Posted Feb 18 2012 - 08:35 PM
*dusts off old topic*
Phew. It's been forever since I looked at this one. Or, feels like forever, anyway. My apologies to everyone, but as I stated in my other three active comedies, I was unable to be on BZPower due to a combination of bad Internet access and school stuff for the past couple months or so. But never fear, for I am back! And hopefully I'll stick to my schedule this time. I also altered the schedule a bit to better fit with my real-life schedule, so Mata Nova will now be updated on Mondays AND Fridays. Except for today, which was supposed to come out yesterday but I decided to instead release an extra-long chapter today to make up for no Hack Wars update. Enjoy!
@Crasher: Glad to see you're still interested in this comedy!
A BIONICLE comedy by Me!
Episode 2: The Second Half Of The First Episode (Part 2)
Admiral Ackar drove a Thornatus through the jungles, with Tahu hanging on to the back. Ackar put on a Suletu (don't ask how a Glatorian could use a Great Mask) and opened a telepathic link with Helryx. "Helryx? This is Admiral Ackar. We have UMC's coming in toward the base."
While driving, Ackar drove over a large bump in the road, jostling him and causing him to accidentally hit the "speakerphone" button on the bottom of the Suletu. Thus, Tahu was able to hear the reply from Gelu: "We've seen them, but we still have some workers outside the gates. Also, a random group of Toa and Glatorian left earlier with--"
This was abruptly cut off by Ackar clamping both hands over his ears and singing at the top of his voice. "LA LA LA, I'M NOT LISTENING, SPOILER ALERT, LA LA LA, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YET, LA LA LA, MUST AVOID SPOILERS, LA LA LA, WAIT UNTIL LATER, LA LA LA!"
" " emoticonned Gelu, which inexplicably was also transmitted through the psychic link. "Whatever...Anyway, we still need time to get the workers inside."
"I'll try to buy us some time. Get them inside ASAP."
"Kthxbai." With that, Gelu terminated the link.
Tahu leaned forward to talk to Ackar. "Admiral, if we're buying time, does this mean there's a Time-Mart back here in Mata Nova? I used to go to the one in the future all the time, it was my favorite store!"
"Unfortunately, no," the admiral responded. "Instead, we'll have to do this the non-literal way and just distract the UMC's."
" " Then, suddenly, Tahu was snapped out of his emoticonishness (weirdest word ever) by the sight of the UMC vehicles driving past them. "Over there, look!"
Ackar drove the Thornatus to intercept them. He noticed that the enemy vehicles, both of them tank-mode Skopioes (Skopii?), weren't paying attention to them in the slightest. Instead, they were randomly shooting their vehicle-mounted Thornatus launchers at something behind them. "Strange. I wonder what they're firing at, 'cause it sure isn't us!"
Then the answer to Ackar's question quickly became apparent. From out of the jungle, a pair of massive Tahtorak burst into the clearing, in hot pursuit of the UMC vehicles. "What the Karzahni is that!?!?!?!?!?!?" shouted Tahu.
"Tahtorak," muttered Ackar. "I hate Tahtorak."
Pohatu appeared out of nowhere. "By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks--" he started to say, before he was interrupted by one of the Tahtorak.
"RRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!" roared the Tahtorak. (Translation: "DON'T USE THAT JOKE!")
" " emoticonned Pohatu, before he quickly jumped back through the time-comedy warp portal and hurriedly slammed the entrance shut.
One of the UMC vehicles scored a hit on the lead Tahtorak with its Thornax launcher, dropping the beast to the ground. Undaunted, the second continued its pursuit even as the first simply dusted itself off and resumed the chase. "ROAR!" yelled the first Tahtorak. (Translation: "I'm wearing Thornaxproof scales! Yay!)
"It's all clear!" shouted Sanso, the random Matoran manning the Thornax launcher, before he was rapidly gobbled up by a Tahtorak. "I hate irony," he muttered from inside its stomach.
"Tahu? What's all that racket from back there?" Ackar asked. "I thought I heard a random Toa appear, followed by a bunch of Tahtorak roaring and a Matoran saying something about irony."
"Just keep driving, trust me. You don't want to know."
Ackar put on the Suletu again. "Ackar to base, there's been a plot twist outside. We have Tahtorak to deal with now. Just get everyone inside. The UMC's can be dealt with later."
"We're almost there," came the reply (Ackar had forgotten to shut off the speakerphone from last time), "but you need to buy us more time. Any chance that last pilgrimage brought a Time-Mart through the portal?"
"Nope, sorry. Tahu already asked about that. I'll see what I can do." Once again, the connection was cut.
In the base, Gelu quickly commanded, "Hey! This is the only episode where I'll ever get to be an important character! So let me get a scene and order you all to get inside!" With multiple s, the various citizens of Mata Nova-Koro complied, rushing into the base as fast as they could.
Back in Ackar's Thornatus, the Glatorian was driving his vehicle as fast as possible away from the two angry Tahtorak, though one of them caught up to it and rammed it with its head. "Quick! Take the wheel!" Ackar commanded.
"This is a Thornatus, it doesn't have a wheel, more like just a vaguely defined type of control device thing that's more of a joystick..."
"Oh, just shut up and drive!" To Tahu's surprise, the moment he grabbed the vaguely defined type of control device thing that's more of a joystick, Ackar jumped out of the Thornatus, handheld Thornax launcher at the ready, and stood to face the charging Tahtorak. Tahu drove onward toward the compound as Ackar shouted at the Tahtorak, "HEY! YOU, UGLY!!"
The Tahtorak ignored him, so he fired his Thornax Launcher into the air. This finally got its attention, and the beast turned. "ROAAAAAAAAAAR!" it shouted. (Translation: "I'll have you know that my girlfriend thinks I look absolutely stunning, thank you very much!)
Behind Ackar, the UMC vehicle drove through the gates of Mata Nova-Koro and plowed into the bottom of Ackar's tree hut. "And I just painted that thing, too," the admiral groaned. Enraged by his earlier insult, the Tahtorak turned around and charged toward Ackar. Ackar just stood there, waiting for the massive Rahi to get closer and closer to him, until at the very last second Tahu drove up in the Thornatus right next to him. Luckily for the two Fire characters, this particular Tahtorak was well-refined and had been brought up in a very mannerly household, so it politely waited for Ackar to climb into the vehicle, fasten his seatbelt, and drive off before resuming the chase.
Luckily, this gave them enough time to drive through the gates, even as Gelu, excited about getting another line in this episode, ordered, "Fire sonics, go!" Two towers on either side of the gates opened fire with sonic blasts, driving the Tahtorak back. (Incidentally, the towers were manned by Krakua and Kohrak-Kal, respectively). Ackar leapt from the Thornatus and stood just inside the giant shutter blinds that made up the gate, posing dramatically with Thornax launcher in hand as they closed. Krakua and Kohrak-Kal fired one last volley of sonic blasts, and the Tahtorak retreated.
"Hey, did you forget we're still here?" demanded Aodhan, a Ta-Matoran, from where the UMC vehicle had crashed. He, along with the other Unimportant Minor Characters from the vehicle, emerged and pointed various projectile launchers at the Mata Novians. Ackar and the rest of the security team did the same, including Helryx, who had inexplicably teleported into the scene for some random reason. The air was filled with tension as the two groups faced off, until a Dark Hunter emerged from the second UMC vehicle in a dramatic fashion.
"Hello, Ackbar," said the Dark Hunter.
"There's no 'B' in my name, Lariska," Ackar replied irritatedly.
"Oh, who cares. You really need to work on your manners; maybe you should take lessons from that Tahtorak from earlier. We're here for a friendly companionable visit and you point your weapons at us? Come on."
"You wrecked my newly-painted hut. Also, you pointed your weapons at us first."
Ackar sighed. "Lower your weapons first. Then we'll lower ours."
"They're not weapons, they're projectile launchers!" corrected some random Agori in the background, but no one paid any attention to him.
"You first," Lariska said.
Script-speaking Narrator from Spongebob: Three hours later...
Ackar just shook his head. "We have you outnumbered. Just lower the darn weapons already."
Lariska gave a command for the other UMC's to lower their weapons. Once they had done so, Ackar's security forces did the same. "You came here for a reason, Lariska, obviously."
"Well, yeah, because we were being chased by a pair of very angry Tahtorak and you have awesome sonic cannons. We don't have those."
"No, I meant besides that."
"Oh. Right. Well, we want you to release Dezalk."
"Huh?" asked Tahu. "Who's Dezalk?"
"He's the thief from the last chapter."
Tahu gasped. "You mean he has a name?"
Ackar turned his attention back to Lariska. "Well, too bad for you, then, because Dezalk accidentally died. He tried to escape and we burned him."
"Really?" asked Tahu. "I don't remember--OUCH!" The 'ouch' was from Ackar bopping him over the head with his Thornax launcher.
"You're lying," stated Lariska. It wasn't a question. "We received a transmission from our spy a few minutes ago telling us that you put him in the Minipit. So we know you have him."
"Oh, you have a spy, do you? Thanks for telling us!" said Helryx. "How nice of you!"
As Lariska facepalmed, the Dark Hunter Primal stepped forward, pulling out his Zamor Launcher and shouting "YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE YOU LAME EXCUSE FOR A TOA!"
Immediately everyone raised their weapons again, which would almost have caused a confrontation except that Ackar gave one of his specially patented Ackar-Death-Glares™, which forced everyone, including the UMCs, to lower their weapons from the sheer deathglareyness. (This despite the fact that "deathglareyness" isn't even a word). With the standoff averted, Lariska nodded to Primal and Aodhan, since nodding in Lariska's language apparently translated to "Grab that box of protosteel and bring it out." Primal and Aodhan grabbed that box of protosteel and brought it out. "I want to trade. This protosteel for Dezalk, some healing stuff, and launcher ammunition."
"What is that stuff?" Macku whispered to Hewkii, since both of them had definitely been in this scene the entire time.
"It's protosteel. Read two paragraphs ago." Macku did so.
Ackar shook his head. "Are you insane? Why would we even think about giving you ammunition? You can have the healing stuff and Dezalk, though, we don't care about that."
Shrugging, Lariska responded, "Fair enough. I was just checking to see if you were paying attention."
"Yeah right. Gelu, go and bring Dezalk out of the Minipit and have Gali get some healing stuff, since she's a main character."
" YIPPEE I GET TO BE IN ANOTHER SCENE WHEEEE--"
"And do it quietly."
"Yes, sir," Gelu responded meekly as he wandered off somewhere.
Lariska stared at Tahu, having just noticed he was there. "You're knew," she stated.
"Stop doing that. It's freaking me out," said the Toa of Fire.
"Doing that thing where you just state questions instead of asking them. It's really weird."
"You think it's weird."
" " Tahu simply emoticonned as the crowd dispersed.
As soon as the situation had largely calmed down, Tahu joined Gali and Macku who were conveniently standing nearby. "Are you all okay?" he asked. "Where's Riia?"
"She should be randomly appearing in this scene any second now," Gali observed. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Riia magically teleported into the scene. "See? No problem. But how did you end up getting mixed up in that situation?"
"It was kind of important plot stuff, and, well, I'm the main character. But for a more realistic explanation, during our drive up to that cliff, Ackar asked me to join the security."
"So you're on security again? I thought you just left that job!"
Tahu just shrugged. "Well, I don't mind. It means I get to burn bad guys again!" Gali just stared disapprovingly at him. "What? I'm Tahu! It's what I'm best at!"
Gali looked like she was going to say something else, but then was interrupted by Ackar walking up to them. "Gali, we need you at the Healing Hut to get healing stuff ready for the UMCs."
"Ok, right away." Gali left to go to the Healing Hut, leaving Tahu to walk Macku and Riia back to their own home.
"That Rahi wasn't very nice," Riia observed.
Macku shook her head. "No, it wasn't, was it? Hey, does that count as me explaining stuff? Because I could really use
W5 right now."
"I want to go home," complained the Matoran of Lightning.
Tahu lifted Riia up onto his shoulders. "You want to go home? Back to New Atero? I completely agree. This place has way too much exciting stuff happening, I miss the boredom of nothing going on every day in New Atero. And this air being clean? Come on. I love pollution! "
Back out in the jungles of Le-Wahi, Jaller, Kiina, and the others were continuing their very long trek. "Come on, Kiina, I thought you said it was close," Jaller complained.
"Yeah, well, it's close distance-wise. Time wise it's pretty far away, since we have to blast through all of these annoying vines and stuff." As an example, she then blasted a stream of water through an annoying vine. "But we should be there any minute now...ah, here it is!"
Kiina knelt and brushed aside a bush to reveal a strange device that looked like a cross between the MNOG Ga-Koro pump and an orange juice strainer. Attached to it were several Thornax and Madu fruits. "Looks like we got a good amount," observed Nuparu. "Though it seems a bit slow. I'll have to reattach the carboxylating lacrymatator the next time we come out."
"What is it?" asked Jaller.
"We're making the first fruit smoothie ever on the island of Mata Nui," explained Kiina. "Nuparu came up with this invention. Here, try some!"
She poured Jaller some smoothie into a randomly appeared cup, and he took a sip. "Wow, that tastes very...interesting. Like a tire smoothie mixed with fruit juice."
" " emoticonned Nuparu. "Well, it still has a few bugs..."
"We could use more Madu fruits, too," Gresh pointed out.
Kiina nodded. "Nuparu, Gresh, Chiara, why don't you go look for some more Madu fruits? Jaller and I will start cutting them for the smoothie maker."
"The Madu fruits, obviously."
"Yes, but how can you cut the Madu fruits if we haven't gathered any Madu fruits yet?"
"Umm...uhh...Hey, look, a distraction!"
Back in Mata Nova, Gali was gathering up some healing stuff into a box. She walked past Gelu and Ackar, who were arguing in low voices. "Why are we giving them healing stuff? All we're doing is making it harder to win," Gelu was saying.
"Look, Gelu, we need that protosteel, or it will be way harder to win."
Ackar looked up at Gali, who was packing stuff into the box. "Gali, you can stop now. We don't have to give them all of the healing stuff."
"Oh, ok, sorry. I'll put some of it back."
As Gali started taking healing stuff out of the box, Ackar dismissed Gelu and walked over to her. "Look, Gali, I'm sorry you got mixed up in that situation with Dezalk earlier. It had nothing to do with you."
"It's okay. I'm a Toa Mata. I'm used to dealing with crazy stuff like that. Doubly so with having to look after Tahu as well."
Ackar nodded. "Somehow, I'm not surprised." He paused. "Gali, I'm curious. Back in New Atero, you and Tahu had a very good situation. You could easily have bought your way to a decent life without having to jump through that portal. So why would you give it all up just to come here? It seems a bit odd."
"Well," answered Gali, "I've known plenty of other Toa and Glatorian who chose to do that. But we're Tahu and Gali. We had to be original. This was a lot more interesting than just sitting around doing nothing in New Atero but watching the air pollute itself more. Plus, we had Riia to think of. What were we going to do, keep her hidden under a bunch of random stuff in our home for her entire life? Nah." She sighed. "I know life here won't be easy by far. But it will at least be exciting. And what's excitement without a little danger?"
"I understand. I felt the same way, back when I and the Glatorian I trained came through the portal."
"Oh? You had another Glatorian with you, too?"
Ackar nodded. "He was my star pupil, my brightest hope. I was so excited when he finally came through the portal to join me..."
His voice trailed off. Gali looked puzzled. "What happened to him?"
"He went missing in the jungle a while back. But, well, I still haven't given up on him. He was a resourceful one, you know." He sighed and turned to start walking back to his destroyed hut to begin rebuilding it. "It's good to have you on our side, Gali."
Before Ackar left, Gali asked, "Admiral? Listen, I have something to ask you. I don't really care that you asked Tahu to join the security team, since he loves burning stuff and generally acting stereotypical. But, well, things can get out of hand sometimes, and I'm the one who worries about him. So just make sure he doesn't go too crazy with pyromania, ok?"
"Don't you worry. I'll make sure he doesn't burn down the entire forest."
Back in the jungle, Kiina and Jaller were sitting by a river, cutting up a bunch of inexplicable Madu fruits caused by the plothole from earlier. "By the way, speaking of plotholes, what exactly am I cutting these fruits up with?" Jaller asked.
"That's a Vorox's stinger tail. They all have them, and they love to brag about them on advertisements," she explained. "Just don't ask how they wound up on Mata Nui, because I haven't the slightest idea."
Jaller ran a finger along the edge of the blade. "Sharp," he commented.
"Yeah, if you think that's bad, you should see their teeth." Seeing Jaller's worried expression, she added, "Don't worry, they mostly hunt at night."
"At night?" he asked.
Kiina facepalmed. "Oh, come on! That was the perfect setup for an Aliens quote, and you ruined it!"
"I've never seen Aliens."
"Oh, come on, it's not that bad." Then Jaller changed the subject. "Hey, uh, sorry about what happened two chapters ago. You know, that awkward scene with Tahu."
"You two don't get along too well, then?" asked Kiina.
He shook his head. "We're just really different, that's all. I mean--look, he's an insane pyromaniac who likes burning stuff. He goes on adventures all the time, loves breaking rules, and yet he thinks he can tell me what to do? Forget it. We're nothing alike." Then he frustratedly slammed the Vorox tail on the ground upon encountering a particularly stubborn Madu fruit that was difficult to cut. "Stupid fruit--BURN STUFF AOISJOWIEJRAOIWJFASRIJGAROIJGOAIJOIJSAERI!!"
Instantly the fruit was charred to a crisp. Kiina just smiled knowingly. "Right, yeah, Tahu's definitely the kind of Toa who would show up on a new island who knows how long ago in the past, sneak out of the village and run into a dangerous jungle to make smoothies with a bunch of people he just met, and then go crazy and light a fruit on fire just because it was a little hard to cut." She laughed. "Yep. You two are pretty different..." Jaller tried to think of a witty comeback, but failed and ended up just staring off into space, thinking about what Kiina had said. "Pretty different," she repeated.
Elsewhere in the jungle, the two UMC vehicles from earlier were driving back to their base, this time with Dezalk now aboard one of them. Lariska was sitting in the back of the Skopio, watching the injured Matoran. "Dezalk, your arm fell off again," she muttered, stooping to pick up the arm and shove it back into the proper connection. "Remind me to fix that loose socket joint when we get back."
"Umm, Lariska, you put my arm on backwards..."
"Oh. Whoops, my mistake." Lariska pulled Dezalk's arm off and reattached it, the correct way this time. "Listen, I know things didn't go exactly as we planned. But that's okay, because I have a backup plan."
"Really? What is it?"
"Can't tell you. I have to be mysterious just to annoy the audience."
"Okay, that makes sense to me." With that, Dezalk fell over and went unconscious.
Lariska's spare Suletu started beeping, so she put the mask on and activated the link. "Lariska? This is Aodhan, you know, from the other vehicle? We just passed an abandoned Thornatus from Mata Nova-Koro. We were thinking about investigating."
"Okay, go ahead. Try to find power and
weapons projectile launchers especially. But move fast and catch up to us soon."
Lariska cut the link and her Skopio continued on to the UMC base. Aodhan's vehicle stopped next to the abandoned Thornatus, which was the same vehicle that Kiina and the others had driven out to the smoothie machine. "All right, you heard her. Let's go," Aodhan said to Primal. The two UMCs walked over to the transport, and Primal kept a lookout while Aodhan dug inside the vehicle and tried to remove its power supply. He strained and tugged and pulled and struggled with the power supply but eventually gave up. "Why is this thing so hard to take out?" he demanded.
"Probably because it's been superglued to the Thornatus," Primal observed, pointing to the superglue. "Try using this conveniently placed prybar. I thought I heard something so I'll go check it out."
Aodhan took the prybar and pried the power supply out of the vehicle with ease this time. "Something tells me that's a bad idea. Hearing things in the middle of a creepy jungle followed by walking further into the jungle to investigate said things always results in--" A stinger tail lashed out from behind a tree at Primal, immediately dropping the Dark Hunter to the ground. "--Yeah. Getting killed. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"
Back with Kiina and company, the roar from the thing that killed Primal echoed through the jungle. "What was that?" asked Gresh nervously.
"It's probably just an...umm...just a...totally not a Vorox," Kiina reassured him. "That thing is so not-Vorox that it is so far from being a Vorox. There's absolutely no way that could be a Vorox. It's not a Vorox. Definitely not a Vorox." She paused. "You know what? It's getting late. We should probably just go back."
"You know, according to the decibelic representation of the auditory wavelength, the previously detected roar has a 99.9% chance of actually, in fact, belonging to a Vor--"
"OH SHUT UP NUPARU, YOU AREN'T HELPING!"
In Ackar's newly rebuilt hut in Mata Nova-Koro, the admiral and Gelu were examining a large screen with footage from the "HIDDEN SECURITY CAMERA" by the walls. Then, Tahu entered. "Admiral! You wanted to see me? Did you finally decide to give me your desk?"
" Enough about the desk already."
"Right, sorry, I just figured it was worth a try..."
"Anyway," Ackar went on, "we have a bit of a situation going on here. One of our Thornati went missing, and we found this on our HIDDEN SECURITY CAMERA footage."
He pulled out a remote control and used it to play the footage. On the video, a Toa of Fire and a Water Glatorian were seen impersonating Ko-Matoran before sneaking under the walls. "Hey, that's Jaller! What's he doing there?"
"No idea, but apparently he and Kiina have been gone for this entire chapter and most of the last one."
"Well, that does explain why Jaller wasn't there for that big confrontation with the UMCs earlier...What should we do? Can we contact them with Suletus?"
Gelu shook his head. "We already tried that. They must have left the mask in the vehicle."
"Also, it's getting dark."
Tahu suddenly stopped. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on a second. You mean to tell me that all of this--everything that happened since the blue sludge scene two chapters ago--was only a single day??" Ackar nodded. "But--how--what---huh?"
"If we don't get to them fast, something else probably will. Like those Tahtorak from earlier. Also, there are packs of Vorox living in that jungle."
" " emoticonned Tahu. "Then what are we waiting for? We'd better go before they all come out to hunt! I'll go tell Gali."
Tahu went back to their hom and told Gali. "Why in the name of Artakha's left eyeball would he do something like that?" she demanded. "And where did the "e" in "home" go?"
Tahu reached a hand out through the window and grabbed the Rahkshi of Letter Control by the neck, throwing him so hard he flew right out of the comedy. "Obviously because of him. And as for Jaller, I think that Glatorian he met must have talked him into it."
"Glatorian? What Glatorian?"
"This Glatorian of Water he was with when I saw him two chapters ago. I tried to talk him into staying here, but he wouldn't listen. So now I'm going with the search team to rescue him."
"Ok, then I'm going with you."
"No, it's too dangerous."
Gali just scoffed. "What, is it because I'm a girl? Is that it?"
"No, it's because you don't have a Kanohi Hau!"
"Neither does Gelu."
Tahu couldn't think of a good response to this, so he just opened and closed his mouth rather vaguely several times. Behind him, Macku and Riia walked in. "Toa Tahu, can we go with you too?"
"No, just stay here. You can be a major part of the plot in Episode 7. For now, just do nothing while we go look for Jaller."
Nuparu approached the Thornatus and noticed that someone had torn out the power supply with a prybar. "ALUSHAFOJEAOIJGVIAJERJCAEOIJOWIUHRAHGIDUHVOIHIHJRKJGKSJKZHERIGHSDUIRHGUWAHOZIWHFKGJBHKDHRK!!" he shouted angrily.
"The power cells are gone! Now we can't drive back!"
"Okay," Chiara said, "in that case, how about we use the Suletu to contact someone back at Mata Nova-Koro?"
"Good idea, except whoever stole the power supply stole the Suletu as well," Gresh observed. "This doesn't look good."
Kiina shook her head. "It's too far to walk back. We'd never make it before dark."
Chiara glanced to her right and spotted an unfolded Skopio vehicle standing nearby. "What's that?" she asked, pointing.
"An unfolded Skopio vehicle," observed Jaller.
"Thanks, Captain Obvious."
"You're welcome!" said Captain Obvious before flying away.
"That's a UMC vehicle," Gresh informed them.
Jaller was puzzled. "What's a UMC?"
Kiina just shrugged and walked over to the Skopio. "Wait, Kiina, don't! You can't trust UMCs!" protested Chiara, but the Glatorian went on anyway.
"Hello?" she called out to the vehicle. "Is anyone in there? We're not here to fight, we just want our power supply and/or Suletu back! We're stuck out here without that stuff."
"Kiina...look." Jaller pointed to where Primal was laying face-first on the ground, with a sign reading BEWARE MY STINGER TAIL! stuck to his back using an actual Vorox stinger tail. "Vorox."
"Hey, guys, I got our stuff back," exclaimed Gresh, holding a bag with a power supply and Suletu inside, but was interrupted by a Vorox roaring. "Vorox...AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"
The group of Toa and Glatorian sprinted for the nearest available vehicle: the Skopio. When they reached the underside of its legs, they were confronted by a very angry looking Aodhan pointing a Thornax launcher at them. "Oh, hi, Aodhan," said Kiina. "Remember me? It's me, Kiina, and we're being chased by Vorox. Can you let us in?"
The Vorox roared again. "Ok, just get in, quick, so I can close the door!"
"What door?" asked Jaller. "This is a Skopio, it doesn't have a--" Aodhan reached inside one of the Skopio's legs and pulled out a very long door that stretched all the way to the other leg. "Apparently this one does..."
The door had been closed just in time, because a Vorox then began slamming against it repeatedly. "Well, at least we aren't getting impaled by a Vorox tail," Gresh observed. "So, Aodhan, how do we get this vehicle moving?"
"Gresh, if this vehicle was capable of motion, why would it and Aodhan still be here rather than far away at the UMC base?" Nuparu pointed out.
Aodhan shook his head. "The power supply is dead. A Vorox stepped on it."
"Then use this one!" said Gresh, pulling out the power supply from the Thornatus that he had obtained earlier.
"But why not?"
"Because...umm...I said so."
Chiara panicked. "OMGBBQLOLWE'RETRAPPEDINHEREANDTHEVOROXAREGONNAKILLUSANDWE'REGONNADIEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" she screamed.
"Hey, look, I found projectile launchers!" Gresh said, pulling out a Thornax Launcher, a Kanoka Launcher, and two Cordak Blasters and passing them around. "Cool!"
"Aodhan's hurt," Kiina observed, ignoring the hysterical Toa of Lightning. "Jaller, his arm is falling off. Shove it back in, will you? If you can make it through all of this, you won't be a noob anymore."
"lolz im not a noob!!1"
Admiral Ackar, Gelu, Tahu, and the other members of the security team were getting ready to search for the missing Toa and Glatorian. "The last known location was the jungles of Le-Wahi. So we're going to look in the jungles of Le-Wahi. Any questions?"
"Yes, are we going to look in the jungles of Le-Wahi?" asked some random security Toa.
Ackar ignored this stupid question. "Gelu, did you figure out who exactly was missing yet besides Jaller and Kiina?"
"I did. Nuparu and Gresh are missing as well. And one other--Chiara."
"Isn't she the one who..."
Gelu nodded. "Yeah, I adopted her. So she's my responsibility. I have to go with you."
"Fair enough. Let's go, everyone!"
"You'll need a healer!" Gali said.
Ackar shook his head. "No, having you AND Tahu would be a bad idea. Only one of you can come." Tahu and Gali immediately started arguing over who would get to go, causing steam to materalize above them. "On second thought, having you AND Tahu arguing forever would be an even worse idea. Just come, both of you. Let's go!" Everyone got into a various assortment of vehicles, with Tahu and Gali joining Ackar in the lead vehicle, and drove off into the jungle. "You know," Ackar said, "most people know that I was the first being through the portal. What they don't know is that some moron in New Atero named Portal Overseer Scotty accidentally dropped a baloney sandwich on the portal generator button, which caused the portal to malfunction and not let the next guy through for 118 days."
"118 days?" asked Tahu. "That's an oddly specific number..."
"That moron Scotty was quickly fired, but that's beside the point. The point is that I'm obviously still here, and so those jungles are survivable. So Jaller and the others will be just fine."
"If that's true," Gali asked, "then why exactly are we in such a hurry to rescue them?"
Ackar pondered this for a moment. "Well, there weren't any Vorox here yet when I first came through. So the jungles probably aren't survivable any more. My story was completely pointless, wasn't it?"
"Yep, pretty much."
"BEWARE MY STINGER TAIL!" roared a Vorox.
"BEWARE IT!" answered another one.
Inside the Skopio, Chiara was panicking. "Why does it keep shouting that cheesy overused phrase?" she asked frantically. "Oh Mata Nui, there's two of them now! Help!"
"Vorox hunt in packs," Kiina explained. "When they find something that looks tasty, they signal the others by shouting their favorite phrase. Before long, there will be dozens of Vorox around here."
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER!"
Jaller pulled out a Cordak Blaster from the box of projectile launchers and aimed it experimentally out through a hole in the Skopio's leg. "What about the Suletu?" he asked. "Shouldn't we be able to use that to call for help? Where is it?"
"Sorry, Jaller. I dropped it by Primal's body when I ran in here," Gresh admitted sheepishly. "Baaaaaaaaah," he added, randomly transforming into a sheep.
"Well, at least Primal's body is really close to here," Jaller said. "Gresh, I vote that you go out there and grab it."
"Why me?" complained the Glatorian.
"Because you're the one who dropped it in the first place! Now go!"
Reluctantly, Gresh cracked open the door and squeezed outside. He tiptoed over to the pack and grabbed the Suletu out of it, then tiptoed back inside. Luckily, since he was green, the Vorox couldn't see him very well against the green grass. "I've got it." Gresh put the mask on and opened a link with the first person he could think of, which was Tahu for some reason. "Hello? Anyone? This is Gresh! We're stuck out here!"
In the Mata Nova-Koro vehicles, Gali watched their progress with apprehension. "Where are we going? It looks like we're just going in circles."
"No, we're not. We're establishing a search grid. By driving around in a circle."
"That's the same thing as driving in circles!"
"No, it's a search grid."
"Driving in circles!"
"Driving in circles!"
Luckily, Tahu quickly gained an excuse to interrupt their argument when Gresh's voice established a telepathic link in his head. "Hello, who is this? This is Tahu, Mata Nova-Koro Security. State your name and location."
"Put it on speakerphone so we can all hear it," Ackar ordered.
Tahu hit the speakerphone button that had somehow materialized in mid-air in front of him, and Gresh's voice echoed through the vehicle. "This is Gresh. We're stuck out here in a Skopio that randomly has doors on its legs, and we're outside the search grid a.k.a. driving in circles area."
"Is the Skopio working?" Tahu asked.
"No, the power supply got stepped on. We're located at--" Then the link was interrupted by the sounds of various projectile launchers firing, Vorox attacking, and shouts of "BEWARE MY STINGER TAIL!" everywhere. "Help! Vorox!"
"Vorox? Vorox are attacking you? How many?"
"Three or maybe four, I'm not sure. We're about 8 mio away from--"
The link abruptly terminated. "Gresh? Gresh? Hello?"
Back in the Skopio, Kiina had been shooting her Zamor launcher when the spring came loose, popping outward and accidentally knocking Gresh's Suletu off of his face and onto the ground. Luckily, the Suletu hit a conveniently placed rubber band, launching it back into the air where it landed on a Vorox's head. Tahu's brain was bombarded by shouts of "BEWARE MY STINGER TAIL!" repeatedly for several seconds before the Vorox finally shook it off, where it ricocheted into a tree. The tree was a catapult tree, however, and it catapulted the Suletu back toward the Skopio, flying through the aforementioned hole in its leg and landing perfectly on Jaller's face. "Well, that was highly improbable," Nuparu observed.
Jaller wasted no time in reestablishing a link with Tahu. "Toa Tahu? It's me, Jaller. Can you hear me?"
"Hey, it's Jaller!" Gali pointed out.
"Jaller? This is Tahu. Can you hear me? Where are you?"
"We're about 8 mio away from--"
Due to the power of dramatic irony, a Vorox's stinger tail knocked the Suletu off of Jaller's face, but instead of landing on someone else's due to a string of bizarre coincidences, it just landed in the Vorox's mouth and was eaten instead. "Great, now what?" asked Gresh.
"Just keep them away," Kiina ordered, having traded her Zamor Launcher for Jaller's Cordak Blaster. "It looks like this side is clear for now."
Jaller looked out through a crack in the door. "No Vorox here, either. Where do you think they went?"
"No idea, but they'll be back. Trust me. They're not gone."
"We should run away while we still can. We need to get out of here and back to Mata Nova-Koro!" Chiara said in a panicked voice. "I don't want to just wait for the Vorox to come back!"
"Are you insane? Mata Nova-Koro is like forever away! You'd never make it, even with projectile launchers and elemental powers!" Gresh told her.
Kiina sighed. "Look. We have weapons--er, I mean tools--and we have powers. This Skopio is a lot more defensible than some random exposed piece of jungle. You'd never make it back in time."
"She's right," agreed Jaller. "Our Suletu link went through. Tahu and Ackar know where we are, and before long they'll be here to save us. So why don't we just sit here and wait?"
"But we never told them where we were! Look at him, he's a noob, he doesn't know what he's talking about, I'm leaving, bye!" Chiara grabbed a Kanoka Launcher and ran out of the Skopio.
"im no noob!1111one!one" said Jaller.
"Chiara, get back here!" Nuparu called out, but it was too late. She had already vanished into the jungle.
Meanwhile, way back at Tahu's home in Mata Nova-Koro, Macku and Riia were sitting around wishing they could have more prominent roles in this episode when there was a knock at the door. Macku opened it and saw Hewkii standing there. "Hi," Hewkii said.
"Hi...what are you doing here?"
"Well, with all of the craziness going on, I wanted to make sure you were okay. Admiral Ackar contacted me and told me that they were establishing a search grid and should find Jaller soon."
"But doesn't that just mean they're driving in circles?"
"Driving in circles!"
"Driving in circles!"
Hewkii sighed. "Who cares? The point is, everything should be resolved soon. Umm, right, well...if you need anything, I'll be in Ackar's hut. Bye!"
As he turned to leave, Macku suddenly shouted, "WAIT DON'T GO I WUV YOU!!1"
"Umm...I mean...don't go...because...Riia's scared. Yeah. She's totally terrified. Can't you just see how absolutely frightened out of her mind this little Matoran is? She's absolutely petrified right now!"
Riia just looked at her, confused. "I'm fine," she said.
"NO YOU'RE NOT YOU'RE TOTALLY COMPLETELY SCARED OUT OF YOUR WITS!" shouted Macku, duct taping Riia's mouth shut. "Right. So will you stay with us?"
"Sure, I've got nothing better to do anyway."
"Just keep going east. That's where I think the Suletu link was coming from," Ackar told the driver of their vehicle.
"How can you know where a telepathic link is coming from?"
"Well, it might have to do with the constant shouts of "BEWARE MY STINGER TAIL!" that I'm hearing faintly from the east of here..."
"LOOK OUT!" shouted Tahu, as the driver abruptly slammed on the brakes. In front of the vehicle was Chiara, stumbling around a bit before collapsing on the ground. A Vorox tail had pinned a note with the Vorox catchphrase on it to her back. Tahu and the others climbed out of the vehicle. "It's Chiara. And she's been attacked by Vorox."
"Chiara! Are you okay?" asked Gelu, worriedly rushing over to her. "Chiara!"
Gali got out some healing stuff and immediately went to work to heal the injury after tossing the Vorox tail away. "Chiara? Do you know where the others are? Where did you run from?" asked Ackar.
Chiara just shook her head once woozily. Tahu, however, noticed something: her leg armor was dripping wet. "Wait a minute..." Tahu knelt and touched the wet area, which is a really, REALLY bad idea when the Toa in question is a Toa of Lightning. "ZZAPYOWCHOWIE!"
"Wait a second, water! That's it!" exclaimed Ackar. "They must be just on the other side of the stream!" He turned to re-enter the vehicle. "Gelu, Gali, stay here and help heal Chiara. I want everyone else back in the vehicles. We have their location now."
As Tahu went to climb back into the Thornatus, Gali paused in her healing to go over and talk to him. "Tahu, wait. I'm sorry. This isn't your fault."
"Yes it is. Jaller did all of this just to spite me."
"No he didn't, isn't it obvious? You're both Toa of Fire, therefore, in BZPower comedies, you have identical personalities!"
"Look, if you don't believe me, read the dialogue between Kiina and Jaller about this same subject a while back in this chapter. I have to go back and heal Chiara now, bye!"
Back in the Skopio, the Vorox were still staying away. "Nuparu," Kiina suggested, "if we could make it back to our Thornatus, which is right over there, do you think you could use the power supply to reactivate it?" The Toa of
Engineering Earth nodded. "Okay, great. How fast can you get it ready?"
"About two minutes or so."
"I don't really see much choice. We need to run for the Thornatus and get it started."
"Wait, but weren't you arguing against running for it earlier with Chiara?" asked Gresh.
"That was for running all the way back to Mata Nova-Koro. Running a few feet away to the Thornatus isn't nearly as bad."
"Oh, I see."
Kiina climbed over the others and swung up below the Skopio's cockpit, pulling out some LEGO pieces. "I'm low on ammo, so I'll have to launch some of this stuff, instead. Gresh, do you think a socket piece would fit in a Zamor launcher?"
While Kiina and Gresh tried to find everything that could conceivably fit into the various types of launchers available, Jaller noticed that Kiina's hand piece was loose. "Are you hurt?" he asked. She shook her head. "Oh, okay. By the way, thanks for taking charge earlier. We'd all be panicking as bad as Chiara if you haven't."
"Well, I'm pretty good at it, since I used to be trained by Toa Lesovikk and Nikila," she explained.
"Lesovikk died again to the Dreaming Plague a while back. Nikila got it too."
"Wasn't Lesovikk already dead in one of the story serials?"
"Time travel brought him back to life, duh. He died a second time to the Dreaming Plague shortly after coming through the portal."
Kiina shrugged. "Lesovikk died the second time a few centuries ago. I'm over it by now."
In the Thornatus, Ackar suddenly felt a Suletu link open with Gelu. "Ackar?" asked Gelu. "Listen, Gali and I are taking Chiara back to the village, since the middle of a jungle isn't exactly the safest place in the world to heal an injured Toa. Also, I noticed some Unimportant Minor Characters driving around, so you might have to watch out for Lariska, too. Ok, bye!"
After the link terminated, Ackar shouted, "Oh, come on! First Vorox and now UMCs, too? Can this day get any worse...?"
"Are the UMCs always this much trouble?" asked Tahu.
"Well, yeah, pretty much. I don't know why or who they work for, but I can tell you this: I'm not going to let this fight with them detract from the hilarity of this brand new Lewa0111 comedy we are building here."
In the Skopio again, the Toa and Glatorian were preparing to run for the Thornatus. "Hey, wait a second," Gresh suddenly said. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea. Maybe we should just wait for Admiral Ackar to come and pick us up."
"Are you insane?" demanded Kiina. "What is it with everyone suddenly changing their minds? Just a few scenes ago, we were arguing against staying and arguing to make a run for it, now you just change your mind AGAIN? What is with you?"
"There's a LOT of Vorox out there."
Nuparu shrugged. "Don't worry. The chances of a Vorox attacking you rather than any of us are only 1 in 99,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999."
"Oh, good. Then let's go!" The second they left the Skopio, a Vorox jumped out of nowhere and attacked Gresh. "NUPARU!"
"I guess that was the 1, then..."
"BEWARE MY STINGER--"
The Vorox was cut off by Jaller chucking his Thornax Launcher at it. "Oh, shut up already. That joke is getting way too old," the Toa Mahri of Fire groaned. "Here, someone help me get Gresh over to the Thornatus."
Jaller and Kiina dragged Gresh over to the Thornatus while Nuparu stood by the vehicle, arbitrarily fiddling with wires and gadgets to make it look like he was doing something important. A Vorox charged toward Nuparu, but Kiina blasted it with a Cordak Blaster, though using up her last ammo in the process. The Vorox came back and attacked Nuparu again, for real this time. "Great, now what?" asked Jaller. "Throw rocks at them?"
"We have elemental powers, you moron," Kiina reminded him.
"Oh yeah! I forgot!" Jaller pulled out his fire sword and brandished it at the Vorox, who just did nothing but continued to scream their overused cheesy catchphrase.
Luckily, at that very moment, the Mata Nova-Koro vehicles arrived, and Ackar and a group of security Toa/Glatorian jumped out, shooting Thornax and blasting elemental powers at the Vorox. Tahu now had a Midak Skyblaster that shot green light, and he was shooting that at the Vorox that had attacked Nuparu. "Guess what? Vorox are afraid of green light!" he exclaimed with a , while behind him, Helryx threw a green lighting disco ball into the air. The combination of the green light, the attacks, and the disco music caused the Vorox to all start discoing away, and before long, there were no more Vorox left. "Jaller! You're okay!"
"Tahu! Am I glad to see you! Did you find Chiara? She tried to run back to Mata Nova-Koro, which we at first said was a dumb idea, then after she already left decided to do it anyway, but then Gresh decided it was a dumb idea again, but then Nuparu convinced him that it wasn't, but then it turned out to be a dumb idea after all because Gresh got attacked, but then the whole thing didn't matter anyway because you guys showed up. Whoa, that was a lot of 'but thens.'"
"Chiara's fine, we found her. What about the UMC?"
"He's still in the Skopio, I think," Kiina told them. Ackar and Tahu immediately looked inside the Skopio, but there was no one to be found. "Or not..."
After everything had been taken care of, everyone returned to Mata Nova-Koro. Jaller and Tahu went to the Healing Hut to meet with Gali, and Kiina came too for no apparent reason. "Hi, Toa Gali. Sorry for skipping orientation," Jaller said.
"What? Oh, right. That was like three chapters ago. I'd forgotten all about it."
"Really?" Gali nodded. "Cool!"
Kiina, realizing that there was absolutely no reason for her to be in this scene, left and decided to go talk to Admiral Ackar instead. "Hi, Admiral Ackar," she said as she entered his hut. "I'm sorry for...well, I don't know, but I'm sorry for somehow causing all of this to happen. Even though it was Gresh's idea."
"Hey, I heard that!" shouted Gresh from all the way inside the Healing Hut on the other side of the village.
"The important thing is that nobody died," Ackar pointed out. "Except for Primal, and let's face it, no one cares about random Dark Hunters. Just try not to go in the Vorox territory again...or by the waterfalls."
"Okay, the Vorox territory thing makes sense. But why the waterfalls? I mean, they wouldn't happen to have super-boring advanced calculus equations on them or anything, would they?"
"Whatever gave you that idea? No way! They definitely do not have super-boring advanced calculus equations on them that I am totally not trying to be super secretive about and don't want anyone to see even though you already did in the last chapter! Not at all! Not in the slightest! Nope, no math to be found there!"
"Uhh...right, whatever. And I definitely WASN'T anywhere near there in the last chapter. Nope."
Near the rocks with math on them that Ackar totally wasn't hiding, Lariska and a newly rescued Aodan were looking at the math on the rocks. "I hate this place," Aodhan muttered. "It smells like calculus. I hate calculus."
"Calculus isn't that bad," said Lariska.
"Wow, you really are evil!" Aodhan paused and looked closer at the rocks. "Hey, someone was walking around here. Must have been those Glatorian and Toa from earlier."
"Ackar's not going to like that."
"Why doesn't he just explode the math with his fire powers or something?"
"Probably because they're the only connection he has left with his apprentice. It's Ackar's apprentice who lives out here making these math equations for fun."
"He must be even more evil than you!" exclaimed Aodhan. "If he does calculus problems just for fun, then I really don't want to know what he considers work."
Lariska shrugged. "Well, this is kind of his work, too, in a way. He's getting closer to an answer. Control Mata Nova...control BZPower."
"What's BZPower?" The UMC leader just facepalmed.
Back at Tahu's home, Riia ran in and exclaimed, "Is it gonna fall on us? Are we gonna get mooned?"
Gali and Tahu emerged to see the huge form of Bara Magna hanging in the sky above their heads. "Not for a long time yet. And even then, we'll be the ones falling on it, not the other way around," Gali explained.
"That doesn't help..."
"Eh, who cares about Bara Magna? Let's go inside and eat, I'm starving," Tahu suggested.
"Great!" said Jaller.
"OA-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!" laughed a randomly appeared King Harkinian. Everyone else laughed along with him, though nobody was sure what exactly they were laughing at.
Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 8,268 words.
OMG HOLY GIANT HAPORI TOHUS ON A POGO STICK RIDING A BRAKAS THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER I HAVE EVER WRITTEN I THINK I JUST BROKE A WORLD RECORD!
Bob the Word Counting Matoran: ...And now it's even longer.
Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Feb 18 2012 - 08:44 PM.
Currently Active Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
Currently Active Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |
Is it just me, or is reality beginning to collapse? I suggest we stay as far away from talking with the author as possible.
--Gabriella, The BZ-Nui Hack Wars, Chapter 14
ANNOUNCEMENT: Unfortunately I won't be able to be very active on BZP anymore, due to real-life responsibilities. I'm not gone for good, though, and will try to pop in every now and again to update comedies and such. Feel free to send me PMs, as I will be checking those semi-regularly.