First off, I just have to get something off my chest. Actually, off my head. And that thing is a bag. Because I am a Michigan fan.

(I heard you like Oregon)

If you’ll excuse me for a moment.

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Seriously.

I need something to take my mind off that. So, I’m going to share with you a little chronicle. One of my once-in-a-while, sometimes, long entries. It is a tale of hardship and suffering, and agony, but, joy, and comma splices, and run-on sentences. Most of all, though, it is a tale about me. Which makes it super-extra-mega-special, because not only is it about me, but I am the one writing it. So this is really cool for me. Not so much for you, but you’re going to read this anyway because, admit it…you already obviously don’t have anything you want to do at the moment if you’re reading my blog. But I digress – onwards with the story.

Basically, for those of you who are too lazy to read a huge paragraph (or in my case, to write one), I was thirsty yesterday. And I couldn’t decide what to do. Honestly. I love Starbucks, and it’s pretty close by, but I always have to rob a bank on the way to there so I can pay for my half-caf double macchiato cappuccino hazelnut coffee cooler…thing. And that was beginning to waste a lot of my time (6-8 years per 12 ounces), so I’ve pretty much stopped going there. I could walk down the street the other way to a local ice cream stand, but it’s similarly overpriced, and much to my chagrin, I found there are no banks on the way there, so I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay for it.

I didn’t want soda either, because apparently it either gives you cancer or diabetes in every part of your body depending on whether you drink diet or not…and also causes baldness and painful burns in inconvenient places. Bottled water’s a rip-off…so vending machines were out too. I thought about Sonic, as it’s reasonably priced, but then I’d have to go to the grocery as they’re right next to each other. Preferably, I wanted to solve my thirst problem with the least effort possible.

With all my easiest and tastiest options gone, I had to resort to more desperate measures. I found some sort of juice in the back of the fridge, but its expiration date was three years ago. I wasn’t that desperate yet. Besides, I don’t think it was even juice – the label read “tomato sauce”, but it was blue. So I’m not sure. But anyhooooo, the freezer and pantry produced similar failures. Going over to my friend’s house in the neighborhood didn’t even seem like a tasty idea – all he has is those knockoff brands that taste like they got their name because someone knocked them off a piece of Styrofoam.

As I pondered if one could order drinks online, a thought hit me. Literally. Smacked me. In the spleen. I then pondered how funny of a word spleen is. Then my subconscious got me to regain coherence yet again, but I soon found myself pondering why I liked to ponder so much. I figured it out – I was thirsty.

So for a totally anticlimactic ending, I just went and filled up a bottle with water and drank it. Weeee.