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The Sad Truth Of Mediocrity

Schizo Kaita

Entry posted by Schizo Kaita

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Ugh... This is going to sound like I'm wrestling with my lack of self esteem again, but I'm going to post it anyway, because that's the way I feel about it. I know there's going to be a few people who'll try to change my mind, and they're free to do so, but the attempt may very well be futile.

 

You see, like many people, my dreams and aspirations are always brought to an abrupt halt by the realization of my own mediocrity.

 

When I was a kid, I wanted to become a great comic book artist, so I've spent more than half of my life up till now practicing my art skills. Unfortunately, it doesn't take a lot of time on the web to realize that there are so many people more talented and more skilled than you - in fact, enough of them to crowd the graphic market for years and years to come.

 

When I started writing fan fiction here on BZPower, I came to realize that I wasn't bad at this story-telling thing either. So I kept at it, and though I haven't updated my running epic very regularly, I was still proud of what I wrote. I still am. But it's not exactly something I could do for a living. I've been playing around with ideas and concepts for a fantasy novel for four years now, but there's still not a jot of it on paper. Because I wanted this to be something unique, not a Tolkien rehash or a bad facsimile of a Robin Hobb trilogy. I wanted to bring new ideas into it, non-standard elements and whatnot, but I couldn't amass enough of them - or rather, I couldn't tack them all to the backbone of the story. The settings have kept changing, so have the species, the concepts and storylines, characters, powers, time settings, science levels...

But I've come to realize that, though I'm gifted, I'm not gifted enough to blow people's minds. It's a good thing I've got a day job.

 

I'm thankful of my talents, and despite the reflections above, I'm proud of what I create using those talents. It's fun using them, too. It's just that even talent can be mediocre, and mine are.

 

I don't think I need more patience. I don't think I need more practice. I don't even need more self esteem. I just need to find a new dream, and preferably one that's attainable for me. Most likely that dream will be what I've already got, and I'll dream no more. It's a sad thought, but perhaps it's a correct one, too.

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T-Hybrid

It's the whole cliche, "No matter how good you are...there's always somebody out there who's better."

 

The two people I share an apartment with are incredible singers. One's in an a capella band even. I thought my voice wasn't too bad...but then I heard them and it's like, nope.

 

It's probably something you don't want to hear, or something you've heard before...but I've always believed that in the end you set out to do what you enjoy doing. Write the fics, build the mocs, draw the art...whatever it may be.

 

As long as you draw enjoyment from it, then shouldn't that be enough?

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Schizo Kaita
'Enough' is probably the most subjective word out there. Of course I still enjoy it, and that's good enough for a hobby. But a writing or drawing career is quite something else, and when you've been making plans for it, it's pretty disheartening. When you go from hobby to career, and then back to just the hobby part... It smarts, but at least you know you're no longer fooling yourself.
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Pakari Master of Limn

What?!?! I know I wear glasses that could possibly be used for beer googles, but I know I'm not reading that right! The great schizzy? mediocre at art???. I haven't heard a bigger lie since that thing that Clinton said. Dude, you are so advanced at drawing, you make what I draw look like a two-year-old's "wall art!!!" Dude, you are actually one of my biggest inspirations!!! I look at your art topics, and I'm like, "I could never do that!!!" Don't kid yourself, man. You are very far from mediocre!

 

~GN (Y)

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Lady Kopaka

Aww, the poor captain isn't looking so bright. :(

 

I know how this feels, you see someone who 'you' think is better than you in something, and all your hopes and dreams go down the drain. (Well, in the persons opinion)

 

You should continue your art and writing and whatever else you should enjoy, but if any of that doesn't feel like it should be your big career, then seek out other stuff, have an open mind. ^^

 

.....

 

I'm 14 and giving advice to an older guy like you?? XD Ignore me.

 

But of course, remember that you still one of the best artist on this board. :)

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Advocate

Schizo, you are talented. And what you draw isn't cliche', like anime. It's unique, but I think that you could adjust the dream, and when you retire, you might be skilled enough.

 

 

Okay, that was horrible advice. It was like encouraging with the horrible tinge of reality. Don't listen to me either, Schizo. >.<

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ExoM7

You can't compare yourself to others, otherwise, you'll always just have more doubts about yourself. Just keep doing what you enjoy, and if you're meant to have a career in it, you're sure to have a break sometime. ;)

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Schizo Kaita

Not comparing myself to others would be impossible. That would mean I'd have to stop reading and ignore other people's art.

 

And 'meant to be' is something I don't have much faith in. It's only something that can be said in retrospect, because the future is invisible to all.

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