Today Tom Lehrer turns 80! Wow...

In celebration, I propose a round of The Masochism Tango! Anyone? No? What about I Hold Your Hand in Mine?

I'm sorry now I killed you dear

For our love was something fine.

And until they come and get me

I shall hold your hand in mine!

Why don't we ring in the season with Poisoning Pigeons in the Park?

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here,

life is skittles, and life is beer.

I think the most wonderful time of the year is the spring,

I do, don't you? 'Course you do.

But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me.

And makes every Sunday a treat for me...

Oh the world is in tune on a spring afternoon as we poison the pigeons in the park!

On Sundays you'll see my sweetheart and me as we poison the pigeons in the park!

When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide...

By they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide!

Oh the sun's shining bright, everything seems all right

as we poison the pigeons in the park!

We could always go with political satire and National Brotherhood Week... but although that's genius I don't think I can put it here. Even if it was written forty-fifty-ish years ago. I doubt I can post I Got it from Agnes either...

Well, we can end on a note that everyone can appreciate. How about the joys of arithmetic in New Math?

342-173=???

You can't take three from two, two is less than three,

So you look at the four in the tens place.

Now that's really four tens so you make it three tens

Regroup and you change a ten to ten ones

And you add 'em to the two to get twelve

And you take away three that's nine, is that clear?

Now instead of four in the tens place you've got three 'cause you added one

That is to say ten to the two but you can't take seven from three

So you look at the hundreds place.

From that three you then use one

To make ten ones

(And you know why four plus minus one

Plus ten is fourteen minus one 'cause addition is commutative, right!)

And so you've got thirteen tens

And you take away seven

And that leaves five.

Well, six actually, but the idea is the important thing.

Now go back to the hundreds place,

You're left with two and you take away one and that leaves...

Everybody get one?

Not bad for the first day!

Hooray for New Math! New-hoo-hoo Math!

It won't do you a bit of good to review math,

It's so simple! So very simple!

That only a child can do it!

Now that's actually not the answer I was looking for... because the book I got this problem from wants you to do it in base eight. But don't panic. Base eight is just like base ten, really. If you're missing two fingers. Shall we have a go at it? Hang on...

You can't take three from two, two is less than three

So you look at the four in the eights place

Now that's really four eights so you make it three eights

Regroup and you change an eight to eight ones

And you add 'em to the two and you get one-two base eight which is ten base ten

And you take away three that's seven.

Okay?

Now instead of four in the eights place you've got three 'cause you added one

That is to say eight to the two but you can't take seven from three

So you look at the sixty-fours.

"Sixty-four? How did sixty-four get into this?" I hear you cry. Well sixty-four is eight squared, don't you see? Ah, you ask a silly question, you get a silly answer.

From that three you then use one

To make eight ones

And you add those ones to the three to get one-three base eight

Or in other words in base ten you have eleven

And seven from eleven is four!

Now go back to the sixty-fours

You're left with two and you take away one from two

And that leaves...

Now let's not always see the same hands.

One, that's right. Whoever got one can stay after the show and clean the erasers.

Hooray for New Math! New-hoo-hoo Math!

It won't do you a bit of good to review math!

It's so simple! So very simple! That only a child can do it!

Come back tomorrow night, we're gonna do... fractions.

Is it sad that I typed all of those from memory except for the last few verses of New Math? I can sing up to the switch to base eight very fluently, too. I can also sing the Elements Song, all the other songs mentioned in this entry... wow...