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Mixed Up - The Return Of The Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings

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177 replies to this topic

#41 Offline Phovos

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Posted Oct 17 2012 - 03:14 AM

I'm amazed. You're already on chapter number 3.

Well... We... Got... Here... As... Fast... As... We... Could...

You didn't need to run. Do you need to sit down or something?

Yes... Yes I do...

Glass of water?

Thanks, Phovos...

You're out of shape.

Tell me about it. I have stumpy legs...

You said everyone was coming?

They all walked. I'm very angry at them. Tahnok could be in trouble.

You THINK? He told me about what Lehvak kept on saying to him. Poor guy was starting to feel suicidal! Needless to say, I wouldn't let him near the knife draw. Or the spoon draw. Catching your friend trying to pull his Krana out of his head via his nose using a spoon is NOT a good thing to see in the morning!

He... He actually tried that?




Oh, you made it. The five of you have a lot of apologising to do when you find Tahnok...

Why, aren't you the stern, motherly type?

When it comes to Tahnok, of course! He's like, my oldest friend! Where are the others?

I left them behind. They kept on saying mean things. Apart from Pahrak. He just can't keep up. Poor guy. So slow..

I am going to KILL them!

Please don't! Then they can't apologise to Tahnok! Speaking of which, where do you think he went?

He said something about the beach. I don't know. I'm scared he's going to hurt himself. I called the Toa Police but they just said "Don't worry, he's not really alive. If we see him, we'll put him in a box and deliver him home..."

That's not very nice!

I know. Toa are...

No swearing, Phovos.

I was going to say 'scum'. Not every insult I make is a swear word.

Oh, okay.

So what do we do now?

Go to the beach?

Erm, actually...

What's that?

Hang on...

We're here!

About time! Me and Kohrak have almost found him!

That's rather optimistic of you, Gahlok... But yes, we have a lead...



Lehvak, that joke is so old, it's got moss on it.

... Sorry...

Why don't you apologise to Tahnok like that?

Tahnok isn't scary like Phovos is...

Moron! Anyway, we need to hurry up! Phovos said that Tahnok's been suicidal!

Check at Turahk's place afterwards. Tahnok said something about a date and he might have gone to spend the night there!

We'll check the beach first! Come on, guys!

Oh, for heaven's sake...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:08 AM.

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#42 Offline Phovos

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Posted Oct 17 2012 - 06:39 AM

We're almost at the bea-OOPHHH!

Haha, nice one, Kohrak.

Pfffff... I have sand in my mouth... And it's gone up my nose! AAARGH!

Go drink some sea water and wash it away...

Er, you do know that salt water is undrinkable, right?

No? Wait, you can't drink sea water? Why?

It makes you throw up and get dehydrated.

Gahlok, why didn't you tell me this when we were on holiday?

Because I thought it was funny.

Shut it... There he is! TAHNOK!

Ssh. Sasha, is asleep!


Team Fortress reference.


Bloody Bahrag, Tahnok, you had me worried sick!

What, really?

YES! What with you running away and all that! You scared me! And you gave Phovos a fright too!

Oh, good, she followed my instructions and pretended to be scared...

You mean, you set some of this stuff up?

No... Just parts of it.

Oh. You're not dead.

Not dead at all.

Erm, why would I be dead?

Phovos said that you were feeling suicidal...

Well, I was, but only for a day. Then I met up with Turahk and we went to a restaurant and then we came here to watch the stars...

Aww, that's sweet.

Wait, Turahk's asleep?

Yes. And I don't want to wake him up.

Can I wake him up?

No... Speaking of which, I got you a present, Lehvak. Just a little thing to apologise for trying to killing you.

Ohhh! What is it?

Here... It's a jetpack...


Oh... Shoot... You...

Just blasted him into space again. He'll be back in a few days... As for you, Nuhvok...

Erm, should I run away now?


Okay then...

Bye, Nuhvok!

Huh... What were you going to do to him, Tahnok?

Oh, just beat him up. Nothing serious.

Are you and Turahk... Er... Serious?

Define 'serious'.

As in, are you just friends or is it more than that?

It's more than that.

So who's the girl?


Don't worry, Kohrak, it's a valid question. But neither of us is the girl. We're equal. None of this 'who's on top' nonsense.


Can I ask, did you read the note I left on the fridge?



Erm... What note?

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:08 AM.

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#43 Offline Phovos

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Posted Oct 21 2012 - 07:27 AM

I guess I'll see you round, then, Phovos?

Yeah, sure, any time, Pohatu! Good luck!

Thanks, Pho, I appreciate it. Those tips you gave me will serve me well!

Just, remember, diaries belonging to female beings are generally rather sickening. Just thought I'd mention that again.

Oh right. Thanks... Oh... Bohrok...


Kohrak! What are you doing back here?

I wanted to talk to you. I don't know what other reason I'd have to visit you... Unless you've recently baked a cake for me...

Well, I have, but I gave most of it to Pohatu, to share with his annoying siblings. He told me how annoying Tahu was...

Yeah... There is not enough energy in the universe available for me to be able to describe how annoying he is. Anyway, see ya!

Bye! Anyway, Kohrak, are you okay? Please don't tell me you're doing what Tahnok did?

No, not at all. I haven't run away from home after leaving an obscure note on the fridge that no one noticed, then deciding that I actually rather like that Rahkshi that's been stalking me and accepting his offer to go to a restaurant, then spending the evening watching the stars with said Rahkshi in some sort of awkward relationship, all the while making his brother worried...

Yeah... That'd be pretty bad if you did that too...

I don't get why everyone keeps on suggesting that having your best friend be a Rahkshi is so bad... Is it because both we and Rahkshi and Vahki and Visorak are all robotic beings?

Well, no.

Did you put that fake German accent on on purpose?

I just spent the last 3 hours re-watching all the Meet the Team videos, so yes.

That's just... Sad...

I know. I'm bloody addicted to that game. I even made a Pyro mask this morning.

You're really sad. And you wear clothes similar to Scout...

Actually... That's coincidental. I've always been a fan of plain t-shirts and three quarter length trousers and a pair of nice trainers. Can't stand over-one-shoulder bags though. Or gloves. I hate gloves. I always rip them with my claws. Anyway, shall we return to our conversation?

Yeah, sure... I dunno, I just don't understand. Sometimes I need to ask someone with both real-world connections and real emotions...

I don't think it's because Tahnok and Turahk are robots. I think it's because people assume they're both male...

What's wrong with that?

Dunno, but people are craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy...

You can say that again.

Dunno, but people a-

I didn't mean that literally.

Sorry. Just a bad attempt at humour... But I don't think you should worry about Tahnok. He's got a brain... Erm, Krana in his head and he knows how to use it. If we were talking about Gahlok or Lehvak or Nuhvok, I'd understand your concern...

Not Pahrak?

Pahrak's smarter than he looks. And acts. And sounds.

That's a lie.

Okay, fine. Pahrak too.

I suppose we should be glad that most Rahkshi are brain-dead.

Actually, Turahk is pretty brain-dead too, but they're all harmless now, since all the Makuta are deaded.



Why did you say deaded?

Because I can.

Eh, fair enough.

I don't get what the fuss is about anyway. No one has a problem with Tahu and Gali love stories. And they're siblings.

Valid point... Thanks for talking to me, Phovos...

No worries. I'm always here if you need me.

Oh, one last thing...


Can I have some cake please?



Sure, why not?

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:09 AM.

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#44 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Oct 21 2012 - 12:00 PM

So...many...chappies...RAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHAt any rate, good job during the...barrage of new material...that has been coming in steadily since I last reviewed. Team Fortress 2 discussions, and references to their "meet the" movies are always in style, as well as is people's uncertainty as to whether they are currently alive or not.KUTGW.-MT
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#45 Offline Phovos

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Posted Oct 22 2012 - 03:14 AM


Go away.

I'm looking for Lehvak-Kal! Do you know where he is?

No. Go away.

That's not very nice, Nuhvok-Kal. Don't treat me like a moron! He's almost certainly here!

Well, he's not.

Why not?

Go pester Tahnok and go away, you dumb Matoran. What in Kolasi are you doing here anyway?

What's Kolasi?

The planet Phovos is currently living on.

But Phovos lives on this planet! And you said that this planet was Spherus Magna! These plot holes are awful!

What's your name?

Tehurye. Why do you care? You're just a big, slow Bohrok.

And you're an air-head.

I'm a Matoran of Vacuum, you nincowpoop!

Oh, sorry, I believe I am mistaken. You have a vacuum instead of a brain. Get lost.

Let me in!

No. Get lost.

Nuhvok, who is it?

Some stupid Matoran!

Can't he read the signs that say "NO MATORAN"?

Obviously not.

Hey! I'm a Matoran who wants to be a Bohrok! I'm Lehvak-Kal's biggest fan!

Lehvak-Kal has fans?

Get lost, you stupid thing.

Don't you dare insult the best Bohrok-Kal ever!

Pffft. Best? More like dumbest. And most annoying. And the Bohrok most likely to be blasted off into space.

Hahahaahahahahahahahahahahaaahahaha.... Ahem... Sorry, my laugh went wonky.


Stop worrying about Gahlok's lame joke and get out of here.

Not until I see Lehvak-Kal! I don't care about you lame guys!

Hi, guys.

Hi, Kohrak.

Who's this Matoran?

Lehvak's only fan. He's desperate to meet him.

Well, if you read the last few chapters, you'd know that Lehvak's in space right now. He's due to land tomorrow morning. I think.

Really? I didn't... Erm... Sorry...

So, are you going to stop insulting us, you dumb little Matoran?

Not until you stop insulting me.

Come on, you two, stop it.


So is Lehvak-Kal really in space?




Yes, Lehvak-Kal IS in space.


Now get lost!

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:09 AM.

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#46 Offline Phovos

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Posted Oct 24 2012 - 09:15 AM

Oh. It's you again.


Are you looking for something?

Um, you said Lehvak would be back by now?

He's not back yet, sorry.

Oh... Well... I'd also like to say sorry... I was a bit rude...

Oh psssh, don't worry about it. We all have our moments.

So you're okay with me...

Of course! We have like 5 fans! We want all the fans we can get!

I'm glad you're ommmmmph!

Hm... I'd forgotten how nice it was to cuddle...

Mmmph mmmmph mmmmph!

I'm gonna squeeze you like my favourite teddy bear!


Gahlok, let him go! You're squishing him!

What? Oh, erm, sorry, mate.

What was that all about?

Lehvak-Kal! My favourite Bohrok ever ever ever! It's a pleasure to meet you!

Nice to meet you too... I have no idea who you are.

Didn't you read the previous chapter?

Dude, I was in spaaaaaace. I couldn't. By the way, what should I do with this?


That's... Is that the Space Core from Portal?

What's Portal?

That video game made by Valve.

You sound like an advert for all of Valve's games. Give it a break, Kohrak!

B-But he's holding the Space Core! How can I not mention it?

Space! Space! Space!

That's cool. You guys are way cooler than the other guys.

What other guys?

Well... Everyone!

Haha! You're awesome mate!

You're more awesome!



So, instead of us sitting here in the door way, let's go into the living room.

Who's that? Is that Tehurye, the guy from the last chapter?

Yeah. He's not a bad guy. I think him and Lehvak are in love.

Don't even go there.

Calm down, it's just a joke!

Just saying.


Go away, Medic!

I ain't Medic. I'm Sniper.

You're using Medic's colour.

There's only so many reds in this universe. If you're gonna be like that though, I'll see you later.





That was random.

Too random...

I mean... This story gets random sometimes, but that was really random. Almost as random as the early chapters from this series.

Fair enough... So, Tehurye, what do you wanna do? I have a bag full of practical jokes that we can set up for Halloween if you want.

That would be awesome!

Oh great...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:10 AM.

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#47 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Oct 24 2012 - 09:20 PM

Another couple of good chappies. Appearance of the Space Core gets instant thumbs up(although, you'd think, after being stuck in space for the past...year or so...he'd finally be getting sick of it).Also breaking the fourth wall towards the end of the second chapter was well done. Nice to know that the Bohrok Kal acknowledge their own randomness. :P-MT
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#48 Offline Phovos

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Posted Oct 25 2012 - 05:19 AM

Actually, The Bohrok-Kal are completely aware of their breaking of the fourth wall and their place both within the Bionicle universe and the Phoviverse.
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#49 Offline Phovos

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Posted Oct 25 2012 - 09:29 AM


What's wrong, Pahrak?

I feel sick... Are Bohrok supposed to feel sick? I didn't think that was possible...

Well, I suppose we can be ill... It does happen... I mean, I've felt ill at times.

Ach... So you don't know?

Logically, since we're robots, no, we shouldn't get ill, but nothing around here is logical.

Good point... Owwww...

What's wrong? I guess you're in pain.

It's my tummy. It hurts. It hurts a lot, actually.

How so? Have you eaten something you wouldn't normally eat?

Um... Well, I did drink a lot of salt water when I went on holiday with Gahlok...

That would have made you throw up several hours later... You wouldn't be feeling ill now. Anything else odd you've eaten?

I can't think of anything. I chewed on that black blanket of yours the other day, but I always do that and it hasn't bothered me before...

So that's why my blankie has holes in it! I was going to take it with me when I went to see Turahk and I was embarrassed because of all the holes!.. That's something me and Turahk have in common. Our deep desire to buy more pillows and blankets...

I just prefer blankets... Owwie, my tummy really hurts...

Have you had anything to drink?

Just the normal glass of water. I must say, you really do sound like a doctor.

I only know basic first aid... I'm not trained at all to be a doctor.

If only we knew a doctor. That would be handy.

Hello, Frauen!

That's handy! Hello, Medic!

Go away, Medic!

Go avay, schtupid Matoran!


So, vhat is ze problem vith you?

My tummy hurts.

Vhere does it hurt?

I thought I already covered most of this?

Let me get mein pocket x-ray machine...

Erm... What's that?

My X-Ray Pocket Machine V3. Iz good, ja?

That's cool.

Hm... I think I have found ze problem...

What's wrong?

Am I going to die?

Vell, no. But...


Vhen you have a glass of vater, you are not supposed to eat ze glass too...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:10 AM.

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#50 Offline Phovos

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Posted Oct 30 2012 - 01:26 AM

Heh heh heh.

Did all the lights just go out?

Erm, yes, since it's dark.

That was a rhetorical question.

No, it wasn't. You had your eyes shut.

Whatever. Tahnok, mind turning them on?

Yes, I do mind. I'm not some sort of walking generator. For a change, why don't you go outside and see if a fuse has broken or something?

But no one apart from you knows how to do it...

What, really?

Well, I know how to, but I'm lazy. You do it.

Fine. You annoying bloody...

How do we always end up jarate'ing him off?


Jar-based karate. Involves a jar and apple juice. Team Fortress reference.


Yeah, it's a Sniper weapon. Used to extinguish fires and scare enemies.

So why did you use that word?

Oh, you know me, always using alternatives to curse words. Speaking of which, anyone know what the date is? Or where Lehvak is?

It's the 30th of October, in human time. I have no idea what time it is in Bionicle time. If they even measure time. Sleeping in a nest for like 10,000 years really messes with your brain.

Tell me about it. And I still end up sleeping for weeks on end. You'd think that after so long, we'd never want to sleep again...

I'm not the only one then?

Gahlok's asleep right now.


Yep. Gahlok likes sleeping.

Can I ask, why are we all sitting here in the dark?

We don't have any torches or candles.


I think Tahnok might have broken and/or eaten them to teach us a lesson about trying to use him to get free electricity.

Oh... Fair enough.



... Nuhvok?

Sorry, tripped over. I wish Tahnok would hurry up.

Well, we did annoy him. So he's probably taking his sweet time... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!






Hahahahaha! Happy Halloween!

Is that... A giant cardboard monster?


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:10 AM.

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#51 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Oct 31 2012 - 08:27 PM

Sorry this review took so long to get up.The entire next to most recent chapter was great. Pahrak getting sick was definitely one of, if not the, funniest plot lines for a chapter so far.Most recent wasn't bad, either. But Bohrok Kal getting sick can't be topped.-MT
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#52 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 02 2012 - 06:02 AM

I am glad that you found my suffering amusing...

I'm sure he didn't mean it like that...

I know... So, are you going to do your rant today?

Yep. I wrote it out and everything.

Oh goody.

Anyway, this chapter isn't meant to be funny. This chapter is actually just me ranting about things. Well, some things. You see, I have to get this off my non-existent chest. Technically, I don't have one, but oh well.

What I'm annoyed about is how everyone says we're not alive. Or that we're not alive the same way other beings are alive. Yet everyone calls us stubborn and arrogant. I wish you'd make up your minds. We're either cold calculating beings or we're living ones. We can't be both. Machines have no emotions, feel no pain and are not alive. Living beings generally say ow when they stub their toe or something.

We're in that second group. We say ow when we stub our toes. Or are made to explode due to our powers going out of control. Shattering my entire body was an incredibly painful experience and one that I really do not fancy doing again.

Now, Toa are not allowed to kill. It's considered against their moral Toa code thingy. Yet when we were killed in agonising ways, they just shrugged their shoulders and said that "We're not alive." They might as well have drawn rude symbols on our dead and dying bodies and said curse words repeatedly at us.

And before you argue that 'Oh no, the Toa are awesome, you killed yourselves!', I did not intentionally make a sound so loud that it shattered my own body. They forced us to absorb more power than we could contain. While Lehvak mistakenly thought that we might be able to control it, the rest of us knew we stood no chance.

Why did the Toa get away with killing us? I don't know. The same applies to the hundreds and thousands of Rahkshi and Bohrok and Vahki and Visorak and a lot of other beings they have killed over the years. We paid for their crimes, they should pay for theirs.

After all, we were just doing our duty!

So... What do you think, Pahrak?





Zzzz... Huh? Oh, sorry, Kohrak. I must have fallen asleep...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:11 AM.

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#53 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Nov 02 2012 - 03:05 PM

I am glad that you found my suffering amusing...I'm sure he didn't mean it like that...

Actually, I did.It was hilarious.Thank you Pahrak.-MT

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#54 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Nov 04 2012 - 09:35 PM

Yay! I found this and I like it.(and forgot to post this yesterday.)
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-Rahkshi Guurahk

GENERATION 3: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

If I actually tried putting all the stuff I like on here, the sig would burst.



#55 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 06 2012 - 05:17 AM




That's my name, don't wear it out.


Never mind, bad joke. What's a big-headed git like you doing here?

I... I don't know... HEY! That's not very nice! What happened to all that stuff about being professional and having standards?


Are you going to answer my question.

Nah, mate. It's all for show. Them Meet the Team videos are just a bunch of propaganda rubbish made to jarate off them BLU mercs.

Oh. I thought they were a unique way to learn a bit more about the characters of the TF2 universe...

Nah. That's just a bunch of...

I think I ought to point out here that you're not allowed to swear.

Wha'? That sucks. Someone's got some explaining to do.

Speaking of explaining, where are we?


Don't tell me that you don't know.

Sorry, mate, I don't.

Seems like we're lost...

Nah, really?

Sarcasm isn't funny.

It can be. But whatever. We're stuck in a giant white empty place.

Is it completely empty?

Looks like it.

Maybe Nuhvok lost control again and destroyed everything, leaving nothing but white and us as the last two survivors.

Pretty messed up when a professional killer and a tame, big-headed robot are the last two survivors in the universe...

Yeah... Wait, what's that?

What's what?

Over there.

I don't see it... Hang on, let me get my rifle...

Are you going to shoot it?

Pahrak, I'm not a crazed gunman. I just want to use the scope so I can see what you're pointing at...


Hurm. Looks like... Looks like a control point.

That's weird.

I hope we're not on cp_giantemptywhitespace. That's an awful map.


Oh, nothing. Let's go capture it...

Okay! Let's goooooo!

Yeah, sure. Maybe something will happen...

Wait, how do we capture a control point?

You just stand on it.


Yeah. It's pretty easy when there is no enemy team around.

Oh, cool...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:11 AM.

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#56 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Nov 06 2012 - 05:34 PM

Interesting chapter.. waiting to see where this goes.

Edited by rahkshi guurahk, Nov 06 2012 - 05:35 PM.

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-Rahkshi Guurahk

GENERATION 3: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

If I actually tried putting all the stuff I like on here, the sig would burst.



#57 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 09 2012 - 05:12 AM

I love that sound...

The sound of a control point being captured? Yeah, me too.

It's nice. Like the sound Darth Vader makes when he puts his hat on.

I don't know what that is.

You've never seen Star Wars?

No. Haven't seen Indiana Jones either.

Poor you.

I heard the enemy Medic was going to see it in a fancy cinema.

Actually, BLU Medic's quite a nice guy from what I've heard.

Eh, don't care really. It's just another kill, right?

Except the respawn machines aren't on... Oh! We captured the control point!

And we ain't givin' it back.

Ohhh. Dark.

Thanks, mate!

Hehe. So, what now?


Who was that?

Eh. It was the Announcer. She's always telling us what to do. Looks like we're in a game of KotH.


King of the Hill. We've got to hold this control point for 3 minutes and then we win the battle. Them bloody wa...

Ahem, no swearing.

I wasn't going to call them that! I was going to call them 'wastes of space'.

Oh, my mistake. So, we just sit around here?

Guess so...

Hey, is that a Spy?


Over there, he just cloaked... Let me deal with him...

Huh? How... Oh... You have flame throwers on your shields...

Plasma's far superior to flames, correct?

What's the difference?

I'm not quite sure any more. Plasma is a rather generic term. Generally it's a searing hot gas which can easily be controlled by a magnetic field. And apparently fire and electricity are both forms of plasma.



Aha! Got you!

Hang on! That's a robot! A Spybot!

Oh, so the BLU team are NOT made from robots? Because this Spy looks BLU.

Grey made them BLU to confuse us.

Ah... So what does this mean?

One minute left in the mission.


Not yay. There could be loads of these Spybots around!

Well, let me turn my flame throwers back on. You get on that control point.

Okay, mate...






Hey, that wasn't a minute!

Maybe time's broken?



Sniper? Where did you go? Sniper?... Oh... You must have fallen down this big glowy portal...



Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:11 AM.

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#58 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 13 2012 - 10:01 AM

Oh B...



I don't care if we just fell through a giant, 200ft hole through space and time, only to safely land on a huge castle make out of marshmallows. No swearing, got it?

Oh, c'mon, mate, don't tell me you weren't scared up there?

I was but I didn't feel the urge to use cuss words.

Whatever. I think, while you're lecturing me about swearing, that it's time for an interlude.

Oh, okay then...

So, Tahnok, have you seen Turahk much lately?

Not as much as I'd have liked. We've both been busy. But I went to Ikea and bought him a sofa.

Erm. Why? That's a pretty darn odd thing to buy someone who you fancy.

Stop saying that I fancy him! Bloody Bahrag, am I not allowed to have friends?

Well, your friend IS a son of a Makuta.

And we're the children of two insane Bahrag. What's your point?

Your friend is the son of the guy who tried to utterly destroy this universe. You know, Teridax?

Turahk calls him 'Terry'.

Oh... Haha, that's funny. But anyway, doesn't that bother you?

No. Also, you're starting to sound like a darn Toa. That's all they talk about. And look at them. Quite a few of them have turned and become evil. And a whole bunch of them were working unknowingly for Makuta Teridax!

Eh, good point. But still...

C'mon. Turahk's a nice guy. He's just poor. He's in between jobs and he's struggling and he's lonely.

Which is why you bought him a sofa?

And a nice hamper basket that I've ordered him for Macromera.

You mean Christmas.

Well, I prefer not celebrating that one.

It's not like we believe in any of that stuff. Us being robots and all that. But what's Macromera?

It's a Threavok, Rethavok, Survok, Skiavok and Ethravok holiday, celebrating the days getting longer again.

That's a lot of 'ok'.

Veekay's a Threavok. He told Kohrak about it. Kohrak thought it sounded nicer than Christmas, which just celebrated the day of someone being born. Even though said person might not have even been born on that day.

Eh, good point. Do they have presents and stuff?

Threavok and Survok give each other presents. The other species just have huge feasts. Skiavok sacrifice people.

Charming. That would really ruin someone's Christmas. Or Macromera.

Yeah. It's silly, really.

So, that sofa? Why a sofa of all things?

Because Turahk doesn't have a sofa in his house. He just has a bed and a TV and a few book shelves. And he doesn't have telekinisis or gravity powers so washing up is a pain too.

Yeah, you guys are lucky you have me to do all that.

It's the only chore you do around the home.


Anyway, I said I'd meet Turahk at 7, it's getting late. I don't want to be late to see him.

Where you going?

Cinema. Tuesday is always cheap.

Ah, okie. Have fun!

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:12 AM.

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#59 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 16 2012 - 03:19 AM

So, where are we?

Not in that bright white place any more. That's probably a good thing. Right? Right?

Eh. Dunno, mate. For all I know, we could be in the depths of Teufort.


Great place fer Sniping, ain't much good for anything else.

Ah. Sounds like Voya Nui then. Awful place, Voya Nui.

So this ain't Voya Nui. And it ain't Teufort. Shall we continue this train of thought?

Our intelligence has been captured!

Gah. We need t'go get it.


Because she said so, mate. You always do what that cranky old witch says.

Kzt... Help!

Eeeeh! Robo Medic!

Hahaha. Them Medic bots are useless on their own... Wait... It's got the intelligence!

Nein! Kzzzt!

It's scared of you. It dropped the intelligence. Doesn't even look like an intelligence. It's just a brief case.

It's the stuff that's inside that is important. Now, you, Medicbot, where d'ya think YOU'RE going?

Kzzt. My team. Kzt. Let me down. Kztttt. Dummkopfe.

Aw. Well, on the plus side, at least you're not stuck with Sweary Mary here.

Oh yes it is. It's gonna show us how to get out of here!

Ach... Kzzzzzt...

Oh... That's not one of your arrows, is it, Sniper?

Nein. It's one of MY arrows.

Hahahaha! BLU Medic! What ya doing here?

Zhat STOOPID Soldier angered Merasmus again. Vell, I zhink it vas Merasmus. He looked razher... Mechanical... Big, black and shadow-y.


Who's Merasmus? And why are you not scared of me, BLU Medic?

Do you not remember zhat story about me, Nuhvok-Kal and cake?

Oh yeaaaaah!

*tut*. Anyvay, I have vorked out how to get out of zhis place. All ve have to do iz kill zhat horde of robots zhat are heading zhis vay,

What horde of robots?

Zhat one.

They're not robots. They're Rahkshi.

That ain't good.

Hang on, let me make a phone call...


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:12 AM.

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#60 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 19 2012 - 07:42 AM



That's five I've killed, mate! How ya doing, Doc?

Zhese syringes are USELESS! You have zhat rifle and I have ZHIS.

Okay, I made a phone call, help's on its way! Oops...


I didn't know Rahkhsi made Kzzt noises when you deactivated them...


These guys we're fighting. They're Rahkshi. From my world. Tahnok's dating one.


My brother. Haven't you been paying attention?

Nah. Too lazy. Plus, this is fun. And what with there being a resupply locker right here, I could do this for ages.

Dummkopf. Anyvay, who did you call?

You'll see in a moment...

I vant to know now, if you don't mind.

You'll see... It'll spoil the surprise!

It'd better be someone useful. I'm starting to get bored. These Rahkshi things are boring. All the same...

What? You all look the same! Even you RED and BLU people look the same!

Zhat's becauze ve are all clones. Ve aren't really killing thouzands of ourselves every day...

That... That's creepy.

Not as creepy as hundreds and hundreds of robots that all actually ARE identical. At least we try to make ourselves look a bit different. Like, you know, with hats.

You and your blooooody hats! They're dumb!

Don't insult my head, ya dumb moron!

Can ve get back to killing zhe bots, bitte?

No! I'm too busy arguing with Sniper here! Oh, hai, Tahnok.

You do realise that you interrupted mine and Turahk's quiet night in, right?

Yeah, sorry, but this is important.

Oh! Hai, fellow Rahksssshi! Whatsss you all doingss here?

Kzzt. The Makuta sssent usss to kill thossse humansss.

There'ssss a Makuta?

Yeah but he'ssss human too.

Can you ssshow me?

Sssure! Follow usss!

Zhey are all leaving!

What is this, Dawn of the People With Silly Accents?

That's not very nice, Tahnok.

Eh, I don't care, mate.


So, they've all left? I guess I should be kinder to Turahk in the future.

Like I've been saying this whole time...




Give me a call when you want me to pick you up! I'm just going to teleport these humans and Pahrak back home!

Okay, besssst friend! Sssee you later!

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:12 AM.

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#61 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Nov 19 2012 - 08:57 AM

What happened to levahk and kohrahk?
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-Rahkshi Guurahk

GENERATION 3: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

If I actually tried putting all the stuff I like on here, the sig would burst.



#62 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 20 2012 - 06:22 AM

That's a bloody good question! What happened to the rest of us?

Dunno. Don't care really. I've been busy setting up practical jokes in the local Matoran places.

That's not very nice at all. Anyway, I think Phovos decided that Pahrak doesn't get enough screen time and decided to let him have a few chapters to himself. If I don't say so myself, I think they were a bit too Team Fortress-y. BLU Medic's a great guy but RED Sniper's just a miserable git.

And you said I wasn't very nice...

Being miserable isn't the same as sending an Agori to hospital because he got flour in his eyes and fell down a sewer hole.

Not my fault that sewer hole STILL isn't fixed. I dropped my favourite Electro-Shock ring down there the other week.

Is it magnetic?

What do you mean?

Is that ring of yours magnetic?

Erm, yeah. Yes it is.

Oh okay then.

What are you thinking, Nuhvok?

Nothing. I just need to tell Gahlok to go and collect all the stuff his magnet has collected.


Nope. Just making people lose things. Blame the Agori/Matoran local council for the hole not being fixed. Bad enough they won't let me fix it, they just leave it open for months with no progress. The Matoran deserve to have their stuff taken.

Fair enough, I suppose...

B-but you were a Matoran once...

No, that's just me and Gahlok and Pahrak. You guys were 'born' as Bohrok.

Oh yeah...

So, anyway, what happened? Tahnok teleported off and I don't remember.

Hai... Issss Tahnok here?

Oh, hello, Turahk! No, he's not, he's still at wherever those human people came from.

Oh... Becaussse I found that the leader of the Rahksssshi I found wassss a human like they were.

I do believe I have been beaten...

BLU Spy?


That started off all even then went all random after the 9th 'Ha...'

Yeah, I know. I got carried away. Anyway, this is hilarious. A bunch of Rahkshi following a human? Pffft!

Those machines did not seem to mind. Gentlemen, I'll be off now...

Hssss! Where did he gooooo?

I turned invisible and escaped... OW!

Ahem. Super Sonic hearing. I heard your footsteps.

You threw a plate at me, you vile machine!

It was the first thing I got my hands on.

And who are you calling 'vile', you dumb human!

Dumb? Moi? Why, none of you have ever controlled an army of machines!



BLU Spy, meet Nuhvok-Kal, one of the generals in the Bohrok Stratos.


Dag nabbit! There's another one! I have no idea how you all get here!

Our Engineers are fine builders of teleporters.

Well that explains a lot. Anyway, time for you to go home too!


So, Pahrak, did you enjoy your solo adventure?

Yeah, it was fun, actually! Apart from the bit where we fell down the hole. That was a bit scary.

And now we're talking about holes again!

It'd be really silly if, next chapter, we end up thinking with portals?


Never mind. I'll be busy working on my replica Portal gun...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:13 AM.

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#63 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 21 2012 - 06:27 AM


What'ssss the matter, Tahnok?

Oh, nothing, Turahk. I just hate how our quiet evenings are always ruined... Okay, fair enough, we've only had a few, but...

It'sssss okay, my friend. Your brothersss are annoying but nice...

They drive me crazy. They really do. I gave up trying to lead them a long time ago.

Not becaussse you got them killed, right?

That's exactly why I gave up on leading. It doesn't look good if you got your team killed.

But you only had that sssstrange, ssstrict programming...

True... If we had done things MY way rather than the Queens' way, we'd have just killed the Toa and left it at that.

That would have been bessst.

It's just annoying... And I want to spend time with you. Then we get Pahrak calling us. That annoyed me, I wanted to see that film. And I wanted to go and get ice cream with you the other day, but everyone else wanted to go elsewhere.

It'ssss fine, Tahnok. We don't alwayssss have to do sssssomething...

But I want to do something! I want to spend time with you! But my brothers won't bloody let me!

Maybe sssspeak to them? Kohrak issss alwaysss willing to lisssten.

Yeah, I suppose I should... Actually, I should call them right now, just to see if I'm interrupting something.

Aw, don't be a hypocrite, Tahnok...

Hmmph. Yeah. You're right, Turahk...

Can I assssk a quessstion, Tahnok?

Sure. Ask away.

What happened to the sssofa you bought for me?

Oh Bahrag, don't remind me...

What's wrong?

I forgot to bring it last time. I got home and found that Nuhvok had broken it into lots of tiny pieces. And Gahlok then turned it into a wooden statue of some sort of Matoran. Then Nuhvok smashed that too.

Oh... Nuhvok isssn't very nice...

Tell me about it. I hate the lot of them these days. I just want to spend time here with you, Turahk.


You're nice. And not a moron. My brothers? All morons. Apart from Kohrak. He's semi-moron.

What about Phovosss?

I don't have anything to do with Phovos any more. The big white giant Tahnok deals with her now. And she's... Well, let's just say she's not as happy as she used to be...

Rhymesss with 'witch'?

Exactly. You read my mind.

I never ussssed to be able to do that...

Really? That's weird...

Ssssometimes... Sssometimes I think I will become a Makuta one day...

Oh? I doubt that...

Me too... But... I've ssseen changesss... It ssscares me...

Aw, Turahk, don't be sad... C'mere, let me give you a hug...

Thankssss, Tahnok...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:13 AM.

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#64 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Nov 25 2012 - 01:57 PM

Good chappies, sorry I haven't reviewed in a while. Turahk is probably the best character in this comedy now. He should get his own show or something. :P-MT
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#65 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 26 2012 - 07:25 AM

That's odd. I'm not a fan of Turahk.
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#66 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 26 2012 - 09:44 AM

Kohrak? Are you okay?

Ach. No. Nothing... Oh, sorry, Pahrak. I'm fine.

You don't sound okay.

That's because he isn't. You've got a big chunk of metal embedded in your face, Kohrak.

Gah. That's gonna be hard to get out...

Let Pahrak heat around the cut. It'll be easier to remove then.

Erm, I wouldn't trust me to do that. I barely trust myself to make toast.

You make great toast. But don't worry, I'll remove it later and re-polish my head shield. Again.

What are you even doing in there?

Oh? Nothing. Nothing at all.

Don't lie! The whole house moved!

I'm amazed this house is still standing.

Are we going to do that "This house's fourth wall has been knocked out too many times" joke again?

No. Not at all.

I wish Lehvak would turn his internet videos down. I can hear them from here.

Huh? I can't.

Yeah... He's watching Top 100 Insults.

Charming. I swear, Lehvak's getting less cute by the minute.

That's because he is.

You don't realise how hard it is to write when you can hear someone screaming insults from a movie.

Yeah. It's pretty hard.

So, how are you two?

Why are you pushing us out of your room?

Oh, no reason.

What are you doing in there?

I said, earlier, nothing.

I'm going in...

No, don't. My security system's online. You REALLY don't want to go in there.

Turn it off then?

No. Secret stuff.

Not 'Nothing' then?

Darn. You got me.

Hah. Spill the beans, Kohrak.

That's a point, I need to get dinner started. I'm doing fassolia.

But everyone hates fassolia.

For those of you who don't know, fassolia is beans and vegetables in a chicken or vegetable stock. It's actually quite nice.

And only Lehvak doesn't like it. But I decided to make something I like for dinner.

You should let us cook occasionally.

I like cooking.


Ah yes. What's in there, Kohrak?

Erm... Tell you what, if you stop asking me, I'll tell you tomorrow.

Yeah, okay.

Okay then.

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:13 AM.

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#67 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 27 2012 - 10:11 AM

Fassolia? You're kidding, right?

No... I like it... I thought everyone liked it.

I hate it.

Sorry. I'll cook something you like next time. It's hard cooking for everyone though. You all have different tastes. Especially you.

Well, I enjoyed that meal. Pahrak, it was very nice, thank you.

You're welcome, I love cooking.

Have you ever thought about making something decent for once? Like, for example, sausages and mashed potatoes?

Yeah but that's not much fun. The mashing the potatoes part is amusing but the sausages get grilled or baked and it's dull.

Lehvak, stop being mean. Pahrak doesn't have to cook for us, you know. In fact, if it wasn't for him, we'd only eat junk food.

That's what I want to do. I don't care about Pahrak.

Okay, Lehvak, shut up. I've had enough of your attitude. You just insult us all the time!

It's what I do best.

Actually, I think Kohrak's right. You're just a big meanie.

And I think we need to do something about this attitude, Lehvak.


You okay, Gahlok?

SOMEONE put fake Visorak in my wardrobe again!


It was YOU?

Of course.


You have to catch me first.


Gahlok's a pirate! Gahlok's a scaredy cat! Gahlok's stupid! Gah-OOOFFF!

Got you.

Nice one, Nuhvok.

Danke. Now, what to do with Lehvak?


I was thinking of sending him to Phovos's house. He'd last like 3 minutes before she kills him.

Nononono! Please, no!

We could give him to Eddy...


How is Eddy the Enderman worse than Phovos?

He's not even an Enderman. He just looks similar to one...


We could throw him in the spike pit... But that means we won't get him back later...

Unless we throw him into the tentacle pit...

We have a tentacle pit?

I accidentally made a portal to one in my bedroom.

I'll be having nightmares for a week now...

I say we castrate him.

That's a little too harsh. Plus, that doesn't work.

Tahnok! Nuhvok! Stop being naughty!

Sorry, Pahrak. But still, cutting off body parts is too harsh.

Fair enough. Hey, Kohrak, do you still have that poison from the old comedy?

You mean from the beginning of the Bohrok-Kal's Ramblings where Lehvak's Rahi vomited on my head? No.

That's a shame.

How about we dress Lehvak up as an action figure and send him to a child's birthday party?


Apology not accepted. But I've got a better idea...

Oh? Gahlok's one was pretty good. I doubt you'll beat it.

Well, you remember Veekay from next door?

The nice Threavok with the funny accent?


He's a nice guy.

True, but he's got a brother. His name is Geekay. Geekay has a daughter and it's her birthday coming up day after tomorrow... So, why don't we dress Lehvak up as a pretty little princess... And use him as a piñata...

That's evil...

That's crazy...

That's genius...

That's perfect...

Oh no...

So, Gahlok, want to sort Lehvak out?

Oh wonderful. It'll be my pleasure...


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:14 AM.

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#68 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 29 2012 - 06:02 AM

I hate you all.

You deserve it. How was the party?

Painful. They whacked me with sticks.

Has it taught you a lesson?

Yes. In the future, never put sweets in where your Krana goes. Those kids will be at it for ages trying to pry your head open.

Have you learnt anything else?



Yes, I learnt my lesson about not annoying all of you. What is this? A kid's story?

Kinda, yeah.



Bloody Bahrag, I just had this awful dream...


I'm gonna go have a bath. My head-shield is all sticky from the sweets I crammed in there.

See ya, sugar head.


Anyway, Kohrak, want to talk about it?

If you don't mind...

Sure, I don't mind.

Well, it was this awful dream where we all had an argument and Pahrak and Gahlok went off to be Bahrag and Lehvak went on a destructive rampage before being killed by the Team Fortress mercenaries. It was awful.

That sounds horrible.

It was. But it was just a dream.


What did you dream about?

Me? Erm...

Oh, come on...

I just dreamed about eating this huge mountain of cake. It was a nice dream.

So THAT's what those pictures in my head when I sleep are!

You didn't know what a dream was.

I did, but I didn't realise we could have them.

That's... That's actually rather funny.

Don't laugh at me.

Ha. Ha.

I hate you.

Lehvak hates everyone.

I know :s

You... You used a smiley face?

What, am I not allowed to use emoticons and smilies any more?




I was kidding.

I wasn't. Emoticons are for lame people.

Like you then.

Yea... HEY!

Guys, stop arguing!

You stop arguing.

Erm, what?

Never mind. I'm gonna go have some dreams.

Okay then...

Phew. Glad he's gone.

Yeah. We sure do get through some crazy talk around here. Like that time when we were all asking about that laptop. Turns out Pahrak had it... Did he ever fix that wall by the way?

Eventually. I had to help though. I've loosened up though. Pahrak's a nice guy. Not like Lehvak or Nuhvok these days.

I heard that!

But it's truuuue!

It's twue, I tought I taw a putty cat!


Classic cartoons...

Tom and Jerry is ALWAYS better.

True. And Roadrunner.

Something about no one having voices. It's better like that...

Yeah... No words, all action... Always nice...





Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:14 AM.

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#69 Offline Phovos

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Posted Nov 30 2012 - 07:19 AM


What on earth does that stand for?

But we're not on Earth...


Oh my Bahrag!

Oh... I get it now. Boy, Bohrok text speak is horrible.

Yeah. You have no idea what anyone's writing.

Hence my text messages with perfect grammar.

Phovos's grammar is actually very good.

Ahem, as I was saying.

What were you saying?

The Rich Text Editor is no longer messed up!


Oh yeah. Didn't notice until just now.

What's the Rich Text Editor? Is it a text editor that won the lottery?

Don't be silly. It's an editor that lets you edit text by highlighting it then pressing a button instead of writing the code yourself.

So how was it messed up?

Used to be that when you typed coloured text, first off, if you made a mistake, you'd press backspace and it'd go to the beginning of the line.

Yeah. Also, you couldn't just press enter. But those things have been sorted out now. That means this comedy's far easier to write.

That was some fine fourth wall breaking, Kohrak and Tahnok...


So that's what you all got excited about?


That's kinda depressing actually. We get so excited about such silly things.

Well, we are actually quite boring.

Can I completely change the subject please?


Yay. So, Kohrak, can me and Tahnok go into your room now?

######. I thought you'd forget about that.

I'd forgotten about that.

Yeah. Normally Pahrak's the slow one.

I thought I was the slow one.

No, you're the dumb, feminine one.

I'm the slightly crazy one, Pahrak's the slow one, Lehvak's the joker, Nuhvok's grumpy and Kohrak's the sensible one.

Pretty much.

And to think, back in the old comedy, Kohrak was the crazy, irritable one.

So, can we see your room now?


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:15 AM.

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#70 Offline Phovos

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Posted Dec 03 2012 - 06:11 AM



Kohrak will hear you!

He's not here. He's like a couple of hundred miles away. But if you repeatedly say his name, he'll hear you.

Oh, okay.

Because he listens out for whenever someone says his name. So don't mention his name.

Alrighty then. Have you been studying Koh... Him?

No. He just told me that last week.

That explains why he knew I was stealing his cookies when I said "Oh, hey, Kohrak's cookie jar!"

Yeah... He's a tough guy to sneak things past.

Or we could avoid all this by not saying anything...

Whatever. Can we go into Kohrak's room please?

Yep. Just let me cut the power and...

And it's dark in here.

Duh. Tahnok just turned off the power.

And why did you do that?

To turn off any traps that he's set up. Because he uses electricity to power that Taser gun that fires at you when you walk in.

Ohhh... So, Tahnok, you go in first. We'll be your backup.

Gee, thanks.

You're the electricity Bohrok. If you get hit by a Taser, it won't hurt.

It will, it just won't incapacitate me.

That's a big word for a pretty Bohrok.

Oh shut up. I'm going in.

Be careful...

Hey, there's a light on in h... OW!


Ow ow ow ow ow ow.


Gah... I didn't know that he had his own generator... The darn Taser went off...

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Get on with it.

​I'd rather not. If that worked, that means Kohrak's guillotine is still operational. 


Yes. The one he showed me if you touch his bed.

Okay, I think we should leave.

Me too.


Fine. I'd like to see you go in there and get tasered.

Maybe later.

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:15 AM.

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#71 Offline Phovos

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Posted Dec 06 2012 - 03:00 AM


Hm? Oh, sorry, Veekay. I was listening out for back home.

Your hearing is so good you can hear what's going on at home?

Yeah. I hear pretty much anything. I have to wear special, custom made earplugs in bed so I can actually sleep. It can get very annoying at times.

Sounds like a pain, matey.

And there I was, thinking you'd ditched the pseudo Australian accent.

It ain't supposed to be Australian. It was just supposed t' be friendly.

You don't need a friendly accent.

It's nice though. Also, Arkay's allowed t' have a British accent...

Is he one of your brothers?

Blood brother, yeah. We're actually related t' one another. Same parents. Most people generally just share a mother.

But you don't have genders?

Yeah... Let's not get into all that.

Oh all right then.

So, why ya here?

I was just bored and fancied a trip. Also, it's mostly this thought experiment of mine. I like thought experiments. Especially ones like the one Sawbones did. Running into a room screaming that a poisonous gas tank has exploded to see what happens...

Oh, huh. So, what happened?

People ignored him and got poisoned.

Oh. That sucks.

Humans are dumb.

That ain't true. Every species has a bunch of stupid ones. That's just t'way things go.


So, your thought experiment?

Oh yes. About that. Well... A while ago, Pahrak and Tahnok wanted to go into my room. No one's allowed in my room. I have secret projects and weapons and all sorts in there. So, as my thought experiment, I wondered what would happen if a. I let Pahrak and Tahnok discuss my bedroom with Nuhvok and/or Lehvak, and b. to what degree would they try and get into my room?

What did they do?

Well, Tahnok's a smart cookie. He quickly realised that I have a back up generator in my bedroom that activated whenever someone cuts the power. Of course, Tahnok didn't realise that until he set off my Taser trap.


It's a less than fatal weapon that electrocutes the target.

Ain't Tahnok immune t'that?

Yeah but it still hurts.

That's... That's cruel.

Hey, I have dangerous stuff in my room. I can't let anyone just waltz in there and use it.

I guess...


Yeah. But... What about t'others? What're they gonna do?

Well... Hehehehe...


We'll find out in the next chapter.

Aw. But I wanted t'find out now!

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:15 AM.

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#72 Offline Phovos

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Posted Dec 14 2012 - 01:49 AM



What is thaaaaat?

It's a Christmas tree.

That's not a Christmas tree. It's the wrong shape.

How is it the wrong shape? It's a fake fir tree. That's always been the shape of a Christmas tree.

Wait, what? I thought a Christmas tree was one of those trees you find on a desert island.

A palm tree? Really?


Did you watch that TV show, Futurama?

Yeah, why?

You're a moron. You really are.

Gee, thanks, bro. I love you too.

Whatever. How many Christmas holidays have you celebrated?

One. With Medic. But we didn't have a tree. Pyro burnt it down.

Bloody Bahrag. No wonder you're clueless.

Can I ask, why are we doing all this stuff early?

Because you're not going to be here?

Oh yeah. Yeah, sorry about that. Stratos called me in.

Which is why we're celebrating early. Despite us all being atheist non-believers. Can't do this if we're all not here.

Is anyone else coming or is it just another boring day with you lot, with presents and food?

Turahk's coming, so is Phovos. BLU Medic is popping by as well. 


Can I invite Pohatu please?

Yeah, if you want.

I wanted to invite Kopaka too, but he's busy.


He rents himself out every December. He does fake snow for parties and stuff.

Pfft. Really?

Yeah. Apparently he likes it.


Yep. Me and Pohatu chipped in and bought him a sofa for his house.

What is it with you lot and sofas as gifts?

There's a DFS down the road. They've always got a sale on sofas. I don't think there was a time that there wasn't a sale on sofas there.

Oh. What about Ikea?

Too far away. That's all the way in Lefkosia.

Yeah. Long drive.

So, anyone else you want to invite?

I'm just glad you managed to get an invite to Doc. 


Nice tree, Tahnok.


So who's cooking?

Me, but Tahnok offered to help and Gahlok's gone out to get a few bits and pieces.

Oh nice. I feel festive now!

Oh goody.

Yay, Christmas spirit!

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:16 AM.

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#73 Offline Phovos

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Posted Dec 17 2012 - 04:33 AM


Oh no no no, get out Kohrak, get out, secret stuff here, not allowed to see, move it, clear off, go away.

And Pahrak's just slammed the door in my face. Guess I'll see what Tahnok's up to.

You always have to see what I'm up to. Why don't you go give Gahlok some love?

Oh, you're right here. So you saw Pahrak...

He's working on his Christmas presents. He's always secretive about presents.

Huh. Why didn't he say so?

Dunno. But once I'm done with the washing, I'm popping to the shops with Turahk to do some festive shopping myself. He's struggling to work out what to buy you lot so I said we'd chip in and buy something big.

Turahk doesn't have to buy us stuff...

Yeah, I said that, but he wants to. Anyway, see ya.


So, what was Tahnok saying about you giving me some love?

That sounds so... Perverted.

You know what he means. I don't get much screen time around here.

Yeah. Probably because you think you're female.

Well, that and...


When the author starts typing, I normally hide. I'm not a fan of all this Bohrok-Kal Ramblings stuff.

Why not?

​It's embarrassing. And silly. Can't we just live our lives? People mock us!

Admittedly, everyone mocks us. We're Bohrok-Kal, Clones of clones. People haaaaate us. With a passion. There's a reason we were all killed in under 3 months.

That wasn't fun...

Yeah. Not worth thinking about... Those darn Toa...

At least the Rahkshi got a good run. Although not always seen, they did often pop up behind the scenes.


But imagine a nest of us. A good 10,000 Bohrok-Kal. We'd be unstoppable.

Or it'd be like in Brave New World, in the experiment they did on the island of Cyprus, which was filled with smart, A people, where no one wanted to do the dirty jobs and everything was turned back to normal...

... Good point...

Yeah. Would be cool though.

Definitely. Worth a shot, I think.

So, any ideas for Christmas gifts?

Actually... You're the only person I have to buy for now. I've bought everyone else presents.

Really? I'm still struggling as to what to get for Tahnok.

I bought him a blanket. You could get him some pillows to go with it?

That's not a bad idea.


What did you get for Pahrak?

Bouncy ball.


And some cool, silicon kitchenware.

Ah... And Lehvak?

Lehvak and Nuhvok are easy to buy for. Prank toys for Lehvak and video games for Nuhvok.

I just buy Team Fortress items for Nuhvok. He was pleased last year when I gave him 5 keys.

What a weird economy that is. Keys are worth more than metal and headphones are worth more than keys and weapons.

Yeah. The lowest form of currency is a weapon. Very weird.

So, what happened to that Portal thingy you were doing?

Decided to save it until after the holidays. Not in the mood currently.

Fair enough. Want to come shopping with me?

Sure, why not?

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:16 AM.

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#74 Offline Rahkshi Guurahk

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Posted Dec 29 2012 - 07:38 PM


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-Rahkshi Guurahk

GENERATION 3: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

If I actually tried putting all the stuff I like on here, the sig would burst.



#75 Offline Phovos

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Posted Mar 07 2013 - 04:12 AM

Bloody Bahrag, I forgot about this...

Well, that's understandable, Phovos. You've been busy with me, Medic and Vahrga Thom... Is he really calling himself Thom now?

Arkay, your yellow text is too hard to read. But I feel quite sad. It turns out that the people in the Short Stories and Epics section very much hate the Comedies forum, thinking it's worthless...


Hello, Nuhvok.

Hello, Phovos, strange yellow and black creature. Glad to see you again.

Same to you too, Nuhvok. Yeah, as I was saying, there was a message in my inbox by a bunch of comedy writers saying all sorts of things that make me sad.

What's going on?

Apparently some people hate us. So Phovos is resurrecting this comedy.

Oh great! Just... Leave out the stuff between me and Turahk please. Things... Things didn't go well.

HAHAHAHAHA! I knew it! You silly, sappy fool!

Lehvak, that's no way to treat someone with a broken heart! Are you okay, Tahnok?

Oh, I'm fine. I actually started up a whole new group, the Teleporter Korps. We're now an incredibly valuable asset to the Bohrok armies. Except for the guy who teleported into a wall yesterday. Poor guy. Didn't have any control...

Did you manage to get him out?

Nope. His arm is still sticking out of the wall.

That's horrible...

C'mon, Tahnok, give us lots of juicy gossip about Turahk!




Who is Turahk? Is he the red Kshan-looking guy that you used to date?

The red Rahkshi, yes.

Who are you, mister I Speak In Horrible Bright Yellow Text?

My name's Arkay. I'm a Threavok. You remember Veekay? I'm his brother.

Nice to meet you.

Ohhh! You're the guy I ordered those laser pistols from. They didn't work!

Did you turn the safety off?


That explains it.


Fine. He proposed to me. I was unsure. I said I wanted to think about it. He got angry and lost control of his Makuta-y powers and tried to eat me.

Oh. That wasn't nearly as fun as you suggested.

Can I talk now?

No. Go away.

Don't make me drop-kick you.

Okay, I'll shut up.

Good. Anyway, anyone think I should bring this back to life?

Yes please. I've been lonely. Being a Toa is fun but the Matoran are still scared of me. And they're taller than me. Not fair.

Aw, poor Pahrak.

Also, where's Gahlok? Is he around here somewhere?

Oh look, he just crashed through the ceiling.

Ow. Stupid rocket-powered jetpack didn't work.

So much for a spectacular entrance.

Pfft. Yeah.

Anyway, I'd like to see this come back to life. Starting over for, what, the fifth time?

Seventh, I think.

Eh, whatever. Okay, I'll start this again. Make people happy, ja?

'Yes', Phovos. You're not German.



Hey, I'm an English Cypriot. Don't say I can't use Greek now.

No one understands you though.

Can we get started with the comedy now?



Tomorrow. We'll start tomorrow. Okay?






Bloody Bahrag...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:16 AM.

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#76 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Mar 07 2013 - 10:06 PM

Hey you made it back.


[color=rgb(0,100,0);]Same to you too, Nuhvok. Yeah, as I was saying, there was a message in my inbox by a bunch of comedy writers saying all sorts of things that make me sad.[/color]


[color=rgb(255,0,0);]What's going on?[/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,0);]Apparently some people hate us. So Phovos is resurrecting this comedy.[/color]

So...he resurrected the Bohrok Kal because they're hated?


Phovos the Spiting Raptor. :P


Eagerly anticipating the return of the Bohrok Kal. Just hopefully with less Arkay.



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#77 Offline Phovos

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Posted Mar 11 2013 - 02:56 AM

People... People don't like me?

Arkay, this is BZP. You don't have a place here.

Aw, and I was going to change my text colour to 'Golden Rod' as well...

Please, Arkay. You have your own blog. And a forum.

It's not my forum, it's your forum. And since Retvik joined, I don't want to post there...

Oh, grow up.


Is the person with yellow text gone now?

Seems like it. And who hates us?

Most people. We sold really badly in the human world. Ethra?

Earth, moron. Ethra is where horrible-yellow-text Arkay is from.

No, he's from Threa. Ethra's another place entirely.

Oh, and since when did you know all about these planets, Tahnok?

To join the Teleporter Guild, you have to complete a task on six different planets. Ethra is commonly picked because it's full of places to hide. And the native Ethrans are rather friendly.


Also, I think Nuhvok and Phovos may have been referring to the people in the Short Stories and Epics section. I mean, it's not all pie-throwing around here, right?

No, they've also got to put up with awful, scripted comedies like this.

At least this comedy is unique though. And it flows.

And it's easy to write.

Yeah!.. Wait...

Is it really that easy to write?

Yep. My imagination is so full of rubbish.


So, who wants cake? I made it for Mother's Day yesterday but Gahdok and Cahdok just punched me in the face and kicked me out.

Yeah, they're so grumpy like that. I got them a coffee machine that made decaffeinated coffee and they disintegrated it with Kohrak's present.

What DID Kohrak get them?

A disintegrating gun.

Oh. I assume they only liked his present then.


Are you okay, Gahlok?

Eh... Not really. I tried making breakfast in bed for the Bahrag and they poured boiling hot baked beans, bacon and sausages on my head.

That's just cruel.

I'm sorry, Gahlok. They didn't like my cake either.

They didn't? What a shame! It was really pretty as well.


Where is it?

On the side, there. It's still edible, once I've picked all the pebbles out of it. They just flicked it out of my hands.

Mind if I have some now?

Of course not! Watch out for...


... Stones...


Nuhvok? What did you get the Bahrag for mother's day?


Wise move.

And they weren't angry?

Considering what they did to you and your presents, I doubt it.

Good point...

Oh dear, never mind. So, do you want cake?

Yeah, sure.

Thanks, Pahrak.


Say, where IS Kohrak?

Kohrak? Oh, he's still with the Bahrag. They're firing disintegrating lasers at him for target practice...

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:17 AM.

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#78 Offline Phovos

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Posted Mar 12 2013 - 04:58 AM

Holy dooly! This comedy is back!

Erm, what?

And you lil fruit-shop owners're still 'round! That's great! Awesome! D'ya come over f'some cake or something?

I'm confused.

Y'don't remember lil ol'Veekay?

Yeah but...

'Course ya do! Your lil brothers were 'round at my place f'ages! Ya did all sortsa things and then ya brother Kohrak ran off lookin' for ya!

So... We haven't actually met then?

Oh, that's a good point, matey! And silly me, I didn't introduce myself!

My name's Tahnok-Kal, nice to meet you.

The name's Veekay, nice to meet you too, matey!

Can I ask, Veekay, are you related to that Arkay who speaks in horrific, illegible yellow text?

I believe I mentioned the sod when I last popped by! E's too busy t'make much time f'me... We used t'be equals, leading our K-Taksi Ksa but that didn't end too well...

He didn't seem too bad...

Eh... He's an alright matey. Ya just gotta get into his 'inner circle'... Oh... And he's recently been dumped by his boyfriend...

Boyfriend? Okay, you need to remove that, Veekay. Phovos had a complaint that me and Turahk were too 'friendly' with one another, and we're machines. The complaints will flood in if people find out that you're...

Oh, don't be silly, matey! Us Threavok are like you. We ain't got no gender! We just call everyone 'he' the way you do!

Except you're organic...

Eh, nah, not really. Not completely. Organic plastic alongside some other, non-organic plastic, mate. Y'know, technology, yah?

Oh. I understand. So, another, somewhat random question. Why does Arkay have a thick British accent while you have a terrifying, semi-Australian accent?

Ah, that! Well, mate, I'll let ya in on a secret... Most Threans can't talk the way ya do. We're all telepaths! But some of us, we learn how t'talk the way yah little guys do, with our voices, words from our mouths. It's easy f'Arkay, his element is Sound. He taught me how t'talk, but my voice ended up different 'cos I practiced wit'video games!

Team Fortress 2, I guess.

Weeelllll, not ONLY... But mah voice sounds... Not bad... My bro, Elkay, he sounds very slightly Canadian... And I got a mate called Espy. 'E sounds like a little girl. Then again, Espy used t'be a Bohrok...

Interesting. So, when you talk by using sounds rather than telepathy, you gain a strange accent depending on how you learned to speak?

Yah! You oughta come and visit us on Threa one day, matey! You'd love it!

We'll see... I'm generally quite busy these days. The Teleporters Guild has been very busy...

Is it just f'Bohrok?

Yes. We do a lot of secret missions for the Stratos which I really should not be talking about.

Ah, no worries, matey! I'm sure yah brother, Nuhvok, will spill the beans later!

I bloody hope not!

Did someone say beans?

Oops, sorry, mate.


Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:17 AM.

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#79 Offline Phovos

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Posted Mar 13 2013 - 05:33 AM

Pahrak, what are you doing out here?

Hm? Oh, I'm just setting up a lemonade stand!


Yes! Homemade! 

Oh... How did you make it?

With lemons and sugar and water and stuff.

No secret ingredients then? How are you going to compete with all the other lemonade stands?

I... I don't follow.

Well, you need to stand out. Any moron can go and sell lemonade. Anyone can make it. So why is your's so special?

Erm... Because it's made by a Bohrok?

And you think that people will buy that?


Well, you're wrong.

Aw. I just wanted to sell this lemonade...

I can help. You just need to market it.

Erm... How? Why has all of this got to be so confusing?

What are you two doing?

I'm helping Pahrak sell his lemonade.

That sounds... Weird.

I know...

Oh, stop being euphemistic sissies. Want to help us, Gahlok?

I didn't really want any help in the first place...

Erm, no thank you... Wait, what are you doing now?

Making signs and things so everything stands out and looks awesome.

What, like arty things?


Oh! I love arty things! I will help!

Okay then...

What's wrong, Pahrak?

Oh, hey, Kohrak... Oh, nothing... I just wanted to sell some lemonade...

What's stopping you?


I'm trying to help you sell more.

I didn't really need help...

Yes you did.

I'm just trying to get rid of it all. I made way too much...

So it was you who flooded the basement?

I'm sorry...

It's... It's okay. It's Tahnok's basement anyway. But since he's out socialising, we need to get rid of it as fast as possible... So, a contest?

Who can sell the most lemonade before Tahnok gets back?

Exactly. You and Gahlok can work together, and I'll give Pahrak a hand. And no, Pahrak, I won't force you to make your lemonade stand into a ruthless business...


When is Tahnok getting back?


Where is he?

Doing stuff for his Teleporters Guild...


Okay, let's get started! Whoever makes the most money and sells the most lemonade wins!

Edited by Phovos, Mar 16 2014 - 06:17 AM.

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#80 Offline MT Zehvor

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Posted Mar 14 2013 - 04:55 PM







[color=rgb(255,165,0);]Holy dooly! This comedy is back![/color]


[color=rgb(255,0,0);]Erm, what?[/color]

Veekay's a bit behind the times.



[color=rgb(255,140,0);]Eh... He's an alright matey. Ya just gotta get into his 'inner circle'... Oh... And he's recently been dumped by his boyfriend...[/color]


[color=rgb(255,0,0);]Boyfriend? Okay, you need to remove that, Veekay. Phovos had a complaint that me and Turahk were too 'friendly' with one another, and we're machines. The complaints will flood in if people find out that you're...[/color]


[color=rgb(255,140,0);]Oh, don't be silly, matey! Us Threavok are like you. We ain't got no gender! We just call everyone 'he' the way you do![/color]


[color=rgb(255,0,0);]Except you're organic...[/color]


[color=rgb(255,140,0);]Eh, nah, not really. Not completely. Organic plastic alongside some other, non-organic plastic, mate. Y'know, technology, yah?[/color]

...er...no....I don't know.





[color=rgb(0,0,0);]Pahrak, what are you doing out here?[/color]


[color=rgb(139,69,19);]Hm? Oh, I'm just setting up a lemonade stand![/color]

That was going to be my second guess after "blowing something up."


Good chappies, Phovos.



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