as games and stories produced and partners enjoyed themselves in the beautiful moonlit night.
He looked around, looking for the face of Spira, the lovely Toa of Lightning strategist who he most admired. As he looked around, he noticed her standing by the Holendi tree at a corner of the temple, and he sprinted towards her without hesitation.
“Stelt,” she said with a smile as she saw the splendidly bright face of Stelt, the Toa of Sonics. “How nice to see you again. I wondered whether or not you would give up levitation, meditation, and psychic powers for this,” He smiled as he gave her a brief hug, as the let go of one another.
“Would you...err...” he stammered slightly for words. She nodded, and then slowly laughed at his coy behavior. As they began a slow romantic waltz across the floor of the temple, the music began and Matoran joined with their partners and began the familiar Holendi waltz.
“Look at them,” the Toa smirked at one corner of the room. The other with her seemed to smile. “They remind me of how Watua and Talin act like when they’re around each other,”
It was an amusing dance that most were following. Slowly the male companion of the pair would throw his female partner from his arms across the dance floor, as she retracted back (spinning) towards him and she would rest her head on his shoulder. They would begin the dance once more and sometimes it is natural that the male would dance with the female, then with both hands hold her slightly above the waist and throw her a little bit in the air as she put her hands on his shoulder. It was a natural dance of the Holendi tradition that would occur and be a familiar waltz played throughout the pairings of Matoran and Toa alike. It had seemed that Spira followed with Stelt’s step rather clumsily, but followed through fine.
Alyssia laughed as she watched the two take the Holendi Waltz rather nicely in stride, doing it in the traditional style. Kuhi inclined his head toward Alyssia, who seemed reluctant to give into Kuhi’s own obligation he intended to make Alyssia follow with him in. “Oh, no, no, no....” she dropped her head in her hands as she realized the little mistake she had made in talking about the waltz itself. “Don’t tell me—you want me to dance with you?” Kuhi nodded, grinning as he planned to humiliate Alyssia.
“Oh, for Mata-Nui’s sake, just come with me,” Kuhi said as Alyssia awkwardly put her hand on his shoulder, his hand around her waist as they began the waltz.
But watching both pairs begin dancing was Nagii, with her Tulya, the so-called ‘twin sister’ of Spira because of her teachings from the eldest Toa of Lightning. Tulya had quickly exited having picking up a dance with a shy but intriguing Ta-Matoran. Nagii now watched all three of the pairs with some interest. As she realized that all the Toa Rohan had seemed to be dancing with one another or with a Matoran, she realized the only person missing was Jilin.
The voice, so familiar from earlier, startled Nagii that she was induced with a bit of fright. She whirled around, expecting as usual Jilin. And it, surprisingly, was him. “Darn it...” she muttered to herself. “I wish you would stop doing that. It startles me,” Jilin seemed to grin.
“That’s the point,” he replied, smiling. Reluctantly the two stood as they watched the waltz continuing, as it would last an hour. It had only been a few minutes through—barely thirty minutes. Though the silence was slightly awkward between the two, it also made it harder to wonder what would happen next. “Err...umm...Nagii?” Nagii seemed to ignore him, or unable to hear him. “Nagii?” he prodded, waiting for a response. Nagii’s head shot up towards him, something of a smile on her face as her glowing light blue eyes seemed to light at him saying her name.
“Yes?” she responded, again reluctant in answer as she hesitated patiently for a response before continuing her own reply.
“Would you...care to...?” His reluctance made it all most adorable for Nagii to watch him struggle and squirm and at a lost for words. He made an odd gesture as he spread out his hands in front of him curiously, shrugging as he waited to try and continue the offer. “...dance?” Nagii’s eyes seem to widen at the offer, or at least the question of that. While Nagii had danced plenty and was rather experienced, she had never heard of Jilin dancing, or hadn’t seen him dance. Nevertheless, the offer seemed the least bit appealing to her.
Nagii shrugged. “Why not?” she smiled.
Gently she reached up and put her hand on his shoulder, slightly in an awkward way while Jilin in the same behavior put his hand around her waist as they took their empty hands and clasped them together. But as they did this, a curious spark seemed to come. Nagii uncertainly looked at Jilin, but the two continued to begin the Holendi Waltz with a grace and elegance unmatchable to others. The oddly matched pairing found themselves at the center of the crowds of dancing companions and duos, and only kept eyes on each other. They did the familiar traits of the Holendi Waltz, but still they only felt they were alone by themselves among the room’s pairings of Toa and Matoran intertwined in the crowd.
In the familiar way, Nagii put her hands on Jilin’s shoulders as she forced herself in the air, and gracefully and gently Jilin held her tightly as she leaped from the floor upward in the air, Jilin holding her tightly still. Lithely she was back on the ground, and once again they continued the waltz with fluid and charming movements with amazing and elegant prowess recognizable any of the Matoran and Toa there. To both of them their movements did not have a graceful dexterity but really just how they danced together.
Finally the music stopped—the evening had seemed forever when they danced. And by the time the music ended, both had their eyes closed with Nagii having her head rest on his shoulder, both holding each other gently as they gracefully still danced slowly together. As Nagii opened her eyes, she realized where she was. Quickly she retracted from the position and seemed slightly embarrassed by her initial position. Her demeanor had become fragile and a slightly angry one. Jilin, realizing what had happened, found that Nagii was gone.
“Nagii?” he said softly, trying to figure out where she went. But she was long gone, and he was not exactly sure where she had run away to.
The mistake. The petty wretched little mistake she had made—it ruined her image, her reputation, especially after dancing with the Toa Rohan’s courageous and respected Toa of Fire leader. It made her look like a fool—one that had fallen for an easily brave and higher-ranked individual. But the only question was...had she fallen for him, or she had been falling for him?
Oh, it was a petty perplexity in her mind. But she did not care if anybody found her. She had realized that, in the fifteen years of her being the Elite Stealth Division respective and leader, she had for once been happy. The rarity in that was impossible. She did not care admit that she was happy. Nagii humiliated herself. But maybe no one noticed? Then again, Alyssia and Kuhi would make something unusually large of the situation and embarrass the two individuals and their own personal business and privacy invaded.
It was Nagii’s error and embarrassing little fault. And it made her angry. And cold. And bitter. But staying outside in the piercing cold of snow flurries and chilling winds didn’t make it any better for her—but going to her cottage was killer. The cottage was far in the Air Region, far southeast near the coastal line next to the Water Region. Walking would take hours, but she preferred to die in the cold than stay humiliated. Her stubborn nature, awfully hard to stand at times, made her bitter. She refused to enjoy herself—in the proper words, she was a workaholic in a way.
But, nonetheless, Nagii’s stubborn attitude would possibly leave her frozen in the coldest winter chill yet to come of Rohan—not just in the Ice Region, but through most of the regions.
“Where’d she go?” the Toa inquired her higher-ranked.
“Don’t ask me, by the time I figured out what happened, I was dancing with myself,” Jilin answered. He shrugged, sitting in the chair and looked around. It almost seemed like they were questioning them as though he had murdered somebody. “Look, when I opened my eyes, Nagii was leaving the temple. I tried to track her down, but all her footsteps in the snow I tried to trace were already covered by a fresh layer of new snow,”
Canan, the Toa of Earth, shook his head, the expression on his Volitak recurring as a grim and confused one. “Nagii had done this not too long ago with an old colleague of hers,” Canan informed the four other Toa. “Once on Holendi, he offered her to dance with him, and they did. He had found that she was gone from his arms when they had gotten too close for a bitter one’s comfort zone. He didn’t know why she acted so irresponsibly, but we had to send him to another local island not too far from here. Nagii could never face him again and thought that she had been embarrassed. But, on the contrary, nobody noticed. It was a shock to us,” His tone was deep and soothing as he told them the story. It had seemed, from the sound of it, Nagii was repeating a previous phase from not long ago.
“Well, obviously Nagii couldn’t handle being close to him, let alone anybody,” Jilin responded. “I guess I brought back those memories for her and she thought the same thing would repeat,” Alyssia nodded her head, like in an ‘I-knew-it-all-long-I’ve-been-right-this-whole-time’ type of way.
“It makes sense,” she replied. Litela—a healer and water-Toa—and Silvian—second-in-command of the Toa Rohan—nodded their heads in agreement. The fact of the matter was, Nagii was afraid. Supposedly afraid of being close to any close friends or colleagues.
“Well, the next thing we need to do is find her,” Litela said.
Logic-monger, Alyssia thought, but grinned at her own thought-oriented comment. She did not mean it personally, but laughed at Litela’s quick-to-the-point intelligence and logic. And quickly all of them began on a hasty search for the Matoran of Lightning who had caused so much trouble of the evening.
Her eyes, carefully focused on the dancing orange flames glowing in the fireplace, were reflecting the image of the firelight, losing the icy blue color they held. The Matoran of Lightning warmed herself by the fireside, sitting in the comfortable armchair. It was an enjoyable hobby of hers to warm herself and stare into the depths of the firelight. She studied it carefully, as though she saw something burning amidst the piping hot flames.
There had seemed to be a lot to be desired of the room. It was quaint and didn’t have a high standard set for itself, but it seemed rather nice and enjoyable to the Matoran. The cabin was easily comfortable and rather lovely, a rug or two in the middle of the wooden floor here, a sofa by the fire with two armchairs opposite of each other with a coffee table. There weren’t any modern equipment, as it seemed to suit the Matoran quite well. It was old-fashioned, a small kitchen connecting to the room, with an upstairs and cellar below. A closet was near the staircase upward, with a coat hanger near the door and a guest bedroom and Nagii’s own room and study upstairs as well. The cottage, looking so small from the outside, was remarkably and magically larger inside. It had seemed that looks can indeed be deceiving.
The Toa, stealthily sneaking through the door, carefully closed it behind him as he entered the house. He expected the typical old-fashion look from the inside, and he respected Nagii’s tastes. It had seemed that he would have the same type of cottage if he were to have a small cabin.
Before the air blew in to create a draft, Jilin closed the door quietly, hoping to conceal any sign of cold air. As it seemed, Nagii did not catch the drafty wind of cold chilling air. The Toa of Fire slowly brought his foot down upon the wooden floorboards, his footsteps silent as he advanced carefully. Ducking behind the sofa’s back, he laid on the ground with an extreme sense of gradualness.
“I know you’re there,”
Jilin was awed, despite the fact he remained tacked to the ground. He did not care to move—not only from his position, but in general. Nagii had practically spotted him when he came in, the slightest position of her eyes moving impossible. Nagii had a tactic of keeping her eyes perfectly still; yet move them while the person was not keeping an eye on Nagii. It gave them a sense of false confidence to continue onward on their mission, and made it easier for her to ambush them at any moment.
“Reveal yourself, Jilin, you don’t have to sneak up on me to simply talk to me,” Nagii repeated once more. Slowly, and rather reluctantly, Jilin rose, Nagii’s cooling blue eyes focused upon him. Her eyes showed a danger zone warning for Jilin as she gazed quickly into his own darkening blue eyes. It had seemed that he had not outsmarted her, not even on this occasion.
“All right, you found me,” Jilin stated, surrendering easily. “What are you going to do to me?”
“Just tell me why you’re here and I’ll let you loose,” she replied. Nagii stood from her seated position and carefully walked around the sofa. Her footsteps were made like any one would walk, but they were silent. Her icy eyes lay upon Jilin, who in turn stood, height difference making Nagii look up.
“I wanted to discuss this problem with you,” he responded. “Somehow this is...difficult, for you. I understand that. But what I don’t understand is the fact how you can’t face whatever and just go on,” Jilin held a hand out to her, her own hand reaching out to clasp it in his. He laid his other hand on top to hold her hand. And he simply added, softly, “What is the problem?”
“May I simply say I have...feelings for you?” Nagii said. “I know it’s hard to understand. It even is for me. But a reputation, a reputation for both of us can be ruined if something as simple as this is provoked into becoming an embarrassing glass structure of public appeal. The press and public on Rohan are crazy for a chance to agitate a secretive bit of privacy. I had the same problem with a close friend of mine. It was a De-Matoran that we decided we could perhaps become...closer. I could not commit to that. I restrict myself from that, only to work with one another. And it happened again, only with you. I couldn’t face that again. Not again, no,”
“You’re only proposing to yourself, maybe into a corner with yourself,” Jilin replied calmly.
“Well, how ever I did it, I did it!” Nagii shouted. She was shaking her head, little tears seeming to pour down her Calix. She embraced him, trying to find comfort. Jilin held her tightly, and slowly bent down. It perplexed her, a bit of confusion in her mind as she didn’t understand what it was, but whatever it was, she could not face the embarrassment. Only too much she was overwhelmed. Jilin faced her, raising her head with his hand, to gaze into the icy blue eyes that were overwhelmed with tears. He let go and she seemed to look at him back.
“Can I....” her words were struggling as she tried to find the words, much like Jilin had done not too long ago. “say...that I possibly, have something that resembles feelings, maybe feelings of affection and admiration towards you?” Jilin smiled.
“May I say the same?” he grinned. The grins washed away from both, as Jilin leaned forward to kiss her briefly. It had finally seemed that she did not resist, but only repeated his motion. Unfolding was a brief but passionate and sweet kiss, and they held it. They broke from it, but Nagii had seemed to still resist in the slightest way. She shook her head, holding her head in her hands.
“Oh—” she said. A long and reluctant silence lingered, but then she said, “You.” A sly and loving smile cracked on her face as tears still poured. The two embraced, holding each other firmly as time passed, and Holendi was not far off. A stolen kiss had become, and something built between both as a foundation of love and trust. Yet, if that trust was binding, would be another matter entirely.
“Ah, here’s the happy couple!”
Still close to Holendi Eve, there was only an hour left ‘til gifts would be opened and hugs expressed—Holendi itself was close, crack of dawn waiting. Jilin and Nagii, hand in hand, walked together in as Alyssia noted their entrance. Nagii wore a bright grin; bright blue eyes still a little cooling like before, Jilin beaming with excitement. As Alyssia sauntered forward towards them, she looked at Nagii with a discerning eye.
“You aren’t going to run out on this crowd again, are you?” Alyssia inquired, her mouth creasing into a smile gradually. Nagii gently seemed to smile, as she shook her head in answer. Alyssia nodded her head, understanding the movement.
Kuhi, the Toa of Stone, walked up with the two familiar and friendly faces of Watua and Talin. “So, I see you’re back!” he welcomed them. “We’re about to start another dance. Care to join in, with the past final thirty minutes of Holendi Eve ticking away?” Kuhi’s smile was one not easily refused. Both Nagii and Jilin took a glance at each other, and it seemed that they were smiling in answer.
“Fine, we will,” Nagii answered.
Nagii and Jilin quickly took into the Holendi Waltz as the piano player started the song that had been made especially for the dance, prematurely named the Holendi Waltz before the dance had been made. It resembled a romantic but sorrowful lament, yet resembled a sentimental and tender song. It was a very pretty song.
As the two began, a simple step was performed gracefully, dancing in the Holendi Waltz style, taking dips every once and while. The night melted away with them as they danced the evening’s final minutes of the Holendi Eve. A series of graceful movements were made, astonishingly made and fluent dips and different made stunts in the middle of the dancing step, it all came to a sporadic end. Only was it twenty or so minutes left ‘til the crack of dawn, and soon enough it would be Holendi.
For the last of the evening’s minutes, the dance ended, and little conversations started. Next to the blue and gold armored Toa of Psionics was the Matoran of Lightning, with her the Toa of Sonics Stelt. “Nice little dancing, Nagii,” Alyssia started slyly. “You and Jilin I see have smoothened things over, I believe. So, are you going to happily let me joke on numerous occasions in the future about this?” Nagii inclined her head towards her comrade.
“You’re never going to let me forget this, are you?” Nagii questioned, grinning almost eerily in a happy way.
“Never,” Alyssia replied, her face cracking a beautifully wide grin. The two exchanged hasty but long lasting grins, and as the evening died to silence, a little speech was performed. As the being who was about to speak, they stood up at the stage where the pianist had been playing the lament. A small but intimidating-looking being, they spoke in mildly deep voice.
“Attention!” the voice shouted, exclaiming to make the guests yelp in surprise as silence was bestowed upon the room. “Silence! I have been accepted by the Toa Rohan, the defenders and honored members of the team who have taken me up on my offer to give a speech, a sort of highlight of the joyous and sorrowful occasions of the year. We have lost two members of Rohan; the specialty of our team that we had been so fond of, though had—and I mean this in a sense of the truth and most honesty possible—had run away from her comrades; her name had been Tikiani. This resulted with the death of yet another member, the second whom was dearly the kindest, strongest, cleverest, and trustworthy Toa perhaps in the world. Cedral, Toa of Iron, had been killed. By the time he had died, his body disappeared, and we never were able to see him again.
“This had been eleven months ago, the beginning of the year as we faced a devastating battle against troublesome Skakdi from an island not far away from here. Without hesitation we attacked them and fought thy back, driving them away from our paradise, and we never saw them again. Rumor hath it that, soon enough, thanks to our honorary Matoran, leader of the Elite Stealth Division part of our military forces, Nagii, informed us not too long ago of an expected attack due to come only a month from now. It has been rumored as well that Tikiani is in association with our coming adversaries, who have been named Fuzan, Uzian, and a mysterious being named Silio.
“Uzian, a passerby of Rohan, has been known to have destroyed many islands in the region, reeking havoc every step he takes. Fuzan was once a Matoran himself on our bliss Rohan, and Silio is a curiosity of our neighboring isles, the Echo Isles, Fedra-Nui, and Odus. Odus is also a rumor of being where their cozy fortress is nestled and planning armies larger than ours imaginable. It has come to my attention, as Turaga Hajun of Rohan, previous leader of the Toa Rohan, Turaga of Iron; we must invade the fortress before they invade our own homeland.
“It is currently five minutes before Holendi starts. So, before I interrupt your evenings further, begin the feast!” The male voice of Turaga Hajun was an echoing booming voice that got the message across for the Matoran and Toa of Rohan.
“What do you think will happen?”
“You know, after the incoming attacks,”
She pursed her lips as the two stood, watching as the golden, pink, blue, lavender, and orange intertwined in a gorgeous landscape, representing Holendi’s fast approach. Nagii closed her eyes in deep thought.
“I would think that many lives will be lost. If Tikiani happens to be on their side, maybe things won’t go as planned. She knows our strategies, our last-minute tactics, secret passages and areas among Rohan,” she responded. “Tikiani was a valued member; she had hunted down every Dark Hunter or mercenary nearby to get closer to becoming the leader. She became second-in-command after fifty full years of slaughtering thieves and unwanted visitors, Zyglak and incoming Vahki. She would have done anything to lead the Toa Rohan, but she never got close enough. Silvian took over after an unexpected death from our leader, and then Hajun came. He knew he had better duties elsewhere, instead becoming Turaga. And then you have come.
“You don’t know how bad it is. You’ve been leader, and nothing has happened except for that battle against Skakdi. That has been the only thing, but you were away on an investigation of killings on the Echo Isles. Not a battle has occurred. You’re almost a good luck charm for us, you can’t leave us when that battle comes, regardless of anything,” Nagii stopped.
“I won’t,” he smiled.
“I promise,” Jilin assured her. With that, he clasped his hand in hers in a reassuring way. All of a sudden, Jilin bent a little bit down, and gave her a passionate long-lasting kiss.
Above, two voices whispered to each other, above on the balcony over their heads. The snow was marked on the balcony. “Do you think they noticed?” one whispered, female and rather mischievous-sounding. Her male companion grinned.
Abruptly, a sudden whoosh sounded, startling the two. The duo looked at the fishing rod, which hung a little bit of mistletoe, and they noticed something strange. It had been set fire to. “Let me rephrase that,” the male, Kuhi, said. “Probably.” The two threw the fishing pole on the freezing snow covering the balcony’s floor, and the fire was extinguished quickly as they exited the balcony.
As the two separated from the kiss, Jilin seemed to smile at her. “A cheerful Holendi to you, Nagii,” he said gently.
“You, too,” she responded, as she leaned forward again for a soft kiss. The sun rose greatly as Holendi began. Laughs to be shared, presents to be given, feasts to eat, dances to be danced—all of this is a part of the universe.
All of it was Rohan’s joys.
Thanks for reading, and yes, some of the coding is screwed-up. Hopefully I'll be able to fix it at some point, but oh well for now. =/
All the rowboats, in the paintings
They keep trying to row away
And the captains' worried faces
Stay contorted and staring at the waves
They keep hanging in their golden frames
For forever, forever and a day
All the rowboats, in oil paintings
They keep trying to row away, row away
I currently need help with links in my library.
If you care to help, please message me or read through the library topic for more information.
Thank you for your consideration.
Posted May 30 2012 - 02:10 PM
Your grammar was strangely paradoxical. I was equally impressed by some of the more obscure grammar rules you followed and some of the more common rules you ignored. There were more than I prefer to see, but less than I have seen at times. Your words have to flow to smoothly carry your reader into the word you conjure; and grammatical mistakes leave your words broken and disjointed, pushing your reader back out. You did a lot to pull me in, and with success, but your grammar kept me lingering in the front hall.
Your style, too, was paradoxical. It was vivid, detailed, and fluidic, yet at times it was rough and choppy. I think a little polish is all it needs to be beautiful. One piece of advice I offer, which you can accept or reject at your discretion, is to tone down detail a little, primarily between dialogue. Naturally people move a lot when speaking, but you don't need to describe in intricate detail every movement unless it's important, such as to display your character's emotions. Even then you should pick and choose the small, indicative details, and keep them concise. An important rule of which I've learned is to let your dialogue speak for itself.
Also, I admired your vocabulary. You used a tasteful sprinkling of uncommon words that delight the tastebuds of a sesquipedalian logophile such as myself.
One further comment here:
"I figure I’d crash down on somebody else instead," he said, the wide trademark grin of his shining on his expression.
I liked that word choice there. Instead of saying, "the grin he was commonly known to wear," you said concisely "the wide trademark grin of his," which was smoother and more colorful. Just something that caught my eye.
Now I'll point out, of the aforementioned grammatical mistakes, some of the most prominent:
. . . of course, the Toa above were holding the fishing rods from the pathway or catwalk above surrounding the upper areas of the temple. It was an easy way of humiliating others, of course until someone sneaks up behind them hangs mistletoe over the mischief-makers’ heads.
Redundance should be avoided when possible; like you did when you replaced a what would have been a second seasons in one sentence with winter, spring, autumn, and summer.
Also, the of course was unnecessary. Moreover, I think that sentence should be split by more than just a comma; a semicolon, em dash, or even an ellipsis would be better.
"Err...umm...hello there," she stammered, bowing to her respectful equal reluctantly as she stumbled back to a standing position, embarrassed. "I am sorry, friend,"
I underlined the proper form, and emboldened the mistake, which recurred consistently throughout your story. It was a matter that confused me for the longest time, so don't feel bad.
But grammatical propriety dictates that quotations should only end with a comma when they are part of a larger sentence, as in the underlined case. The sentence did not end with the second quotation mark, but continued into she stammered. In the emboldened case, the sentence ended with the quotation; therefore it should have been closed with a period. Here's an example to illustrate:
"Here," I said, "is an example to illustrate." I added, "Oh, wait, that was redundant." I shrugged. "But you see the point," said I.
I also showed there how to interrupt a quote with an identification of the speaker. But in the second quotation, because the sentence ended with the quote, I ended with a period. Also note that, though the quotation does not begin the sentence, it is still capitalized. Lastly, the third quotation shows a quotation that ends with a comma because the sentence continues.
An unclosed eye (Nagii’s) was steadied upon Jilin’s face in concentration, wondering what his next cool and smooth words were to be voiced from him.
It's not truly ungrammatical, but it annoyed me personally, because it was unnecessary. Trust your reader to be intelligent enough to understand without painstaking elaborations.
"What I have done so wrong to deserve this little Holendi present?" she questioned him.
That I should have been after the have.
"You’ve been to rough. . . .
Quickly both began to walk forward towards the Ice Region where singing, joyous stories, happy memories, jokes, and the greatest of happy memories unfolding ever second for Rohan.
Accidental redundance here.
All of it was proud and gorgeous sight as the Toa of Rohan gloriously told their beginnings and the ends forth coming. The temple Zerchilek had never had so much joyous things made brighter and happier in only one eve.
There should have been an a between was and proud. Further, forthcoming is one word. Lastly, much is used for a quantity without number, such as much water, or much wind; many is used for a quantity that could be counted, such as many gallons of water or many suits in a closet. So, in this case, it should be much joy or many joyous things or even many joys.
My final comment pertains to your ending. It was so lovely and written so elegantly, that I could not conceive of a better way to end this review:
"A cheerful Holendi to you, Nagii," he said gently.
"You, too," she responded, as she leaned forward again for a soft kiss. The sun rose greatly as Holendi began. Laughs to be shared, presents to be given, feasts to eat, dances to be danced—all of this is a part of the universe.
All of it was Rohan’s joys.
From the desk of Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith
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