Scorpion_Strike Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 (edited) Hello again, and welcome too...[story topic] Pretty self-explanatory, I think. Post any comments, observations, or reviews concerning "The Folly of the Toa" in this topic. Any questions are also welcome. Story Links:[The Prologue]Chapters: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ] [ 9 ] [10][11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20][21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30][31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40][41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50][51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56] Edited October 15, 2016 by Scorpion_Strike 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toa Onuto Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Great concept! Good writing as well. I am curious about one thing, though: why the Gregorian months? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion_Strike Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 I'm not particularly familiar with Bionicle's system of measurement, including time, so I just stuck with human units and terms for simplicity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toa Onuto Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Works for me! I was just curious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millennium Posted March 31, 2016 Share Posted March 31, 2016 It's a shame this work doesn't have many followers, if it has any at all, considering the last comment. You have written so much, and it is so written so well! Much better than most of the 'epics' around here, that are so stale and repetitive. This one here has some real depth. I have read only some parts here and there, and I really dig what I've seen so far, and as soon as possible I'll read all chapters thorougly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion_Strike Posted March 31, 2016 Author Share Posted March 31, 2016 Yeah, it's got a few more readers on the TTV boards and such, but it's been pretty slow over here. Glad you like it, though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millennium Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 I'm up to chapter 17.The part at Matoro's memorial is very touching.Your description of Gali's depression and obesity is...overwhelming, for it is extremely realistic in a striking way, that makes the reader feel bad for her. That's an exceptional thing for a writer to accomplish.I appreciate how you dealt with matoran surgery and moreso with their diet, making rahi edible and such. I guess rahi reproduce in your canon? Do agori eat rahi? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion_Strike Posted April 9, 2016 Author Share Posted April 9, 2016 I always thought of rahi as creatures that could reproduce, to establish a kind of 'cycle of life' and a healthy ecosystem in the Great Spirit Robot. Besides, some Rahi, like the Muaka or the Takea shark, are definitely predatory, so there had to be some kind of reproductive mechanism going on at least among the creatures they ate to keep their food supply available. Agori and Glatorian definitely hunt and eat rahi, just as they did with the creatures that lived on Bara Magna before the reformation, though they mostly stick to those since they're more organic and therefore far more nourishing. Robotic rahi can be hunted and their mechanical parts reforged into replacement parts for a Matoran or Toa, but other than that only rahi that are more organic are really useful as food sources. Toa and Matoran, as I recall, can eat, but they can also absorb the energy from a substance in a more direct manner... how exactly they do that, as far as I recall, isn't really explained, so I just went with the eating route, since Agori definitely do that and I figure there's something to be said for enjoying the flavors of food beyond just getting nourishment from it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millennium Posted April 10, 2016 Share Posted April 10, 2016 (edited) Pohatu's condition struck me more than Gali's. I do not recall if in the original canon Makuta gave the Skrall shadow powers, I think not, in any case it was a nice addition. The initial meeting/sparring between Toa and Glatorian seems too hurried, even considering the situation. They're aliens to each other, after all, but that's the only flaw of some significance I could find so far. Good work! Edited April 10, 2016 by El-P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion_Strike Posted April 10, 2016 Author Share Posted April 10, 2016 It was hurried, yes, but the final battle was still two chapters long as is, so I felt it kind of necessary to cut my losses on that one. Plus, it wouldn't have done either side much good if they'd kept fighting for longer, exhausting themselves before the real enemy even showed up, and I think Gali and Pohatu at least realized that, prompting them to try and put a stop to that show before things got even more out of hand. And, once the buzz-line "We're with Mata Nui" was out from both sides, they pretty quickly came to the realization that they really shouldn't be fighting each other. Of course, Makuta helped by sending down the Rahkshi for both of them to fight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millennium Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Well done on Onu-Koro-Nuva's description. It's thorough and awe-inspiring, somehow brings me back to MNOG's Great Mine. I like how you also included Skrall and Rock agori...some may believe the Rock Tribe was left behind after Makuta's arrival, and it's nice to see them integrated in the new community. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millennium Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 (edited) (Am I allowed to double post?) I liked this one. Mostly descriptive, and you did a good job at that. I can picture the caves of Onu-Koro-Nuva really well. Did you draw inspiration from Paolini's Inheritance cycle for the Crystal Palace? The dwarves there have something very similar in their underground city in the mountains... Edited May 26, 2016 by Electric Wizard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion_Strike Posted May 26, 2016 Author Share Posted May 26, 2016 Never read Inheritance cycle, but I do remember a cave like the Crystal Palace appearing in the "Caves" episode of Planet Earth, which is where I got the idea from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millennium Posted June 3, 2016 Share Posted June 3, 2016 Well, that's heart-breaking. You, sir, are really talented. Never before have the Toa Nuva looked so human. One can relate with any of them... I think forging weapons is, canonically, more of a Ta-matoran business, but I guess Nuparu just likes it, so that's fine. Really looking forward to what's Kopaka up to in New Atero. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion_Strike Posted June 3, 2016 Author Share Posted June 3, 2016 Thank you! I think Kopaka would've gone to the Ta-Matoran to get his blade fixed, but he wanted to keep his dealings with Toa only to avoid spreading the word that he was back. In his view, the Matoran can be excitable that way. With no fire Toa who specifically forged things (though Jaller could do it), Nuparu was the next best option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millennium Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 I don't know why but I have a feeling Kopaka is going to grant the wish Pohatu asked him...and I am not sure if I would be saddened by that or not. It looks so right, in a way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toa Onuto Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 It would be a significant turn-around, though. Then again, looking at Onua's end... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Millennium Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 Welp, looks like I was right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorpion_Strike Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 (edited) Welp, looks like I was right. You were the first, and the only one who figured it out and actually posted about it anywhere. Edited June 30, 2016 by Scorpion_Strike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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