Curse the boards! Well, anyway, my entry got cut off because it was too long. So here's the last part. This just the reason she's "heartless" and rude. And my thoughts now.

After that moment, I felt incredibly wierd and confused. I just wonder what made her just... say that? Really. She KNEW how much I liked and cared about her. It also seemed like we were getting along in the past.

The night after that happened, we had a text conversation. It basically me letting all of my anger out (i. e. how hard I worked on the cds, my time and caring, etc.). I don't remember much of it. I remember her saying that it was stupud of me to like her and make a big deal even though I never met her, and her saying she didn't like me for no apperent reason.

So I went through the next week without a problem. Usual stuff.

I thought about A LOT of stuff though. after a while, I sent this:

Friday December 19th 5:40 PM

Hi Amanda. I'm very sorry to bother you on a holiday weekend, but I've been thinking about some stuff. I took this WAAAY too fast. I was wrong to do that. I understand that you told me to leave you alone, but I thought I should say this. I thought it was kinda stupid for you to say you didn't like me before you even met me (no offense, I don't want to upset you). And I know I never met you too and it was riduculus to say those things. I think 9and people who've discussed this with me agree) that it is stupid that people (in general) are rejecting others before they even get to know them or for how they look, it happens far too often. It's also wierd that throughout all this, we never just went up to each other and said something. And about the whole CD thing, I just did that because I thought, "Heck, whatelse is there to lose?" or something. Its just that when I was making those I was thinking that we were gonna talk in person, and that it was gonna be the last. Because we didn't, I didn't know what you thought. It was just odd when after all those things you said about them, you come out and to leave you alone and that you didn't like me (which I already knew). It was random to me. All of these events that've happened after you told me you didn't like me, were not attempts to go out with you. i was trying to gain your trust. I just thought possible we could... just be friends? I mean if you're willing to meet me or something. I took a huge step in this. Way too big.

That's a mouthful.

Nothing happened that night. Between that night and Saturday night, I began to get a bit irritated, and sent these.

I know you don't like me but... Seriously? Are you this immature (Morning)

If you hate me just say it (night)

I get this.

Ok, I do hate you .

It ended up being one of her stupid friends. This was her real answer:

I didn't write that. My friend did. I would say I don't hate you, I just don't like you and want you to leave me alone.

Did you read that long thing I sent?

No I'm chillin with ad

Who's ad?

My best friend shes pretty tight. :~)

Did you throw the cds away? It's ok if you did.

Ummm imma give em to brent (to give to me... unfortunatly)

K then. Did you get those messages? Cause I REEEAAALY don't want to resend them.

I forgot what they said

I'll jst resend them...

Ok...

(resends it)

I don't want to get to know you so that's pointless for you to tell me. So stop trying. Bye.

Wow. You're THAT heartless? Just wow. Really? That's it? I went through all this... You're the first girl to EVER reject me like that. I'm serious. I don't like any of the girls who've asked me out, but I haven't gotton to know them yet. So ya. Siyanara heartless b*tch.

You have no right to call me a heartless B*tch so whatever. I don't care what you think of me, your opinion doesn't mattrer. I'm glad you're finally going to leave me alone.

I have any right. You could've been nicer to me through this whole thing, but then chose to treat me like s**t. Why? I don't know.

There it is. Right there in... grey and pink. The end to this plague in my mind. That's all folks (bad pun). It's over. I don't really care about I made her feel. She's made me feel bad enough. Ever since the whole "leave me alone" thing, I haven't been trying to make her like me (obviously). I've just wanted to deal with a person with a bad concience.

February 15th 2008 - December 20th 2008

Oh... did I ever mention I had my birthday party the same day this all started? I probably did.

This truly has been a HUGE life lesson. i've learned a lot of things. Learned what not to do. Learned what to do. Learned HOW to do things. Learned to stop things.

Really, I'd think I'd be devasted. But I'm not. I think it's the comparison my current life and her's. I'm friends with alot of girls (Wel... err, I consider 1-3 a class a lot, and I consider I friend a person who's been nice to me for more than one day, a person who talks to me without acknowledgment from me. So far I haven't gotton to the "hanging out" stage yet). Some of them are very nice to me. I definetly don't consider this person a friend, but it seems... her didlike for me has gone down. it's Amanda's old smallish friend from last year (actually recently told me thier friends again... odd). Well... uh. The night of my winter strings concert, she just asked me for the time in a polite way and acknowledged me in a hyperish way... uh huh. I know that was.. kinda wierd.

There's this one girl who's in my photography and social strudies calss, who knows that I make movies, like Disturbed, and Like Transformers. And she is one of the nicest girls I've ever. She asks me for help in photography. And talks to me all the time.

A while ago, there was this other girl who I used to sit next to in Social Studies who was also really nice to me. She one day just randomly asked what I was thinking about and I said... "a girl". I just talked about I felt about Amanda at that point in time (irritated, annoyed). That brought up this question, "If you feel that way about her, why do you like her?"

Listen to "I Hate Everything About You" by Three Days Grace. It basically fits how I felt after this ended. Just listen to it. You'll see why.

Also, I think (to myself) I was the best she was going to get at that piont. Everytime someone found out or heard that I liked her, they followed with, "Oh my god! You like her!?", a blank look, a "not good" comment, or an awkward "... Wow..".

This is wierd though: I've met pretty much all of her current friends that I know of and vise versa for her. Though we never met each other.

That's it. The End.

- Special Thanks -

Arch-Angel

Biohero Codrex

Cap'n Kopaka

Toa Tarik

~/\mph

P.S. Keep in mind, I get a new class scedule around the 13th. She MIGHT be in one of my classes... But I already have thjat planned out. It's not a real "plan" plan it's just... I'll be ready.