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Scorpion_Strike

The Folly of the Toa - Review

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Hello again, and welcome too...

folly_of_the_toa_logo__review__by_scorpi

[story topic]

 

Pretty self-explanatory, I think. Post any comments, observations, or reviews concerning "The Folly of the Toa" in this topic. Any questions are also welcome.

 

Story Links:

[The Prologue]

Chapters: 

[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ] [ 9 ] [10]

[11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20]

[21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30]

[31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40]

[41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50]

[51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56]

Edited by Scorpion_Strike
  • Upvote 1

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It's a shame this work doesn't have many followers, if it has any at all, considering the last comment. You have written so much, and it is so written so well! Much better than most of the 'epics' around here, that are so stale and repetitive. This one here has some real depth. I have read only some parts here and there, and I really dig what I've seen so far, and as soon as possible I'll read all chapters thorougly.

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I'm up to chapter 17.

The part at Matoro's memorial is very touching.

Your description of Gali's depression and obesity is...overwhelming, for it is extremely realistic in a striking way, that makes the reader feel bad for her. That's an exceptional thing for a writer to accomplish.

I appreciate how you dealt with matoran surgery and moreso with their diet, making rahi edible and such. I guess rahi reproduce in your canon? Do agori eat rahi?

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I always thought of rahi as creatures that could reproduce, to establish a kind of 'cycle of life' and a healthy ecosystem in the Great Spirit Robot. Besides, some Rahi, like the Muaka or the Takea shark, are definitely predatory, so there had to be some kind of reproductive mechanism going on at least among the creatures they ate to keep their food supply available. Agori and Glatorian definitely hunt and eat rahi, just as they did with the creatures that lived on Bara Magna before the reformation, though they mostly stick to those since they're more organic and therefore far more nourishing. Robotic rahi can be hunted and their mechanical parts reforged into replacement parts for a Matoran or Toa, but other than that only rahi that are more organic are really useful as food sources. Toa and Matoran, as I recall, can eat, but they can also absorb the energy from a substance in a more direct manner... how exactly they do that, as far as I recall, isn't really explained, so I just went with the eating route, since Agori definitely do that and I figure there's something to be said for enjoying the flavors of food beyond just getting nourishment from it.

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Pohatu's condition struck me more than Gali's.

 

I do not recall if in the original canon Makuta gave the Skrall shadow powers, I think not, in any case it was a nice addition.

 

The initial meeting/sparring between Toa and Glatorian seems too hurried, even considering the situation. They're aliens to each other, after all, but that's the only flaw of some significance I could find so far. Good work!

Edited by El-P

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It was hurried, yes, but the final battle was still two chapters long as is, so I felt it kind of necessary to cut my losses on that one. Plus, it wouldn't have done either side much good if they'd kept fighting for longer, exhausting themselves before the real enemy even showed up, and I think Gali and Pohatu at least realized that, prompting them to try and put a stop to that show before things got even more out of hand. And, once the buzz-line "We're with Mata Nui" was out from both sides, they pretty quickly came to the realization that they really shouldn't be fighting each other. Of course, Makuta helped by sending down the Rahkshi for both of them to fight.

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Well done on Onu-Koro-Nuva's description. It's thorough and awe-inspiring, somehow brings me back to MNOG's Great Mine. I like how you also included Skrall and Rock agori...some may believe the Rock Tribe was left behind after Makuta's arrival, and it's nice to see them integrated in the new community.

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(Am I allowed to double post?)

 

I liked this one. Mostly descriptive, and you did a good job at that. I can picture the caves of Onu-Koro-Nuva really well. Did you draw inspiration from Paolini's Inheritance cycle for the Crystal Palace? The dwarves there have something very similar in their underground city in the mountains...

Edited by Electric Wizard

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Well, that's heart-breaking. You, sir, are really talented. Never before have the Toa Nuva looked so human. One can relate with any of them...

 

I think forging weapons is, canonically, more of a Ta-matoran business, but I guess Nuparu just likes it, so that's fine. Really looking forward to what's Kopaka up to in New Atero.

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Thank you!

 

I think Kopaka would've gone to the Ta-Matoran to get his blade fixed, but he wanted to keep his dealings with Toa only to avoid spreading the word that he was back. In his view, the Matoran can be excitable that way. :) With no fire Toa who specifically forged things (though Jaller could do it), Nuparu was the next best option.

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I don't know why but I have a feeling Kopaka is going to grant the wish Pohatu asked him...and I am not sure if I would be saddened by that or not. It looks so right, in a way.

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Welp, looks like I was right.

 

You were the first, and the only one who figured it out and actually posted about it anywhere.

Edited by Scorpion_Strike

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