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Story Excerpt


Valtika

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A little exert from my story I'm writing, it Star Wars BTW.

 

Kuma was ready for the worse, preforming the Djem So opening stance she waited for Ventress to attack, she charged, unleashing a fury of attacks, due to Kuma's training in Juyo and Djem So, she blocked them easily and was a challenge for Ventress, that did not suit well with her. Looking for every way to give her the advantage, she saw one. She slashed her lightsaber at a gas pipe, letting it go into Kuma's eyes. "Ahh!" Kuma shouted, effectively blind. Stumbling, trying to get hold of what was happening, Ventress took the moment to attack. Kicking her in the gut, Kuma fell down, hard, still bind, she had to use the force to see, dodging the onslaught from Ventress, while still striking with lightsaber, still blind, was an impressive feat. Knowing that she wouldn't see for about half a hour, she continued to use the force to see. Still blocking Ventress, she didn't even seem to be trying. "You WILL die!" Ventress screamed charging. "Sure you will," Kuma said dodging, "If you can't be a blind Jedi, I doubt you could kill a Padawan!" That was enough set Ventress off. Just to make Ventress even more mad, she turned off her saber and dodged Ventress' two blades, easily. "I laugh at your failure to destroy a blinded Jedi, its just pitiful, I mean seriously? I thought Dooku held you as the best assassin he could find," Kuma taunted. "Silence Jedi, before I make you silent," Ventress threatened. "Please, if you wanted to, you would've done it already," Kuma said, smiling, flashing her fangs.

A massive earthquake struck the islands, overhead, the cliff edge broke, sending down huge chucks of rocks. Kuma and Ventress continued, as the ground continued to shake, dodging rocks and saber slashes.

Looking up, Kuma saw a giant rock heading her way and she knew she couldn't get out in time.

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I believe you mean "excerpt." ;)

 

But it's okay. You could try and divide up the run-on sentences a bit, and organize it more effectively. :) I don't the like overuse of the lightsaber stance terminology, though. Most Jedi by that time don't think about the stance they're in (At least they don't mentally visualize the name).

 

-Tor

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