House MD, great show, I've become somewhat obsessed with it. Some of my favorite quotes, they are all also in my quote content block.

[Cuddy pulls the guitar cord out of the amp]

Dr. Cuddy: You've spent the last two weeks doing absolutely nothing. Concert's over.

Dr. House: In what twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two-handed arpeggio technique count as absolutely nothing?

Dr. House: Imagine that the roof of the storage closet collapses on your favorite floor buffer, which then starts overheating. Janitor: Why would I have a favorite floor buffer? [House looks at him] Okay... maybe the electrical works got banged up in there from stuff falling on it.

Dr. House: Hmm, interesting. Brain damage leading to hypothalamic disregulation. Nah, if you're brought in covered with rubble it's all about the MRI's, we would've seen that. C'mon! Gotta earn that fiver.

Janitor: Or stuff [points to his bottle of cleaning fluid] leaked in the holes, messin' it up.

Dr. House: Lacerations lead to multiple portals for infection. Bacterial would've responded to the antibiotics, [indicates "fever" written on the white board] it's too high for viral. Parasites or fungus is possible.

Janitor: Or maybe lupus. [House looks at him oddly] My grandma has lupus.

Dr. House: Okay, autoimmune. I'll run a lupus panel. Infection fits best. A complete history would be helpful, which leads to the worst part of the job: dealing with the floor buffer's family.

[After House has sent the janitor to get the family to sign a consent form]

Ben Prosner (patient's boyfriend): He's a janitor?!

Dr. House: More significantly, a blabbermouth.

Dr. Cuddy: House, shut up!

Dr. House: Sometimes, I am wrong. I have a gift for observation, for reading people and situations, but sometimes, I am wrong. This will be the longest job interview of your life. I will test you in ways you will often consider unfair, demeaning and illegal, and you'll often be right. Look to your left, and now look to your right. By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone, as well as twenty-eight more of you. Wear a cup.

Dr. House: Who is this man? Come on, take a shot! I'm not gonna fire you every time you give a wrong answer.

Applicant #23: Neville Chamberlain?

Dr. House: You're fired.

Dr. House: As far as you're concerned, the patient is Osama bin Laden, and everyone not in this room is Delta Force. Any questions?

Applicant #11: We're protecting Osama bin Laden?

Dr. House: It's a metaphor. Get used to it.

Dr. House: [after seeing Dr. Chase walk past] Did you just see a blond guy with a pretentious accent?

Applicant #24: Can't see an accent.

Dr. House: Good point.

Dr. House: Number 10, you're fired.

Applicant #10: She told you?

Dr. House: Well, it had to be someone who went to her home. Number 26 is half-asleep, missed his afternoon nap - obviously he doesn't feel guilt. Number 2 is here on a visa, she can't jeopardize...

Applicant #10: You can't know...

Dr. House: And... that chick [Applicant #24] has been pointing at you since I walked in.

Dr. House: I fired you!

Applicant #6: [wearing his number upside down] No, you didn't.

Applicant #24: He fired you. You're number 6.

Applicant #6: No, I'm not. I'm number 9.

Dr. House: I approve of your shamelessness. You're still fired.

Dr. House: Vitamin D is metabolized by both the liver and kidneys, it wouldn't tells us which one screwed up

Applicant #6: We could get her wasted. Give her shots of tequila measure how long it takes her to pass out. If it's too fast it means her livers not processing alchohol, means it's shot

Dr. House: I like you number 9.

Dr. House: HEY WILSON! I'M GOING TO CUT A CRIPPLE'S EYE OUT! WANNA WATCH?!

[Dr. Wilson opens his door and looks at Cuddy and House]

Dr. Wilson: Good Times.

Dr. Volakis: Dr. Cuddy? I'm Amber Volakis, one of Dr. House's new fellows...

Dr. Cuddy: Sexual harassment claims go through HR, stress-related leaves through workers' comp, and any accusations of criminal activity go directly to the Princeton-Plainsborough Police Department.