I bring you another story from the twisted, grape-flavored mind of Protosteel.

There once was a giraffe/crocodile named Philip. He was mostly your average, ordinary giraffe/crocodile. He was green with orange splotches. He had a long neck and long legs. He had scales all over his body and a big mouth with trillions of razor-sharp teeth made entirely out of burnt toast. And most importantly, he was exactly 156.7 feet long. This was required for all giraffe/crocodiles. If a giraffe/crocodile was born that was even .000000000(onto infinity)1 of a foot off, they were promptly flushed down the toilet, never to return (unless, of course, they did. And they usually did). The old required length used to be 149.786 feet long, but when no giraffe/crocodiles were born that were that long and the entire race went extinct, the Chief of Giraffe/Crocodile Length Requirements (or the CGCLR(who was dead, because the race had gone extinct)) declared that the new length requirement was 156.7 feet long. This worked out better and soon the entire race was restored (somehow). Anyway, Philip was mostly your average, classic, usual giraffe/crocodile. There was only one difference. One subtle, slight, tiny little difference. He was actually a goose. Through an incredibly complicated and interesting series of events much too funny and awesome to go into now (it was originally written in a language consisting entirely of a series of hand gestures* in which each individual word and phrase is displayed exactly like sign language yet the language itself is nothing like sign language and it is currently being translated by dozens of tiny, poorly trained rat creatures on a large boat just off the coast of Zimbabwe (the fact that it has no coast doesn't stop them)) he was mistaken as a giraffe/crocodile and brought up living in their society. Every time someone was about to look at him, they dropped their glasses and had to look for them, then forgot about Philip and moved on. If they didn't wear glasses, they spontaneously grew glasses then dropped them. And every giraffe/crocodile assumed he looked exactly like described in sentences 3-6. So ANYWAY Philip was walking down the street one day when he tripped on some sort of tentacle. "Hmm..." he pondered, "That's peculiar." So Philip thought nothing of it and continued along the road. He was just about to figure out the cure to cancer when all of a sudden he bumped into a giraffe/crocodile and lost his train of thought. This particular giraffe/crocodile was standing in a large group of other giraffe/crocodiles. "Excuse me, kind sir," Phillip screamed quietly, "I am sorry to have bumped into you but I was looking to inquire why this large crowd seems to exist in front of me right now." The giraffe/crocodile turned around, dropped his glasses, and then bent down to retrieve them. Philip decided he would go find out what was going on for himself. He slunk his way to the front of the crowd, causing several earthquakes and hurricanes as he did, and he saw what all the fuss was about. In the center of the gathered crowd was a huge tentacled beast juggling SUVs. Now, there was no such thing as an SUV in those days, so this was quite a feat. The crowd Ooh-ed and Aah-ed until they ran out of Oohs and Aahs and had to rush home and get more. Philip had plenty of Oohs and Aahs on him, so that was not a problem. The main problem for Philip was that he had always dreamed of being a huge tentacled beast juggling SUVs and became quite jealous. In fact, he became so jealous that his jealousy alone could power a small turbine. In fact, it did, as he had brought one along just in case of this particular event. He was always prepared for any imaginable event except for a spontaneous flying spaghetti attack. Unfortunately, one of those occurred that very moment. The world was thrown into chaos and the entire planet's population was ushered to a secret underground bunker which was really just a small tin can with the word "Safety" written on it. All the giraffe/crocodiles stayed there for an infinite amount of time, then got out when it was safe. By that time the author of this story realized there was no real plot and stopped writing.

THE END

*To this day no one is sure how it was written, as it wasn't written in pictures of the gestures, but as a series of characters which if you look at while squinting really hard and looking at them sideways you instantly realize exactly what hand gestures the symbols represent.

Did you like it? Please tell me if there are any errors or typos.