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Mata Nova


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#1 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
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Posted Nov 10 2011 - 03:20 AM

Hello, BZPower, and welcome to my newest comedy, and the first non-remake comedy I’ve started on the new forums! This comedy is going to be a “side project” of mine, just updated whenever I feel about it and/or get a chance to watch whichever episode I'm spoofing next. TNI, Ask Matau!, and BZ-Nui Hack Wars will still be updated as normal, so don’t worry!

 

As the title of this comedy suggests, this is a BIONICLE-based spoof of the (sadly short-lived) Fox TV show, “Terra Nova.” Since it is a relatively new show and I realize most BZP members probably aren't familiar with it, I plan to write the comedy in a way that those completely unfamiliar with the show will still enjoy it and make sense of most of the jokes. For more information about the show, you can check out my blog or send me a message.Also, for those of you who are familiar with the show, here's a partial character list:

 

Tahu = Jim Shannon

Gali = Elizabeth Shannon

Macku = Maddy Shannon

Jaller = Josh Shannon

Riia (a Matoran of Lightning original character) = Zoe Shannon

Ackar = Commander Taylor

Lariska = Mira

Hahli = Kara

Kiina = Skye

Helryx = Lt. Washington

Chirox = Malcolm whateverhislastnameis

 

So now, without further ado, I present to you:

 

Mata Nova

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Episode 1: The First Episode (Part 1)

 

Thousands of years have passed since Spherus Magna was reunited after Mata Nui mooned Teridax. Under the leadership of important main characters like Ackar, Tahu, and Random Matoran #35, Matoran Universe inhabitants and Bara Magnans united to expand across the new planet, creating a new society.

 

Unfortunately, this peace was not to last, or we wouldn't have a very exciting story. Turaga Dume accidentally activated the Matoran Factory that had fallen out of the Matoran Universe one day, and got it permanently stuck in the "on" position, soon overcrowding Spherus Magna with countless new Matoran. In addition, Glatorian and Agori expanded as well, and soon Spherus Magna was not big enough to contain everyone. A solution had to be found, and fast.

 

Then, completely randomly, Vezon was wandering Spherus Magna when he got into an incident involving several gallons of energized protodermis, a bottle of macaroni, the Vahi, one of Tava's pies, and a copyright claim, and created a dimensional portal in the middle of New Atero, which unusually led not only into an alternate universe, but backwards in time as well, to a time when the Island of Mata Nui still existed on the Endless Ocean Planet. This large, empty island was perfect for rebuilding Matoran/Agori society without having to deal with that pesky Matoran factory, and soon this new island became a symbol of hope and hilarity for everyone on Spherus Magna.

 

Mata Nova.

 

New Mata Nui.

 

Okay, now the chapter begins for real.

 

Tahu Nuva walked through the twisting, darkened streets of New Atero, one of the largest cities on Spherus Magna. He wore two Kanohi masks: his normal Hau Nuva below, and a Tuki Nuva over that. The Tuki Nuva, the Mask of Breathing Despite Tons Of Junk In The Air, was a new Kanohi developed by Nuparu several decades before, when the huge cities that were built to house all of the new Matoran started pumping pollution into the air. Now, no one could breathe outside on Spherus Magna without a Tuki. Paradise, Tahu thought bitterly. Spherus Magna was supposed to be a paradise. So much for that.

 

He marveled at how ridiculous things had gotten, and all because of one clumsy Turaga. Whose idea had it been to move the Matoran Factories out of the Matoran Universe in the first place? Oh, right, it was Tahu. That annoying Toa of Fire had to be...wait, that was him. Whoops.

 

" :blush: " Tahu emoticonned as he turned another corner, walked up two flights of ramps, and entered his room, which was the third door on the left. Or, at least, he thought it was. He opened the door to see Turaga Vakama sitting in his rocking chair, ironing his dentures. "Sorry, my mistake!"

 

"Tahu!" exclaimed Turaga Vakama. "Perfect timing! I was about to explain to you how just yesterday I looked out my window, and guess what I saw? Nothing! The same thing I see every day, since I don't have a window. I was looking through a wall, and since I don't have Whenua's mask, I simply couldn't--"

 

Tahu hurriedly slammed Vakama's door and opened his own instead. His room was spacious enough to fit the other beings he lived with and was responsible for: Gali Nuva, his favorite Toa of Water and also his girlfriend; Jaller, the relatively young and inexperienced Toa of Fire that he watched over; and Riia, the Matoran of Lightning who had only recently come out of the Matoran Factory. Gali had agreed to take her in, much to Tahu's dismay, and despite the fact that it was illegal to take any new Matoran out of the factory, since they were already overcrowded enough. "Hey, Tahu," said Jaller when he walked into the room. "Ouch, that's gotta hurt. Why did you walk into that room?"

 

"Sorry, I couldn't see through these two masks," Tahu explained. He took off the Tuki and set it down on a table. "Guess what I managed to get from Turaga Matau?" He held up a mysterious round object hidden in a brown bag. You know, the object he had been holding the entire time. No, it didn't magically appear in his hand for convenience in this scene. Not at all. Come on, Lewa0111 doesn't make such silly oversights in his writing!

 

"What is it?" asked Jaller, reaching for the bag.

 

But Tahu pulled it away. "Not yet..."

 

"Come on, Tahu," Jaller begged.

 

"Use the emoticon, then I'll show you."

 

"Do I have to?"

 

"Yes..."

 

" :begging: " Jaller emoticonned.

 

"That's better." Tahu set the bag on the table and opened it. Jaller peered inside and gasped.

 

Inside was a genuine, fresh Madu Fruit. "No way. Where did Matau get it?"Tahu shrugged. "He's Lewa0111's favorite character, after Lewa of course. I'm guessing he just asked the author to zap one into existence."

 

"Wish we could do the same."

 

"What's that you've got there?" asked Gali, walking into the room. "Wow, a Madu Fruit! I don't believe it!"

 

Riia stared at the fruit with wonder, as she had never seen one before. "Here, I'll open it for her so she doesn't blow herself up with it," Jaller offered, setting Riia on the table and beginning to open the fruit for her.

 

"How was your day, Gali?" Tahu asked.Gali sighed and sat down. "It was difficult. I had to work on healing three more beings today, one of them was a Skakdi. Those glow-in-the-dark grins really creep me out."

 

"Wasn't Zaktan, was it? If it was, you should have just not healed him."

 

"Zaktan's gone, Tahu, remember? Dwellers in Darkness, I think it was? But anyway, besides the Skakdi, I ended up treating Tamaru as well. Remember him? Funny little Le-Matoran, afraid of heights? His Kanohi Tuki slipped about one millimeter for half a second, and immediately he started suffocating."

 

Tahu shook his head. "Poor Tamaru. It's getting worse and worse out there. Soon we'll have to start wearing a Mask of Keeping Masks On Tight over our Tukis, too." Gali laughed. Hearing the laughter, Riia laughed, too, but for no reason other than that she liked laughing. Jaller started laughing at the fact that Riia was laughing at nothing, and then Tahu decided to laugh too, just to join in. Soon, everyone was laughing, even old Vakama in the room next to theirs.

 

Unfortunately, the laughter couldn't last. Macku suddenly burst into the room, with a scared look in her eyes. "They're coming," she warned the other members of their "family." "I was on my way here when I saw them, they're on their way now!"

 

"Could she be any more vague about who's coming?" asked Jaller rhetorically.

 

Gali's eyes went wide and she picked up little Riia and put her in a conveniently placed Matoran-Hiding-Hole™, shutting it tightly. Riia, who was scared of the dark, cried a little, but Gali didn't seem to care. Tahu switched to a Pakari and shoved several large stone tables, the family's Ussanui, two boxes of cheese, and Livna the anvil in front of the Matoran-Hiding-Hole™. Someone began knocking on the door rather loudly. "I'm coming!" Tahu called out as he frantically looked around the room for more random gibberish to shove in front of the Matoran-Hiding-Hole™. Spotting a loaf of bread, some spare Nuva armor, and a fake mustache, he used the Pakari to put all of that in front of the spot as well.

 

"Hey!" shouted Takanuva, through the newly created hole in the ceiling. "I was using that!"

 

Tahu tossed him a Kadin. "Just fly around instead. I need this!" He then put the ceiling on the pile of junk from earlier.

 

The banging intensified, and Tahu, figuring that the hiding spot was plenty safe and totally unobtrusive, opened the door. Several Glatorian were standing on the other side, led by Strakk. "Matoran Control," Strakk said. "We've received reports that you are hiding an illegal new Matoran of Lightning in your home. We need to search your room."

 

"I'm Tahu Nuva. I'm part of New Atero's security! Why would I break the law?"

 

"Then explain why there's a huge pile of junk laying randomly up against one wall."

 

"Because...umm...we needed to get it out of the way? After all, leaving it all in the middle of the floor would be a dumb place to put junk..."

 

"Why is the ceiling over there and not on top of your room like it should be, then?" asked Strakk. "Look, just leave, okay?"

 

Tahu sighed. "Fine. Gali, Jaller, Macku, let's go."

 

Tahu and his "family" reluctantly stepped outside the room. Strakk and the other two Glatorian suddenly ran inside and started shoving everything, breaking stuff and rudely looking into tiny drawers that probably couldn't even have fit a protodite, let alone a Matoran. Strangely, they ignored everything in the suspicious pile of junk laying up against the wall. Then, Strakk, in frustration at not finding anything, threw his axe, where it smacked into the pile of junk, disturbing Riia. The smal Matoran of Lightning triggered her tiny reserve of power, throwing a small static spark up from beneath the pile. "Hey, what was that?" asked Strakk.

 

"An electric...umm, mouse?" offered Tahu.

 

"This isn't Pokerahi," Strakk said as he picked up the ceiling, loaf of bread, mustache, spare Nuva armor, Livna, boxes of cheese, Ussanui, and stone tables and threw them all at Tahu. Finally, he found the Matoran-Hiding-Hole™ and opened it. "Gotcha," he said with an :evilgrin: as he glared at Riia. "Come on, get out here."

 

"No!" shouted Riia.

 

"Yeah, what she said!" agreed Tahu as he suddenly charged forward, punching Strakk in the face and sending a blast of fire at one of the other two Glatorian. He then spun and dropped a banana peel in front of the third Glatorian, who slipped and fell, slamming into the second Glatorian and smashing them both into a wall. Before he could turn back to fight Strakk again, the ice Glatorian smacked Tahu in the side of his head with his axe, knocking his Hau off and sending him into unconsciousness. Helpless to do anything but watch, Gali, Jaller, and Macku...well, watched, obviously, as Tahu's limp form was dragged away...

 

 

 

SUPER-DUPER-MEGA-CRUNCHY-EXTRA-DELICIOUS-TITLE-SCREEN-AWESOMENESS!

 

 

 

Two years later, in The Pit, Tahu was locked up underwater, with only a Kaukau Nuva to keep him breathing in this deepest part of Spherus Magna's ocean. Hydraxon was off taking a break, so a Maxilos robot was placed to guard Tahu's cell. Not that a Toa of Fire with no weapons was really capable of escaping from an underwater prison anyway, but Hydraxon wasn't taking chances. The Maxilos looked up as a small, Toa-sized figure came swimming down toward the cell from somewhere up above. As she swam closer, the figure was revealed to be Gali. "Hello, Maxilos Robot #9,321," Gali said. "Did you know that number is exactly the same as the number of floors in The Nuva Inn? Weird, isn't it?"

 

<WHAT DO YOU WANT> queried the robot.

 

"Who uses the word 'queried' anymore, anyway?" asked Gali. "Who cares. Anyway, I'd like to talk with Tahu for five minutes."

 

<ERROR: COMMAND NOT RECOGNIZED AS VALID. PLEASE AUTHORIZE COMMAND BY TYPING THE ADMINISTRATOR PASSWORD>

 

"I have a better idea. This statement is a lie."

 

<ERROR: LOGIC ERROR. STATEMENT INVALID. INITIATING SELF-TERMINATION IN THREE...TWO...ONE...>

 

The Maxilos robot spontaneously combusted. "Robots are so easy to deal with," Gali commented as she walked past the robot and up to the bars on Tahu's cell.

 

"Gali...you're here!" exclaimed Tahu.

 

"It's so good to see you," Gali said.

 

"If you could just swim down here and logic-bomb the guard at any time, then why did you wait so long to do so?"

 

Gali shrugged. "It only works for five minutes. So I had to think of a plan, first."

 

"Why five minutes?"

 

"They have this weird built-in recovery program. But, since they run on Windows Vista, they take a whole five minutes to load the program."

 

"Oh, I see. So, what did you want?"

 

"Besides to see you again after two years? Well, I had to tell you something. You know about that portal Vezon created, right? The one that leads to...you know..."

 

Tahu nodded. "Mata Nova." He said it like it was a beacon of hope, which, of course, it was. "What about it?"

 

"It's the title of this comedy."

 

"I know that..."

 

"Well, also, I've been recruited by somebody named 'TOTALLY NOT CHIROX LOLOLOL' to go through the portal on the next trip out."

 

" :happydance: " emoticonned Tahu. "That's amazing news! You should go! When is it?"

 

"Way too soon," Gali answered. "Listen, I can't go. They won't let me take you!"

 

Tahu shrugged. "So? I'm a prisoner, what did you expect?"

 

"They won't let me take Riia either. Just Jaller and Macku."

 

"Well, she isn't a canon BIONICLE character. So that makes sense."

 

"She's also a main character in this comedy, though. So that doesn't make sense."

 

"She's also a tuba. So that makes sense."

 

" :blink: " Gali emoticonned. "That makes even less sense!"

 

"Look," Tahu said, "I know you wouldn't come here just to tell me that. Do you have a plan?"

 

Before Gali could say anything further, a voice came from behind her: <WINDOWS IS STARTING UP. PLEASE WAIT>

 

"I don't have much time. Just take this. You will know what to do." She passed him a spare Kanohi Tuki and started swimming away.

 

<WELCOME TO WINDOWS. UNAUTHORIZED TOA OF WATER DETECTED. PLEASE TYPE THE ADMINISTRATOR PASSWORD TO BEGIN PROGRAM PURSUIT.EXE>

 

Tahu, confused, started to put the Kanohi Tuki on over his Kaukau when he noticed something hidden on the underside of the mask. It was a Cordak Blaster. How a Cordak Blaster had managed to fit inside a Kanohi, Tahu had no idea, but he had bigger things to worry about at the moment. He pointed it at the lock, took careful aim, and fired.

 

 

 

[TRANSITION TIME!]

 

 

 

"Nearly thirty years have passed since Vezon first stumbled into that Energized Protodermis, creating a dimensional portal not only through space, but through time as well," a Random News Agori was saying on a huge screen over the streets of New Atero. "In other news, 'Ask Matau!' receives the highest vote for Best Retro TV Series Of The Year, with reruns from the Metru Nui days being shown on many major networks..."

 

A Toa Transport stopped near Random Circle Place, a random circle in the center of the city where Vezon's accident had first occurred and where the portal now stood. Gali exited the transport with Macku and Jaller close behind. "I don't get it," Macku said. "Tahu said he'd be on that train."

 

"He's only had one transition to do everything," Gali reminded her. "Of course he'd probably be late. Everything's been planned out from the start!"

 

"Didn't you only talk to him for five minutes? How did you plan everything beforehand?"

 

"Lewa0111 said so, now shut up. This plan will work."

 

Jaller shook his head. "Yeah, of course, no problem at all. Step 1: Tahu breaks out of a maximum-security cell in the Pit. Step 2: Tahu breaks into a maximum-security cell in the Pit."

 

"They're guarded by Maxiloses, though. How hard can it be?"

 

"The ones in the second cell use Mac OS X."

 

" :OMG: " Macku emoticonned. "Then he'll never make it out alive!"

 

"Yes he will!" Gali exclaimed. "No matter how many Maxiloses he has to fight his way through."

 

"Isn't it 'Maxili?'" asked Macku.

 

"Or 'Maxileese,'" offered Jaller.

 

Their pointless argument over how to pluralize "Maxilos" was cut short when they approached the check-in line. "Your names and ID, please," said Tarix, working the front desk. One by one, Gali, Macku, and Jaller presented themselves to the desk and were approved.

 

Meanwhile, in another part of the city entirely, Tahu was randomly on another Toa Transport despite being a wanted Pit escapee. The Maxilos robots were still waiting for Hydraxon to get around to typing in his password for each movement they wanted to make. Tahu pulled off the small 2-stud-length rod that Hydraxon had put into his back to act as a transmitter and dropped it on the ground. The transmitter got stuck to Random Matoran #35's footpiece. Finally, the transport stopped, and Tahu got off, walking to a secret location where one of Takua's old packs was stashed. Inside, it contained a huge pile of widgets, a fake ID badge saying that Tahu was really "Uhat, Toa of Erif," some other random gadgets, and Tahu's old firesword. He picked up the sword and slung the small pack around his hip.

 

Back in Random Circle Place, Jaller had just finished being checked in by Tarix when he heard a voice inside his head: Look behind you! He turned to see Hahli, standing on the other side of an inconveniently placed fence, wearing a Suletu. When he saw her, she switched back to her default mask and grabbed his hands through the bars. "I love you," she said. "Even though GregF says we can't."

 

"Forget GregF. Look, I'll see you again, I promise," said Jaller.

 

"Vezon's wacky portal only goes one way for BIONICLE characters."

 

"Then I'll get you to come with me, duh!"

 

"But I wasn't picked!" sobbed Hahli. "I can't go through!"

 

Jaller pointed to the top of this post, where the Character Sheet was. "According to Lewa0111, you're important enough to get a spot on the Character Sheet. He wouldn't do that if you only appeared for this one scene. You'll see me again, don't worry!"

 

"I hope so! Bye! I'll miss you!"

 

Back with Tahu again (seriously, what's with all these abrupt transitions?), the Toa of Fire was checking himself into Random Circle Place with Tarix as "Uhat." Surprisingly, he got through check-in perfectly fine, most likely due to the fact that Strakk's security team was too busy chasing after Random Matoran #35, who was on the other side of the city by now. After checking in, he snuck off to a shady dead end, where Vastus was waiting. "Where's the package I ordered?" asked Tahu.

 

"Money first," grunted Vastus.

 

Tahu threw the huge pile of widgets from the pack at Vastus, burying the Glatorian entirely in widgets. "There you go, now where is it?"

 

Vastus stuck one arm out of the pile of widgets and pointed. Tahu threw down the first pack and picked up a new pack that was where Vastus was pointing. He looked inside to see Riia sitting there, perfectly fine despite being confined in a small pack. (After all, six Matoran could fit comfortably in one pack during the Mata Nui Online Game, so why wouldn't one be perfectly comfortable inside?) Tahu slung the new pack around his back and walked out of the shady dead end, climbing a conveniently placed ladder that led straight to the center of Random Circle Place, where the portal was located.

 

After yet ANOTHER abrupt transition back to Gali and co., Gali and co. were preparing to enter Vezon's wacky time/dimension portal. All three of them glanced around, looking for Tahu without trying to be obvious that they were looking for Tahu, but ended up just generally failing miserably and making it pretty obvious that they were, in fact, looking for Tahu. The fact that Macku kept repeatedly calling out "Tahu, where are you?" wasn't helping matters, either.

 

As they approached the portal, it suddenly activated, opening with a blinding flash of light. "I am Portalnuva, Toa of Light!" exclaimed the portal.

 

"Hey! I have that line copyrighted!" protested Takanuva. "It's in my script for Mask of Light!"

 

Keetongu jumped out through a time-comedy warp vortex. "I have copyrights copyrighted! DIE!"

 

"And you can't talk, portal!" a random security person reminded it.

 

" :ziplip: " emoticonned the portal.

 

With a :blink:, Gali, Jaller, and Macku watched Keetongu chase Takanuva out of the comedy. Shrugging, they resumed their passage toward the portal with the other Spherus Magna denizens who had been chosen by TOTALLY NOT CHIROX LOLOLOL to travel to Mata Nova, just as Tahu finally caught up with them. "Tahu! There you are! We've been looking everywhere for you, I was so worried you wouldn't make it, and we couldn't figure out whether the plural of Maxilos was Maxili or Maxiloses, and--" exclaimed Macku, extremely loudly.

 

"Shh. Don't call attention to ourselves. Here, Gali, take this." Tahu passed the pack containing Riia to Gali. "Whatever happens, just keep going. Don't stop to argue about who goes first and whatever you do, don't panic and refuse to step through."

 

"Like that would ever happen," laughed Jaller.Gali, Jaller, and Macku continued walking toward the portal. "Tahu, I need you to step over here and talk to me," said Strakk, who was working the security team for the portal.

 

Tahu walked over to Strakk. "There must be some mistake. I'm not Tahu, Toa of Fire, I'm Uhat, Toa of Erif."

 

"Like I'd be stupid enough to fall for that?"

 

"Tarix was."

 

"Tarix is an cool dude."

 

"You bet I am!" said Tarix, walking by. "

 

" B-) " he emoticonned, wearing sunglasses."Oh, you know what I meant, Tarix. Look, Toa, you're really Tahu Nuva, and I know it. So just explain to me what you were doing in Random Circle Place instead of in the Pit being guarded by Maxilissesonataibiesarians."

 

"'Maxilissesonataibiesarians?'" echoed Tahu.

 

"The plural of Maxilos, duh!"

 

Tahu made a mental note to tell Macku the answer to her question. "I...umm...took a wrong turn."

 

"All the way here from the Pit?"

 

"Those transports...they move fast, you know?

 

Strakk was not amused.

 

Meanwhile (again? Seriously?), Gali, Jaller, and Macku were preparing to walk through the portal. "Jaller, you go first," Gali said.

 

"..." said Jaller. "I can't."

 

"Why not?"

 

"BECAUSEHAHLI!! Umm...I mean...uh...I don't want to. If we go in there, we can't come back!"

 

"Didn't you hear what Tahu said earlier? He specifically told you not to do this!"

 

"Umm...well...yeah...about that..."

 

"Just go through!" shouted Macku, pushing Jaller suddenly through the portal. She and Gali then jumped through shortly after, with Riia still in Gali's pack. Tahu, noticing that all four of them had safely made it through the portal, grabbed his firesword where he had concealed it under his Nuva armor and brought it out, smacking Strakk into a wall and running straight toward the portal. Before anyone could do anything to stop him, he had jumped through the portal...

 

...And into an entirely new world. Mata Nova.

 

Next: Admiral Ackbar explains stuff!

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 3,761 words.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 30 2014 - 04:23 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#2 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
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Posted Nov 17 2011 - 12:07 AM

Mata Nova

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Episode 1: The First Episode (Part 2)

 

The first thing that Tahu noticed about Mata Nova was that the sun was bright. Very bright.

 

Much brighter than the dim center of New Atero he had just left, and the change was so abrupt that it made him dizzy. He looked around, seeing Gali, Macku, and Jaller standing nearby, and several Glatorian and Toa working security. Then he tripped over the air and fell flat on his face.

 

"Hey, you! Toa! Put down the weapon immediately!" exclaimed Gelu, the security member closest to the entrance.

 

"It's not a weapon, it's a Toa tool," insisted Tahu, but upon realizing that he was surrounded by far more Toa and Glatorian than he could hope to fight off, he dropped the firesword anyway and put his hands up.

 

Two random Toa walked over and grabbed Tahu on either side, holding him in place. "Check his MNOG pack for more weapons--"

 

"--Toa tools--" insisted Tahu.

 

"--Fine, Toa tools. Just check them already, would you?"

 

Toa Krakua stepped over to Gali's pack, raised his Vibration Sword, and prepared to stab into the pack. Understandably, Gali panicked. "STOP!!" she shrieked, running over to Krakua and blasting him in the face with a pressurized jet of water. "Don't hurt Riia!"

 

"Riia?" asked Gelu. "Who's Riia?"

 

"One of Lewa0111's original characters," Tahu explained even as Gali reached into the pack and pulled Riia out. "A Matoran from the factory. Gali adopted her."

 

"Isn't that illegal?"

 

"Isn't me breaking into Random Circle Place and jumping through the portal illegal?"

 

Gelu shrugged. "Good point. Let's just go, then. I'll let Admiral Ackar deal with you."

 

"IT'S A TRAP!" exclaimed some random Matoran.

 

 

 

SUPER-DUPER-MEGA-CRUNCHY-EXTRA-DELICIOUS-TITLE-SCREEN-AWESOMENESS!

 

 

 

The Mata Nova security team led the new arrivals (and stowaways) from Ga-Wahi, where the portal was located, into the jungles of Le-Wahi. After entering the jungle, Toa Helryx, who was leading the procession, put on a Suletu. "We have two stowaways with us, Admiral Ackar. A Toa of Fire and a new factory Matoran."

 

"Copy that," answered Admiral Ackar.

 

"We're headed back now. Helryx out."

 

Behind her, Tahu was listening in on the conversation. How exactly anyone could eavesdrop on a telepathic link, Tahu wasn't sure, but it was interesting to listen to. He and Gali continued following the twisting path through the jungle, punctuated with the cries of random Rahi and organic birds echoing through the trees. "So, how much trouble do you think we're in for all of this?" asked Gali.

 

"Well, you didn't do anything. Me? I broke out of the Pit. If anything, they'll put me back in."

 

"There's no Pit here, it's 2001, remember? The Island of Mata Nui?"

 

Tahu ghsurgged. "Then they'll dump me into the ocean, I guess."

 

"What did you just do? What's 'ghsurgged?'"

 

"No idea. I meant 'shrugged...' HEY!" The Rahkshi of Letter Control scampered off through the trees, followed by Cameo, Keetongu, Turaga Matau, O RLY?, and a bunch of other Lewa0111 running joke charcters.

 

Suddenly, a roar echoed through the trees, startling everyone. "What was that?" asked Jaller, looking around frantically.

 

Gelu glanced around, Thornax launcher and ice blade at the ready. "A Rahi Nui's walking around somewhere," he told them. "Just keep going."

 

"Rahi Nui? That's that thing that hates Toa, right?" Jaller said.

 

"Yep," answered Macku.

 

" :fear: " emoticonned Jaller. "I hope we're getting close..."

 

One transition later, the group had finally arrived at the entrance to the Mata Nova village, named "Mata Nova-Koro." (Admiral Ackar was many things, but creative at naming things wasn't one of them). A pair of Toa zoomed by on an Ussanui, welcoming the new arrivals. Tahu looked around at the massive gates to Mata Nova-Koro, awed by their size.

 

Once everyone had entered the gates, they were directed to assemble on a pavilion in front of a large Le-Koro style tree hut. A Fire Glatorian emerged from inside said hut, and stood on the balcony, looking out at the assembled crowd. "Welcome to Mata Nova, former citizens of New Atero," the Glatorian said. "My name is Admiral Ackar."

 

"IT'S A TRAP!" shouted that same Random Matoran from earlier.

 

" :glare: " emoticonned Admiral Ackbar. "The first rule of Mata Nova-Koro is that you do not make any "trap" jokes about my name. The second rule of Mata Nova-Koro is that you still do not make any "trap" jokes about my name. Anyway, congratulations. You've only just arrived and someone has already broken the first two rules." Helryx whispered something in Ackar's ear. "My mistake. You've only just arrived and someone has already broken the first two rules twice."

 

" :baaa: " emoticonned the Random Matoran sheepishly.

 

"Anyway," continued Admiral Ackbar, the rest of you have all taken a first step toward our goal, a new beginning for the inhabitants of Spherus Magna. Just like I did seven storylines ago, when I jumped randomly through the portal without knowing where I'd end up. Together, we stand at the beginning of a new and hilarious BIONICLE-related spoof story. The place you left behind fell victim to a lot of things: forgetting the virtues, accidentally turning on the Matoran factory, forgetting to shut off the Smog-Making Devices, cancelling the BIONICLE toyline, letting BZPower's forums go down for months on end...We blew it. We ruined BIONICLE." Ackar paused for dramatic effect. "We have, thanks to Vezon, been given a new chance to start over. We're rebuilding everything from the beginning again, and with Lewa0111 to guide us, it's sure to be an amusing and random story! Welcome to Mata Nova, everyone!"

 

The crowd cheered. "Does he mean Mata Nova, the place, or Mata Nova, the comedy?" asked Macku.

 

"Who cares? Why not both?" suggested Jaller.

 

"Can't argue with that..."

 

Unfortunately, their discussion was cut short by Gelu, again. "Admiral Ackbar wants to see you...without the Matoran or the Mahri."

 

Tahu looked at Gali, who shrugged. "Let's go. We'll be right back."

 

Tahu and Gali followed Gelu into the tree hut, where Admiral Ackar sat waiting for them behind the most awesome desk ever: a desk made from the head of a Tahtorak with a tabletop glued to it. "I WANT THAT DESK!!" Tahu blurted out as soon as he saw it. "AIWEJAOIJEROIHGSHGSIDJHBSDH--"

 

"Quiet," Ackar commanded.

 

" :ziplip: " emoticonned Tahu.

 

"What not a lot of people know," Ackar explained, "is that the scene in The Legend Reborn where I got my powers wasn't accurate. I actually don't just control fire. I also control emoticons. But they couldn't find an accurate way to depict that power in the movie, so they cut that part out. And no, you can't have my desk. It's way too awesome."

 

" B-) " emoticonned the desk.

 

"So, you are...Tahu Nuva, formerly Tahu Mata, currently called by the fans as "Tahu Mistika," fought in the Battle for Karda Nui, was the star of the BIONICLE franchise, was released four times in set form. And your companion is Gali Nuva, formerly Gali Mata, currently called by the fans as "Gali Mistika," flooded the realm of Karzahni, instrumental in obtaining the Staff of Artahka, didn't appear in Reign of Shadows for some random reason, had amazing healing powers in Mask of Light...okay."

 

"Did you just call us in here to tell us a bunch of stuff we obviously already know?" asked Tahu. "If so, can we go now? I want to explore this place and find flammable objects. Also, I WANT THAT DESK!!"

 

"No, you can't have it!" insisted Ackar. "And no, that's not why I called you here. I wanted to know why Tahu is here when according to this conveniently placed tablet, Tahu is currently stuck in the Pit for the next three hundred years."

 

"Would you believe I have a Mohtrek that's just disguised as a Hau?"

 

" :uhuh: " emoticonned Ackar.

 

"Well, it was worth a try."

 

"You also have a factory Matoran with you. So now I have two unauthorized beings in my village. Why?"

 

Tahu stepped forward. "It was my fault. I snuck in here and brought Riia with me. Gali had nothing to do with this, so I don't know why she's even in this scene. Can I jump into the ocean now? With your desk?"

 

"No, and no." Ackar sighed. "First of all, Gali obviously helped you, since she wasn't at all shocked in the slightest when you showed up through the portal. Secondly, you can't jump into the ocean, and no, you absolutely MAY NOT have my desk. Stop asking already!"

 

" :( " Tahu emoticonned. "Then I'll just jump in the ocean without the desk, I suppose..."

 

"Actually, you don't have to. See, there isn't any actual Pit here, and I don't really care about New Atero's laws, since we aren't in New Atero. You haven't made any Ackbar jokes yet, so I'm perfectly okay with you and Riia sneaking in."

 

"Really? Awesome! Can we go now?"

 

"Not yet."

 

Tahu looked back up at Ackar. "Does this mean you're giving me your desk?"

 

"What part of 'never in 90 billion years' don't you understand!? What I need to know is how useful you can be to the village. Gali's healing abilities will come in useful at the healing hut, but you...what can you do?"

 

"I can burn stuff," suggested Tahu. "!!11one!1one!!1!1" he added for emphasis.

 

Gali stepped forward. "Look, Admiral Ackar, all we wanted was a chance to restart everything. Just to be together, all five of us. Can you understand that?"

 

"Well, I did say almost exactly that in my totally amazing speech from earlier, I suppose. Toa Helryx will show you to Jaller, Macku, and Riia. I'd like to speak some more with Tahu, if you don't mind."

 

Helryx, who was apparently standing in the hut the whole time, led Gali outside, leaving the two fire beings together. "So, can I have your desk now?"

 

"I'm not even going to bother answering that. Now, it also says on this conveniently placed tablet that you were on New Atero's security team. I don't get it: a Toa who was specifically tasked with making sure the laws are obeyed adopted an illegal factory Matoran? Why?"

 

"Gali's idea, not mine."

 

"And you went along with it? What were you going to do, hide her in a Matoran-Hiding-Hole™ and pile a bunch of stone tables, your Ussanui, two boxes of cheese, an anvil named Livna, a loaf of bread, some spare Nuva armor, a fake mustache, and the ceiling on top of it whenever Strakk showed up?"

 

" :blink: " emoticonned Tahu. "That was oddly specific. Now, look, enough random gibberish, are you going to give me villains to catch or flammable objects to burn? It's what I'm best at, after all."

 

Ackar sat back down at his awesome desk and flipped through a stack of tablets. "The Plant Growing department could use some help. That's all."

 

"Well, according to Macku, every time I so much as look at a plant it bursts into flames, but...I'll try my best."

 

A short while later, Toa Hewkii, a member of the security team at Mata Nova-Koro, was escorting Tahu and co. to their assigned hut. "Plant Growing? That should be...interesting. I wonder what use a Toa of Fire would be for that?" Gali was saying.

 

"At least it's better than nothing. Maybe I could borrow your water powers to make it rain?"

 

Gali laughed. "It doesn't work like that and you know it!"

 

"Then if you see the Plant Growing area of the village spontaneously erupt into a gigantic fireball, you know who to blame..."

 

"Now, your hut is right here, in the newest part of the village. The market is nearby, and I hear Cheaparu is selling widgets for W1 each," Hewkii told them. "Your hut is pretty new, so it isn't painted yet. Here you go." Hewkii pointed to the hut in question, then left.

 

Gali entered the hut, followed by Tahu and the others. Inside, it was fairly spacious, with a nice kitchen, a nice kitchen, and a nice kitchen. Oh, and there was also a kitchen. In fact, every room was a kitchen for some odd reason. "Lots of kitchens, huh?" Jaller observed. "Good, because I'm hungry."

 

"Well, it's not bad, though the kitchens are a bit excessive...maybe we could buy a few rugs or something and put them over the counters to sleep on?" said Gali.

 

"Do they even have rugs here? Does Cheaparu sell them?"

 

Cheaparu, the salesmatoran, suddenly popped up out of nowhere. "Hiya, newcomers!" he exclaimed. "Have I got a deal for you! Authentic Ash Bear rugs, only W5,999! Or, for the more financial-minded of you, I have widgets for sale! Only one widget each! Or how about these lightstones? Brand new model! Only--"

 

Cheaparu was cut short by Tahu blasting him out the window with his firesword. "Sorry, haven't burnt stuff all day. We can just buy the rugs later," Tahu said.

 

"We did the right thing coming here, though, right?" Gali asked him. "To Mata Nova and all."

 

"Well, if we hadn't, there wouldn't be much of a comedy, now would there?"

 

The discussion was cut short by Riia, coming back into the main kitchen from one of the side kitchens. "Toa Gali, there's no room for me."

 

"Of course, they weren't expecting her," Gali observed. "We'll figure something out."

 

Riia just stood still, staring at Tahu. "Why is she staring at me?" Tahu whispered to Gali.

 

"She doesn't remember you...it's been a whole two years and a title screen since she saw you last, and she was only three storylines old at the time."

 

Tahu kneeled down in front of Riia. "So," he said. "We need to find another kitchen for...wait, don't tell me...I know your name..."

 

"You already said it during your conversation with Ackar earlier," Gali pointed out.

 

"Oh, right! Shuu." Riia shook her head. "Not Shuu, huh. Oh! I've got it: Marka."

 

"Nope," Riia answered.

 

"Is it Aaa?"

 

"Stop making references to Lewa0111's comedy contest entry and just get on with it!" protested Gali. "Read the text two lines up!"

 

Tahu looked up at the words 'Riia answered' beside his dialogue three lines above this. "Oh, of course! Riia, that's it! Now, I'm Toa Blarjikafarjikawawapoot, and I'm pleased to meet you."

 

"That's not your name!" laughed Riia. "You're Toa Tahu!" Tahu and Gali laughed. Riia kept on laughing. Macku decided to join in on the laughter, even though she didn't find the actual situation all that funny, she just liked laughing. Soon, everyone was laughing, even Hewkii walking past outside.

 

Jaller strode into his mini-kitchen room. "One big happy group of Toa and Matoran. Like nothing ever changed."

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Gali.

 

"We already did the 'people laughing randomly' joke at the beginning of the last chapter!" he explained. "Completely ignoring the fact that two storylines have passed since then, not to mention Tahu breaking out of the Pit and jumping through a portal to send us all back in time."

 

Before Gali could respond to this, Macku ran into the main kitchen. "Has anyone seen Riia?"

 

"I thought she was with you," Jaller said.

 

"No, she was just in the main scene a few paragraphs ago...Riia! Where are you?"

 

Riia, for her part, had wandered outside the hut, and stood next to the wall of the Koro, where several large Giant Swamp Lizards were eating tree leaves very messily, dropping leaves everywhere. Some fell inside the walls and landed on Riia's head. "Here you go," she said, picking the leaves up and holding them above her head, where the Swamp Lizards bent down and bit them. Riia picked up some more and continued feeding the large Rahi.

 

"Riia! There you are!" exclaimed Tahu, running toward her just as the Swamp Lizard took another bite of her leaves, accidentally lifting her up a few feet before she let go of the leaves. Astonished, Tahu, Jaller, Macku, and Gali all watched as more Swamp Lizards approached the gates, all eating the gigantic pile of leaves that had accumulated from all of the *leaves* captions found in script comedies on BZPower.

 

Another transitionariffic transition later, night had fallen on the village. "Goodnight," Tahu said to Macku.

 

"I'm glad you're back with us again, Toa Tahu," Macku said as she lay down on her kitchen counter to fall asleep. "But we could still use some of Cheaparu's rugs."

 

"I'll think about it." Tahu covered the lightstones and walked out, entering Jaller's kitchen. "Goodnight," Tahu said to Jaller.

 

"Sure," Jaller responded aloofly, despite the fact that "aloofly" isn't a word.

 

Tahu then entered Gali's kitchen, where she was laying on the counter, with Riia beside her in the sink. "Seems dangerous to put a Matoran of Lightning in a sink," Tahu pointed out.

 

Gali shrugged. "Where else could I put her?"

 

"Good point. I guess I'll go and sleep in the main kitchen, then...And by the way, the answer is yes, we did do the right thing coming here. This comedy is going to be hilarious. Plus, it's great to have a chance to see you again without having to logic-bomb a bunch of robots."

 

"That's so sweet, Tahu." Gali and Tahu leaned closer and started to kiss--

 

"Ha, ha!" exclaimed Cameo, popping up from out of nowhere and throwing several toasters toasting toast at the two of them, then scampering away.

 

Tahu glared at Cameo with the force of several thousand "burnmad" emoticons. "And I thought that joke was limited to the Ga-Metru School Musical series," he groaned.

 

The next morning, Jaller gazed at a vial of blue sludge with disgust. " :sick: " he emoticonned. "You're saying this is all we can drink?"

 

"Didn't you read any of those tablets Admiral Ackar gave us? Mata Nui food is way too organic for our bodies to get used to right away, so unless you happen to be a Glatorian, which you aren't, you need to drink this for the next few days until we can adjust to the diet."

 

"Are you getting paid to explain all of these random facts, Macku?"

 

"Actually, yes! I get paid by the word for every random fact I explain!"

 

"Unfair! I want to get paid for this!" complained Jaller.

 

Tahu entered the room. "We all want things we can't get. For example, I want Admiral Ackar's desk. But I can't have it yet."

 

"Tahu? Do you mind explaining why there's a giant flaming pile of rubble where the bathroom used to be?" asked Gali.

 

"Somebody used up all the hot water, so I tried heating it up myself. And that was the result," Tahu explained with a pointed glare at Macku.

 

"I didn't use it up. The lightstone panels can only heat up so much water at a time. And that's W13 more for me!" she added with a :D.

 

Jaller groaned. "That's still so unfair."

 

"Let's just go already. Jaller, Macku, Riia, since you don't have anything to do yet, you're required to go to orientation. I'm going to attempt to help plants grow, and Gali, you're going to the Healing Hut."

 

"Plant Growing is that way, Tahu," Macku said, pointing the opposite way that Tahu was walking in. Tahu abruptly turned around.

 

"And I've got to go that way, to the Healing Hut. You three enjoy your orientation, okay?"

 

Gali walked off, leaving Jaller, Macku, and Riia alone. "No way!" exclaimed Macku suddenly, running toward a large pedestal in the middle of the village. "I can't believe it! Another chance to explain random facts and get paid for it!"

 

Jaller groaned again. "Seriously?"

 

"This was a pedestal set up to commemorate Admiral Ackar, the first Glatorian to step through the portal. He didn't know where it led, so he set up this pedestal here so that, if it was in the actual past, someone in New Atero would eventually find it. But they never did, so that proves that the portal led into an alternate universe, as well as back in time. This is important because, if this weren't the case, then something like sneezing on a leaf could lead to Teridax taking over the universe in the future or something, due to ripple effects that can lead to a dilatatory launch flashpoint."

 

"What does that even mean?" asked Jaller.

 

"No idea, but it's W111 more for me!"

 

"Fine, go explain stuff and get paid for it someplace else. I'm going."

 

"What? Where?"

 

"To get some real food, I'm starving."

 

"But what about orientation?"

 

"If I don't go to orientation, then you'll have to explain it all to me. Thus meaning you'll make more widgets. So you probably should just let me skip it."

 

Macku considered this. "Good point," she reluctantly agreed. "Go ahead and skip orientation! I'll explain it all when you get back!"

 

At the Plant Growing area of the village, Tahu was talking with Gresh, who was in charge of Plant Growing. "Let's keep it simple," the Glatorian was saying. "You're a Toa of Fire, so you aren't very good at helping things grow. So, instead, how about doing the opposite? You'll probably be good at that."

 

"What do you mean?" asked Tahu.

 

"We need you to do some weeding. We have a lot of huge weeds growing all over the village walls, and we need somebody to burn them off. Think you can handle that?"

 

Tahu thought about this. "Well, if all I have to do is burn stuff, then I should be awesome at that! Let's go!"

 

"Good. Here we are."

 

Tahu and Gresh gazed up at the side of the village wall, which was covered in huge vines as wide around as Tahu himself. "Wow. Those are some big weeds."

 

"Great. Have fun!" Gresh immediately left.

 

"Okay, where to start?" Tahu asked himself, staring at the wall. Luckily, the wall was made of stone, so there wasn't any chance of him burning it down on accident. "All right...I have waited forever to say this...BURN STUFF!!11!1!1!1one!one!!111111monroe!!1!!1!"

 

As Tahu busied himself happily burning weeds and the occasional bug off of the walls, Admiral Ackar was watching him through randomly appeared binoculars from the balcony of his tree hut. "His out-of-character-ness was worrying me," he remarked to Helryx, "but I thought he might start acting like a stereotypical comedy Tahu eventually. Plus, he seems very dedicated to his job. I just might need him around after all."

 

"Well, that, plus the fact that he's the first character on the character sheet," Helryx pointed out. "So he's obviously the main character anyway."

 

"Right. That too."

 

In the marketplace, Jaller was walking along, looking at the different foods for sale, when a rather charred Cheaparu popped up in front of him. "Hi there!" Cheaparu exclaimed. "You look hungry! Wanna buy this Thornax? Only W3!"

 

"That seems suspiciously cheap..." remarked Jaller. "Oh, who cares? I'm hungry! I'll take it."

 

"KTHXBAI!" Cheaparu said, disappearing as randomly as he had come.

 

Jaller picked up the Thornax and cautiously took a bite into it--only to have it explode in his face. As he tried wiping the soot off of his mask, he heard someone laughing at him. He turned around to see a blue Glatorian lounging in a chair, laughing. "What, you think this is funny? Laughing at me just because I'm new here?"

 

"No, I'm laughing at you because you fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book--selling somebody an overripe Thornax for cheap. Cheaparu and Cameo team up to do this all the time. Here, let me help show you how to properly eat a Thornax." She pulled out a random normally ripe Thornax from somewhere and peeled it, then handed it to Jaller.

 

The Toa Mahri of Fire took a bite--and promptly spit it out again. "Yuck! Tastes like burnt tires!" he exclaimed.

 

"You get used to it eventually. Bone Hunters like it, somehow, too, remember? By the way, my name's Kiina. What's your name?"

 

"I'm Jaller. Toa Mahri of Fire. Just came through the portal yesterday."

 

"I came through five storylines ago. Were you recruited, then?"

 

"Toa Gali was recruited by 'TOTALLY NOT CHIROX LOLOLOL' so we all had to come," Jaller explained.Kiina was puzzled. "Strange. Most everyone in New Atero can't wait to go through the portal. Did you leave someone behind or something?"

 

"Yeah. Hahli."

 

"Oh, right. You're that couple that GregF insists isn't canon. Well, GregF isn't in Mata Nova, so you don't have to worry about that kind of thing here!"

 

Jaller shrugged. "Whatever. So what's there to do around here, anyway? Besides go to orientation. That sounds way too boring for me."

 

"Well," said Kiina with a :sly:, "that depends on how much you like exploring..."

 

In the Healing Hut, Gali had just arrived. "So, how can I help out around here?" she asked.

 

Toa Orde, who was working the main desk of the Healing Hut, gestured to a stack of tablets laying nearby. "Check those tablets. Random Agori #447 needs his helmet glued back on, and we have Perditus who is dealing with a few injuries over there. Also, check on Pouks, he has a bog leech on his back."

 

"Okay, sure." Gali decided to look at Pouks first. "So, how did you get this bog leech on your back? Wandering outside or something?"

 

Pouks shook his head. "No, they put it on there on purpose."

 

"What? Why?"

 

"My gear fell off, and apparently bog leeches have the ability to put gears back on. But now the gear's on and the bog leech just hurts."

 

Gali shrugged. "Okay, let's take it off then." She blasted the bog leech with a jet of water, and the Rahi let go of Pouks's gear and slithered off somewhere. "There you go! No problem."

 

Jaller and Kiina were walking through the village when they suddenly passed Tahu, going the other direction. "Jaller," said Tahu.

 

"Tahu," said Jaller.

 

"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at orientation!"

 

"Macku's going to explain it to me to get more money. Orientation sounds boring!"

 

"Well, it's required. You can't just refuse to follow the rules."

 

Jaller laughed. "Coming from you, really? You broke almost every single rule in New Atero to come here. Why can't I just break one here?"

 

"Because I said so."

 

"Well, this is getting awkward..." muttered Kiina.

 

"Would you excuse Jaller? He has somewhere to be."

 

"No I don't. Let's go." With that, Jaller and Kiina walked away, leaving Tahu behind. The Toa Nuva of Fire just sighed. "Oh well, back to burning stuff!" he said, heading back to the Plant Growing area.

 

Several minutes later, the walls of Mata Nova-Koro suddenly burst into flames. Despite being made of stone.

 

Next: Unimportant Minor Characters! And some other stuff!

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 4,477 words.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 30 2014 - 05:29 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#3 Offline Leto

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Posted Nov 20 2011 - 05:53 PM

Great comedy combining Terra Nova and Bionicle. I'll have to keep an eye on this topic...
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#4 Offline V.M.Torious 4.0

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Posted Nov 22 2011 - 02:32 AM

Wow... over 3,000 words long per chapter. That's was the longest comedy I've ever read since coming back to the BZP forums! Here are some things that I like about this comedy. Even though I'm not a huge fan of prose-style comedies a lot, I really like how you developed the plot for your comedy, especially with the storyline. And I also like the jokes, especially with the emoticon jokes! :afro:But there is only one thing to work on, and that is to add some more humor to it. While I was reading this, it has that "epic" feel found in the Epics section of the BZP forums, but this could use a little bit more funny moments. Nevertheless this is a great comedy so far, so keep up the good work!~:haunu: VM 4.0 :haunu: (formerly Vakama Montana0111)
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BZP Member V.M.Torious 4.0 (formerly Vakama Montana0111), a.k.a. Lego Club/MLN Member Vakama4688.
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#5 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Dec 21 2011 - 12:05 AM

Thanks, everybody! I'm glad to see this comedy is at least somewhat popular now. Since I'll be on hiatus for the next week or so owing to holiday-related vacations to the middle of nowhere with no Internet access, I figured I'd better give this one another update! Best of all, last night was the first season finale of the show itself, so in honor of that as well as the upcoming hiatus, this is the perfect time for an update. Here we go!

 

Mata Nova

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Episode 2: The Second Half Of The First Episode (Part 1)

 

"You know, it's weird," Kiina was saying as she and Jaller continued their random wandering around the colony for no apparent reason. "This place, I just sort of take it for granted now, but you're new here, aren't you?"

 

"Well, yeah, I kinda already told you that before," Jaller pointed out. "But you're right. Coming here makes me realize how weird things back in New Atero actually were. Not to mention that there are no accidentally activated Matoran Factories here..."

 

Kiina shrugged. "I don't really remember much. Everything after the giant robot fight in the sky just sort of seemed insignificant in comparison. So I forgot everything between then and coming through the portal here."

 

"How convenient."

 

"Oh, hey, look! That's where I live," Kiina said, changing the subject. She pointed to a hut near where they were walking, where several other Glatorian and Toa were sitting around doing nothing. "Hi, everyone, this is Toa Jaller. He's new."

 

A Toa of Lightning walked by with a basket of Thornax. "Welcome to Mata Nova. I'm Chiara, by the way."

 

"What's up, noob?" asked Gresh, sitting down. He threw a Madu Fruit at Jaller, who caught it.

 

"lolz hay im not a noob!!11111one" protested Jaller rather unconvincingly. "So, Kiina, this is all you guyses' place?"

 

"'You guyses?' Is that even a word?" asked Chiara.

 

Kiina nodded. "Yes, and one other person. Toa Nuparu."

 

"What, just by yourselves?"

 

Gresh shrugged. "Well, yeah. This is a frontier colony, so we get our own place. Don't ask how that makes sense."

 

"Don't you remember the whole Admiral Ackar welcome speech?"

 

"Well, yeah...the only part of it I remember was not to make any "It's a trap!" jokes, though," Jaller admitted.

 

Before any of them could say something else, Toa Nuparu walked up to the group. "Guess what? I finished helping invent another hydrologic turbinual energy reservatron incutart selminator," he told the group.

 

" :mellow: " emoticonned everyone present.

 

"Hey, who's the noob? Don't I know you? I'm Nuparu, and--"

 

"Of course you know me, I'm Jaller! Remember?"

 

Recognition dawned on Nuparu's face. "Oh, right! Yeah, great to have you here, Jaller! It's been a long time, sorry I didn't recognize you at first." He addressed the whole group. "It's a nice day out. Anyone up for a little BTW?"

 

"'By the Way?'" asked Jaller, confused.

 

Everyone laughed. "No, not By the Way! This isn't an internet chatroom!" explained Kiina. Then she turned to Nuparu. "Are we going on foot, then?"

 

"Please turn back to yourself, it's disorienting," said the real Nuparu. Kiina obliged and turned back to herself. "Anyway, Gresh here gets use of a Thornatus today. So we'll be using that!"

 

Jaller just stared, confused, during all of this. "Great!" exclaimed Kiina. "Then we'll meet at the usual spot in a vaguely indeterminate amount of time later, okay?"

 

Kiina led Jaller away. "BTW on your first day? That's got to be a record," Chiara called out after him.

 

"What's BTW mea--" Jaller began, but was cut off by an inconveniently placed transition.

 

One montage of random Toa, Matoran, Glatorian, and Agori doing random things randomly in the random market at the random center of the random colony, Tahu and Gali were randomly sitting down conversing randomly about random topics. Random random random.

 

"What do you know?" Tahu was saying. "We actually made it. Amazing, huh?"

 

"I did have my doubts for a moment, there, but luckily, we're main characters. Of course we made it through!"

 

"Very true." Tahu took a sip of the blue sludge from the previous chapter and grimaced. Then he Hamburglared. Then he Ronald McDonalded. Then he whatever-that-bird-girl-from-McDonalds-is-nameded. "So, how was your day?" he asked Gali when he had run out of McDonald's characters.

 

Gali shrugged. "Well," she began, "I practiced some healing involving a bog leech, learned that said leeches can reattach gears somehow, and offscreen I helped to heal a thief!"

 

"A thief? Darn, they show all the good stuff offscreen!" the Toa of Fire complained. "But why would anyone steal anything here? There's nothing to steal! Everyone is given everything for free, there isn't even any money!"

 

"Who knows? My guess is it's probably just a plothole. But guess what? You're not on security any more, so it isn't your problem!" Tahu pouted. "I know, you wish you could light the thief on fire...you really are quite predictable."

 

"Fire is awesome! But you know something about fire that isn't awesome? Jaller."

 

"What about Jaller?"

 

"Well, I ran into him skipping orientation with some Glatorian. Apparently he let Macku just explain everything to him instead. I suppose I'm not surprised..."

 

"I knew letting Macku get paid to explain stuff was a bad idea! You know, it really isn't Jaller's fault. He went through a lot, I'm sure the last thing he needed was to listen to some boring speech about boring stuff."

 

"We've all been through a lot, Gali. What makes him special?"

 

"He missed you while you were in the Pit. He looked up to you!"

 

" :huh: " emoticonned Tahu. "What does that have to do with him skipping orientation?"

 

"Absolutely nothing!" Gali said with a :D.

 

Tahu sighed. "I just worry about him sometimes. He has this knack for finding trouble."

 

"He's a Toa. Doesn't that come with the job description?"

 

 

 

SUPER-DUPER-MEGA-CRUNCHY-EXTRA-DELICIOUS-TITLE-SCREEN-AWESOMENESS!

 

 

 

Near the walls of the colony, Kiina and Jaller were sneaking furtively through long rows of random, empty blue containers. The obvious parallels to LoMN notwithstanding, the Toa and Glatorian ignored the suspicious containers and continued on. "Where are we going, anyway?" asked Jaller.

 

"Stay close," Kiina replied.

 

"We're going to 'Stay Close?' Where's that?"

 

" :glare: "

 

They continued onward, finally reaching the inside of the wall. Then, Kiina randomly stopped. "..." she said.

 

"..." answered Jaller.

 

"..."

 

"...""Okay, enough impersonating Ko-Matoran already," Jaller said. "What are we supposed to be doing? I know BTW doesn't stand for Impersonate Ko-Matoran, the letters don't match."

 

Kiina glanced toward the wall. "You don't have to come if you don't want to..."

 

"What, you mean we really are impersonating Ko-Matoran?"

 

" :facepalm: " Kiina attempted to emoticon, before remembering that there was no such emoticon. "You are so dense. We're going outside, duh!"

 

"What, out there? You must be joking. There's Rahi Nui out there! And other stuff!"

 

The Glatorian shrugged. "The only way to find out is to come with..." she said with a :sly:.

 

Awesome, adventurous music started playing, and Kiina slid through a gap beneath the wall, ending up on the other side. Jaller shrugged, figuring that the awesome, adventurous music was a clue that this was a good time to go on an adventure. So, after looking around to be sure no one was watching and seeing no one but a large camera with a sign reading "HIDDEN SECURITY CAMERA" on it, he followed her.

 

More adventurous music played as the two of them raced through the jungles of Le-Wahi, where Mata Nova-Koro had been located. Finally, they emerged into a clearing, where Gresh, Nuparu, and Chiara were waiting impatiently inside a Thornatus vehicle. "There you are, Kiina!" Gresh called out. "We were about to leave without you!"

 

"But we're main characters. You're all just random unimportant minor characters. There's no way you'd leave without me and Jaller here!"

 

"She does have a point..." muttered Nuparu.

 

Kiina and Jaller boarded the vehicle. "Get ready to go BTW, noob," Gresh called out.

 

"Will somebody just tell me what that means already!?!?!?!?!?" demanded Jaller.

 

Kiina lashed out and smacked Pohatu, who was preparing to emerge from a time-comedy warp portal to say his line, back through the portal and into The Nuva Inn with her staff. "BTW=Beyond the Walls," she explained.

 

"Finally!"

 

One transition involving a sweeping, epic shot of the jungles of Le-Wahi later, Kiina, Jaller, and the other members of their group had left the Thornatus and were now making their way down a rocky cliff near a huge waterfall. "Who's up for the shortcut?" asked Kiina.

 

"Easy for you to say, your element's Water," Gresh said. "No thanks, we'll take the long way."

 

"Fine, suit yourself," said Kiina, stepping over to the edge of the waterfall, with Jaller following. Then, the cry of a generic Rahi split the air. "That's just a Gate Guardian. They sound a lot worse than they actually are," she explained as she sewed the air back together. Once the air had been fully repaired, she jumped down the steep waterfall drop to land with a splash in the water. Jaller just stared after her, but at another Gate Guardian cry, he got scared and decided to jump in after her.

 

Jaller surfaced, spluttering and spitting out water everywhere. Kiina just laughed. "It's not funny. I'm a Toa of Fire, remember? It's been ages since I swam, I'm out of practice. Last time was way back in the 2007 storyline."

 

"Forgot you didn't like water, sorry. Nuparu doesn't either ever since that incident with the Barraki. Anyway, let's go check out something really cool. Don't worry, it's on land this time."

 

"Good." The Glatorian led the Toa Mahri out of the water and onto the rocks nearby. "What's that?"

 

Jaller pointed to some strange carvings etched on the rocks. They were written in primitive Matoran script, with super advanced math formulas and extremely boring calculations everywhere. "Oh, we found those a while ago when we were exploring. They're all over these rocks," Kiina explained.

 

"What is it? Looks like some really boring math homework or something..."

 

"Think I know? Last time I took a math class was 2,000 years ago."

 

"I don't blame you, math classes are awful," agreed Jaller. "But it's still really weird. I don't get why anybody would bother doing math outside of a classroom, let alone carve it on rocks. Why subject the innocent rocks to the awful torture of advanced calculus?"

 

"Yeah, I know. It doesn't make any sense; it looks like this has all been here for a long time."

 

"Did you tell Admiral Ackar about this place?"

 

Kiina shook her head. "Nah. This whole area's off-limits. I think Ackar knows but doesn't want anyone else finding out about it." She paused for a moment. "Don't tell him either, okay? Otherwise we'd both be in trouble."

 

"You said he declared this area off-limits. Is there a list of rules somewhere I should know about?"

 

"No, he just tells random people the rules and expects them to memorize them forever. Other than the rules about making Admiral Ackbar jokes."

 

"That makes sense...somehow."

 

Just to annoy the audience even more about not explaining the math on the rocks, the story now shifted back to Gali, working in the Healing Hut. This time, she was tending to the thief that had been introduced offscreen last time. "Everything checks out," she told Strakk, who was a member of the Mata Nova-Koro security team who had been assigned to stand guard over the thief. "BTW, what exactly was he stealing, anyway? It's not like there's anything to steal here, since we don't use money..."

 

"Actually, he was stealing from inside the walls," Strakk explained.

 

"Umm, no, I meant BTW, what was he stealing, not where."

 

"And again, he wasn't stealing from beyond the walls, he was stealing from inside!"

 

"I never asked that!"

 

Strakk sighed. "Whatever. He was stealing power from our power generator thingy. Which is inside the walls."

 

"I don't care about the walls! Why would he need to steal power? We give everyone in the Koro all the power they need!"

 

"They're Unimportant Minor Characters."

 

"Unimportant Minor Characters?"

 

At the words 'Unimportant Minor Characters,' the thief suddenly awoke and grabbed Gali, holding a small dagger to her mask. "Don't move or I'll knock her mask off and leave her unconscious," the thief warned. Strakk reluctantly lowered the ice axe he was brandishing. "Give me your Thornax launcher." Seeing no better ideas, Strakk tossed his Thornax launcher over to the thief. Grinning like a Piraka, the thief released Gali and backed out toward the door to the hut, finally running away and out into the main plaza of the Koro.

 

At the same time, Tahu was beginning another task set to him by the Plant Growing department. "What you have to do," a Matoran of Plant Life was saying as he handed a device to Tahu, "is go through all of the plants and scan each one with this. It will tell you the reading of the antidisestablishmentarianism forchida with the bromine hypochloric frankfurter scanturnitron, and this will allow you to...blah, blah, blah."

 

The reason the previous sentence ended with 'blah, blah, blah" was because Tahu wasn't listening. He was watching the thief from the previous scene leaving the Healing Hut and walking toward the main plaza, with Strakk's stolen Thornax launcher in his hand. "Antidisestablishmentarianism. Right," he responded absentmindedly.

 

"And so, when examining the readout, you are to take multiple trial measurements of each one's hydrochondriac aderstilind acidity of the level of scilioneurosis, which will enable you to enable your enabler, and then..."

 

"You know what? I'm going to be right back, and then when I get back, we can do more of that thing with the stuff from the thing and the thing, with the stuff, and that other stuff, and the thing...Antidisestablishmentarianism?" Before the Matoran could protest any further, Tahu had set out at a brisk walk to intercept the thief.

 

At the same time, Admiral Ackar was leaving his command post with Helryx. "So I want you to take good care of my command post, okay?" he said to her as he handed her the command post. She took it, and the weight of the post squashed her flat.

 

Ackar walked out through the plaza just as the thief raised his weapon. "DOWN!" shouted Tahu. "BURN STUFF!"

 

Tahu launched a blast of flame at the thief just as he opened fire. Oddly, the flame had the random effect of transforming the Thornax Launcher into a Thornax Lawn Chair, and Ackar found himself bonked in the helmet with a flying lawn chair. Luckily, it wasn't an explosive lawn chair, and so he was unhurt. Tahu grabbed the thief and pushed him to the ground. Thanks to this, Ackar was given enough time to call a security team over to grab the thief. "Toss him in the Minipit," Ackar ordered.

 

As the security people dragged the thief away, Tahu walked over to Ackar. "Do you mind explaining stuff about the plot?" he asked. "Macku doesn't know anything about this part, and anyway she's rich enough as it is."

 

Ackar seemed to consider this for a moment. Finally, he nodded. "You saved my life, I suppose. You deserve to know what's going on here. Let's go for a ride."

 

Another inconveniently placed transition later (sure seems to be a lot of these, doesn't there?), Macku was leading Riia away from the school. "School was interesting, huh?" Macku asked. "At least you don't have to wear another mask over your regular one."

 

"That's annoying to wear two masks at once, but I want to see more Rahi," complained Riia.

 

Hewkii randomly popped up out of nowhere in front of them. "That's probably not the best idea," he said to her. "If they get too full, then they start snoring. Trust me, you do not want to hear a Rahi snoring. Hearing Admiral Ackar snoring's bad enough."

 

"HEY!" protested Admiral Ackbar, who had somehow managed to hear him from all the way outside the Koro.

 

"Well, actually," began Macku, seeing another opportunity to explain stuff and get paid for it, "Rahi cannot actually snore, nore do they have a need to. Being biomechanical, their mechanical parts contribute exactly 67.3% to their respiratory needs, thus eliminating the purpose for any sort of nostrils or snoring. However, some models have parts that resemble nostrils, but this is only for aesthetic effect. In fact--"

 

"You spelled 'nor' wrong," Hewkii pointed out. "See you later!"

 

As Hewkii walked away, the Rahkshi of Letter Control slunk off through the nearby bushes. "Somebody kill that stupid Rahkshi already," complained Macku with a :blush: .

 

YET ANOTHER random transition later, Ackar and Tahu were climbing near the same waterfall that Kiina and Jaller had so recently just vacated. "If you try to recreate BIONICLE from scratch, there's always going to be a few conflicts," the admiral was explaining. "Otherwise the story wouldn't have a plot."

 

"So that was part of the conflict of this comedy?"

 

"Exactly. That thief who doesn't even get a name in the text? He's part of another group of BIONICLE characters who split off from the Koro. We call them UMC's, which stands for Unimportant Minor Characters. They got fed up with being ignored in favor of the more important characters to the story and decided, all at once, to go off and become villains so that they would be more important to the plot. There are plenty of minor characters still here, though, so I think somebody back in New Atero sent them here to do that on purpose."

 

"Maybe they rigged the lottery somehow?"

 

" :glare: " emoticonned Ackar. "No duh."

 

"Right, okay, stupid question."

 

Finally, they emerged onto the top of the rocks, which provided an interesting vista across the landscape. Next to this was an interesting XP across the landscape, which was in turn next to an interesting 7 across the landscape. The two Fire beings looked outward for a moment. "This is what we're fighting for, Tahu. A new comedy with hilarious adventures in this interesting island. If today's shown me anything, it's that you're obviously the main character. So it would be a good idea to have you join my security team."

 

" :br: " Tahu emoticonned. "OH MY MATA NUI THIS IS AWESOME!! Does this mean I get your desk?"

 

"NO! What is it with you and that desk? It's mine and I'm never giving it away, ever!"

 

"Well, it was worth a try anyway..."

 

"You asked to be able to catch villains and burn stuff. Now you can. Welcome, Tahu."

 

" :D "

 

Then, something caught Ackar's eye. "Hey, let go of my eye!" shouted Ackar.

 

"Sorry," said something, as it gave Ackar his eye back.

 

"What is it?" asked Tahu.

 

"Right there, two vehicles. UMC's, heading straight for the village. Let's go."

 

Next: More Rahi and some other randomness!

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 3,086 words.

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jun 30 2014 - 06:12 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#6 Offline CrasherDasher

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Posted Feb 16 2012 - 02:47 PM

When will the next chapter be? You haven't posted on this topic, in awhile :( . Hope writing the next chapter isn't too hard, and good luck!
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#7 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

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Posted Feb 18 2012 - 08:35 PM

*dusts off old topic*

 

Phew. It's been forever since I looked at this one. Or, feels like forever, anyway. My apologies to everyone, but as I stated in my other three active comedies, I was unable to be on BZPower due to a combination of bad Internet access and school stuff for the past couple months or so. But never fear, for I am back! And hopefully I'll stick to my schedule this time. I decided to release an extra-long chapter today to make up for no Hack Wars update. Enjoy!

 

@Crasher: Glad to see you're still interested in this comedy!

 

Mata Nova

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Episode 2: The Second Half Of The First Episode (Part 2)

 

Admiral Ackar drove a Thornatus through the jungles, with Tahu hanging on to the back. Ackar put on a Suletu (don't ask how a Glatorian could use a Great Mask) and opened a telepathic link with Helryx. "Helryx? This is Admiral Ackar. We have UMC's coming in toward the base."

 

While driving, Ackar drove over a large bump in the road, jostling him and causing him to accidentally hit the "speakerphone" button on the bottom of the Suletu. Thus, Tahu was able to hear the reply from Gelu: "We've seen them, but we still have some workers outside the gates. Also, a random group of Toa and Glatorian left earlier with--"

 

This was abruptly cut off by Ackar clamping both hands over his ears and singing at the top of his voice. "LA LA LA, I'M NOT LISTENING, SPOILER ALERT, LA LA LA, WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YET, LA LA LA, MUST AVOID SPOILERS, LA LA LA, WAIT UNTIL LATER, LA LA LA!"

 

:blink: " emoticonned Gelu, which inexplicably was also transmitted through the psychic link. "Whatever...Anyway, we still need time to get the workers inside."

 

"I'll try to buy us some time. Get them inside ASAP."

 

"Kthxbai." With that, Gelu terminated the link.Tahu leaned forward to talk to Ackar. "Admiral, if we're buying time, does this mean there's a Time-Mart back here in Mata Nova? I used to go to the one in the future all the time, it was my favorite store!"

 

"Unfortunately, no," the admiral responded. "Instead, we'll have to do this the non-literal way and just distract the UMC's."

 

:( " Then, suddenly, Tahu was snapped out of his emoticonishness (weirdest word ever) by the sight of the UMC vehicles driving past them. "Over there, look!"

 

Ackar drove the Thornatus to intercept them. He noticed that the enemy vehicles, both of them tank-mode Skopioes (Skopii?), weren't paying attention to them in the slightest. Instead, they were randomly shooting their vehicle-mounted Thornatus launchers at something behind them. "Strange. I wonder what they're firing at, 'cause it sure isn't us!"

 

Then the answer to Ackar's question quickly became apparent. From out of the jungle, a pair of massive Tahtorak burst into the clearing, in hot pursuit of the UMC vehicles. "What the Karzahni is that!?!?!?!?!?!?" shouted Tahu.

 

"Tahtorak," muttered Ackar. "I hate Tahtorak."

 

Pohatu appeared out of nowhere. "By the way, I love exclamation points and question marks--" he started to say, before he was interrupted by one of the Tahtorak.

 

"RRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!" roared the Tahtorak. (Translation: "DON'T USE THAT JOKE!")

 

:fear: " emoticonned Pohatu, before he quickly jumped back through the time-comedy warp portal and hurriedly slammed the entrance shut.

 

One of the UMC vehicles scored a hit on the lead Tahtorak with its Thornax launcher, dropping the beast to the ground. Undaunted, the second continued its pursuit even as the first simply dusted itself off and resumed the chase. "ROAR!" yelled the first Tahtorak. (Translation: "I'm wearing Thornaxproof scales! Yay!)

 

"It's all clear!" shouted Sanso, the random Matoran manning the Thornax launcher, before he was rapidly gobbled up by a Tahtorak. "I hate irony," he muttered from inside its stomach.

 

"Tahu? What's all that racket from back there?" Ackar asked. "I thought I heard a random Toa appear, followed by a bunch of Tahtorak roaring and a Matoran saying something about irony."

 

"Just keep driving, trust me. You don't want to know."

 

Ackar put on the Suletu again. "Ackar to base, there's been a plot twist outside. We have Tahtorak to deal with now. Just get everyone inside. The UMC's can be dealt with later."

 

"We're almost there," came the reply (Ackar had forgotten to shut off the speakerphone from last time), "but you need to buy us more time. Any chance that last pilgrimage brought a Time-Mart through the portal?"

 

"Nope, sorry. Tahu already asked about that. I'll see what I can do." Once again, the connection was cut.

 

 

 

In the base, Gelu quickly commanded, "Hey! This is the only episode where I'll ever get to be an important character! So let me get a scene and order you all to get inside!" With multiple  :huh: s, the various citizens of Mata Nova-Koro complied, rushing into the base as fast as they could. 

 

 

 

Back in Ackar's Thornatus, the Glatorian was driving his vehicle as fast as possible away from the two angry Tahtorak, though one of them caught up to it and rammed it with its head. "Quick! Take the wheel!" Ackar commanded.

 

"This is a Thornatus, it doesn't have a wheel, more like just a vaguely defined type of control device thing that's more of a joystick..."

 

"Oh, just shut up and drive!" To Tahu's surprise, the moment he grabbed the vaguely defined type of control device thing that's more of a joystick, Ackar jumped out of the Thornatus, handheld Thornax launcher at the ready, and stood to face the charging Tahtorak. Tahu drove onward toward the compound as Ackar shouted at the Tahtorak, "HEY! YOU, UGLY!!"

 

The Tahtorak ignored him, so he fired his Thornax Launcher into the air. This finally got its attention, and the beast turned. "ROAAAAAAAAAAR!" it shouted. (Translation: "I'll have you know that my girlfriend thinks I look absolutely stunning, thank you very much!)

 

Behind Ackar, the UMC vehicle drove through the gates of Mata Nova-Koro and plowed into the bottom of Ackar's tree hut. "And I just painted that thing, too," the admiral groaned. Enraged by his earlier insult, the Tahtorak turned around and charged toward Ackar. Ackar just stood there, waiting for the massive Rahi to get closer and closer to him, until at the very last second Tahu drove up in the Thornatus right next to him. Luckily for the two Fire characters, this particular Tahtorak was well-refined and had been brought up in a very mannerly household, so it politely waited for Ackar to climb into the vehicle, fasten his seatbelt, and drive off before resuming the chase.

 

Thankfully, this gave them enough time to drive through the gates, even as Gelu, excited about getting another line in this episode, ordered, "Fire sonics, go!" Two towers on either side of the gates opened fire with sonic blasts, driving the Tahtorak back. (Incidentally, the towers were manned by Krakua and Kohrak-Kal, respectively). Ackar leapt from the Thornatus and stood just inside the giant shutter blinds that made up the gate, posing dramatically with Thornax launcher in hand as they closed. Krakua and Kohrak-Kal fired one last volley of sonic blasts, and the Tahtorak retreated. 

 

 

 

SUPER-DUPER-MEGA-CRUNCHY-EXTRA-DELICIOUS-TITLE-SCREEN-AWESOMENESS! 

 

 

 

"Hey, did you forget we're still here?" demanded Aodhan, a Ta-Matoran, from where the UMC vehicle had crashed. He, along with the other Unimportant Minor Characters from the vehicle, emerged and pointed various projectile launchers at the Mata Novians. Ackar and the rest of the security team did the same, including Helryx, who had inexplicably teleported into the scene for some random reason. The air was filled with tension as the two groups faced off, until a Dark Hunter emerged from the second UMC vehicle in a dramatic fashion.

 

"Hello, Ackbar," said the Dark Hunter.

 

"There's no 'B' in my name, Lariska," Ackar replied irritatedly.

 

"Oh, who cares. You really need to work on your manners; maybe you should take lessons from that Tahtorak from earlier. We're here for a friendly companionable visit and you point your weapons at us? Come on."

 

"You wrecked my newly-painted hut. Also, you pointed your weapons at us first."

 

"So?"

 

Ackar sighed. "Lower your weapons first. Then we'll lower ours."

 

"They're not weapons, they're projectile launchers!" corrected some random Agori in the background, but no one paid any attention to him.

 

"You first," Lariska said.

 

"No, you."

 

"NO U!"

 

"NO U!"

 

Script-speaking Narrator from Spongebob: Three hours later...

 

"NO U!"

 

"NO U!"

 

"NO U!"

 

Ackar just shook his head. "We have you outnumbered. Just lower the darn weapons already."

 

"Fine."

 

Lariska gave a command for the other UMC's to lower their weapons. Once they had done so, Ackar's security forces did the same. "You came here for a reason, Lariska, obviously."

 

"Well, yeah, because we were being chased by a pair of very angry Tahtorak and you have awesome sonic cannons. We don't have those."

 

"No, I meant besides that."

 

"Oh. Right. Well, we want you to release Dezalk."

 

"Huh?" asked Tahu. "Who's Dezalk?"

 

"He's the thief from the last chapter."

 

Tahu gasped. "You mean he has a name?"

 

Ackar turned his attention back to Lariska. "Well, too bad for you, then, because Dezalk accidentally died. He tried to escape and we burned him."

 

"Really?" asked Tahu. "I don't remember--OUCH!" The 'ouch' was from Ackar bopping him over the head with his Thornax launcher.

 

"You're lying," stated Lariska. It wasn't a question. "We received a transmission from our spy a few minutes ago telling us that you put him in the MiniPit. So we know you have him."

 

"Oh, you have a spy, do you? Thanks for telling us!" said Helryx. "How nice of you!"

 

As Lariska facepalmed, the Dark Hunter Primal stepped forward, pulling out his Zamor Launcher and shouting "YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE YOU LAME EXCUSE FOR A TOA!"

 

Immediately everyone raised their weapons again, which would almost have caused a confrontation except that Ackar gave one of his specially patented Ackar-Death-Glares™, which forced everyone, including the UMCs, to lower their weapons from the sheer deathglareyness. (This despite the fact that "deathglareyness" isn't even a word). With the standoff averted, Lariska nodded to Primal and Aodhan, since nodding in Lariska's language apparently translated to "Grab that box of protosteel and bring it out." Primal and Aodhan grabbed that box of protosteel and brought it out. "I want to trade. This protosteel for Dezalk, some healing stuff, and launcher ammunition."

 

"What is that stuff?" Macku whispered to Hewkii, since both of them had definitely been in this scene the entire time.

 

"It's protosteel. Read two paragraphs ago." Macku did so.

 

Ackar shook his head. "Are you insane? Why would we even think about giving you ammunition? You can have the healing stuff and Dezalk, though, we don't care about that."

 

Shrugging, Lariska responded, "Fair enough. I was just checking to see if you were paying attention."

 

"Yeah right. Gelu, go and bring Dezalk out of the MiniPit and have Gali get some healing stuff, since she's a main character."

 

:happydance: YIPPEE I GET TO BE IN ANOTHER SCENE WHEEEE--"

 

"And do it quietly."

 

"Yes, sir," Gelu responded meekly as he wandered off somewhere.

 

Lariska stared at Tahu, having just noticed he was there. "You're knew," she stated.

 

"Stop doing that. It's freaking me out," said the Toa of Fire.

 

"Doing what?"

 

"Doing that thing where you just state questions instead of asking them. It's really weird."

 

"You think it's weird."

 

:glare: " Tahu simply emoticonned as the crowd dispersed. 

 

 

 

As soon as the situation had largely calmed down, Tahu joined Gali and Macku who were conveniently standing nearby. "Are you all okay?" he asked. "Where's Riia?"

 

"She should be randomly appearing in this scene any second now," Gali observed. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Riia magically teleported into the scene. "See? No problem. But how did you end up getting mixed up in that situation?"

 

"It was kind of important plot stuff, and, well, I'm the main character. But for a more realistic explanation, during our drive up to that cliff, Ackar asked me to join the security."

 

"So you're on security again? I thought you just left that job!"

 

Tahu just shrugged. "Well, I don't mind. It means I get to burn bad guys again!" Gali just stared disapprovingly at him. "What? I'm Tahu! It's what I'm best at!"

 

Gali looked like she was going to say something else, but then was interrupted by Ackar walking up to them. "Gali, we need you at the Healing Hut to get healing stuff ready for the UMCs."

 

"Ok, right away." Gali left to go to the Healing Hut, leaving Tahu to walk Macku and Riia back to their own home.

 

"That Rahi wasn't very nice," Riia observed.

 

Macku shook her head. "No, it wasn't, was it? Hey, does that count as me explaining stuff? Because I could really use W5 right now."

 

"I want to go home," complained the Matoran of Lightning.

 

Tahu lifted Riia up onto his shoulders. "You want to go home? Back to New Atero? I completely agree. This place has way too much exciting stuff happening, I miss the boredom of nothing going on every day in New Atero. And this air being clean? Come on. I love pollution!  :sarcastic: "

 

 

 

Back out in the jungles of Le-Wahi, Jaller, Kiina, and the others were continuing their very long trek. "Come on, Kiina, I thought you said it was close," Jaller complained.

 

"Yeah, well, it's close distance-wise. Time-wise it's pretty far away, since we have to blast through all of these annoying vines and stuff." As an example, she then blasted a stream of water through an annoying vine. "But we should be there any minute now...ah, here it is!"

 

Kiina knelt and brushed aside a bush to reveal a strange device that looked like a cross between the MNOG Ga-Koro pump and an orange juice strainer. Attached to it were several Thornax and Madu fruits. "Looks like we got a good amount," observed Nuparu. "Though it seems a bit slow. I'll have to reattach the carboxylating lacrymatator the next time we come out."

 

"What is it?" asked Jaller.

 

"We're making the first fruit smoothie ever on the island of Mata Nui," explained Kiina. "Nuparu came up with this invention. Here, try some!"

 

She poured Jaller some smoothie into a randomly appeared cup, and he took a sip. "Wow, that tastes very...interesting. Like a tire smoothie mixed with fruit juice."

 

" :blush: " emoticonned Nuparu. "Well, it still has a few bugs..."

 

"We could use more Madu fruits, too," Gresh pointed out.

 

Kiina nodded. "Nuparu, Gresh, Chiara, why don't you go look for some more Madu fruits? Jaller and I will start cutting them for the smoothie maker."

 

"Cutting what?"

 

"The Madu fruits, obviously."

 

"Yes, but how can you cut the Madu fruits if we haven't gathered any Madu fruits yet?"

 

"Umm...uhh...Hey, look, a distraction!" 

 

 

 

Back in Mata Nova, Gali was gathering up some healing stuff into a box. She walked past Gelu and Ackar, who were arguing in low voices. "Why are we giving them healing stuff? All we're doing is making it harder to win," Gelu was saying.

 

"Look, Gelu, we need that protosteel, or it will be way harder to win."

 

"Touche."

 

Ackar looked up at Gali, who was packing stuff into the box. "Gali, you can stop now. We don't have to give them all of the healing stuff."

 

"Oh, ok, sorry. I'll put some of it back."

 

As Gali started taking healing stuff out of the box, Ackar dismissed Gelu and walked over to her. "Look, Gali, I'm sorry you got mixed up in that situation with Dezalk earlier. It had nothing to do with you."

 

"It's okay. I'm a Toa Mata. I'm used to dealing with crazy stuff like that. Doubly so with having to look after Tahu as well."

 

Ackar nodded. "Somehow, I'm not surprised." He paused. "Gali, I'm curious. Back in New Atero, you and Tahu had a very good situation. You could easily have bought your way to a decent life without having to jump through that portal. So why would you give it all up just to come here? It seems a bit odd."

 

"Well," answered Gali, "I've known plenty of other Toa and Glatorian who chose to do that. But we're Tahu and Gali. We had to be original. This was a lot more interesting than just sitting around doing nothing in New Atero but watching the air pollute itself more. Plus, we had Riia to think of. What were we going to do, keep her hidden under a bunch of random stuff in our home for her entire life? Nah." She sighed. "I know life here won't be easy by far. But it will at least be exciting. And what's excitement without a little danger?"

 

"I understand. I felt the same way, back when I and the Glatorian I trained came through the portal."

 

"Oh? You had another Glatorian with you, too?"

 

Ackar nodded. "He was my star pupil, my brightest hope. I was so excited when he finally came through the portal to join me..."

 

His voice trailed off. Gali looked puzzled. "What happened to him?"

 

"He went missing in the jungle a while back. But, well, I still haven't given up on him. He was a resourceful one, you know." He sighed and turned to start walking back to his destroyed hut to begin rebuilding it. "It's good to have you on our side, Gali."

 

Before Ackar left, Gali asked, "Admiral? Listen, I have something to ask you. I don't really care that you asked Tahu to join the security team, since he loves burning stuff and generally acting stereotypical. But, well, things can get out of hand sometimes, and I'm the one who worries about him. So just make sure he doesn't go too crazy with pyromania, ok?"

 

"Don't you worry. I'll make sure he doesn't burn down the entire forest." 

 

 

 

Back in the jungle, Kiina and Jaller were sitting by a river, cutting up a bunch of inexplicable Madu fruits caused by the plothole from earlier. "By the way, speaking of plotholes, what exactly am I cutting these fruits up with?" Jaller asked.

 

"That's a Vorox's stinger tail. They all have them, and they love to brag about them on advertisements," she explained. "Just don't ask how they wound up on Mata Nui, because I haven't the slightest idea."

 

Jaller ran a finger along the edge of the blade. "Sharp," he commented.

 

"Yeah, if you think that's bad, you should see their teeth." Seeing Jaller's worried expression, she added, "Don't worry, they mostly hunt at night."

 

"At night?" he asked.

 

Kiina facepalmed. "Oh, come on! That was the perfect setup for an Aliens quote, and you ruined it!"

 

"I've never seen Aliens."

 

 

:OMG: "

 

"Oh, come on, it's not that bad." Then Jaller changed the subject. "Hey, uh, sorry about what happened two chapters ago. You know, that awkward scene with Tahu."

 

"You two don't get along too well, then?" asked Kiina.

 

He shook his head. "We're just really different, that's all. I mean--look, he's an insane pyromaniac who likes burning stuff. He goes on adventures all the time, loves breaking rules, and yet he thinks he can tell me what to do? Forget it. We're nothing alike." Then he frustratedly slammed the Vorox tail on the ground upon encountering a particularly stubborn Madu fruit that was difficult to cut. "Stupid fruit--BURN STUFF AOISJOWIEJRAOIWJFASRIJGAROIJGOAIJOIJSAERI!!"

 

Instantly the fruit was charred to a crisp. Kiina just smiled knowingly. "Right, yeah, Tahu's definitely the kind of Toa who would show up on a new island who knows how long ago in the past, sneak out of the village and run into a dangerous jungle to make smoothies with a bunch of people he just met, and then go crazy and light a fruit on fire just because it was a little hard to cut." She laughed. "Yep. You two are pretty different..." Jaller tried to think of a witty comeback, but failed and ended up just staring off into space, thinking about what Kiina had said. "Pretty different," she repeated. 

 

 

 

Elsewhere in the jungle, the two UMC vehicles from earlier were driving back to their base, this time with Dezalk now aboard one of them. Lariska was sitting in the back of the Skopio, watching the injured Matoran. "Dezalk, your arm fell off again," she muttered, stooping to pick up the arm and shove it back into the proper connection. "Remind me to fix that loose socket joint when we get back."

 

"Umm, Lariska, you put my arm on backwards..."

 

"Oh. Whoops, my mistake." Lariska pulled Dezalk's arm off and reattached it, the correct way this time. "Listen, I know things didn't go exactly as we planned. But that's okay, because I have a backup plan."

 

"Really? What is it?"

 

"Can't tell you. I have to be mysterious just to annoy the audience."

 

"Okay, that makes sense to me." With that, Dezalk fell over and went unconscious.

 

Lariska's spare Suletu started beeping, so she put the mask on and activated the link. "Lariska? This is Aodhan, you know, from the other vehicle? We just passed an abandoned Thornatus from Mata Nova-Koro. We were thinking about investigating."

 

"Okay, go ahead. Try to find power and weapons projectile launchers especially. But move fast and catch up to us soon."

 

Lariska cut the link and her Skopio continued on to the UMC base. Aodhan's vehicle stopped next to the abandoned Thornatus, which was the same vehicle that Kiina and the others had driven out to the smoothie machine. "All right, you heard her. Let's go," Aodhan said to Primal. The two UMCs walked over to the transport, and Primal kept a lookout while Aodhan dug inside the vehicle and tried to remove its power supply. He strained and tugged and strugged and tained with the power supply but eventually gave up. "Why is this thing so hard to take out?" he demanded.

 

"Probably because it's been superglued to the Thornatus," Primal observed, pointing to the superglue. "Try using this conveniently placed prybar. I thought I heard something so I'll go check it out."

 

Aodhan took the prybar and pried the power supply out of the vehicle with ease this time. "Something tells me that's a bad idea. Hearing things in the middle of a creepy jungle followed by walking further into the jungle to investigate said things always results in--" A stinger tail lashed out from behind a tree at Primal, immediately dropping the Dark Hunter to the ground. "--Yeah. Getting killed. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" 

 

 

 

Back with Kiina and company, the roar from the thing that killed Primal echoed through the jungle. "What was that?" asked Gresh nervously.

 

"It's probably just an...umm...just a...totally not a Vorox," Kiina reassured him. "That thing is so not-Vorox that it is so far from being a Vorox. There's absolutely no way that could be a Vorox. It's not a Vorox. Definitely not a Vorox." She paused. "You know what? It's getting late. We should probably just go back."

 

"You know, according to the decibelic representation of the auditory wavelength, the previously detected roar has a 99.9% chance of actually, in fact, belonging to a Vor--"

 

"OH SHUT UP NUPARU, YOU AREN'T HELPING!" 

 

 

 

In Ackar's newly rebuilt hut in Mata Nova-Koro, the admiral and Gelu were examining a large screen with footage from the "HIDDEN SECURITY CAMERA" by the walls. Then, Tahu entered. "Admiral! You wanted to see me? Did you finally decide to give me your desk?"

 

:glare: Enough about the desk already."

 

"Right, sorry, I just figured it was worth a try..."

 

"Anyway," Ackar went on, "we have a bit of a situation going on here. One of our Thornati went missing, and we found this on our HIDDEN SECURITY CAMERA footage."

 

He pulled out a remote control and used it to play the footage. On the video, a Toa of Fire and a Water Glatorian were seen impersonating Ko-Matoran before sneaking under the walls. "Hey, that's Jaller! What's he doing there?"

 

"No idea, but apparently he and Kiina have been gone for this entire chapter and most of the last one."

 

"Well, that does explain why Jaller wasn't there for that big confrontation with the UMCs earlier...What should we do? Can we contact them with Suletus?"

 

Gelu shook his head. "We already tried that. They must have left the mask in the vehicle."

 

"Also, it's getting dark."

 

Tahu suddenly stopped. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on a second. You mean to tell me that all of this--everything that happened since the blue sludge scene two chapters ago--was only a single day??" Ackar nodded. "But--how--what---huh?"

 

"If we don't get to them fast, something else probably will. Like those Tahtorak from earlier. Also, there are packs of Vorox living in that jungle."

 

:fear: " emoticonned Tahu. "Then what are we waiting for? We'd better go before they all come out to hunt! I'll go tell Gali."

 

Tahu went back to their hom and told Gali. "Why in the name of Artakha's left eyeball would he do something like that?" she demanded. "And where did the "e" in "home" go?"

 

Tahu reached a hand out through the window and grabbed the Rahkshi of Letter Control by the neck, throwing him so hard he flew right out of the comedy. "Obviously because of him. And as for Jaller, I think that Glatorian he met must have talked him into it."

 

"Glatorian? What Glatorian?"

 

"This Glatorian of Water he was with when I saw him two chapters ago. I tried to talk him into staying here, but he wouldn't listen. So now I'm going with the search team to rescue him."

 

"Ok, then I'm going with you."

 

"No, it's too dangerous."

 

Gali just scoffed. "What, is it because I'm a girl? Is that it?"

 

"No, it's because you don't have a Kanohi Hau!"

 

"Neither does Gelu."

 

Tahu couldn't think of a good response to this, so he just opened and closed his mouth rather vaguely several times. Behind him, Macku and Riia walked in. "Toa Tahu, can we go with you too?"

 

"No, just stay here. You can be a major part of the plot in Episode 7. For now, just do nothing while we go look for Jaller."

 

"Fine." 

 

 

 

Nuparu approached the Thornatus and noticed that someone had torn out the power supply with a prybar. "ALUSHAFOJEAOIJGVIAJERJCAEOIJOWIUHRAHGIDUHVOIHIHJRKJGKSJKZHERIGHSDUIRHGUWAHOZIWHFKGJBHKDHRK!!" he shouted angrily.

 

"Now what?"

 

"The power cells are gone! Now we can't drive back!"

 

"Okay," Chiara said, "in that case, how about we use the Suletu to contact someone back at Mata Nova-Koro?"

 

"Good idea, except whoever stole the power supply stole the Suletu as well," Gresh observed. "This doesn't look good."

 

Kiina shook her head. "It's too far to walk back. We'd never make it before dark."

 

Chiara glanced to her right and spotted an unfolded Skopio vehicle standing nearby. "What's that?" she asked, pointing.

 

"An unfolded Skopio vehicle," observed Jaller.

 

"Thanks, Captain Obvious."

 

"You're welcome!" said Captain Obvious before flying away.

 

"That's a UMC vehicle," Gresh informed them, ignoring Captain Obvious.

 

Jaller was puzzled. "What's a UMC?"

 

Kiina just shrugged and walked over to the Skopio. "Wait, Kiina, don't! You can't trust UMCs!" protested Chiara, but the Glatorian went on anyway.

 

"Hello?" she called out to the vehicle. "Is anyone in there? We're not here to fight, we just want our power supply and/or Suletu back! We're stuck out here without that stuff."

 

"Kiina...look." Jaller pointed to where Primal was laying face-first on the ground, with a sign reading BEWARE MY STINGER TAIL! stuck to his back using an actual Vorox stinger tail. "Vorox."

 

"Hey, guys, I got our stuff back," exclaimed Gresh, holding a bag with a power supply and Suletu inside, but was interrupted by a Vorox roaring. "Vorox...AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

The group of Toa and Glatorian sprinted for the nearest available vehicle: the Skopio. When they reached the underside of its legs, they were confronted by a very angry looking Aodhan pointing a Thornax launcher at them. "Oh, hi, Aodhan," said Kiina. "Remember me? It's me, Kiina, and we're being chased by Vorox. Can you let us in?"

 

The Vorox roared again. "Ok, just get in, quick, so I can close the door!"

 

"What door?" asked Jaller. "This is a Skopio, it doesn't have a--" Aodhan reached inside one of the Skopio's legs and pulled out a very long door that stretched all the way to the other leg. "Apparently this one does..."

 

The door had been closed just in time, because a Vorox then began slamming against it repeatedly. "Well, at least we aren't getting impaled by a Vorox tail," Gresh observed. "So, Aodhan, how do we get this vehicle moving?"

 

"Gresh, if this vehicle was capable of motion, why would it and Aodhan still be here rather than far away at the UMC base?" Nuparu pointed out.

 

"Oh, right."

 

Aodhan shook his head. "The power supply is dead. A Vorox stepped on it."

 

"Then use this one!" said Gresh, pulling out the power supply from the Thornatus that he had obtained earlier.

 

"Won't work."

 

"But why not?"

 

"Because...umm...I said so."

 

Chiara panicked. "OMGBBQLOLWE'RETRAPPEDINHEREANDTHEVOROXAREGONNAKILLUSANDWE'REGONNADIEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" she screamed.

 

"Hey, look, I found projectile launchers!" Gresh said, pulling out a Thornax Launcher, a Kanoka Launcher, and two Cordak Blasters and passing them around. "Cool!"

 

"Aodhan's hurt," Kiina observed, ignoring the hysterical Toa of Lightning. "Jaller, his arm is falling off. Shove it back in, will you? If you can make it through all of this, you won't be a noob anymore."

 

"lolz im not a noob!!1" 

 

 

 

Admiral Ackar, Gelu, Tahu, and the other members of the security team were getting ready to search for the missing Toa and Glatorian. "The last known location was the jungles of Le-Wahi. So we're going to look in the jungles of Le-Wahi. Any questions?"

 

"Yes, are we going to look in the jungles of Le-Wahi?" asked some random security Toa.

 

Ackar ignored this stupid question. "Gelu, did you figure out who exactly was missing yet besides Jaller and Kiina?"

 

"I did. Nuparu and Gresh are missing as well. And one other--Chiara."

 

"Isn't she the one who..."

 

Gelu nodded. "Yeah, I adopted her. So she's my responsibility. I have to go with you."

 

"Fair enough. Let's go, everyone!"

 

"You'll need a healer!" Gali said.

 

Ackar shook his head. "No, having you AND Tahu would be a bad idea. Only one of you can come." Tahu and Gali immediately started arguing over who would get to go, causing steam to materalize above them. "On second thought, having you AND Tahu arguing forever would be an even worse idea. Just come, both of you. Let's go!" Everyone got into a various assortment of vehicles, with Tahu and Gali joining Ackar in the lead vehicle, and drove off into the jungle. "You know," Ackar said, "most people know that I was the first being through the portal. What they don't know is that some moron in New Atero named Portal Overseer Scotty accidentally dropped a baloney sandwich on the portal generator button, which caused the portal to malfunction and not let the next guy through for 118 days."

 

"118 days?" asked Tahu. "That's an oddly specific number..."

 

"That moron Scotty was quickly fired, but that's beside the point. The point is that I'm obviously still here, and so those jungles are survivable. So Jaller and the others will be just fine."

 

"If that's true," Gali asked, "then why exactly are we in such a hurry to rescue them?"

 

Ackar pondered this for a moment. "Well, there weren't any Vorox here yet when I first came through. So the jungles probably aren't survivable any more. My story was completely pointless, wasn't it?"

 

"Yep, pretty much."

 

 

 

"BEWARE MY STINGER TAIL!" roared a Vorox.

 

"BEWARE IT!" answered another one.

 

Inside the Skopio, Chiara was panicking. "Why does it keep shouting that cheesy overused phrase?" she asked frantically. "Oh Mata Nui, there's two of them now! Help!"

 

"Vorox hunt in packs," Kiina explained. "When they find something that looks tasty, they signal the others by shouting their favorite phrase. Before long, there will be dozens of Vorox around here."

 

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER!"

 

Jaller pulled out a Cordak Blaster from the box of projectile launchers and aimed it experimentally out through a hole in the Skopio's leg. "What about the Suletu?" he asked. "Shouldn't we be able to use that to call for help? Where is it?"

 

"Sorry, Jaller. I dropped it by Primal's body when I ran in here," Gresh admitted sheepishly. "Baaaaaaaaah," he added, randomly transforming into a sheep.

 

"Well, at least Primal's body is really close to here," Jaller said. "Gresh, I vote that you go out there and grab it."

 

"Why me?" complained the Glatorian.

 

"Because you're the one who dropped it in the first place! Now go!"

 

Reluctantly, Gresh cracked open the door and squeezed outside. He tiptoed over to the pack and grabbed the Suletu out of it, then tiptoed back inside. Luckily, since he was green, the Vorox couldn't see him very well against the green grass. "I've got it." Gresh put the mask on and opened a link with the first person he could think of, which was Tahu for some reason. "Hello? Anyone? This is Gresh! We're stuck out here!"

 

 

 

In the Mata Nova-Koro vehicles, Gali watched their progress with apprehension. "Where are we going? It looks like we're just going in circles."

 

"No, we're not. We're establishing a search grid. By driving around in a circle."

 

"That's the same thing as driving in circles!"

 

"No, it's a search grid."

 

"Driving in circles!"

 

"Search grid!"

 

"Driving in circles!"

 

"Search grid!"

 

Luckily, Tahu quickly gained an excuse to interrupt their argument when Gresh's voice established a telepathic link in his head. "Hello, who is this? This is Tahu, Mata Nova-Koro Security. State your name and location."

 

"Put it on speakerphone so we can all hear it," Ackar ordered.

 

Tahu hit the speakerphone button that had somehow materialized in mid-air in front of him, and Gresh's voice echoed through the vehicle. "This is Gresh. We're stuck out here in a Skopio that randomly has doors on its legs, and we're outside the search grid a.k.a. driving in circles area."

 

"Is the Skopio working?" Tahu asked.

 

"No, the power supply got stepped on. We're located at--" Then the link was interrupted by the sounds of various projectile launchers firing, Vorox attacking, and shouts of "BEWARE MY STINGER TAIL!" everywhere. "Help! Vorox!"

 

"Vorox? Vorox are attacking you? How many?"

 

"Three or maybe four, I'm not sure. We're about 8 mio away from--"

 

The link abruptly terminated. "Gresh? Gresh? Hello?"

 

 

 

Back in the Skopio, Kiina had been shooting her Zamor launcher when the spring came loose, popping outward and accidentally knocking Gresh's Suletu off of his face and onto the ground. Luckily, the Suletu hit a conveniently placed rubber band, launching it back into the air where it landed on a Vorox's head. Tahu's brain was bombarded by shouts of "BEWARE MY STINGER TAIL!" repeatedly for several seconds before the Vorox finally shook it off, where it ricocheted into a tree. The tree was a catapult tree, however, and it catapulted the Suletu back toward the Skopio, flying through the aforementioned hole in its leg and landing perfectly on Jaller's face. "Well, that was highly improbable," Nuparu observed.

 

Jaller wasted no time in reestablishing a link with Tahu. "Toa Tahu? It's me, Jaller. Can you hear me?"

 

"Hey, it's Jaller!" Gali pointed out.

 

"Jaller? This is Tahu. Can you hear me? Where are you?"

 

"We're about 8 mio away from--"

 

Due to the power of dramatic irony, a Vorox's stinger tail knocked the Suletu off of Jaller's face, but instead of landing on someone else's due to a string of bizarre coincidences, it just landed in the Vorox's mouth and was eaten instead. "Great, now what?" asked Gresh.

 

"Just keep them away," Kiina ordered, having traded her Zamor Launcher for Jaller's Cordak Blaster. "It looks like this side is clear for now."

 

Jaller looked out through a crack in the door. "No Vorox here, either. Where do you think they went?"

 

"No idea, but they'll be back. Trust me. They're not gone."

 

"We should run away while we still can. We need to get out of here and back to Mata Nova-Koro!" Chiara said in a panicked voice. "I don't want to just wait for the Vorox to come back!"

 

"Are you insane? Mata Nova-Koro is like forever away! You'd never make it, even with projectile launchers and elemental powers!" Gresh told her.

 

Kiina sighed. "Look. We have weapons--er, I mean tools--and we have powers. This Skopio is a lot more defensible than some random exposed piece of jungle. You'd never make it back in time."

 

"She's right," agreed Jaller. "Our Suletu link went through. Tahu and Ackar know where we are, and before long they'll be here to save us. So why don't we just sit here and wait?"

 

"But we never told them where we were! Look at him, he's a noob, he doesn't know what he's talking about, I'm leaving, bye!" Chiara grabbed a Kanoka Launcher and ran out of the Skopio.

 

"im no noob!1111one!one" said Jaller.

 

"Chiara, get back here!" Nuparu called out, but it was too late. She had already vanished into the jungle.

 

 

 

Meanwhile, way back at Tahu's home in Mata Nova-Koro, Macku and Riia were sitting around wishing they could have more prominent roles in this episode when there was a knock at the door. Macku opened it and saw Hewkii standing there. "Hi," Hewkii said.

 

"Hi...what are you doing here?"

 

"Well, with all of the craziness going on, I wanted to make sure you were okay. Admiral Ackar contacted me and told me that they were establishing a search grid and should find Jaller soon."

 

"But doesn't that just mean they're driving in circles?"

 

"Search grid!"

 

"Driving in circles!"

 

"Search grid!"

 

"Driving in circles!"

 

Hewkii sighed. "Who cares? The point is, everything should be resolved soon. Umm, right, well...if you need anything, I'll be in Ackar's hut. Bye!"

 

As he turned to leave, Macku suddenly shouted, "WAIT DON'T GO I WUV YOU!!1"

 

"What?"

 

"Umm...I mean...don't go...because...Riia's scared. Yeah. She's totally terrified. Can't you just see how absolutely frightened out of her mind this little Matoran is? She's absolutely petrified right now!"

 

Riia just looked at her, confused. "I'm fine," she said.

 

"NO YOU'RE NOT YOU'RE TOTALLY COMPLETELY SCARED OUT OF YOUR WITS!" shouted Macku, duct taping Riia's mouth shut. "Right. So will you stay with us?"

 

"Sure, I've got nothing better to do anyway."

 

 

 

"Just keep going east. That's where I think the Suletu link was coming from," Ackar told the driver of their vehicle.

 

"How can you know where a telepathic link is coming from?"

 

"Well, it might have to do with the constant shouts of "BEWARE MY STINGER TAIL!" that I'm hearing faintly from the east of here..."

 

"LOOK OUT!" shouted Tahu, as the driver abruptly slammed on the brakes. In front of the vehicle was Chiara, stumbling around a bit before collapsing on the ground. A Vorox tail had pinned a note with the Vorox catchphrase on it to her back. Tahu and the others climbed out of the vehicle. "It's Chiara. And she's been attacked by Vorox."

 

"Chiara! Are you okay?" asked Gelu, worriedly rushing over to her. "Chiara!"

 

Gali got out some healing stuff and immediately went to work to heal the injury after tossing the Vorox tail away. "Chiara? Do you know where the others are? Where did you run from?" asked Ackar.

 

Chiara just shook her head once woozily. Tahu, however, noticed something: her leg armor was dripping wet. "Wait a minute..." Tahu knelt and touched the wet area, which is a really, REALLY bad idea when the Toa in question is a Toa of Lightning. "ZZAPYOWCHOWIE!"

 

"Wait a second, water! That's it!" exclaimed Ackar. "They must be just on the other side of the stream!" He turned to re-enter the vehicle. "Gelu, Gali, stay here and help heal Chiara. I want everyone else back in the vehicles. We have their location now."

 

As Tahu went to climb back into the Thornatus, Gali paused in her healing to go over and talk to him. "Tahu, wait. I'm sorry. This isn't your fault."

 

"Yes it is. Jaller did all of this just to spite me."

 

"No he didn't, isn't it obvious? You're both Toa of Fire, therefore, in BZPower comedies, you have identical personalities!"

 

"Yeah, right."

 

"Look, if you don't believe me, read the dialogue between Kiina and Jaller about this same subject a while back in this chapter. I have to go back and heal Chiara now, bye!"

 

 

 

Back in the Skopio, the Vorox were still staying away. "Nuparu," Kiina suggested, "if we could make it back to our Thornatus, which is right over there, do you think you could use the power supply to reactivate it?" The Toa of Engineering Earth nodded. "Okay, great. How fast can you get it ready?"

 

"About two minutes or so."

 

"I don't really see much choice. We need to run for the Thornatus and get it started."

 

"Wait, but weren't you arguing against running for it earlier with Chiara?" asked Gresh.

 

"That was for running all the way back to Mata Nova-Koro. Running a few feet away to the Thornatus isn't nearly as bad."

 

"Oh, I see."

 

Kiina climbed over the others and swung up below the Skopio's cockpit, pulling out some LEGO pieces. "I'm low on ammo, so I'll have to launch some of this stuff, instead. Gresh, do you think a socket piece would fit in a Zamor launcher?"

 

While Kiina and Gresh tried to find everything that could conceivably fit into the various types of launchers available, Jaller noticed that Kiina's hand piece was loose. "Are you hurt?" he asked. She shook her head. "Oh, okay. By the way, thanks for taking charge earlier. We'd all be panicking as bad as Chiara if you haven't."

 

"Well, I'm pretty good at it, since I used to be trained by Toa Lesovikk and Nikila," she explained.

 

"Used to?"

 

"Lesovikk died again to the Dreaming Plague a while back. Nikila got it too."

 

"Wasn't Lesovikk already dead in one of the story serials?"

 

"Time travel brought him back to life, duh. He died a second time to the Dreaming Plague shortly after coming through the portal."

 

"Sorry."

 

Kiina shrugged. "Lesovikk died the second time a few centuries ago. I'm over it by now."

 

"Good point..."

 

 

 

In the Thornatus, Ackar suddenly felt a Suletu link open with Gelu. "Ackar?" asked Gelu. "Listen, Gali and I are taking Chiara back to the village, since the middle of a jungle isn't exactly the safest place in the world to heal an injured Toa. Also, I noticed some Unimportant Minor Characters driving around, so you might have to watch out for Lariska, too. Ok, bye!"

 

After the link terminated, Ackar shouted, "Oh, come on! First Vorox and now UMCs, too? Can this day get any worse...?"

 

"Are the UMCs always this much trouble?" asked Tahu.

 

"Well, yeah, pretty much. I don't know why or who they work for, but I can tell you this: I'm not going to let this fight with them detract from the hilarity of this brand new Lewa0111 comedy we are building here."

 

:???: "

 

 

 

In the Skopio again, the Toa and Glatorian were preparing to run for the Thornatus. "Hey, wait a second," Gresh suddenly said. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea. Maybe we should just wait for Admiral Ackar to come and pick us up."

 

"Are you insane?" demanded Kiina. "What is it with everyone suddenly changing their minds? Just a few scenes ago, we were arguing against staying and arguing to make a run for it, now you just change your mind AGAIN? What is with you?"

 

"There's a LOT of Vorox out there."

 

Nuparu shrugged. "Don't worry. The chances of a Vorox attacking you rather than any of us are only 1 in 99,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999."

 

"Oh, good. Then let's go!" The second they left the Skopio, a Vorox jumped out of nowhere and attacked Gresh. "NUPARU!"

 

"I guess that was the 1, then..."

 

"BEWARE MY STINGER--"

 

The Vorox was cut off by Jaller chucking his Thornax Launcher at it. "Oh, shut up already. That joke is getting way too old," the Toa Mahri of Fire groaned. "Here, someone help me get Gresh over to the Thornatus."

 

Jaller and Kiina dragged Gresh over to the Thornatus while Nuparu stood by the vehicle, arbitrarily fiddling with wires and gadgets to make it look like he was doing something important. A Vorox charged toward Nuparu, but Kiina blasted it with a Cordak Blaster, though using up her last ammo in the process. The Vorox came back and attacked Nuparu again, for real this time. "Great, now what?" asked Jaller. "Throw rocks at them?"

 

"We have elemental powers, you moron," Kiina reminded him.

 

"Oh yeah! I forgot!" Jaller pulled out his fire sword and brandished it at the Vorox, who just did nothing but continued to scream their overused cheesy catchphrase.

 

Luckily, at that very moment, the Mata Nova-Koro vehicles arrived, and Ackar and a group of security Toa/Glatorian jumped out, shooting Thornax and blasting elemental powers at the Vorox. Tahu now had a Midak Skyblaster that shot green light, and he was shooting that at the Vorox that had attacked Nuparu. "Guess what? Vorox are afraid of green light!" he exclaimed with a  :D, while behind him, Helryx threw a green lighting disco ball into the air. The combination of the green light, the attacks, and the disco music caused the Vorox to all start discoing away, and before long, there were no more Vorox left. "Jaller! You're okay!"

 

"Tahu! Am I glad to see you! Did you find Chiara? She tried to run back to Mata Nova-Koro, which we at first said was a dumb idea, then after she already left decided to do it anyway, but then Gresh decided it was a dumb idea again, but then Nuparu convinced him that it wasn't, but then it turned out to be a dumb idea after all because Gresh got attacked, but then the whole thing didn't matter anyway because you guys showed up. Whoa, that was a lot of 'but thens.'"

 

"Chiara's fine, we found her. What about the UMC?"

 

"He's still in the Skopio, I think," Kiina told them. Ackar and Tahu immediately looked inside the Skopio, but there was no one to be found. "Or not..."

 

 

 

After everything had been taken care of, everyone returned to Mata Nova-Koro. Jaller and Tahu went to the Healing Hut to meet with Gali, and Kiina came too for no apparent reason. "Hi, Toa Gali. Sorry for skipping orientation," Jaller said.

 

"What? Oh, right. That was like three chapters ago. I'd forgotten all about it."

 

"Really?" Gali nodded. "Cool!"

 

Kiina, realizing that there was absolutely no reason for her to be in this scene, left and decided to go talk to Admiral Ackar instead. "Hi, Admiral Ackar," she said as she entered his hut. "I'm sorry for...well, I don't know, but I'm sorry for somehow causing all of this to happen. Even though it was Gresh's idea."

 

"Hey, I heard that!" shouted Gresh from all the way inside the Healing Hut on the o

Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jul 01 2014 - 05:06 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#8 Offline Lewa0111 Nuva

Lewa0111 Nuva
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Posted Apr 21 2012 - 02:16 AM

Back again! For those of you who read my latest blog post, I've come back from a hiatus once again. Third time's the charm, hopefully? (Ironically, though I posted said blog post about a week ago, BZPower then decided to go down all week for me and not let me post...oh how I hate fate sometimes!)

 

Mata Nova

A BIONICLE comedy by Me!

Episode 3: Gukko Attack! (Part 1)

 

Deep within the jungles of Le-Wahi at night, a Thornatus trundled toward Mata Nova-Koro from some random location. "You know what?" Krakua was saying to Iruini as the latter drove, "I was in the food place yesterday, and the cafeteria Matoran were serving Thornax stew with Madu Fruit seasoning. Guess what? I accidentally tapped it with a tiny blast of sonics, and the thing exploded into a mushroom cloud. I'd suggest staying away from the food place for a while."

 

"Why do we even bother trying to eat those things? It's obvious whenever Madu and/or Thornax are mentioned, they are going to explode...WATCH OUT!" Iruini grabbed onto the controls and pulled them backward as the Thornatus came to a screeching halt.

 

The two Toa emerged from the Thornatus to examine the damage. "Looks like we ran into a tree stump," Krakua muttered. "Why did you bother shouting 'Watch out' when you were the one driving, anyway?"

 

"To remind myself to watch out for the tree stump, obviously..."

 

"Well, it didn't work, apparently." Krakua then donned his Suletu and sent a psychic link back toward Mata Nova-Koro. "Mata Nova, this is Toa Krakua. We ran over a tree stump and our Thornatus is broken down. We'll try to fix it and get back to the village shortly."

 

Iruini knelt down to examine the front of the Thornatus. "It looks like that tree stump snapped the entire front of the vehicle off...this could be tough to fix."

 

"What? It's a TREE STUMP! How in Mata Nui's name could a tree stump do that much damage? The Thornatus hovers, too! You are the worst driver I have ever seen. ...Besides Tahu."

 

"Hey, I heard that!" shouted Tahu from all the way back in Mata Nova-Koro.

 

"Just shut up and help me fix it. Mata Nova-Koro is expecting these supplies, remember?"

 

Before Iruini or Krakua could get to work repairing the vehicle, however, they were interrupted by an ominous sound from the treetops around them. "OMINOUS!" shouted the sound.

 

"What's that?" asked Krakua nervously, glancing around.

 

Iruini shrugged. "An ominous sound."

 

"OMINOUS! OMINOUS! OMINOUS!!" shrieked the sound.

 

"Thanks, Captain Obvious."

 

Strangely, Captain Obvious did not appear this time. The fact that this joke didn't happen made Iruini suspicious, and he looked up into the trees. "What's that thing? It looks like some kind of flying--AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

 

 

 

SUPER-DUPER-MEGA-CRUNCHY-EXTRA-DELICIOUS-TITLE-SCREEN-AWESOMENESS!

 

 

 

Back in Mata Nova-Koro the next morning, Toa Helryx was instructing a group of Toa, Glatorian, Matoran, and Agori on things to do if you are stranded in the jungle. "If you are stranded in the jungle," she said, "one of the most important things to do is to start a fire. Rahi are scared of it and it will also let you see if it's night."

 

"YAY FIRE! :br: " exclaimed Jaller.

 

"But you shouldn't burn the whole forest down. That would be a bad idea. So just make a small fire."

 

" :( " emoticonned the Toa Mahri of Fire.

 

"Your survival will depend on being able to interpret the signals from the various Rahi cries...blah blah blah..." Helryx went on, as Macku, not being a Toa of Fire, attempted to start a fire the normal way by rubbing two sticks together. Normally, she would have been listening, but was distracted by Hewkii, who was attempting to help her. Unfortunately, Hewkii's idea of starting a fire involved a stick, two kohlii balls, a bowl of noodles, and a Zamor sphere, and before too long, well...

 

BOOM!

 

Yeah. That happened.

 

Helryx sighed. "Hewkii, clean up your mess and rebuild all the houses you exploded from that fireball. As for the rest of you, I suggest we move on to a less flammable topic, like...directions! If you are stranded in the jungle, another good thing to do is figure out where you are so that you can get back to the Koro. Can anyone tell me how to figure out what direction is north without looking at a map?"

 

Immediately, Macku's hand shot up. "Anyone else?" Everyone was silent except for Macku, bouncing up and down with her hand as high as it would go. "Fine. Macku, which way is north?"

 

"That way," said Macku, pointing. "I can tell because that tree is growing in the shape of a compass, with the "needle" branch pointing north."

 

"Good job," Helryx said. "I'm impressed."

 

Jaller scoffed. "That's nothing," he said. "It's easy to tell which way is north! It's whatever way the fire moves in!"

 

"Yes, however, you won't always be near a fire, Jaller..."

 

"Of course I will! BURN STUFF!" Jaller immediately set a nearby storage container on fire.

 

Helryx facepalmed. "Apparently even the directions topic wasn't non-flammable enough. Jaller, rebuild that storage container. Now let's move on to another topic. Let's see...not fire, not directions, not cooking, not smoke signals, not brushfire clearing, not lava surfing, not volcano signaling, not brimstone using...why does every topic on this list involve fire? Who made this thing, anyway?" Then she read the fine print at the bottom of the list: Curriculum created by Tahu Nuva. "Figures. Okay, you know what, everyone's free to go. I don't want to risk burning down any more of the Koro unless we absolutely have to. Class dismissed."

 

"Aww...I wanted to burn more stuff," muttered Jaller as he walked away with the rest of the students.

 

Unfortunately for Jaller, Helryx grabbed his arm as he walked past her. "Not so fast, Jaller. You have toilets to clean on the other side of the Koro, remember?"

 

"But BIONICLE characters don't even need toilets!" he protested. Helryx remained impassive. "Okay, okay, fine..."

 

As Jaller walked off toward the toilets, Macku muttered, "Yeah, maybe next time you'll think before sneaking out of the village and nearly getting yourself killed."

 

"Continuity? In a Lewa0111 comedy? What IS this madness!?"

 

 

 

At Tahu's house, Macku and Riia had returned from the "what to do if you are lost in the jungle" class, and were standing outside while Tahu attempted to paint the house without melting it. Needless to say, he wasn't proving very successful at it. After the 4th time accidentally melting the bucket of paint into a puddle of ashy goop, he threw down his firesword and screamed a variety of random syllables.

 

“Toa Tahu?” asked Riia, holding up a strange biomechanical plant. “Why did you just shout ‘A VARIETY OF RANDOM SYLLABLES!’ really loudly?”

 

“Umm, because…yes,” Tahu answered nonsensically. “What’s that plant you found there?”

 

“It tried to bite me,” Riia explained. “Can I keep it?” She showed him the top of the plant, which had a large jaw reminiscent of Gadunka’s mouth built into it.

 

Gali looked up from where she was arbitrarily shuffling tablets and doing nothing in particular but trying to make it look like she was doing something important. “Somehow that strikes me as a bad idea,” she said. “Why would you want to keep something that bites you constantly?”

 

Tahu just shrugged. “She asked me, not you, Gali, and I think it’s a great idea! Just keep it in your room! I mean, come on. What’s the worst that could possibly happen?” Gali facepalmed as Riia happily carried the biting plant into her room.

 

“You know, that’s an unusual pile of yellow goop there,” Gali muttered, trying to take her mind off of Tahu’s sheer stupidity in decision-making. “What happened to the paint?”

 

“Well, you see,” said Macku, who had been standing on the roof for no reason, “that’s because it’s a special type of paint found only on the island of Mata Nui. This paint in particular has a powerful and abrupt reaction to high temperatures, in particular flames, and in particular, Tahu’s burning rampages.” She slid down from the roof and landed on the ground. “Thus, when exposed to fire, it was transformed from its ordinary material phase into this goop.”

 

Tahu shook his head in disbelief. “I know you’re getting paid to do that, but it’s getting ridiculous how much stuff you know to describe. How do you fit it all in your head?”

 

“Well, have you seen it?” laughed Jaller, coming back from cleaning the nonexistent toilets. “It’s so big, Lewa0111 thought he might have had to devote an entire chapter just to her head.”

 

“Stop it, Jaller. You stink.”

 

:( ” emoticonned Jaller.

 

“No, I meant literally. Go take a shower or something. You smell like nonexistent toilets.”

 

“AAAH! WATER! NEVER!!111!one!one!!” shouted Jaller, panicking and running randomly all around the Koro. Macku, Tahu, Riia, and Gali all laughed.

 

 

 

That night, everyone was preparing to go to sleep. Before Gali and Tahu could get to bed, Riia started screaming. Gali ran in to see that the biting plant had bitten her mask off and she had fallen unconscious. “See? I told you that this was a bad idea,” she said to Tahu as the two of them pulled the mask out of the plant’s mouth and put it back onto the Matoran. “Now go back to our bedroom—I mean, kitchen that we’re using as a bedroom. I’ll be there in a second.”

 

“Toa Gali?” asked Riia. “Can we go have some adventures now? I can’t sleep.”

 

“You were unconscious a minute ago!” she responded. “And no, we can’t go on adventures. We had enough of those in the last chapter. Just go to sleep.”

 

“But I can’t fall asleep! I’m wide awake!”

 

“You. Were. Just. Unconscious. Five. Seconds. Ago.”

 

“I know, but now I’m super wide awake for some reason!”

 

Gali shook her head and sighed. “Fine, have it your way, though this isn’t Burger King.” She then reached down and pulled Riia’s mask off, stuffing it back in the plant’s mouth. The Matoran of Lightning instantly fell asleep. “Problem solved! :D

 

With the two Matoran and Jaller finally asleep, Gali returned to the bedroom/kitchen, where Tahu was already waiting. “That took a while,” said Tahu. “But that’s okay. :wub:

 

:wub: ” answered Gali, happy that the two of them were alone at last. Moving closer to each other, they started to kiss—

 

“Ha, ha!” shouted Cameo, popping up through the window and throwing a large group of Nintendo 3DS’s at them before scampering away.

 

“BURN STUFF! :burnmad:

 

 

 

After Tahu made sure that Cameo was running far away from them and using the “onfire” emoticon, he returned to Gali. “Should have seen that joke coming,” Gali pointed out. “Oh well. Now that he’s out of the way, where were we?” The two Toa started to kiss a second time—

 

“SKREECHITY SKREECHER SKREECHY SKREECH MCSKREECHERTON THE SECOND! SCREECH!!”

 

“What the Karzahni was that!?!?!?!?!?” demanded Tahu. “Cameo again?”

 

Pohatu appeared, but Gali just shoved the time-comedy warp portal closed before he could say his usual line. “Can’t be. There isn’t a random electrical appliance in sight,” she pointed out.

 

“SKREECHER SKREECH SKREECHITY!”

 

“Well, whatever it is, it’s annoying,” Tahu groaned. “Cameo interrupting kissing is okay, since that’s a normal running joke, but this is just stupid. I’ll be right back.” Tahu then grabbed his firesword and exited the house, looking for whatever was making the noise. After searching under multiple unlikely places, such as beneath a boulder, inside a mouse hole, and in a Makuta fish’s stomach, he saw a Gukko bird perched on a conveniently placed fence right outside the house. The Gukko was screeching like crazy, obviously the source of the noise from earlier. “BURN STUFF!!1” shouted Tahu, lighting the Gukko on fire. The charred Gukko flew off somewhere.

 

“That was weird,” commented Gali. “Since when were there annoying screechy Gukko everywhere? I think we’d have noticed that if they’d been there in the last chapter…”

 

“Who cares? It’s not like that one Gukko is going to be an important part of the plot for this episode or anything. Besides, there’s only one, and it’s gone now. There’s no way there could be a whole flock of them.”

 

 

 

The next morning, Tahu had entered Admiral Ackar’s hut. “Hi, Admiral Ackar,” he said. “I’m looking for the plot. Have you seen it anywhere? The beginning of this chapter has been so far just a bunch of random shenanigans.”

 

“That’s a great word, shenanigans,” Ackar commented. “Anyway, you’re in luck, since I was going to talk to you anyway. We lost all contact with Outpost #3, and we think it might have been a UMC attack. We were just getting ready to go and investigate.”

 

“Maybe I can finally fight Lariska,” Helryx said. “I’m getting sick of them messing up all our plans.”

 

“Maybe,” echoed Ackar. “At any rate, we’ll need you to help us out. Could you find a healer to help us?”

 

“Did you really just ask me that? Gali’s a healer, duh. I’ll ask her. Be right back.”

 

 

 

In the Healing Hut, Gali was healing a random Matoran who had accidentally exploded his mask when a large, black-and-gray Makuta walked in, talking with a pair of Glatorian about some new Rahi experiments that were apparently going on in the Hut. “Wait, what?” asked Gali, looking up from what she was doing. “Chirox? What are you doing here?” She quickly raced over to the Makuta, ignoring her patient with the exploded mask.

 

“Umm, Toa? A little help, here? Toa? Toa Gali?”

 

“Chirox, I don’t believe it! What are you doing here? I came in on the portal just last episode!!”

 

“I came here five storylines ago! This is totally a coincidence, I had no idea you were coming in the slightest, and I definitely didn’t pick you to come here! I totally was not in charge of recruiting! Though if I was, I definitely wouldn’t put you at the top of the list, and intentionally leave Tahu off of it because I have a secret crush on you or anything, and I most definitely am not Chief Science Makuta Person here or anything, because why would I be that? And that kind of authority would be ridiculous because that would mean I would totally be in charge of recruiting you to come here because that definitely did not happen!”

 

“Hi, Chief Science Makuta Person Chirox,” said a Toa, walking up to Chirox. “We need you to be in charge of recruiting people to come here again. Last time you put Gali at the top of the list but intentionally left Tahu off of it, so we might need more Toa of Fire this time around. Thanks!” The Toa then left.

 

“Umm…what?” asked Gali.

 

“Hahaha…that’s ridiculous, that Toa is obviously crazy, there’s no way I’m in charge of recruiting!”

 

“Right, no, definitely, I was recruited by ‘TOTALLY NOT CHIROX LOLOLOL’ so obviously you couldn’t have! But this is amazing! I thought you died back in 2008!”

 

“I did. But time travel revived me. Somehow. Vahis are weird.”

 

“Even more so when they get combined with Vezon,” Gali agreed.

 

Just then, Tahu walked in. “Sorry to interrupt, but we need you to help Admiral Ackar with an expedition to investigate the plot,” he said to Gali.

 

“It’s a—” Chirox started to say, but caught himself just in time. “Sorry. Couldn’t resist.”

 

“Oh, right, I forgot to introduce you two! Tahu, you’re not going to believe this, but this is Chirox, remember? He came back to life because of the portal and now he’s here! Chirox, this is my boyfriend, Tahu.”

 

“SteamShipping is canon, now? When did this happen?” asked the Makuta.

 

:???: ” emoticonned both Gali and Tahu. “SteamShipping?”

 

“Gali and Tahu together. Water and fire make steam, get it? Oh, never mind. I thought Tahu wasn’t coming!”

 

“He wasn’t. But he’s the main character, so he came anyway.”

 

“Oh. Right. Okay, then. Bye!” Chirox then left as randomly as he had come.

 

 

 

Once the expedition had finally gotten underway, Ackar, Tahu, Helryx, Hewkii, and several other random security Toa and Glatorian were exploring the jungles near the last known site of the Thornatus from the beginning of the chapter. “If this really is the UMCs, they’re being oddly quiet about it. Usually they leave giant trails of destruction behind them in these jungles,” Ackar observed as he searched the trees for evidence.

 

“So far the only thing I know about UMCs is that they are organized, hate Mata Nova, and want to become main villains to make up for their lack of prominence in the original BIONICLE storyline. Why are they so annoyed with us? I mean, we have some minor characters in Mata Nova-Koro, and they seem happy enough.”

 

“No idea. I suppose we won’t find out for another several episodes yet. But seeing as you seem so interested in the UMCs, maybe you can help me out. Lariska has someone spying for her in the Koro. See if you can figure out who it is.”

 

“How do you know?” asked Tahu.

 

“She told us last chapter, remember?”

 

“Oh, right.”

 

Before they could continue the conversation further, Hewkii suddenly shouted, “Admiral Ackar! Over here, we found it!” Ackar and Tahu rushed toward where Hewkii was standing near a Thornatus vehicle. “The vehicle is intact, but the pilots inside…well, see for yourself,” explained the Toa of Stone.

 

Ackar peered inside the vehicle, where the scratched-up armor and masks of Iruini and Krakua could be seen, hardly recognizable anymore. “What did this to them?” asked Tahu, looking at the mangled sets of Toa armor apprehensively.

 

“I don’t know…but it definitely wasn’t UMC’s.”

 

“What makes you think that?”

 

“They would have taken the vehicle, obviously!”

 

 

 

Back in Mata Nova-Koro, Jaller and Kiina were wandering through the random market at the center of the colony. “I’m sick of cleaning out nonexistent toilets. I mean, seriously, enough is enough! Why does the one time a Lewa0111 comedy has actual continuity involve me getting stuck with a pointless punishment? I wish this was like TNI or Ask Matau! where everyone just acts like each chapter is its own story by itself…”

 

“Actually,” Kiina pointed out, “both of those comedies are in the middle of a multi-chapter crossover quest, so they have continuity, too, at least temporarily.”

 

“Why does nothing ever go my way?” Luckily for Kiina, Jaller got distracted by a nearby Le-Koro-style instrument sitting at a shop stall in the market, stopping him from complaining any further. He picked up the instrument (a combination of a trumpet, saxophone, flute, clarinet, trombone, tuba, drumset, French horn, piano, and a :usa: Crab) and started to play the Mask of Light theme song.

 

“Hey, that sounds pretty good!” commented the owner of the Le-Koro instrument, Certavus, who was alive but missing both of his lower leg pieces for some reason. “And guess what? It’s yours for only w65!”

 

Disappointed, Jaller set the instrument back down. “Oh. Too bad. I don’t have any widgets, I just got here.”

 

“Well, in that case, how about w60, and I’ll throw in this metronome that I somehow built from spare pieces from a Tahtorak?” offered Certavus. “Final offer. And no, the Tahtorak wasn’t the one that stole my leg pieces.”

 

“I already told you that I don’t have any widgets, so no. Sorry.”

 

“In that case, how about w59? And you get a bonus set of steak knives?”

 

“I. Don’t. Have. Any. Widgets. Whatsoever. So. No.”

 

w58?”

 

 

 

In a special room of the Healing Hut, Gali, Tahu, and Chirox were examining the bodies of the two Toa they had found during the expedition. “I can’t figure out what did this,” Chirox was saying. “It looks like they were attacked from above…can any of the UMCs fly?”

 

“No, none of them have Mirus or Kadins, and none have natural flying abilities,” Ackar, who was standing in the room but not doing anything particularly useful, stated. “Could be some kind of Rahi.”

 

“Brakas, maybe? I know there was a group of them that stole some weapons Toa tools from our armory…but I doubt they would go after two Toa in a vehicle like that,” offered Chirox as he continued to examine the bodies.

 

Tahu, however, was peering intently at a spot near the bottom of Krakua’s mask. “Do Brakas monkeys have Bohrok eyepieces?” he asked.

 

Gali shook her head. “Bohrok eyepieces? No, why?”

 

Tahu held up a Bohrok eyepiece. “Because I noticed this stuck between Krakua’s mask and his neck piece. It looks like a piece from one of those Gukko from earlier. I wonder if there is a connection?”

 

“Could be. Gali, I’ll need your help to do a bunch of sciencey stuff to analyze this Bohrok eyepiece. Admiral, could you prepare the photospectrometric analyzer and the macaroni bucket? We may be here for a while.”

 

Gali nodded, then walked over to speak to Tahu. “Tahu, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get back home for a while, photospectrometric analysis can take up to 1082769826439587620987651984379856497862984795716048395 hours sometimes. Can you take care of everything until I get back?”

 

“Sure, what do I have to do?”

 

“First, you’ll have to make dinner…NO LIGHTING IT ON FIRE. Then make sure Riia takes a bath, NO BURNING THE WATER TO HEAT IT. Jaller has homework to do, DON’T BURN IT no matter what he asks you to do. And make sure Macku puts her mask-holder on her mask before she goes to bed, DO NOT MELT HER MASK.”

 

“I can’t use any fire?” Tahu asked with a :(. “And I didn’t know Macku needed a mask-holder.”

 

“Those mask pieces get a little weak at times,” explained Gali, shrugging. “Oh well. Good luck, and don’t forget, NO PYROMANIA OF ANY SORT.”

 

“Aww, you never let me have any fun.”

 

Next: Gukko Madness!

 

Bob the Word Counting Matoran: This chapter has 3,495 words.

 

~Lewa# Studios

 

:mirunu: Lewa0111 Nuva :mirunu:


Edited by Lewa0111 Nuva, Jul 01 2014 - 05:39 AM.

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My Script Comedies: | The Nuva Inn Remake | Ask Matau! Remake (ACCEPTING QUESTIONS!) |
My Prose Comedies: | The BZ-Nui Hack Wars | Mata Nova |

 

Roporak being useful? I suppose there's a first time for everything...

--Boggarak, Ask Matau!, Chapter 23

ANNOUNCEMENT: Back to the forums at long last! Currently in the process of fixing the formatting issue that has plagued all four of my main comedies. I'll get back to writing eventually!


#9 Offline Lewa97

Lewa97
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Posted Apr 23 2012 - 07:40 PM

Before Iruini or Krakua could get to work repairing the vehicle, however, they were interrupted by an ominous sound from the treetops around them. "OMINOUS!" shouted the sound."What's that?" asked Krakua nervously, glancing around.Iruini shrugged. "An ominous sound.""OMINOUS! OMINOUS! OMINOUS!!" shrieked the sound.

Love literal stuff!!!!

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ACTIVATE AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!





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