Yesterday, on that day of misfortune we call Friday the Thirteenth, even more adversity came upon us in the form of a Volume Favorably Discouraged known only as The End. To be succinct, which here means "short and sweet, as this book definitely isn't," this book is an unpleasant novel that you good people should spare yourselves the agony of reading. To be verbose, a word which here means "long, wordy, and likely to cause strife or agony, as this book is," Lemony Snicket's most recent (and hopefully last) novel imposes a greater degree of misfortune than lucky people such as yourselves are accustomed to, and therefore should be avoided at all costs, lest you expose yourselves to such unpleasantries as another ridiculous disguise, a deadly fungus, a horribly-named boat, and the true nature behind an extensive tome known as A Series of Unfortunate Events, which are far more frightening prospects than the run-on sentence that you are indulging in at this time. Please don't read this, unless you are a grief-stricken member of a rapidly decaying secret organization that believes that this novel will be vital to your training. If you are, my only hope is that you may be smart enough to never volunteer again.
With all due respect,
Aanchir, Rachira of Time