RRRAAAHHH!!

Basically what I yelled continiously facing my 300-pound partner. Today we cut down a bit on the excerise and did combat moves, and then combat.

The pressures of life had me thinking. All I had to do for wrestling to be an asset to the team, which is hard. 100 bucks to stay, can't get a job, and I got to be there every weekday and all.

I wanted to quit.

I talked to the assistant coach I went up against (last entry) and told him. He said to stick around for this practice and if it was to be my last, to make it good. So I did.

As practice moved along, I'm paired with one of the few heavweights. I'm in weight class 215, and I am exactly 215 pounds. He's 300 pounds.

So the combat moves require lifting the opponent up a bit to get them off their feet and their back on the mat.

So I'm slammed down 15 times getting crushed...

Most painful injuries was just the burns of sliding on the mat a bit. Others include my elbow getting under my back and landing on just my ribs.

"Come around!" Shouts my coach.

We get there.

He starts reading his paper. He thinks for a while.

"Combat! If you want to leave, then leave! I only need 14 guys for a team!"

Kind of felt something directed towards me.

I stayed. I wasn't going to let a 300 pound freshman leave without having some fight inside of me unleashed.

Constantly being pushed over the line, I've unleashed the animal in me and slammed the wall hard with my hand. I know he was winning. I know I didn't have a chance to get to win. It was 20-0.

He pushed me out another two times, then I finally I got my elbow right to his face to back him up passed the line.

1 point.

"Whats the score?" He asked, breathing hard.

"Who cares? You win, I lose."

Going back to the center of the circle, we go at it again. Once we broke up, I charged for a hard push, he held his ground, and gave a hard push as I was in mid-run.

I hugged my ribs. My back hit the ground hard. He won. It was 10 points to get the person on the mat entirely, and he did. I got up, he patted me on my back with his sweaty hand, and the loser (me) went go do 50 pull ups.

A fellow wrestler held me feet and told me how to get a harder workout from it, and helped me up.

After getting a drink of water, I got a few nods from other teammates and shook hands with a teammate who's become a friend to me.

I told my assistant coach I'm staying. Being an underdog is my place. A disadvantage is what drives me. Whther its height, skill, or weight (mostly height and weight), a fighting spirit goes on.

Called my mom, tell her First-Year/Freshman practice is over, hanged out at the entrance, and listened to my music.

As the rap on the radio played on, I liked the remix, but also started thinking about things.

I haven't talked to Karley in a while. I had been crushed and man-handled by someone 300 pound freshman who nearly fractured a few of my bones, and I sucked it in when I hurt my ribs, which weren't . I have trouble walking because my legs still sore. I don't know if I can keep my grades up. I want to go home.

I couldn't tell why. I just started crying. It got me really thinking. I can't tell why myself.

What triggered it?