That was intense. Was the Queen of Light supposed to be a good person? Because you've managed to make both her and her captive multi-dimensional in just a few short paragraphs.

You've gone into a bit of backstory, but I like how you put in there using dialogue instead of boring exposition. You've also given a bit of psychological intrigue to draw us in, leaving us with some questions about the shady intentions of Rinyon and the Queen of Light.

I'm not sure what I'd edit. It depends on the larger story you're telling, but overall this prologue seems pretty solid. I'd go on to write the next section with no worries.

The Queen of Light will be the character whose viewpoint we see the most, so yes, she is meant to be seen as a good person. I'm glad to hear you liked them both--I was a bit worried Riniyon's single-mindedness made him too flat. Thank you for the feedback!

Nah, the single-mindedness only raises more questions. It's clear that he's absolutely furious and single-minded in his fury, which raises the question of why he is so furious and full of hatred. If I were writing this, I would make sure that the reader gets to discover that answer somewhere over the course of the story.

Also the Queen of Light seemed to enjoy toying with Riniyon and was amused by his tactics, so I was unsure as to her moral alliance. It could be that she is immature and underestimates the threat of Riniyon, and I do enjoy this character depth/ambiguity, but if you want her to be seen as unquestionably good from the beginning, you might want to make that more clear.

Mmm..."unquestionably" good sounds a bit much. She does come across as immature at times, and I don't want to hold her up as having absolute moral authority or anything. That'd be too idealized and boring.

I think I'll leave her as is--maybe a little different, since she'll be in a different body for most of the story, but if this is the impression her basic essence leaves, then I'm cool with that.