Let's get to work.
Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.
Right off the bat we can identify a few disturbing implications. Frosty is a soul, which means that Frosty is disembodied. A soul without a body is commonly referred to as a ghost. We're not even out of the first stanza and we've already figured out Frosty is a ghost - this has potential
But wait ... a ghost with physical features doesn't make too much sense. Clearly, there's more to this Frosty business than meets the eye. After all, he is always referred to as a snowman. Maybe the next few lines will provide some clues.
Frosty the Snowman is a fairytale, they say.
He was made of snow but the children know
That he came to life one day.
Perhaps Frosty is a soul which reanimates snowmen. But ... how come only the children know him? Why not any adults? Does Frosty never reveal himself to them? Maybe Frosty wants something from the kids, and stalks them.
More like Frosty the Slenderman, am I right?
In any case, let's continue with the lyrics.
There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found,
For when they placed it on his head, he began to dance around!
Clearly the silk hat is imbued with a certain amount of magic - black magic. There are no hard and fast rules about souls possessing objects, but we can infer that Frosty can only inhabit a snowman body if said body has a corncob pipe, a button nose, two coal eyes, and has a silk hat placed on its head last. These are the only conditions wherein Frosty can inhabit a snowman body.
Frosty the Snowman was alive as he could be,
And the children say he could laugh and play
Just the same as you and me.
Again with the children. Only the children say that he could laugh and play, so this is hearsay. The children can say anything. This is different from the children knowing that he came to life, as stated in the earlier stanza. We can't know for certain that Frosty can laugh and play. It's possible that Frosty is using this to cover up something. But what would a snowman do with a bunch of children?
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty go.
Thumpety thump thump, thumpety thump thump
Over the hills of snow.
There's not much here to go on, but Frosty is going somewhere over snow. Can he only travel over snow? And he must be going fast enough to be worthy of pointing out. Why is he running? Are the kids' parents chasing him, or are the cops on his tail?
Frosty the Snowman knew the sun was hot that day,
So he said "Let's run, and we have have some fun
Now before I melt away."
Well, the sun's hot, no kidding. It's hot all the time, to the tune of 10 million degrees. Frosty's scientific knowledge is simplistic.
Down to the village with a broomstick in his hand,
Running here and there all around the square saying
"Catch me if you can!"
So Frosty is not just a creepy ghost who thinks he's a snowman, but is also a witch to boot? After all, no respectable snowman would ever be caught near a broomstick. To catch him, the children will most likely have to run recklessly, putting them in harm's way. Is this what Frosty wants?
He led them down the streets of town right to the traffic cop.
And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler "Stop!"
Frosty the Felon, then, is it? And what's he doing leading kids through streets? They could get run over!
For Frosty the Snowman had to hurry on his way,
But he waved goodbye saying, "Don't you cry,
I'll be back again some day."
Yeah, back again ... from jail. Endangering children is no joke.
But hold on ... we appear to have a contradiction. Up until that point, it is implied that only children know of Frosty and that Frosty's existence is a secret to adults. But the traffic cop must be an adult. This is the first time that an adult knows of Frosty. Does the cop have special powers? Is he the only one who can see Frosty? Has Frosty lost his power to stay hidden from adults? Unfortunately, that's where the song ends, and I can infer no more without descending into speculation.
Thus, like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, this song, when paired with simple deductions, reveals highly disturbing things about the Christmas season. I submit to you that Frosty the Snowman is a creepy supernatural figure that enthralls children and leads them down busy streets to their doom.
NEXT TIME: SUMIKI IS CHASED BY FROSTY AFTER HE ABDUCTS HIS HAT.
It's Christmastime once again, and with it come a wave of songs. This year, I took the time to consider the the implications of the lyrics of Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
(I really do have too much time on my hands.)
Let's just start off with the first couple of lines, the introduction:
You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen,
But do you recall?
The most famous reindeer of all?
This bothers me. First off, there's the implication that I know those eight other reindeer. Heck, I can't remember their names, except that whenever I hear Blitzen's name I think of Wolf Blitzer's stubbly white beard.
This is, as one can imagine, an utterly horrifying thought - but hey, at least I can remember Blitzen's name.
But this also implies that the other eight are so famous that everyone has heard of them, when in reality, the only reindeer that anyone can name is Rudolph. And this intro is implying that we've never heard of him right before launching into a full-fledged biographical song.
Okay, minor gripe over. What I'm really concerned about is the reindeer culture, which isn't much of a culture at all. In fact, it seems to be run by bullies - very animalistic. We do know, from the context of the song, that there are more reindeer than just the nine we know of. At the very least, we can assume that there are backups in case something should befall one of the reindeer, rendering him unable to complete the annual journey. Maybe Blitzen got an ingrown hair one year and Santa wanted to take precautions.
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names;
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games.
Reindeer seem to be mean. The song states that all of the reindeer - not just the immature, small ones (which we don't know for sure even exist at the North Pole), but all of them - made fun of Rudolph just because his nose glowed. Logic would dictate that this includes the eight main reindeer, and it seems more and more likely that the reindeer deserve their own places on the naughty list. Meanwhile, Santa's just sitting there watching the spectacle of a young reindeer with an unfortunately bright nose get picked on constantly for something he couldn't help.
Unless, of course, Rudolph just has very bad allergies all of the time.
We know from the song that Santa knew of Rudolph's nose and chose to do nothing about it ... until the night before Christmas:
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say,
"Rudolph, with your nose so bright,
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
Hold on a second. There are a lot of implications in just one little stanza, so let's go through them. The first is the implication that there is fog everywhere, referring to the entire planet, an unprecedented weather phenomenon that no one has ever seen before, but nonetheless it wasn't going to stop the present delivery from happening.
We also now know that Santa lacks headlights on his sleigh. To make toys, Santa must not only employ a massive workforce but also use advanced technology in the present-making process. Since his elves must work year-round to make enough presents for everyone, they must work when there is no natural light outside. At the North Pole, the winter is by and large sunless. Continuing from this logic, Santa must have some sort of artificial light. If you fly around the earth at night and sneak into people's houses, it's kind of necessary to have a few flashlights. If he had magical night-vision, he wouldn't need Rudolph to light the way in the first place.
Any way you look at it, Rudolph should not have been an addition to the eight-reindeer team for the reasons provided in the song.
Here's the kicker: after it's over, the reindeer now like Rudolph:
Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,
You'll go down in history!"
... and you're sure that they were shouting that with glee?
We now have the first indication that reindeer can talk. Reindeer intelligence is great enough to understand spoken words, as Rudolph understood Santa, but with this stanza we know that reindeer can talk. With speech comes advanced society. Second, telling someone that they're going down in history sounds like a one-liner a bad guy would say in a James Bond movie before they kill someone.
Thusly, I submit to you, the populace of BZPower, absolute incontrovertible proof that the implications contained within the song Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, when paired with simple logic, provide evidence that reindeer are mean and Santa Claus is an imbecilic, lazy troll.
Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.
NEXT TIME: SUMIKI WAKES UP IN THE HOSPITAL AFTER BEING AMBUSHED BY A GANG OF EIGHT REINDEER.
I used to be a hardcore completist.
Somehow, every year that BIONICLE existed, I was able to get every set from every wave. Once I had gotten every 2002 set, every 2001 set (they still sold 'em in '02) then got every 2003 set, it took on a life of its own. I felt as if I had gotten too far into the collection to turn away, past a point of no return. In the world of business, this is a phenomenon known as "escalation of commitment." If BIONICLE was still going, I'd still probably be a completist.
It wasn't just the sets, though; I was enthralled with the story as well. I'd memorize every new bit of story I could get my hands on. I remember thinking about how so incredibly epic the Rahkshi were (*gasp* knee articulation!) and wondering how they could possibly make the story any cooler. Whether or not they succeeded is a point of contention amongst fans, but I found 2004 to be a pinnacle of awesomeness when it arrived. (*gasp* Elbow articulation!)
At some point, subconsciously at least, it became something I did simply because I did it, and the sheer inertia of the tradition was enough impetus for me to continue doing so, year after year. It became a game. I waited until the sets went on sale and scrounged them up. 2009 was especially like this, and marked a sea-change in my time as a LEGO fan. I still enjoyed building the sets, no doubt about it, but I began a transformation. For the most part, I avoided the Bara Magna story. I simply had no interest in learning it like I had learned the story of previous years. It wasn't an active avoidance, not at first - I just lost interest, plain and simple. I still watched TLR and figured out that Metus was the traitor, but I never got myself into any other '09 story.
Then 2010 came along, and with it came confirmation of the dreaded rumors surrounding the end of BIONICLE as we knew it - and I felt fine. Of course, I felt an obligatory twinge of sadness at the loss of something that had been a constant throughout most of my life, but I recognized what I unconsciously had for so long: I had lost interest in the BIONICLE story to the point where I didn't care what direction it went in. What I was a fan of transformed from story to the building system. I cared about the parts in the sets, not the sets or story. That's why it makes no difference to me what LEGO decides to call their main constraction line. Hero Factory's sets are the natural continuation of BIONICLE's sets. I couldn't care less about the story.
The MOCs that I built, beginning in 2004, became the single most defining aspect of BIONICLE, its constraction line cousins, and LEGO in general. As I drifted away from the story, it was replaced by a renewed sense of enthusiasm for the LEGO system of building, the virtues of which I must extol in another entry, for it is too long and tangential to put here.
Oddly, I'm not particularly nostalgic for those olden times when story and sets mattered significantly to me. Greg's recent story revelations failed send the expected waves of nostalgia over me. I view it as closure, and I'm certainly glad we have it, but I don't want BIONICLE back. Let's face it, ladies and gentlemen: BIONICLE's return would most likely suck, as it would be a continuation of the downhill trend it exhibited in its waning years. It would be like Hero Factory all the way around: similar sets, simplistic story, etc. (Well, maybe it'd be like Ninjago a bit ... but that's another entry.)
My evolution as a fan of LEGO is, statistically speaking, rather stark: I haven't purchased a constraction set since 2010, when I got most of the first Hero Factory wave. Despite the interesting parts, I was unimpressed, and I swore off completeism - not like I really had to or anything. Since then, I've gone completely cold turkey on official sets. I've certainly gotten my fair share of parts from both part orders and BrickFair vendors, but I really have no interest in the new sets themselves. When new LEGO catalogs arrive, I'll only nonchalantly flip through them if I have nothing else better to do. Many times, I'll just recycle them.
Can LEGO get back to those olden days? I don't know. We'll just have to see.
But even if they do, I don't expect to return to my old days of completeism ever again.
NEXT TIME: SUMIKI GETS FRUSTRATED THAT THE PART HE JUST SAW A SECOND AGO ISN'T THERE ANYMORE. DANG IT, WHERE DID IT GO. I JUST SAW IT.
The long-awaited Season Three of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is out, as of last week's two-part premiere and this week's Pinkie Pie-centric episode.
To preface what I'm about to write, I pretty much dropped out of "brony-dom" during the latter half of Season Two. To be fair, I never was really a part of it to begin with. During the Great Downtime last year, MLP and its fandom served to fill the Internet void, as strange as that might sound. But even then, I was rarely much more than a passive observer. I found the show to be lighthearted and legitimately enjoyable, but certain portions of brony-dom took it a little too far. My solitary contribution to the fandom took the form of an absurd one-shot fanfic where Pinkie Pie discovers pizza.
Since my "brony drop-out," I've not kept up with the release of episodes from official sources or popular fan sites, as was my norm during the last season. In fact, I credit Bambi's blog for pretty much all the advance knowledge I have before episodes of this season air.
So last week, I sat down and watched the two-part Season Three premiere.
I didn't very much care for it.
Here's five reasons why.
1) The villain. King Sombra had very little backstory, and what we knew was utterly generic and/or terribly lacking.
2) The setting. A Crystal Empire sounds really cool (and some of the architecture and animation were neat), but it flopped horribly - again, because we were given very little information about it.
3) The plot devices. Every single season premiere has suffered the same issue. Season One's was cool because it was the first (though many agree that it's weak), and Season Two had Discord and some novel concepts. But this time around, everything felt rehashed.
4) The timeline. They're all 1,000 years: Luna was in the moon for 1,000 years, Discord was stone for 1,000 years, and this Crystal Empire was gone for, you guessed it, 1,000 years.
5) The Elements of Harmony. Where were they? Surely they could have wiped Sombra out without the rigamarole of the episodes.
Now, I totally understand the need for keeping the plot simple. It is, first and foremost, a show for young girls, and the aspects which draw bronies to the show rarely include the plots. But with Seasons One and Two, the villains which the Mane Six had to battle in the opening two-parters were awesome, and what they did (or tried to do) actually had some implications on the lives of the Mane Six, on Ponyville, and Equestria as a whole. There was fridge horror, logic, and brilliance. With the Crystal Empire, those implications weren't there, and thus the plot carried very little weight.
After watching it, I was disappointed, though not profoundly. I didn't see things to outright hate about it, just a lot of things that bugged me. Its sheer predictability made it boring.
(Side note alert: this was the first season premiere where Princess Celestia was actually able to personally intervene against the forces of evil, but chose not to. Heck, they wrote a logical reason for this into the Return of Harmony script. Trollestia indeed.)
Moving on. The first "regular" episode of Season Three was Too Many Pinkie Pies, wherein Pinkie Pie clones herself and madness ensues. I'm not going to go into specifics, as some may not have seen the episode yet, but I can give some thoughts on it.
Personally, I'm mixed. I had some issues with the resolution (it seemed strange, too forced, and unnatural), but my main qualm resides in the characters. The characters seemed too much like themselves, as if they were caricaturing their personalities. I don't know if this is brony fanservice or not, but I don't like it.
Here's an example.
Paula Deen, for those who don't know, is a chef and TV personality who got famous for her Southern hospitality, exuberance, and willingness to put too much butter into any recipe she made on the air. Her personality was infectious, and my mom enjoyed watching her show - not for the recipes, but just to see what she'd do and say. (A stick of butter is colloquially known in our house as a "Deen.")
As recently as a few years ago, Deen began to change. She no longer seemed like a real person; she seemed to be acting like an echo of the person she used to be. This, according to my mom, made her show not unenjoyable, per se, but significantly less enjoyable than it used to be.
If Too Many Pinkie Pies is any indication, My Little Pony is beginning to head down the same path.
Is it because the fandom has impact? I don't know. Like I said, I kind of dropped out a while back, and I have little interest in returning. A couple of episodes is a small sampling size, but from what I know of the upcoming episodes, this might very well continue. For example the Great and Powerful Trixie - a fan-favorite (for reasons I can't fathom) - will reappear in an upcoming episode. Considering that brony-dom has taken an absurd liking to Trixie, I suspect her return will have fan-service. If it does, I'll consider my earlier theory as being correct.
This isn't saying that I'm no longer a fan of the show. For as long as it is on, I'll still watch the episodes. But if bronies really do have an impact on the show and its characters as much as has been indicated by recent episodes, Friendship is Magic may have prematurely jumped the shark.
NEXT TIME: SUMIKI YELLS AT A PICKLE JAR FOR BEING UNOPENABLE.
He's the lord of all strangeness. - Ignika: Nerd of Life
How awesome is Sumiki on a scale of 1 to 10? - Waffles
42. - Black Six
[He's] the king of wierd, the prince of practicality, the duke of durr! - Daiker
Sumiki is magic. - Cholie
Sumiki says, "Do I creeeeeeep you out?" Yes, he does. - Waffles
Sumiki is a nub. He's cool, but he's still a nub. - Ran Yakumo
"What is a Sumiki?" You may ask. But the answer to that is still unknown, even to the Sumiki itself. - Daiker
LISTEN TO SUMIKI - Cholie
Sumiki is best snickerdoodle. - Takuma Nuva
BZPower = Sumiki + McSmeag + B6. And Hahli Husky. - Vorex
What's a Sumi? Does it taste good? - Janus
I would have thought Sumiki wanted to reincarnate as a farm animal. - Kraggh
EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH - Kakaru
Sumiki: the horse_ebooks of bzp - VampireBohrok
Everything relates to Sumiki. No really, everything. - Daiker
He's in worse mental condition than I thought. - Obsessionist
I'm just wondering why I'm looking at some cat dancing ... I suppose the answer would simply be "Sumiki." - Brickeens
I was like a beast, screaming through the mind of Sumiki at the speed of sound. I.. I wasn't strong enough to stop myself. What I saw was the end of infinity, through which one can see the beginning of time, and I will never be the same. - Portalfig
I imagine the 13th Doctor will be rather like Sumiki, at the rate we're going. - rahkshi guurahk
I was quite sure Sumiki had another set of arms stashed somewhere. - Bfahome
Note to future self: don’t try to predict Sumiki, he’s unpredictable. - Voltex
Let's be honest, I would totally have picked my main man Sumiki to lead my goose-stepping night killers anyway. We tight like that, yo. - Xaeraz
10/10, would Sumiki again. - Bfahome
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Every week, I post a new "Tuesday Tablescrap", a small MOC not worthy of a topic, but something to post and inspire me to build more.
10/25/11 - Duplo Flower
11/1/11 - Slender Man and Masky
11/8/11 - Bizarre Black Spaceship
11/15/11 - 2001 Monolith
11/22/11 - My Little Slizer 50
11/29/11 - Punching Bag
12/6/11 - Thunder and Escorts
12/13/11 - Three Concepts
12/20/11 - Kaxium Alternate
12/27/11 - None (Christmas Break)
1/10/12 - None
1/17/12 - Volant
1/24/12 - Nidman's Chute Shoop Shop
1/31/12 - None (Brickshelf down)
2/7/12 - None
2/14/12 - Atomic Lime
2/21/12 - Spearhead
2/28/12 - Glatorian Kahi
3/6/12 - Seeker
3/13/12 - Skyscraper
3/20/12 - Microphone
3/27/12 - Toa Vultraz
4/3/12 - Flammenwerferjüngeres
4/10/12 - Umbrella
4/17/12 - Lime Beetle
4/24/12 - Special - Flame Sculpture
5/1/12 - None (BZPower down)
5/8/12 - Purple Ninja
5/15/12 - The Original Sumiki
5/22/12 - 7/24/12 - None
7/31/12 - Tahu
8/7/12 - None (BrickFair)
8/14/12 - Special - Chess Set
8/21/12 - Heavily Armored Wasp
8/28/12 - Spaceship Drill
9/4/12 - Scuba Vehicle
9/11/12 - Orange Guy
9/18/12 - Strange Flying Thing
9/25/12 - Goblet
10/2/12 - None
10/9/12 - Aim .............................. Down
10/16/12 - Gold Bot
10/23/12 - Teal Mech
10/30/12 - Special - Teal Mech (#2)
11/6/12 - Bits and Pieces
11/13/12 - Two Spaceships
11/20/12 - TARDIS Interior
11/27/12 - Christmas Creep
12/4/12 - Toaraga
12/11/12 - Fireplace
12/18/12 - Abstract Duckling
12/25/12 - None (Christmas)
1/1/13 - Black Bot
1/8/13 - 1/22/13 - None
1/29/13 - Handheld Rhotuka Launcher
2/5/13 - 8/6/13 - None
8/13/13 - The Hinklebot
8/20/13 - Special - Post-Apocalyptic Piyufi
8/27/13 - 8/5/14 - None
8/12/14 - Another Chro Original
8/19/14 - Kanohi Zatth
8/26/14 - Miniland Hatpile
9/2/14 - S. S. Starfish
9/9/14 - Special - Claude Hairgel
9/16/14 - Green Flame
9/23/14 - Avohkah Tamer
Formerly known as the Bring Back Teal Club, the Unused Colors Society is a club that serves to promote colors that are little-used or discontinued, such as teal, old purple, or metallic blue.
Akuna Toa of Sonics
Popup2: The Camel
~System Of A Down~
Thunder on the Mountain
Toa of Vahi
WORT WORT WORT
Toa Kuhrii Avohkii
Toa Neya 2011 Edition
~prisma son of dawn~
.: WoLVeRINe :.
The Great Forgetter
Thomas the Tank Engine
Oh my miru
Element lord Of Milk.
Lexuk Toa Of Insanity
Michael J. Caboose
Lord Kaitan de Storms
Toa of Dancing
The Oncoming Storm
Toa of Pumpkin
Toa Zehvor Blackout
Lord of Ice
Zarayna: The Quiet Light
Vorex: Keeper of Time
Toa of Smooth Jazz
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Tuesday Tablescraps - 9/23/14 - Avohkah TamerLyichir - Sep 23 2014 06:25 PM
Tuesday Tablescraps - 9/23/14 - Avohkah TamerTakuma Nuva - Sep 23 2014 03:09 PM
Tuesday Tablescraps - 9/23/14 - Avohkah TamerObsessionist - Sep 23 2014 03:04 PM
Tuesday Tablescraps - 9/23/14 - Avohkah TamerAvohkah Tamer - Sep 23 2014 02:47 PM
YOU KNOW HIS NAME ...Paleo - Sep 22 2014 10:19 PM
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If you learn one thing in life, learn this:
You should never, ever question why demons would possess a soda.
just a heads up - Cthulhu would probably eradicate mankind before bringing back Bionicle
so yeah, all I'm saying is, please think twice about this okay
nothing gets democracy flowing like erratic capitalizatION
[the NSA] couldn't say no when I offered them an ostrich farm in exchange
Sumiki -- nice try but we all know Toa Mata Nui stuffs its bra
have we mentioned hats
Shhh, I'm trying to focus on the negative to justify my dislike of history.
Also a long line of really great hats.
You have a great understanding of history, but don't forget, war, murder and other poor decisions are also huge characteristics.
To be fair, I am the one responsible for the invention of Mafia in the 1320s by seventeen bored italians locked in a mine shaft.
It's a long story.