Slyzor the Conquerer

Thanks for the feedback. I'll definently make sure to use your advice. I will say that the characterization may be a little odd but it is how I imagined the characters ie. Pridak the bossy, arrogant leader, Kalmah the brute with the hair trigger temper, Takadox the sly sort mobster-ish underminer (that sort of explains the Philly/ Jersey accent), Ehlek the psycho (most likely the one I will need to develop the most), Mantax the smart and chivalrous gentleman and last but not least Carapar the sort of mediator and unwilling mindslave. I had this sitting on my computer for three days and really wanted to get it out there, so sorry if it seems a little rushed. All things aside I hope this is at least a good start to something that I want to be doing for a while. Chapter 2 will be out sometime soon!*Here's a little blurb from Chapter 2, it's not in order yet. :*Our heroes (minus Carapar) have had their lair infested with Zyglak. Will they ever get out of this predicament? Will this comedy end before it starts?*Mantax: Hold on chaps. Pridak, didn't we install an anti-Zyglak defense system?*Insert Takadox line here (still in production)*Pridak: Yes, but its controls are located in the armory and we don't have any weapons to get through these chumps.Ehlek: Maybe you don't, *whips out his talons* but I always carry spares! Yee doggies! We gonna have us some crispy critters tonight! *An electrical charge starts building in Ehlek's spines. When it reaches full strength it arcs up his arms and into his talons. He rubs his talons together building up his shockwave* Clear! *He smashes his talons together and a huge electrical burst explodes forth, knocking the Zyglak off their feet.* Go get those defenses on, I'll hold 'em off!Pridak: You get 'em Ehlek! Don't let them touch you!Takadox: Let's book it fellas! *The others break into a mad scramble as Ehlek valiantly defends the base from the oncoming waves of Zyglak*

So this is my first comedy. Remember, I'm new to this so I'll try my best. If anyone can offer any pointers I would be glad to listen.Chapter 1:*Somewhere in a cave under Mahri Nui*Pridak: Mantax, come over here with that prisoner. Make sure he's... comfortable.*Mantax obeys, dragging a Le Matoran by the foot and sets him in the chair. He then proceeds to grab a roll of duct tape, with which he tapes said Matoran to the chair.*Mantax: 'Ere ya go chap, all nice and comfy. Anything else Pridak (to himself) you psychotic moron.Pridak: That will be all, Mantax, make sure the others do not disturb this interrogation. *he turns to the prisoner* So, is there anything you would like to say before we begin, Mr..... Defilak?Defilak: I only got one thing to say to you copper! You'll never take me alive!Pridak: Hmmm, well then. I had hoped you wouldn't have been as stubborn as those other Matoran we had captured but I am afraid I have no choice. Turn on the music!*Selena Gomez's Shake it Up starts playing*Music: Everybody, everybody get out on the floor it can get a little CRAZY when the kick hits the floor. Make a scene, make a scene nobody can ignore don't knock it till you rock it till we can't take it no more.*The Music keeps playing as a horrified look creeps onto Defilak's mask*Defilak: Nooo.... must fight urge! Need to protect the SECRET!Pridak: I'm sorry, what did you say? What secret?Defilak: :drool:Nothing, I can't tell you. You.....no....friend.Pridak: Fine have it your way. *turns to head out the door* by the way, I have this on an endless loop that will only stop at my say so. Have fun. *Closes the door leaving Defilak with the music blaring*Defilak: Nooooooooooooooooo! *As Pridak leaves the room he is greeted by the other five Barraki, all struggling with their own day to day tasks.*Pridak: Mata Nui, I'm exhausted. *slumps down on his couch* Kalmah, be a good henchman and go get me a smoothie.Kalmah: Go get it yourself creep. I'm busy.Takadox: No ya ain't. Da boss told you to get him a smootie. Youse best be gettin' to it ya hear?Ehlek: You said smootie!! That's too dern funny!Carapar: Now let's everybody calm down and not let things get out of hand, Kalmah.Kalmah: What did you say to me punk?!Takadox: Hey, don'tcha be callin' my mind slave a punk! Take dat back.Carapar: Mind slave, what going on here Taka.....Takadox: (Using hypnosis) You will get all of us smoothies and pick up da latest Carly Rae Jepsen CD. Be back here within da hour. Now move!Carapar: Yesssss...... master. *stands up and swims out of the cave and heads to the nearest Walmart*All other Barraki: :blink:Pridak: Riight. What about you Mantax, you've been especially quiet tonight.Mantax: Well, now that you mention it I had a most splendid day among the bottom feeders. My quota has been increased to two Ruki fish every five minutes.Kalmah: Lame...Mantax: You want to tussle sir? I can most certainly show you a good one!Kalmah: Bring it on punk!*Kalmah leaps onto Mantax and pins him to the ground. Mantax then summons a school of fish and orders them to attack Kalmah.*Pridak: I knew i should have sprung for that army of Vahki. Could this day possible be any weirder?*A hole is smashed in the wall and the room is filled with Zyglak*Zyglak: We have come...... for your spleens!Pridak: I had to ask.End of Chapter 1

Yes! One of my favorite comedies makes a return. I've read all of Ask Roodaka, ADITLOT and Vezon Tv. I'm new to this whole member thing so if this violates any rules just let me know. Can't wait to see what happens next!