Henceforth, the foule and piratickal ways which hath corrupted this most auspicious daye shall be banished from the realm, by order of His Majesty King George III. For 'tis fitting that, on this day, the 652nd anniversarie of our defeat of the French at Poitiers, it should be sullied by this piratickal mockerie? Nay, but I implore thee that instead, today shall be the Day of Talking In The Pompous Manner Of British Nobilitie! All shall adopt the pleasing accent and high-bred manner of our countrie's finest personages, that we mayst provide an example for these vile and villanous dregs of the world's societie, pirates. And lo, the common people shall feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and all that is pleasing in our Lord's sight.

And also wear wigs such as these. For that but a wig by any other name would still looke even as ridiculouse!