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Final Dinner


ShadowBionics

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For those who are familiar with my older stuff, more specifically ADITLOT, then you might remember a common recurring theme/joke called "Final Dinner," which revolved mainly around Teridax and sometimes The Shadowed One, as well as a few guest characters. It was a very wacky spoof of Final Fantasy and it was something I had always wanted to do. Of course, I never thought of how to do that, so instead I just made a spoof in tiny doses in ADITLOT and TSORM. Well, I'm actually going to try and make it a full-fledged story, although this time it isn't going to revolve around Teridax or The Shadowed One. However, keep your eyes out, they may or may not make an appearance... That is, if anyone likes this and if I feel like I can continue this, otherwise this could be the first and last chapter, and no one will ever know, not even me!Space… The Final Frontier… These… are NOT the adventures of the Starship Enterprise. If you want to hear that story, then go somewhere else. In fact, you might as well because this story is not that story. These are the adventures of the biggest bunch of misfits that you’ve ever seen in your life, filled with action, suspense, romance (just kidding), and some fat guy in rusty armor who wants to eat. This is the story of…FINAL DINNER*It was early dawn as Tahu slept peacefully in his bed, tossing in turning every now and again. As he pulled the covers over his head, his demented alarm clock that resembled a rejected Neopet started to go off.*Clock: HA HA HA. Wake up now.*Tahu, half asleep, hit the snooze button and returned to sleep. It wasn’t an hour later that the clock started to go off again.*Clock: HA HA HA. Time to get out of bed.*Tahu, obviously not listening, hit the snooze button out of habit, actually sort of pounding it. Two hours later, the clock went off again.*Clock: You think I’m kidding around? Well, you’re wrong. HA HA HA.*Tahu pounded the snooze button, cracking the “cheerful” plastic shell of the clock. However, the clock went off again an hour later.*Clock: Wake up. You are lazy and worthless. HA HA HA.*Tahu then PAWNCHED the clock and stuffed it into a drawer. Somehow, though, the clock managed to get out and back onto the table next to Tahu’s bed.*Clock: You want peace and quiet? Too bad. HA HA HA.*Tahu swipes the clock off the table, breaking one of the eyes and the paws. Never the less, the clock made its way back to the table and went off one more time.*Clock: You think you’re rid of me? I’ll never let you sleep again. HA HA HA!*Tahu takes his fire sword (which didn’t turn into some spinning-shield thing) and torches the clock to ash. He sits up and looks at the wall, dazed and confused.*Clock: Not broken. HA HA HA!*Tahu then goes on an insane rampage and torches everything in sight.*Tahu: Well, I’m up now. Might as well make the best of it.*Unfortunately, Metru Nui was controlled by some insane organization. Once, it was much happier and care-free, but one day it all changed. It was a day no one would ever forget. Except for Tahu, who didn’t care a whole lot about it and he just went with it as things happened. Deep down, however, he didn't like it one bit, but he was forced to keep his mouth shut. He and the other Toa Nuva had been forced to take up jobs at a restaurant to make a living. Soon enough, however, that would all change very soon…**Tahu continued to walk through the somewhat barren and dead valley that was once part of Ta-Metru, now just simply known as Sector 1. Once the insane dictator took over, he took the liberty of renaming everything to make it sound dull, bland, and uninteresting. Tahu didn't like that too much, but what could he really do? His friends warned him not to say anything. He didn't like that much either. Tahu didn't like being unable to express himself.*Vahki 36: You. Halt.Tahu: Oh, great. Not these clowns.*Newly improved Vahki patrolled the sectors. They did their job a little too well. While Tahu was in fact going to do his assigned job, the Vahki still identified him as a potential threat due to his inner feelings.*Vahki 37: What's your number?Tahu: What's it to you?*Like the "sectors" of Metru Nui, the inhabitants were also assigned numbers to identify with them in the large system of data. Naturally, Tahu disliked that system. It annoyed him whenever anyone asked him for his number. Not only because he didn't like being identified by a number, but also because he could never remember it. Tahu got out his fire sword.*Vahki 36: Hostility detected. Threat level: moderate. Solution: Arrest.Tahu: Heh. Good luck.*That is when Tahu decides to engage them, RPG battle style. Tahu faces the two Vahki drones who stand there and do nothing.*Vahki 37: I have these staves. Instead of using them, I will punch you in the face.*The vahki does just that, only causing 2 HP of damage.*Tahu: That all you got?*Tahu's turn was next and he chose the move "Toaster."*Tahu: You know what they say.... All toasters toast toast.*Tahu then summons a large toaster, which proceeds to fire a large piece of toast at both Vahki. Since Vahki 37 was in the front row, it was that unit who fell first. Vahki 36 remained with minimal HP.*Vahki 36: I shall use my staff pieces to attack you.*Vahki 36 tries to use the power of the loyalty staff, but it didn't affect Tahu, considering his loyalty was to himself.*Vahki 36: Oh, no.Tahu: That tickled. *Tahu's turn was next and he went through his attacks and chose "Pyro-pinwheel." Tahu then puts away his fire sword for his rotating blades.*Tahu: Have a look at this!*The three blades each ignite into powerful flames and begin to spin around in a fiery pinwheel. Tahu then fires that energy at the Vahki, destroying it.*Tahu: Where there's smoke, there's me.*Tahu gained 503 experience points, as well as a water of life.*Tahu: Gets them every time.*Tahu continued on and walked into the restaurant he worked at, known only as Mac Choco-gukko's. The name was uncreative and Tahu dreaded his work there. He barged in the door, greeted by his "favorite" Toa.*Kopaka: Where have you been?Tahu: I got attacked on the way to work.Kopaka: Again? That's the fourth time this week, you know?Tahu: Yeah, whatever. Get off my back.*Tahu took to his job as being a fry cook and making hamburgers. That’s when his friend and fellow worker Tifa Gali walked in.*Gali: Tahu, hurry it up. We need to fill in those orders, otherwise the boss will have our heads.Tahu: Yeah, yeah, yeah, don’t worry your pretty little head off, Gali.Gali: I really wish you’d take things seriously, Tahu.Tahu: And I wish we didn’t have to listen to what that clown says, but we can’t have it our way, can we?*Gali walks out of the kitchen and to the back room to check on everyone else.*Kopaka: We are out of squeeze cheese again. Joy.Lewa: Don’t worry, I’ll fetch-find some more!Kopaka: Yeah, you better.Gali: Yes, because we all know what happened the last time we ran out of squeeze cheese…*At the front, things were getting hectic as customers got restless.*Kualus, whining: I NEED FOOD!Pohatu: How did I end up being the cashier? I can’t take this abuse.Onua: Not your fault. What’s taking Tahu so long in the kitchen?*In the kitchen…*Tahu: I wonder which would burn better…The back room or the kitchen? Or Kopaka?Gali: Tahu?! What are you doing?Tahu: My job?Gali: No, you’re not! There’s a riot going on in the front, all because you won’t give people their food!Tahu: Not my fault.Gali: Uh… yeah, it is!*The other Toa bust through the doors, Pohatu and Onua having their uniforms in tatters.*Onua: YOU!Tahu: Me?Pohatu: Yes, you!Kopaka: You’re the worst! There’s angry customers out there who want to tear our arms off. I don’t even want to think of what happened to Takanuva…*Takanuva goes flying through the wall, leaving a huge hole.*Lewa: That coming out of our pay?*That’s when the power goes out in the entire restaurant.*Lewa: I think you did it now…Tahu: I really don’t care. In fact, why do any of you? Personally, I liked the old Metru Nui. Before it became some conglomerate state ruled by fear and fast food.Kopaka: Conglomerate? Wow, have you been reading the dictionary again?Tahu: Do you want me to set you on fire again?Kopaka: No…Tahu: I don’t know when the rest of you became so spineless and afraid. What happened to my old team? We shouldn’t be listening to what anyone says. Unless it’s the Turaga. They scare me.Takanuva, dizzy: He’s got a point, there…Tahu: See? Golden rod agrees with me.*His speech is cut short when numerous Dark Hunters break down the door and fly in through the windows.*Lariska, laughing: My, what do we have here? Some lazy employees chattering away?Lewa: For the record, Tahu started it.Tahu: And I liked you better when you thought you were some insane nutjob hero trying to save Hyrule.Lariska: Well, bad employees must be punished. Very well. I’ll take in your leader personally. As for the rest of you, well, you’re going to be detained indefinitely.Onua: I don’t like the sound of that too much.Tahu, taking fire sword: Yeah, right. My alarm clock is a bigger threat than you are.Lariska: Is that a challenge?Tahu: Am I talking in another language here?Lariska, evil giggle: So be it.*And that is when the two of them decide to settle it out... RPG STYLE.*To be continued...

Edited by ShadowBionics
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That alarm clock really has some nerve, trying to wake up the Toa of fire. I found that bit very funny. Not sure about the transistion between Tahu‘s bedroom and the restaurant, but it was enjoyable.Always Tahu, I‘ve noticed.

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