Edited by Jean Valjean, Nov 12 2012 - 02:38 PM.
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Posted Feb 09 2013 - 04:17 PM
[color=rgb(0,128,0);]I was a little confused as to the precipitate entrance of these undefined creatures and this unknown being from a place unidentified. I'm all right with the mystery that surrounds them and their presence and their travel, though. That has benefit to the story.As for the ending, where the story was supposed to tie together, it didn't. It was vague and inconclusive. Tom carried out his father's will--why? Because his father was a fiend and he was afraid to be punished again? Is Tom really so puerile? And then you go on to adumbrate "things more important," things he "felt he had to accomplish." What, after all, was so important to him? What did he do?I enjoyed Tom's dialogue with his father. That was dramatic and it gave meaning to the story. There was something worth telling. It might have been the focus of the story, if only it had not been drowned in so much superfluity; it might have been a valuable supplement, if the superfluity had had any point. As it was, it was somewhere in the middle of being focal and auxiliary."I was talking about politics. Aliens attacked. I had a dramatic speech with my father. Daddy spanked me and told me to rule the world so I did. I also did some other stuff but never mind that. The end."Up until the end it was a great story. But then it was left hanging, leaving me confused and wondering wherein the point lay.Grammatically you did as well as usual. Just a few simple errors:[/color]
The image, for those who dared look, was that of a pipe organ and alien architextures.
[color=rgb(0,128,0);]We all have those words we look back upon and say, "How in the world did I mispell that?"Yes, that misspelling was a pun.Architectures.[/color]
I conquered the rest of the universe with my silver toungue alone.
Yet, you dilute yourself in the waters of the ocean.
[color=rgb(0,128,0);]*delude ;)That was also a joke.[/color]
And Tom was punished that day. Publicly, in plain site.
[color=rgb(0,128,0);]Sincerely, Nuile: Lunatic Wordsmith [/color]
Edited by Nuile Writerson, Feb 10 2013 - 04:38 PM.
When I know I can't live without a pen and paper, when I know writing is as necessary to me as breathing . . .
I know I am ready to start my voyage.
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