Long had they been oppressed on every side. Their women and child taken away. Their fishsticks eaten. They were made slaves, and forced to bellydance!
The penguins had been growing their numbers for years. It was their time to take back their ice, to fight their oppressors.
And who were these gaudy opponents who dared to suppress them?
The muffins.
Blueberry.
***
On one cold evening in the Attic (not Arctic, this is a common misconception) the penguins and muffins met in battle. Their lines stood on two 2x4 boards with a valley of bright pink insulation between them. They were either in a large attic or they were small penguins and muffins.
The two lines roared at each other for a good two hours (this was standard) before the captains of each army went out to meet each other.
"Alright," said the penguin captain, "I want no funny business. I want a good, clean fight? You understand?"
But the muffin captain didn't reply. This was, of course, because muffins can't speak, only roar, and roaring at a time like this seemed a tad inappropriate.
The penguin captain left, a little confused, and went back to his army.
"Look men," he started, "We all know why we're here. That is the enemy. And what're we hungry for?"
"Fishsticks!!" shouted the army back.
"No, muffins!"
"Oh."
There was an awkward pause.
"Muffins. Yay." They cried out feebly.
The penguins began their charge in the pink insulation. But the muffins remained motionless.
Then suddenly, as the penguins were about to trample of the motionless muffins something strange happened. The muffins didn't looks like muffins anymore.
They had legs. And teeth! Not really any arms though.
Oh no! They were Tyrannosaurus Rex's!
In the blink of an eye they had turned into prehistoric killing machines (or maybe scavengers, no one really knows.)
What were the penguins to do? They were helpless.
Well, I'll tell you.
They were eaten.
End of story.
***
But this is not the end.
For as they were eaten they too changed. And can you guess who they changed into?
No, of course you can't, I'm telling the story!
Collectively, the penguins, as they were being eaten alive by the new muffins-to-T-Rex's, turned into one whole Darth Vader.
It was weird.
Darth Vader just stood there, somehow towering above all the T-Rex's, and laughed.
"MWAHAHAHA!!!" said he.
He then pushed a button on his chest and all the T-Rex's disappeared.
***
On a long, distant planet, the T-Rex's awoke.
They were muffins again.
They all sighed.
"It was fun while it lasted," said one. (So they could speak after all!! )
A large, vertical object walked up to them.
Shrieks an shrills came from the muffins, and they cowered before it.
It was a fishstick with angry eyebrows!
The fishstick had a plate in his hand. He dropped it before the muffins.
The muffins gasped, horrified. Some even puked.
But by the look of the angry eyebrows of the fishstick, they had to eat what was on the plate, no matter what.
Slowly the muffins took up their forks and knives and began eating their most loathsome food:
Penguins.
The End (ta-da!)
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