Dimension of the Pink Ones
"What foul, Great Being forsaken, debauched, and most likely boring world have you taken me to today?"
But the mask was characteristically silent.
Vezon looked around. There was sunlight here. There wasn't always. Once there hadn't been any light at all, which had made it difficult to tell the voices of the natives from the voices in his head. He preferred it when there was light.
"Only one sun here. I liked the place with 37 suns, now that was a hot hangout. My dear, Vezon, did you just say that out loud? You burn me up. By the Great Beings! That was terrible. Shut up." Vezon looked around again. "At least it has trees . . . I like trees."
Vezon raised his staff—no Spear of Fusion, just a handy toy he'd picked up in a pocket dimension inhabited by sentient sand—aimed at random, and an energy bolt shot from the tip. It arced into a tree and exploded. The remaining branches flamed pitifully.
"I like trees. Nature is so beautiful."
He didn't know exactly why he'd done that, but then, he rarely knew why he did anything. Sometimes a little voice in his head said, "Here's an idea . . ." Vezon's response was usually either, "What the Karzahni, why not?" or "Gear off, I'm trying to think." More often the first. He walked on.
With each step he took, some new shrill-voiced forest fluffball squealed in horror and ran away from him. Some of them were birds, some of them were little furry things, some of them were pretty soon dead. He was beginning to think that there was nothing in this dimension but trees, and Rahi he found frankly too small and too cute, and if that was true, it was going to be a dull day. He was warming up his staff again when he saw a break in the trees up ahead. He stepped out from under the canopy and into the full, unadulterated sunlight.
"It has buildings. A little primitive, but I've seen worse."
Suddenly something screamed, and several other somethings started screaming, and many somethings started shouting and screaming and it got very loud very quickly. Vezon was looking around. The city street seemed to be lined up and down with the most revolting creatures he had ever seen, and we can take his word for that; he had seen a lot of revolting creatures.
"What the Tren Krom are these unearthly Makuta spawn?" He retched on the words. He could hardly breathe in the air filled with their Great-Spirit-awful stench.
He was horrified. These filth were a stain in the universe and an offense to the dignity of being. If the woodland critters had personally repelled him, the very existence of these new abominations scandalized existence itself.
They were small, soft, skinny, and pink, with strange, indecently colorful cloths draped on their feeble bodies. They were walking anatomical comedies. Their feet were barely bigger than their twiggy ankles, their arms smaller and shorter than their legs, and their heads defectively small, not to mention deformed. The tallest of them was still at least two feet shorter than Vezon. He grabbed one as it was trying to run out of a large metal box, and picked the creature up in his hands to examine it closely. He tried to ignore its ear-splitting screams. It battered his face and chest with punches, which felt about as painful as being beaten up by an adolescent Ussal. But the moment he'd touched it he felt sick, and he dropped it soon. Their bodies were so squishy it was like holding Muaka droppings.
"Why, Teridax, that Kavinika!" Vezon murmured to himself. "He must have put the moves on Roodaka. And what lovely children they have!"
Vezon sprang up on one of the metal boxes in the street, which creaked and dented under his feet, and one of its glass windows shattered. He tutted. "Pathetic." In a louder voice, he announced: "Attention, all you mindless, smelly pink inhabitants of this egregious waste of creation's resources! This is a public service announcement! I am now going to vaporize you all, as a public service to the universe. On the other hand, if you can understand me, you can all bow down to me immediately and name me your supreme potentate and I'll spare a few of you to keep as slaves. If you can't understand me, please just keep screaming and I'll just vaporize you all. Thank you."
The frail pink creatures kept screaming.
Vezon jumped down from the metal box. "Right. Well, what's first? Caustic shots of crackling explosive energy stuff, a violent and possibly messy melee, or hey, maybe I can topple one of these buildings and watch a bunch of the pink things get flattened. You think so?"
Before he could test, he heard a loud wailing sound, something like a Doom Viper being bestially tormented. Vezon turned to look, and he saw one of the metal boxes down the street. It was moving, so obviously it was some kind of vehicle, and this one sported bright lights flashing red and blue. But what interested him most was the fact that it was coming toward him instead of carrying its passengers in the opposite direction at high speed in hopes of preserving their lives a little bit longer. Either these pink things were particularly courageous, or particularly stupid.
The vehicle swerved and stopped, and two of the pink disgraces got out and pointed little metal objects at him and shouted something. They seemed to be trying to communicate. They weren't so primitive that they didn't have a language, it seemed. Vezon regarded the pink ones curiously, shrugged, and blasted their vehicle and them to the Red Star.
Two more screamed toward him from opposite directions. They pulled up short, pointed their little metal objects, which Vezon realized were weapons, and opened fire. It was like being peppered with pebbles. Really fast, really really tiny pebbles. They glanced harmlessly off his armor, and Vezon sighed.
"Look," he began, "I admire what you're trying to do here, truly I do, but—" He broke off as one of the pebbles flew into his open mouth and he gagged on it. As soon as he recovered, he stood up again and pointed his staff. One of the pink ones ducked behind the door of the vehicle, as if that would protect him. Vezon resumed, "Anyway, you're just bugs. Pointless, insignificant bugs. I'm sorry to tell you, but it's the truth. You're pathetic. But see, this is your purpose. You're meant to be destroyed." His staff hummed as it warmed up for another blast. "What else could you possibly exist for?"
Vezon stopped. He put a hand against his face. He felt a tingling sensation in his head. Now, Vezon knew that meant one of three things: one, that he was upside-down, which he was not; two, that he had been hit very hard in the head, which he had not; or three, that the mask was warming up again.
"Karzahni," Vezon muttered. "Never mind!" he yelled to the pathetic pink Makuta spawn. "Forget everything I said. Carry on with your lives."
The next moment in a bright flash Vezon was gone.
~ ~ ~ ~
I almost put this in Comedies, but I figured it wouldn't quite have fit in there. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. I always have a great time writing for Vezon, and actually, I have a few ideas (and at least one definite plan) to use him in some more serious work. His could be a fun character to explore on a less superficial level.
Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith