Wow. Just wow.

Okay, a few things to intro with:

First off, I just found out earlier yesterday that one of my friends has been diagnosed with a form of cancer called Hodgkin's. It's really scary for all of us since she's only 17 and already has these complications. I myself had a variety of skin cancer when I was younger and remember how scary that was, but I can't imagine what she feels right now. I know that she starts her chemo on Friday and I'm gonna try to be there for her.

Second, I'm in the stages of my spiritual development where I'm self-analyzing my strengths and weaknesses. I know (for my weaknesses) that I'm pretty narcissistic, I tend to lie a lot for no reason, I'm a bit too apathetic in a sense, and just... gahh. >_< I know that deep down in the core of my being, a war is raging, one between the darker, earthly indulgences of life versus the part of me that craves knowledge, enlightenment... and the darker side is winning.

A forced awakening is impossible. I need to learn from myself in that retrospect and wait patiently. I feel as if things are falling apart around me, when in reality I'm letting myself unravel. So many past wrongs to be righted. I need to weed before I can plant. Metaphors get monotonous after a while.

This is a seemingly dark entry, but it really isn't. I'm just trying to communicate how my personal growth is doing and all of the apparent "baggage" that tends to follow on its' heels. But maybe, just maybe, I should get my beliefs set before I begin working on believing they are set?