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The Most Important Issues

Posted by Jean Valjean , in Humor, Michael Phelps, Events Nov 06 2018 · 90 views

John Williams Michael Phelps America
:kaukau: Sadly, the issues that really matter are not on the ballot. I almost got to meet my governor and talk about them before election day, but sadly that moment for the history books never happened.

Next election, though, I propose these core issues:
  • Convert our counting system to Base 120.
  • Pass a constitutional amendment denying the existence of Canada.
  • Change all of the lame state flags that looks alike. The ones that are okay can stay the same, but all those others need to go.
  • Make Ithkuil the official language of legal texts.
  • Recompose the national anthem so that it covers 6 octaves.
  • Officially declare that the Goddess Columbia be represented with the likeness of Whitney Houston.
  • Let John Williams come up with anthems for all of the states that have boring anthems.
  • Right next to the Statue of Liberty, build a statue of John Williams waving a conductor's wand.
  • Set our healthcare goal to, "Make John Williams live forever."
  • Draft Michael Phelps back into the Olympics. He needs to stick around until the 2028 L.A. Olympics at the very least.

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I'm all for the John Williams state anthems, especially since the Maryland anthem is just "O Christmas Tree" but about the tyranny of Abraham Lincoln (we weren't even a confederate state, so why our song is anti-Lincoln is beyond me).

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I'm all for the John Williams state anthems, especially since the Maryland anthem is just "O Christmas Tree" but about the tyranny of Abraham Lincoln (we weren't even a confederate state, so why our song is anti-Lincoln is beyond me).

Maryland was a border slave state before the war and many Confederate sympathizers caused enough of a fuss in the first days of the war that a Union military presence was necessary to keep from joining The Confederacy.

 

(That song does, however, sound like a prime contender for being replaced by a John Williams one.) 

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CyclonatorZ
Nov 09 2018 11:17 PM

Hah, that's interesting re: Maryland. Meanwhile my state, Tennessee, was so divided over secession that people wanted right back into the Union as soon as the war was over. It seems to have rubbed off on my town at least (thankfully), because its not nearly as "deep south" as a lot of the surrounding area. (Our popular, longtime mayor immediately declared he would officiate gay marriages as soon as the SCOTUS ruling happened.)

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Jean Valjean
Nov 12 2018 04:02 PM

I'm all for the John Williams state anthems, especially since the Maryland anthem is just "O Christmas Tree" but about the tyranny of Abraham Lincoln (we weren't even a confederate state, so why our song is anti-Lincoln is beyond me).

 

:kaukau: I laughed, because I was both aware of Maryland's national anthem, and because I've ranted on this blog before about my own Iowan anthem having ​that exact same tune.  At least your has some interesting history that says something about your state.  Mine is just full of generic lyrics about how Iowa is beautiful and it's the fairest state and blah blah blah.

 

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Me

Username: Jean Valjean
Real name: People literally don't have names in my family
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Heritage: Half Dutch, Quarter Hungarian, Eighth Swedish, Sixteenth German and Irish
Physical description: Looks like the eleventh Doctor
Favorite food: Chicken, turkey, and beef.
Least favorite food: Vegetables of any kind
Favorite band: Queen
Favorite singer: Billy Joel
Favorite song: American Pie
Favorite movie: Schindler's List
Favorite TV show: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Favorite play: Les Miserables
Favorite color: Silver
Second favorite color: Brown
Favorite board game: Risk
Favorite athlete: Michael Phelps
Lucky Number: 53
Past-times: Writing, reading, drawing
Political Caucus: Iowa Republicans
Religion: Christian
Language: Iowegian

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