It occurs to me that many people are unaware of how to make a good blog entry. People just type whatever pops up into their heads. Well, I'm here to set the record straight. Here is the format for a good blog entry.

• Here you should have a greeting of some sort. Something like "Hello", "Hi, guys", or "Good morning" or even "Hoo-hah Bonjour" if you're trying to appeal to those of foreign demeanor.

 

Here is where you explain your reason for not having made a blog entry in the past few months. This usually should have a well-placed excuse.

Example: I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a while, but I was abducted by these Aliens disguised as the Swedish Government (those fiends!) and they were holding me hostage on Pluto until we declare it a planet again.

 

Now you move onto what you want to talk about. You should try to grab their attention with your first line. You can do it very nonchalantly (i.e. I found out Elvis came back from the dead today) or in a way that will excite your readers (i.e. ELVIS IS BACK FROM THE DEAD, RUN FOR THE HILLS!). Truth is optional here.

 

Now you should get to the point. Describe your situation in detail.

Example: I made friends with Jenkin the Imaginary Dinosaur today. He's a good guy. I'm just afraid he might eat me.

 

Now elaborate.

Example: Because he's been looking at me all funny, licking his lips and stuff, and then I found out that someone replaced all the water in the shower with BBQ Sauce.

 

Give a funny anecdote. Make sure it involves lots of violence.

Example: It reminded me of the time that I accidentally hit Jane Doe in the face with an excited hedgehog covered in relish. She smacked me a good one upside the head after that. So I blasted her with my mashed potatoes. Then she had to go and set off a bomb. Then we started hearing these jet fighters come overhead...

 

Throw in a joke. Relation to the topic is optional.

Example: So the sponge said to the faucet, "That's no dish towel, that's my wife!" But seriously, folks...

 

Compare it to past events.

Example: I had this one friend, his name was Carny, and he was an Imaginary Tiger. Well, believe it or not, he tried to eat me. I didn't catch on till he strapped me to the grill and asked if I'd like to be 'well-done' or 'medium-rare'.

 

Make fun of as many BZPers as you can in one sentence. Quality of the insults is irrelevant. It's quantity, not quality, that counts.

Example: Which reminds me of Omi, who has weird hair, and SPIRIT, who's a silly rock, and -Chicken Little- who has hyphens before and after his name, and Kex, who's purple, and WaWa, whose name appears twice, and Smeag, who's schizophrenic!

 

Throw in a pun, just for the heck of it.

Example: Rodents like to go on MOLER Coasters!

 

Complain about Bionicle in some way, shape, or form.

Example: Those things aren't real! They're plastic!

 

Advertise yourself. Make sure to motivate.

Example: Remember to visit my blog and my mutant gerbils will be happy!

 

Now that you've got them hooked, go on to tell them about your day. Make it as dull and monotonous as possible!

Example: So then I woke and then I brushed my teeth and then I saw that there was this little bit of plaque, so I scrubbed and then it wouldn't come off and then I scrubbed again and then it still wouldn't come off and then I took out the blowtorch...

 

Then wrap up your blog entry real quick with something snappy.

Example: Ya da da da da-dat da! Ya-dat-da-dat! Uhbeebuhdabeeba...That's all folks! Ya dat dat da da-dat-da!

 

 

And that, my friends, is how to make a *good blog entry.

 

 

* Definition of good is variant and may or may not actually appeal to your desired audience. In fact, I'm not even going to lie, none of this really works. Just do it your own way and stop looking to my blog for advice. Young'ns.

 

 

ly,

Dr. Bionicle