I don't care what he did; if celebrating his deeds gets us a day off of school, then I'm all for enslaving innocent natives!

Since when have people cared who they idolize?

 

~Bunda

They didn't discover America. The Native Americans did.

I discovered America, because I was the first kid to pick up an atlas and locate it on the map. Everybody else couldn't even figure out how to open the book.

 

No, I discovered America, because I made the book.

 

~EW~

I discovered America because in actuality I was the first Native American boy to see the the land bridge and cross it in order to find the land 13,954 years ago. Unfortunately, I was trapped in a terrible snowstorm and was frozen solid for the next fourteen millennium. Just recently scientists thawed me out and released me into society as a test to see how I would react to the radical change in culture.

Fools, I am an immortal Titan. When whilst thy hubris be dismissed, for shall it not then thus I shall bring down the wrath of Zeus. I am Hephaestus, known unto the Romans as Vulcan, the great blacksmith of the gods, who in his great forge did thus create the Americas by his own hand. It was I, then, as a writer becomes the first to read his own book, who was the first to discover the Americas, whilst you mortal men quarrel in your pride and do not give the appropriate credits to the gods on Mount Olympus.

 

Well, okay, I'll admit, I don't really care what Christopher Columbus did. His lasting impact on the world was to discover a new world of land and potential resources. Imagine what the world would be like if Europe and Asia were still in the dark about these two extra continents, or if it had been discovered later on, such as in the industrial age. Everything would have been different, and in the end I wouldn't have been born. So there.

 

Your Honor,

Emperor Kraggh