The Immortals

[Jean Valjean]

Reentry

WE WERE IMMORTAL, BUT IT WASN'T A BLESSING. My name is John Silver, and I have been John Silver for a while. The only friends I have are old friends. It’s very difficult to find anything to do anymore that seems worthwhile. Yeah, it’s that sort of lifestyle...........The room was half lit and felt romantic. I was relaxed, sitting next to the fire, politics in the back of my mind. Beside me was another John, this one John Smith. I had known him since the war of 1812. Good times, save for the burning of the White House, then known as the executive mansion. Back then we were both young, both unaware that we would live forever, and we thought that there was so much to live for. At that point America’s independence was permanently established and we thought we could put our guns down forever. Since then, we fought in the Civil War and both the World Wars. Who knew?..........Smith turned over in the couch. I swear he had been sleeping for well over 24 hours. It was the best he could do when he wasn’t allowed to die. By the time the Vietnam War rolled around, the nation seemed to follow him and lost the will to fight. I disagreed with him. The spirit was still in me. I fought one last war. Since then recruitment has become stricter and I haven’t been able to create a fake identity as well, so I’ve stopped. I wish I hadn’t. Now that I’ve got out of the flow of things it’s hard to get back in. So now I’m here on the same couch with Smith...........This is the French Retreat. In spite of the name, there’s nothing French about it, and it’s set up in the beautiful hills of Montana. To translate the name from Humor to Plain English, it means “the place where we retreat forever”, which the history of French warfare seemed to describe aptly. This was where immortal people retired. Few people ever stumbled upon it, which was good for us. For the few outsiders that knew of the retreat’s physical existence, they just assumed that we were a secret society and were okay with any weird stories that surrounded the place...........I didn’t know if I liked it here. It was quiet, certainly good for rest. The view was good. The architecture was beautiful, designed by a Chinese architect from the first century, who over the course of his life knew a few tricks. The lounge, well, I just about lived in the lounge. Nothing happened anymore.Smith began to snore...........“Wake up,” I said...........I reached into the fireplace and grabbed a fistful of red embers. I sprinkled them on his face. He sniffed and began to spasm. Some of the ashes fell off of his face and onto the leather couch, and I had to divert my attention to brushing those off. No damage was done, thank goodness.Smith slipped off the couch and got on all fours. He looked like he was about to throw up, sounded like it too. “Sore,” he said...........“That’s what you get for sleeping for twenty-four hours straight,” I said...........“Hey, it didn’t feel so bad while I was asleep,” he said, still on all fours...........“Shave up, buddy,” I said. “I’m getting sick and tired of you sleeping. We’re going out. We’re doing something.”..........He up looked at me. “No,” he said...........A wild howl brewed up from the bottom of my throat. I let it out, and with a burst of energy I kicked the wall. Smith didn’t care. There were only three other people in the lounge. They looked my direction apathetically. There was now a dent in the wall. When you were immortal, you didn’t care. Anger meant nothing. It didn’t threaten anyone here...........“No? What do you mean, ‘No’?”..........“I said ‘No’ and I meant ‘No’ and ‘No’ is ‘no’ is ‘no’,” he said...........I picked him up and dragged him across the floor, out of the lounge, down the staircase, to the main level, and through the front door into the snow where I began kicking him. He put up no resistance. Eventually I wore out after three hours. My breath was still with me, but the energy to hurt him had subsided. Energy always subsides with enough time...........Smith made his way onto his own two feet and stretched his back. “For what it’s worth, I’m not sore anymore,” he said. He repositioned his shoulder and it snapped into place. “I’ll see you inside once you get over this phase of yours.”..........He began to make his way past me, but I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and punched him in the face, so hard that I broke his beck. I propped his skull back in place just so he would heal and I could break his neck again. He remained apathetic...........“You weren’t always like this,” I said...........“That’s what you told me back at ‘Nam,” he said...........“I was friends with you because you were somebody. Look at you! Now you’re nobody,” I said. “You’re nothing but a back of bones. You haven’t gone insane yet. I know you’re still yourself. I’ve known you for way too long to just give up on you.”..........“There’s nothing left of me to believe in,” said Smith...........“At least carry some semblance of the person I knew,” I said. “I’m talking to a blob who sits on the couch all day like someone just barely making his way through a hangover. If I’m going to sit around and do nothing with you for the rest of eternity, I might as well do nothing with someone who has a personality. At this point, there isn’t really anything likeable about you.”..........“What’s the point to likeability, anyway?” said Smith. “It’s just something we invent based upon our judgments on what’s worthwhile and what’s not. I’m pretty sure that you don’t have a personality yourself once you get down to it. It’s something you try hard to create and you fall back on it out of sheer habit. I don’t know about you, but I think I’m being truer to humanity than anyone else, because I’ve reverted back to my purest form, the personality of an unborn bundle of joy. All the personality I need it the occasional kick while sleeping. So there.”..........I let him go. I wanted to punch him again, or send him flying through the glass front of the building, but it would do no good. He would just heal over, get over it, and continue to not care. We walked back inside. He returned to the lounge, where I presume he continued to sleep. I made my way down to my room and packed my stuff, then went to his room. The door was unlocked. Nobody locked their doors here. When I returned to the lounge I stopped by the only other people there. They looked at me. They saw that I was dressed up. They saw that I was carrying John Smith’s old tuxedo in its bag...........“Is anyone here willing to go out? This place is nice. It feels like home. But it’s not where I want to stay a hundred percent of the time, so pardon me if I’m disturbing the peace.”..........My other friend, Joe Schmoe, stood up and straightened out his shirt. “That tux is a little outdated. If you two go out, you’re going to need to go shopping.”I scratched my head and looked over to the couch next to the fire where Smith had returned. “Hey, Smith, do you mind if I throw this into the fire?”..........“Go ahead,” he said...........“No really, I’m going to do it,” I said...........“I don’t care,” he said...........I paused and looked at Joe, eyebrows raised. “Okay.” I walked over to the fireplace and threw the old suit in. A pity, since it was an antique. I could have made good money off of it by selling it to a collector, but no. I considered going downstairs and getting his Civil War uniform, but decided against it mostly because it would be too difficult to get rid of such a valuable item. I walked back over to Joe and put my hand on his shoulder. “Well, I guess I can count on you.”..........“Glad you have some sense, so offense to anyone here,” said Joe. He was like me, also a remnant from the eighteenth century. The main difference was that he seemed better at getting past modern identity checks and applied for different branches of the military every twenty years. Still, he had to be careful, and he had only been an officer once, and even then he only rose to the rank of captain by the end of his twenty years. He was still out there and doing things. “Just to make sure, though, are you really getting back into the swing of things or are you just saying this to vent?”..........“No, I mean it this time,” I said, even though that was what I said the last time. But I was sure, I was positively sure, that this time I would actually leave the front door and walk all the way to town. I looked at the other two people at the table. One was Uta-Napishti, perhaps the oldest person I had ever met. The other was Mary Sue, who seemed to be mulling things over...........“My vacation’s only so long, so we’d better hurry,” said Joe. “It’s glad to have someone come with, for once.” He reached out and shook my hand, then excitedly ran out to the balcony and down the staircase, where he hit the ground and ran off in the direction of his cabin...........Now that it was official, I knew I had to pack, so I headed downstairs. I didn’t pack a whole lot, mainly just clothes and my special razor that I used to shave my indestructible stubble. Anything else I could either get from Joe or from a store. Money wasn’t an issue for me...........When I got to the front door I expected Joe to be waiting for me, but he wasn’t. I guess he had more to pack. Well, I was over two hundred years old. A little wait never hurt anyone...........After a few minutes I heard the front door open behind me. Footsteps crunching through the snow, and then the physical presence of a friend by my side. It was Mary Sue. She had a coat on a bag of her own...........“Hey,” she said. “I thought I would get some fresh air, too.”..........I nodded, and then put my hands in my pockets, which was in stark contrast to the way she held her arms around herself. “Do you need another coat?” I asked. She was immortal purely by the virtue of not aging. There were no healing powers or indestructibility to ease her comfort out here...........She nodded, so I dug out my leather jacket and draped it around her shoulders...........“Do you have any idea what you’re going to do?” she asked...........“No,” I said. The wind blew at my hair. I looked out at the elements, wondering what they had in store for me, wondering where on the horizon I belonged...........“Nothing?”..........“Well I can’t very well just return to life as a soldier, so no,” I said...........We waited in silence for a few more beats, and then Joe showed up with a large assortment of bags. “Mary, glad to see someone else is coming with. I’ve never known you outside of the French Retreat.”..........She pulled up her hood. “Thanks.”..........“Hey, guys, can you do me a favor and help me load this stuff into my SUV?”..........We agreed. It didn’t take too much time. There was a bit of bragging going on over who could pack better. Joe and I maintained that as longtime soldiers we were the best packers ever. Mary Sue said that was nothing compared to her old-time womanly values. Being gentleman, we let her take the credit for the neatness of the packing. It was all a bit trivial, but it seemed to satisfy her a great deal. Joe started the SUV and I called shotgun...........“Where are we going?” I asked...........Joe backed up. “I don’t know. Pull out the map.”..........I checked the map in the glove compartment and unfolded it, always a messy endeavor. “Someplace sunny, I’m thinking. Maybe California. What about Mexico?”..........“No, wait, give me that!” said Mary Sue. She wrestled the map from me. “Those are terrible choices. If we’re going to go anywhere, I’m going to call the shots, because you’re driving and you called shotgun,” she said to Joe and me. “Alright, I like the looks of here.” She punched her finger onto the surface of the map and showed the location to Joe...........“Do you have any idea where you just pointed to?” he asked, shifting into forward gear...........“No.”

Review

Edited October 24, 2012 by Jean Valjean

[Jean Valjean]

Maysa Arena

IN MY MANY YEARS ONE WOULD SUSPECT THAT I WOULD HAVE IMPROVED MY ABILITY TO LIVE, and yet without fear of death I suffered a psychological detriment. The average man graduated from college and knew that at the very most he was twenty percent finished with his life, but such an estimation would be generous and his life would more likely than not play out to be shorter than that and render him already a third of the way throughout his course. Back in my heyday, man would read “Thanatopsis” and it would speak to them, knowing the inevitability of death and expect it as they approached their older years, when the rising and the setting of the sun seemed to come too fast. Because of this arc they were in, a sense, blessed, for their story had the bookends of both a fitting beginning and a satisfying end. Like any book with a solid conclusion, there was always a climax and a proper resolve, where life had met all of its needs and there was no further purpose in its continuation. Yet for me, there was never an end. When I realized I would never age, I rightfully adopted an invincibility complex...........As we drove across the countryside, there was much to talk about, but at least one thing had come with age. My life might not feel complete, but I was wise. I felt deep thoughts come about me, and I rested my head against the window...........Where was my life heading? Without death to put my life into perspective, what ultimate purpose could I serve? For so long I had spent my time helping the world, being a soldier for greater causes, so that I became more of a force of nature, in which case there was no point to my self-awareness. I often wondered, because it seemed that my purpose was very material, if it was possible for me to reach a point where the meaning to my existence was to stop and just be a person...........What did I want out of this road trip anyway?..........“Why not Minot?” crowed Joe. The trip had been long, and the North Dakota landscape was flat and dreary with nothing to look at. It was so bad that Mary Sue got excited to see a windmill. At the sound of a relatively large town, my head perked up. It was about time that we got somewhere. “The Magic City and enemy of skateboarders everywhere.”..........“What about skateboards?” asked Mary Sue...........“Skateboarding is illegal here,” said Joe. “Except for at the skating park, but if you really want parks I’d suggest the Roosevelt Park and Zoo. Hey, there’s some real history to this town. I’ve been around since before it was founded in 1886. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t know a thing or two about this place?”..........“I can’t wait to get around and stretch my legs. The last place we’ve been was Williston and that was two and a half hours ago,” said Mary Sue...........Joe took a turn on Western Ave SW. We weren’t fully in town and there was nothing but trees and hills to our right. The view was still pretty expansive for being in an urban area. A lane to the right soon caught Joe’s eye. There was a sign by the offshoot labeling the place the Minot Park District. It led into a parking lot, and when I looked back at the large rectangular building it led to it had the large name Maysa Arena along its northern face........... He parked the SUV and leaned back in his seat. I think we all sighed...... .....“Well , I’m getting out,” he said. It took a full minute for Marry and me to follow suit...........“So John,” said Mary Sue. “What are you wearing a tux for, anyway?”..........I looked down at my silky and slim attire. I had little idea. It just seemed very significant to me in that moment to dress up. Back in the old days we did it all the time. I just shrugged...........“No, I mean, wouldn’t you want to wear something else here?” she said...........“Maybe I want to impress people,” I replied. “I’m not totally sure, but I think I have an idea of just talking with someone new and sharing my thoughts or something.”..........“Just keep in mind that in this building is an ice skating rink,” said Joe...........“I know,” I said. “In hindsight, my Civil War uniform would have looked pretty cool on ice, but since it’s the Christmas season I was under the impression that church attire looked nice and celebrative. Speaking of which, what are we going to do on the big day? We’re going to all be together. We’re going to be out in the world, and chances are we’ll be somewhere we’ve never stayed before.”..........“I honestly don’t know,” said Joe. “I stopped celebrating the holidays when the Great Depression hit.”..........I shook my head. “Really? I do all the time.”..........“So do I,” said Mary Sue. “Joe, you should really celebrate Christmas with us!”..........Joe blushed, put his hands in his pockets, and kicked the ground. “Awww, okay.”..........With that it was a matter of letting loose and checking the place out. Maysa Arena had two ice rinks and a warm area in-between them, and one of the rinks had a hockey team practicing. We got our skates and went out on the other rink...........Now this was actually a very familiar experience, I know. Out at the French Retreat, skiing and hiking was available to everyone. Back there, our entire lives were dedicated to the art of pastime, so skating in a rink wasn’t a major thematic shift. In the end, I was still doing nothing...........I stopped skating and Mary Sue almost bumped into me...........“I feel like acting out,” I said. “I have the energy.”..........“What’s wrong, fellow traveler?” she asked...........“What are we doing, anyway?” I asked. “We’re still on our extended vacation, only this time it’s on the move. It’s the same old stuff, though.”We sat down on the ice and let nearby skaters pass us by. They didn’t seem to mind. Some girl looked at us looking as if she interpreted it as something really romantic. For her sake, I would recommend it. If Mary Sue and I were an item, I would find this romantic to, but it wasn’t anything of the sort. At the heart of it all, I was just really, really sad...........Mary Sue held out her hands. “Well, what is it that you haven’t yet done in life? I mean, just think about it. It’s not as if you’ve been very creative in your various outlets of productivity. Let’s see, there’s been fighting as a soldier, fighting as a soldier, fighting as a soldier…” Each time she said “fighting as a soldier” she ticked off a finger on her left hand in a continuous tally. “And…Oh yes – fighting as a soldier!”..........“I wasn’t Joe. I haven’t been a soldier in maritime, just for the big wars.”..........“Think about it, John,” said Mary Sue. “What else is out there that most people live for?”..........“Marriage, family, children,” I said. “And friends. Yeah, I get it.”..........“I’m just going to go out there and say that the reason you went ballistic yesterday was because John Smith gave up on you as a friend. I mean, you had each other to live for, but when one of you stopped living…” she held out her hand as if to guide the meaning of the statement into the air...........I sighed...........“See, what’s different now is that we may not be doing much, but what we are doing we’re doing together,” she continued. “I mean, the whole reason I stayed sane at the French Retreat was because I could at least talk with you friends about the possibility of getting out. Now we’re actually trying. That has to count for something, right?”..........I considered her words. It still made me unhappy that what we were partaking in was still essentially an activity for teenagers who had yet to discover their way. Then again, that was something I was behind on, so it was just as well...........“Come on,” she said, returning to her own two feet. “Get up.” She held out her gloved hand. When I was slow to respond, she jiggled her hand. “Get up!” she repeated with a smile. I reached up and accepted her gentle tug...........The girl from earlier looked at us as she returned from a lap around the ice and smiled. That prompted me to look at the center of the rink. Joe Schmoe was, as they said these days, “hanging out”. To be specific, it was with a woman. To be even more specific, he was flirting with her, and she was flirting back...........“I wonder if we should interrupt,” I said.......... .Mary Sue followed my gaze and got the picture. “Let’s.”..........“Nah, I want to see where this goes. No need to be impatient.”..........“What was the point in asking, then?” asked Mary Sue...........“I made up my mind in-between asking and your answer,” I said...........“So we just skate around?” she said...........“Or you could teach me how to dance,” I suggested...........“You how to dance?” she guffawed. “What makes you even think that I can do that?”..........“I don’t know,” I admitted. “You just seem to be perfect at everything.”..........“Don’t stereotype me,” she said. “My main talent is getting people to think I’m perfect at everything. I just so happen to not know how to figure skate.”..........“We have an eternity to live,” I said. “We could always start now.”..........Mary Sue smiled and nodded. We then proceeded to give it a try. I put my hand around her waist and held her left hand up with my spare. We made a few movements, but fumbled at first. I realized that this was actually very difficult because Mary Sue was a very tall woman, in fact just an inch taller than the average man. The proportions weren’t quite right for us to get a true sense of elegance into the picture...........“Sorry,” I said...........“Cherish those little mistakes,” said Mary Sue...........Then we tried a move that failed on all levels and we found ourselves on our backs with no sense of balance...........“You’re going to ruin that suit if we keep this up!” she said. She used my silver tie to pull herself up. I wasn’t bothered whatsoever by the tightening around my neck, although I was aware that this looked weird...........“This suit has been through a lot,” I said. “Besides, it’s just frozen water.”..........Joe beckoned us over. The blond woman he was with waved with him, smiling at us. He must have said flattering things on our behalf...........“Hey Joe, it looks like you’re having a good time,” I said. Wink wink. Nudge nudge...........He laughed. “Shut up! I’d like you to meet Valerie. Val – yes, we can all call her Val – these are my friends John and Mary. I’ve known them, I kid you not, since before you were born.”..........“You’re not that old,” said Valerie...........“I’m older than you. How old are you anyway?”..........Valerie opened her mouth wide. “Oooooh…I cannot believe you just asked me that!”..........“Um, but I did, and I don’t really care about age,” he said. “Come on, it’s not like I told you that your dress makes you look fat, which, by the way, reminds me of Victorian-era dresses, which were actually pretty cool, and since I find you’re great-great grandmother’s fashion zingy that means I’m a pretty charming guy, so you’re just going to forgive me for a minor slip of the tongue because it will be worth it.”..........“You know I wasn’t that offended, right?” she asked...........“You weren’t? Okay, I knew that, but let’s say I didn’t. I didn’t want to know your age anyway, because the moment you start revealing that sort of information it means that you’re a bit too comfortable with me, and the thing is that I’m a complete stranger and I live in another skate - I mean state - and there’s no way to make a long-term relationship work, although I’d love for you to hang out with us for a little while longer and call it a date just for the sake of our mutual enjoyment.”..........“That went over my head.”..........“Yeah, you were kind of intimidating there,” said Mary Sue. “I’m just giving you some advice as a woman.”..........“Sorry, I’m just guestimating that you’re thirty-five and have the maturity to match it, based on the conversation we just had, but it looks like I forgot about the incredible diversity and complexity of personal tastes. But really, I’m just hoping to enjoy each other, eh?” Joe shrugged and gave a crooked smile. “Hey, we have a great time thought out.”..........“We do?” I asked...........“You just had to not play along with that bluff, didn’t you?” joked Joe...........“No, it’s okay,” said Valerie. “You’re pathetically trying to charm me and it’s working because the thought counts. You must really want this.”..........“Well…” began Joe. “No. Yes. No. Yes! I don’t know.”..........“I think it’s just been forever since he enjoyed the company of women friends,” I said, just to keep him afloat. “Dude, it’s cool. She’s fine with coming along.”..........“It’s just that we’re on vacation and something’s missing,” said Joe...........“I completely understand,” I said...........“See, I was totally up for visiting the Roosevelt Park and Zoo later on because it’s a beautiful place at all times of the year, but you guys seemed uninterested so I wanted to make sure I had company who was. Seriously, I’ve known you guys for so long that, frankly, you’re just too predictable. I believe it.”..........“I believe it,” I said, overlapping him...........Joe raised his eyebrows. “See what I mean? And Mary? When I say ‘There’s too much snow out’ you say ‘Snow is a sacred and beautiful thing.’’’..........“Snow is a sacred and beauti – hey!”..........“Anyway, as we were saying,” he gestured to Valerie, “you guys were pretty cool figure skaters. I appreciated your lack of talent whatsoever. It’s far more entertaining. Go on.” He gestured to Valerie again...........“Well, I just think it’s great to goof up every once and a while. I like it when people accept that they’re not perfect. That’s not to call the Olympics stupid or anything, but what if I don’t care about getting something big done and just enjoy life?”..........Mary and I looked at each other. This would be an interesting perspective, perhaps just the right one to perform a catalyst for bigger ideas relevant to our discussion...........“Well, it seems you guys like the idea of company,” said Joe with a knowing wink. “By the way, when I told you that I’m in the Air Force and that my major was engineering, I forgot to mention that my minor was criminal justice, and personally in case anything happens it’s just in your best interests to just call family and let them know where you’re going and so forth. Like, here’s some information on me, which you should probably text to someone else.” He took out his wallet. I knew some of the information was faked, including the last name. What was it this time? Joe Little? Then I also knew that he had over the course of his years majored in a couple of other things...........“Dude, it’s okay. You’re not psycho. We’re adults,” said Valerie...........“I know, but I’m very safety conscious and no matter how screwball I can get I’m sincere about following proper procedures,” said Joe...........“Oh, fine,” said Valerie. She made a few calls, relayed Joe’s information to a few friends, gave them a physical description, and hooked her arm in Joe’s...........We spent some more time hanging out. I was still a bit surprised as Joe’s luck with making quick friends. In every regard he seemed to be a happy soldier. If they were physically capable of having a long-term relationship, Valerie would have been a lucky woman indeed. We had hot chocolate together when Mary Sue pulled me aside, putting some distance between us and Joe’s new business...........“It’s their date,” she said...........“It is, yes,” I acknowledged...........“So let’s do this for Joe.”..........I didn’t answer. Something was creeping at me. I knew Joe. No, not just a passing knowledge, but I knew him. Our friendship went back for several generations. Parents didn’t even understand their children the way I could with Joe, and my gut gurgled as I thought about the future...........I feared for him.

Edited October 26, 2012 by Jean Valjean

[Jean Valjean]

Valerie the Valedictorian

WE CAME THROUGH THE SOUTH ENTRANCE, and Joe wouldn’t stop apologizing for the park’s lack of beauty. “Roosevelt Park,” he insisted, “is perfect in the late spring when the grass is green.”……….He was, of course, being ridiculous and picky. “I’m just going to call you out on being too specific with your expectations and narrow in your interpretation of what is fine quality,” I said. “You’ve only ever come here during those times and this is what you expect to show us.”……….“He’s right, Joe!” said Valerie. “I used to come here all the time as a kid, and that included the winter. I have some great memories of those days. We would build snow forts and take our sleds here, and on top of all that it’s a winter wonderland!” She reached out with a red mitten to grab Joe by the hand and pull him forward. The rushed into the park and tripped, maybe by accident but just as likely by intention. They laid there for a moment, talking.……….I stood there, since this really was a personal thing between Joe and his new companion. He did, after all, owe it to her to be respectful on this date and give her his full attention. At least, that was how I saw it, but then my beliefs on relationships were a bit old-fashioned, much like Mary Sue’s insistence on keeping men organized out of her womanly virtues.……….There was a monument nearby. It called itself the North Dakota Medal of Honor Memorial. It was something I never received because I always avoided attention, and also something I never deserved because my commitment never required bravery, but it was still a military memorial. I was drawn to it.……….There was a central monolith, made out of three white spires, surrounded by a circle of ninteen smaller pillars, each with their own plaque commemorating a recipient. It was actually quite a few for such a small state. In fact, North Dakota had more Medals of Honor to its name per capita than any other state. A flag flew out in front, which in my mind was the most important element.……….Mary Sue stood next to me. “Well, it looks like Joe was right. There really is something for everyone, even you.”……….“There are some people who did good things for this country,” I said. Silence. I could think of many profound things to say, but for the life of me nothing seemed just right at the moment.……….“Did you ever really want recognition?” asked Mary Sue.……….“When I was young I was just an idealist,” I said. “I think that I sort of wanted something for myself during the Spanish War but…that was not so long after I first discovered I was immortal and I was more interested in taking advantage of it rather than thinking of how I was going to live with myself. No, I haven’t been tempted for a long time.”……….Joe was different, though. I found in wars with him and we talked about our experiences whenever we were together as an inevitable way of catching up with each other. He had always been tempted. He could get away with slightly more recognition, I knew. Mary Sue knew, and she had helped him with that internal struggle we first met.……….I sat on a bench along the path leading up to the circle. “I don’t have a whole lot to say about that subject, which is strange. It means my momentum has really slowed down.”……….“Do you think you’ll ever fight again?” Mary Sue asked.……….“Someday, eventually,” I said. “When I live forever, things are bound to repeat themselves.”……….She sat down next to me. “Some things have yet to be tried, though.”……….I thought it through, because these were very obvious statements. I suppose to a younger person it would have made sense, considering that young people wish to do everything. Yet, I didn’t have the urge to do everything anymore. I just wanted to do the things that mattered. I wanted to find a single definitive thing that brought purpose into my life.……….In their own time, Joe and Valerie were making snowballs and throwing them at each other. They ran about using the scattered trees about the garden as defenses, all the while laughing whenever one managed to land a shot. It seemed nice, but not my thing. Surely those were fun activities, but as it was with Maysa Arena and earlier still with the French Retreat, what was it other than just “fun”? Maybe it was different with Joe. He was, of course, full time military, unlike me. He had never at any point quit. He always followed his job wherever it took him. He had stopped searching and just enjoyed what calling he had. Maybe that was his secret. Then again, maybe not. I knew where he was incomplete. I knew what would come one day to destroy him.……….Yes, suffice to say returning to the battlefield was an option. It was the easy thing to do. The only complications would be faking my personal information, which perhaps Joe could help me with. It wasn’t a perfect plan, considering that my appearances were very sharp and distinct, especially with my height, whereas Joe had the upper hand of looking completely and utterly average. I was always afraid that someone might remember me if they saw me twenty years later. It was always a very real possibility. Still, if I waited thirty or forty years between each time I enlisted, it was still something I could regularly do throughout my life.……….Maybe this depression was only a phase. Maybe I was thinking too much about it.……….“Do you know what you need?” asked Mary Sue.……….“Obviously not, but go on,” I said.……….“I think you need to lead,” said Mary Sue. “Take the reins and plot your own course.”……….“Mary,” I said, turning to her, “what are you doing on this trip, anyway?”……….“I’m always there for my boys,” said Mary.……….“What are you looking for?”……….“Honestly, I’m out to help my friends. You’ll do the same thing when I’m feeling down,” she said. “Just make yourself happy. Once you’re happy, I’m happy. I want to be there when stuff happens.”……….“Because seeing someone get over the fact that he’s lived too much is a monumental event,” I said.……….“It is for me,” she said.……….Valerie ran up to the monument and hid behind the central monolith. Joe chased after her, holding his arm back ready to throw, but he stopped short of the monument. He lowered his arm and put his hands together in front of him. The snowball went nowhere.……….She peeked from behind the monolith, and then walked backward to stand next to Joe, following his gaze. “That’s right. You’re in the Air Force. Is this a powerful experience for you?”……….“Always,” said Joe.……….There was a long pause.……….“You know, they raised two-fifty thousand dollars to make this. I don’t get it. It’s just a bunch of geometric objects.” He played with the snowball in his hand and then let it drop to the ground.……….I stood next to them. Mary Sue completed our row. We wandered around, looking at the various plaques and reading what each had to say. I wasn’t familiar with anyone I read about. Most of them were from the Philippine Insurrection, anyway, which I never cared enough to partake in. I always had mixed feelings on America’s imperialistic conquest. None of us talked much, which was strange because I wasn’t that solemn, but maybe Valerie interpreted our personalities that way, because she seemed to really want to be polite for Joe.……….“How long have you been in the military?” asked Valerie quietly.……….“Long time,” said Joe. “I think I signed up sixteen years ago.”……….“What do you think you’re going to do when you’re done?”……….“Done?” Joe paused, stopped looking down, and met Val’s eyes. I looked away, pretending I wasn’t listening.……….“Yeah, in four years you can retire,” said Valerie.……….“I don’t think I’ll ever be done,” said Joe.……….I cringed and walked over to Mary Sue. She knew I was listening and I knew she was listening. She was pretending to still be interested in the monument, but she was biting her lip.……….“Joe, you only live once,” said Valerie.……….“Back in the old days, they called that Carpe Diem,” he said in a soft, soft voice. “And I believed in it.”……….“You mean you don’t believe in it now? Please enlighten me,” she said. I pretended to talk to Mary Sue, so I wasn’t looking their way and I couldn’t quite tell how Valerie said that last statement. I hoped it was with a smile.……….“It’s not how much you do, it’s what you do,” said Joe. “I stopped thinking about the future a long time ago and thought about the present. It gets my mind off of things. I’m never going to get the past back, and I sure as Congress won’t get my childhood back. Yet, I’ll never get the future, and I’ll never be where I want to be, so I just gave up seizing the day and started giving the day away. I’m where I need to be, with my country. It’s my calling.”……….“You’ve given your country everything,” she said.……….“Alright,” said Mary Sue. “I’m done pretending I’m not hearing this conversation. I mean, it’s really interesting. I really want to speak on Joe’s behalf, here. Let’s just say you could live forever. What then? You serve the good people of Earth for a few years and then you stop. That isn’t enough.”……….“Furthermore, if I can add onto what Mary said,” I interjected, scratching the side of my head. “Wait, are you fine with that?”……….“Go ahead.”……….“Let’s go to this extreme, then. In normal circumstances, yes, I understand that you die and it is possible to give everything by virtue that you fill up your life with your works, but let’s carry on this philosophical notion of eternity, which in a sense we experience now, for the present is where our time curve touches eternity. The point is, what is everything when you live forever? You can never possibly fill up your life with your work, because all that you have experienced and done is merely all you have experienced and done up to that point. No matter what, however, there will always be more future waiting for you in need of filling up, no matter how far into that eternity you have reached. Similarly, in actual application, in a normal life anything you have given is merely what you have given up to a certain point. It doesn’t matter what you have given. What always matters is what you can give in the present so that you can continue to do so in the future.”……….“Okay, but let’s assume there’s something else out there,” said Valerie. “Let’s assume you do give everything but have not love? Then you are but a resounding gong.”……….“Nice point, but I believe that the exact wording is ‘I gain nothing,’”, said Joe. “Really, though, I understand your point, but the King James Version specifically refers to this love as charity. I think that’s what I’m doing.”……….“See, this is what I mean,” said Valerie. “You have a big heart. You serve a really high calling and you know where you stand spiritually. I think you’d make a great man for someone someday.”……….“Val, it’s a little more complicated than that,” said Joe.……….“No, wait, I’m no longer on your side, Joe,” said Mary Sue. “She just brought up an interesting point about manliness, and I just find this fun to talk about being a woman. I believe that a true man needs to be a spiritual leader. You know my views on this are a bit old-fashioned, but when Valerie mentioned that you have a lot of heart, that reminded me of when I was first seeking romance and I valued a man who could help me lead the family’s heartbeat.”……….“I’m just going to come out and say that to some extent that I agree with Mary Sue because this was what I was raised with as well,” I said. “I believed that a man needed strength to stick up for others in a very personal way. I remember principally my father and what he means to me. Of course, things have changed a bit now, and I understand that certain social norms for femininity have been rightfully questioned, which is a good thing. It reminds me of the works of Thoreau and what he believed in. Now it seems that we are heading toward an area of balance, but it still stands that I believe there are fundamental ways in which man and woman complement each other.”……….“See, I stopped believing in that,” said Joe. “Women are really strong. They don’t need men, just friends.”……….“But I like you,” said Valerie. “And part of the reason I like you is because you’re a man. The way that it makes you different from me just feels completing.”……….“Why are we all talking with such well-organized thoughts?” said Joe.……….“Okay, I’ll stop, but we’ll give Valerie the final word,” said Mary Sue. By saying “we” she was implying me as well, so I worked in conjunction with her.……….Valerie looked at Joe and they faced each other full-on. She reached out to his hand and held it, patted it. “I just want to see you go somewhere. I have no idea why it’s the right thing. I have no idea how to justify it. I just know that I see potential for something beautiful.”……….“That sounds very romantic,” said Joe. “Why does it have to be romantic? I just like being friends with my fellowman. Like what we have here. I just want to sow my friends Minot, and I met you and…I don’t know, I really enjoy this as a date, and you’re right, there’s a basic appeal to this, but it’s not because I’m looking for something. I’m trying to give something. Like – I just want you to have a good time because it seems like a cool idea.”……….“It’s funny how easy it is to feel that way when you’re a guy,” said Valerie.……….“No, it’s not because of that,” said Joe.……….“I think in part it is. It’s okay to admit it. Men like women,” said Valerie. “I totally understand that you can find yourself wanting to be nice me without any idea why. I really like it.”……….“Okay, but just so you know, I don’t have an ulterior motive,” said Joe. “Really, I don’t. Stop smiling at me like you’ve got me cornered. Stop it!”……….“How about we save getting too serious and technical for the end of the date?” I proposed.……….We laughed it all off and walked elsewhere in the park. There was a nice antique train from the golden age of the railway, commemorating the nature of the Magic City’s founding, and a bronze statue of the park’s namesake, Teddy Roosevelt.……….“Great president,” said Valerie.……….“I didn’t vote for him,” said Joe.……….“If only we could have. It would have been an honor,” she said.……….Then I stopped the group when I encountered a specific jewel out in the middle of a field, a large stone tablet with the Ten Commandments written on them. “Now this,” I said. “This is cool.”……….“Why?” said Joe. “It’s just a rock.”……….“Yes, but a jungle gym is just a jungle gym,” I said, putting both my hands down on the stone and circling to the other side to face my compatriots. “What makes this stand out is that it has merit, it has meaning, even though it just sits there and takes up space. Imagine gathering around here in this place. Immediately, there’s something personal about it, because there’s this rock that has words on it, words written by people from long, long ago. And think finally of the higher force this implies, the absolutism of morality. If morality is absolute then there simply must be a purpose in life. Correct?”……….“What a very meritorious thought,” said Mary Sue.……….“Please don’t get too organized with your thoughts again,” said Joe. “It gets contagious.”……….“This coming from the guy who intimidated poor Valerie with big words back at the ice rink,” said Mary Sue.……….“Hey, all I said was ‘for our mutual enjoyment,’” said Joe.……….“Why do you guys talk this way, anyway?” asked Valerie.……….“Well it’s quite simple,” I said. “I have my doctorate in English. Mary has a master’s in education, and Joe just has to watch what he says.” And I had a doctorate in seven other subjects, but that was irrelevant. My very first degree was in English, though. “In some ways maturity has been hammered into us.”……….“You just used a passive sentence,” said Mary Sue. “How dare you.”……….“Maturity hammered its way into us in some ways. Better?”……….“Continue.”……….“Although in other ways it hasn’t,” I said.……….“Yeah, I know what you mean,” said Valerie. “I’m in my mid-thirties and I still sometimes mooch off of my parents and the like, and as Joe brought out I still like to goof around. It’s weird, because I’ve been an adult for so long and I sometimes have to do soul-searching. It’s like I’m still a teenager after all this experience.”……….“Amen,” I said, nodding my head from behind the tablet.……….“Where do you see yourself when you’re an old lady?” said Mary Sue.……….“Married, I suppose, and happy,” said Valerie.……….“No longer like a teenager?” asked Mary Sue.………. “No, definitely not,” said Valerie.……….“Well there you go. John? Any thoughts?”……….I paused. Mary Sue was looking at my way with a very – mark my word, very – subtle smile. Somehow she knew I was on the spot. “I’m at a loss of anything good at the moment. Well, no, I take that back. There’s something very predominant I’ve noticed about life and death, and it’s that once you get to that second half of your life you don’t take it for granted. You know your end is coming, and you know you’re dependent. If you haven’t achieved much before then, you definitely wish to use it immediately, because you might not get the chance the next day. The desire to contribute especially applies to the younger generations, because you lived a life – whether or not it was a full one is irrelevant – and you wish to impart the strength of your successes and the wisdom of your failures upon those who need it most, the next generation. The entire mindset changes. I don’t necessarily believe that it’s because you become a better and more selfless person as you age.”……….“You make aging sound sucky,” said Valerie.……….“Would you rather live forever?” said Joe.……….“Well, no, Joe,” she confessed.……….“Even if you could be with the one that you loved, Val?”……….“Even if I could be with the one that I loved forever. Unless he was going to live forever anyway, in which case I’d have to be there for him.”……….“Food for thought, though,” I said. “Perhaps our attitude comes from the inevitability of death, and so our minds and simultaneously our cultures adapt to that to create a worldview that sees death in such a peaceful light. Yet, how would we see death if we knew that it was completely unnecessary and unnatural, such as when people died in the September 11 attacks?”……….Valerie played with a lock of her hair and asked for a moment to think about it. Her left foot did that thing where it restlessly jumped up and down. “I don’t know. I guess if death was unnatural…no that just doesn’t make sense. Once you’ve completed your purpose, it’s your time. I mean, if we both believe in a higher force, wouldn’t you want to see it someday?”……….“Yes, well I’m not satisfied with that answer,” I said, now leaning in.……….“What do you think?” she retorted.……….“I think the exact same thing you do,” I replied with a smile, my body language a bittersweet mockery of myself, though she could never read that attitude. “Not that I like it, but it looks like we’re both stumped by that one. Even when you get all intellectual, if you could actually live longer than humans were meant to live, you’re going to struggle, because your soul still functions the way human souls were meant to function. It looks like you’re my equal now. Congratulations! You just graduated valedictorian in Dr. John Silver’s philosophy class!”……….Valerie laughed. Mary Sue smiled as well, looking at me with clear contentment. I took my weight off of the Ten Commandments and returned to my spot next to her.……….“I graduated with a degree in construction, actually,” she said. “My father was a carpenter. We liked to build things together, things that had meaning to people. Like that gazebo over there.”……….We began walking when she headed in the direction of the gazebo. It was a modest white thing next to a fence on one side, a gentle slope on the other, and on all sides subtly framed by trees. On the slope there were benches, and beyond that were a couple of artificial ponds, now frozen over, one of which had a small bridge going over it. We crossed the bridge and ran up to the gazebo. Once under its roof she twirled around and held out her arms.……….“This is the heart of Roosevelt Park Zoo,” she declared. “People hold their weddings here, right next to the green and the winding paths. This is where hearts get locked together forever, where people have had the happiest moments of their life. It’s always been my favorite part of the park. This is the type of stuff I like to build.”……….“Would you mind dancing?” said Joe.……….“No,” said Valerie. “Come one!”……….The engaged each other and circled around the center of the structure. Mary Sue and I just stood on the sidelines watching, enjoying the time they were having together.……….“Come join us!” was Valerie’s initial invitation.……….“Funny, but I wasn’t under the impression that this was a double date,” I said. Mary Sue and I remained on the sidelines. This was, after all, this was Joe’s moment. Valerie’s as well. It almost felt too romantic, but at least they were enjoying themselves in a way that they couldn’t have otherwise. They began talking to each other, basically flirting again, speaking of casual things with little meaning, but I could hear something in it, something that showed why Valerie was so quick to accept Joe’s invitation to the park.……….“My mother was a therapist…” she would whisper.……….“Yeah, I’m guessing that you didn’t get to see her often,” Joe would say, picking up on her statements. “Just the way you say it, I can sense that there was a divorce. Were you young?”……….“Seven.”……….“There must have been a lot of tension throughout your life.”……….“Yeah. They married too early. Their political and religious beliefs were too different.”……….“If it’s too impulsive then it’s not love. Love obligates wisdom to guide it and help it make the decisions that are right, rather than those that merely feel right. A wise man once told me that.”……….“Your father?”……….“Uta-Napishti. He’s foreign. And when I say ‘wise old’, I mean wise old. I swear, he’s older than the Epic of Gilgamesh.”……….“Never heard of it. What’ it like?”……….“Well, it’s a funny story. There was a man, a king, really, and he wanted all the glory in the world….”……….She was like a child in his arms, completely enamored by a bedtime story, the kind with a beautiful moral at the end that reassures faith in the storyteller as a source of wisdom, but also as a source of comfort for sharing his imagination. It was going to sound magical in such a way that it felt like it was coming from his own experience, him speaking his own heart……….He completely understood her as a human being.……….I nudged Mary Sue with my elbow. We walked outside, out onto the miniature bridge.……….“What do you think, a little too romantic?”……….“No, he’ll get over her,” she said. “He just wants that sense for the moment and enjoyment for the present. Some people aren’t out for a relationship. They just want to love others.”……….“What happens the way he wants to be loved?” No answer. “What if he remembers when it was something he would chase and presumably have?”……….More silence. I didn’t want Mary Sue to answer anyway. It wasn’t something I was comfortable talking about, either, but it was on my mind. I just thought I’d mention it. After a moment, I realized it wasn’t my cup of tea. The silence became equally mine. I looked at Mary Sue, willing her to change the subject, but for a time she held her head down low, looking at the ice sheet below.……….“How did it feel to talk with Valerie?” she asked……….“Good,” I said. “She’s an intelligent lady.”……….“I really think this is for you. You have more doctorates than anyone in the world. You’re so well-educated that you could teach anything, and with the age and wisdom you possess…you could command your subjects and your students like no one else. That’s what I mean by leadership.”……….I grabbed my silver tie. “I’ve been thinking of something else. I’m not sure.”..........“To help others find their way. To inspire.”……….I looked back at Joe and Valerie. “I’ve never been around Joe when he’s on a date. I just brought something to mind.”……….“To be a father or generations of children, a light in the darkness of doubt. Think about it, you’ve been given such a tremendous gift. Maybe fighting in wars isn’t what you’re meant for. Maybe you can make better use of your blessings by teaching. Maybe you’re not indestructible so you can survive bullets, but so you can be a rock for others to lean on.”……….“Why me?”……….“Because you’re unhappy. Because you trusted me to help you, and I want the best life for you.”……….“What about you?”……….“I’ll help you get there.”……….“I know you will,” I said. “You’re always there for me. When you question yourself, though, what then? Mary, I believe that if anyone can accept leadership, it’s you, the humblest of servants. I’ve heard Uta-Napishti talk of you before. He sees something in you, an ability to not lead through strength, but by love.”……….“Isn’t that what I’m doing here?”……….I looked back at Joe and Valerie. They were slowing down, even when they were already slow. It can to a full stop. She rested her head against Joe’s chest. A normal man would have been uncomfortable knowing that he would have to say goodbye forever to someone after having what one would can a very romantic first encounter, but he must have had a lot of faith in her ability to understand his intentions, that this was all just a good time. They pulled apart, Valerie holding both his hands.……….We watched them as one would watch a catastrophe. Nothing had happened yet, but we could feel the future coming. We could feel the future come upon us through revelations in the present.……….He later dropped Valerie off at the Maysa Arena. She wanted to hold his hand, but he declined. I decided not to intervene during their goodbye.……….“It was nice knowing you,” said Joe.……….“You’re a nice person,” said Valerie. “I had a great time.”……….“You’ll find the right person, by the way, I know it,” said Joe. “I really wish could give you more, but my life is just – heading in another direction – love obligates wisdom.”……….“I know,” said Valerie. “Thank you.”……….“Goodbye. Val.”……….“Goodbye. Joseph.”……….She migrated to her car but looked back for one last moment before getting in. Joe was still there. Well, that must have been the official sign of goodbye, because Joe turned back to us and got into the driver’s seat. We drove off. Mary Sue and I remained silent in the back seat, knowing he had to take the initiative to speak first.……….“I can’t permanently commit myself to anyone,” he said. “I just try to find someone every day who needs love as a human being. I may not be looking for a relationship, but I really do love her.”……….“I’ve never been around one of your dates before,” I said.……….“Yeah, sometimes I make someone feel sad initially, but hopefully they learn to love themselves after being loved,” he said.……….“Joe, I’ve been thinking something through ever since I saw you dancing with her. There’s some unresolved business I have, something I want to go through with.”……….“I think I might know what you’re talking about, in which case we’re talking about some stuff from pretty far back. But I was surprised. During that date you dropped from really old business.”……….“What was that?”……….As he turned onto Highway 52, Joe looked back to look me right in the eye. While he neglected the road, I was vaguely aware of a semi coming up to t-bone us.……….“That was the first time I’ve ever heard you mention your father.”

Edited April 12, 2013 by Jean Valjean