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Santa Claus Is Coming To Town: An Objective Analysis

Posted by Sumiki , in Writing, Rants, Not Essays!, Life Dec 21 2013 · 177 views

The Christmas season is upon us once again, and you know what that means: it's time for Sumiki to comment on another creepy Christmas song, this disturbing not due to its implications but because of just the lyrics alone.
 
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why:
Santa Claus is coming to town.

 
So, we need to watch out (presumably for our own safety) and repress natural emotions because of someone who is coming into the town. Sounds like the bad guy of a Western film. Santa Claus already seems to be an oppressive figure.
 
But why should anyone listen? After all, Santa's just this old guy, right? He's only human, and presumably slower than most due to his age. Why would he know if your cry and pout? Maybe something really sad happened, and not doing that would be unhealthy? Put on unreasonable airs for a fellow who'll be coming through some time in the future?
 
He's making a list,
He's checking it twice,
He's gonna find out who's naughty and nice.
Santa Claus is coming to town.

 
Ah, so now we're getting to Santa's motives, or at least his chronic OCD. He wants to know who's naughty and who's nice in this particular town. But why does he want to know so badly? What does he need this information for? Moreover, how does he get it? The answer lies in the next stanza ...
 
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good, for goodness sake!

 
... which is pretty totalitarian, not to mention very, very creepy. The implication is that Santa must be omniscient, but the song never states this. Like Frosty the Slenderman Snowman, Santa is a stalker. He can't see you all the time when you're awake because he has a better chance of getting caught, but he sees you. When you're asleep. Wow. Furthermore, he stalks you long enough to be able to decide if you are bad or good and add it to one of his lists.
 
Being bad or good is subjective, depending solely upon the moral compass of the discerning person (i.e. Santa). If Santa is a morally upright individual, then he would be compassionate enough to understand when you're crying or pouting for a legitimate reason and wouldn't stalk you without your express consent. But we can clearly see from the song that Santa is not a nice fellow. Anyone who stalks people for the purpose of arranging people into two categories is not someone I'd want making moral decisions, and thus his lists are not to be trusted.

But what happens after you end up on these lists? After he's compiled the twin lists of all of the good and all of the bad people in this anonymous town, what will he do with them? Sell them to corporations? Hand them over to the NSA? Put them on Wikileaks? On the basis of this song alone, we can never know.
 
NEXT TIME: SUMIKI GETS PUT ON THE NAUGHTY LIST. NOTHING HAPPENS.


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I feel like this goes hand in hand with Here Comes Santa Claus, which contains the delightful line "So duck in bed/And cover your head/'Cuz Santa Claus is comin' tonight", which puts Santa in the same league as a nuclear missile.

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I thought about covering that one, but it really doesn't give as much insight into Santa's character as this one does. Interestingly, no song actually delves into Santa's actual motives for doing what he does. Everyone seems to accept it because they're powerless to stop it.

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Colonel Roy Mustang
Dec 25 2013 01:14 AM

I actually thought it was you better not shout, not pout, up until now, which is way worse.

 

It's possible those were the original lyrics, but they were changed after some sort of righteous siege on the north pole?

 

I trust you to look further into this for me, Sumiki.

 

- :burnmad:

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He's the lord of all strangeness. - Ignika: Nerd of Life

How awesome is Sumiki on a scale of 1 to 10? - Waffles
42. - Black Six

[He's] the king of wierd, the prince of practicality, the duke of durr! - Daiker

Sumiki is magic. - Cholie

Sumiki says, "Do I creeeeeeep you out?" Yes, he does. - Waffles

Sumiki is a nub. He's cool, but he's still a nub. - Ran Yakumo


"What is a Sumiki?" You may ask. But the answer to that is still unknown, even to the Sumiki itself. - Daiker


LISTEN TO SUMIKI - Cholie


Sumiki is best snickerdoodle. - Takuma Nuva


BZPower = Sumiki + McSmeag + B6. And Hahli Husky. - Vorex


What's a Sumi? Does it taste good? - Janus


I would have thought Sumiki wanted to reincarnate as a farm animal. - Kraggh


EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH - Kakaru


Sumiki: the horse_ebooks of bzp - VampireBohrok


Everything relates to Sumiki. No really, everything. - Daiker


Sumiki - hat-wearing ladies man. - Black Six


He's in worse mental condition than I thought. - Obsessionist


I'm just wondering why I'm looking at some cat dancing ... I suppose the answer would simply be "Sumiki." - Brickeens


I was like a beast, screaming through the mind of Sumiki at the speed of sound. I.. I wasn't strong enough to stop myself. What I saw was the end of infinity, through which one can see the beginning of time, and I will never be the same. - Portalfig


I imagine the 13th Doctor will be rather like Sumiki, at the rate we're going. - rahkshi guurahk


I was quite sure Sumiki had another set of arms stashed somewhere. - Bfahome


Note to future self: don’t try to predict Sumiki, he’s unpredictable. - Voltex


Let's be honest, I would totally have picked my main man Sumiki to lead my goose-stepping night killers anyway. We tight like that, yo. - Xaeraz


10/10, would Sumiki again. - Bfahome

    

Sumiki
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Every week, I post a new "Tuesday Tablescrap", a small MOC not worthy of a topic, but something to post and inspire me to build more.

10/25/11 - Duplo Flower
11/1/11 - Slender Man and Masky
11/8/11 - Bizarre Black Spaceship
11/15/11 - 2001 Monolith

11/22/11 - My Little Slizer 50
11/29/11 - Punching Bag
12/6/11 - Thunder and Escorts
12/13/11 - Three Concepts
12/20/11 - Kaxium Alternate
12/27/11 - None (Christmas Break)

    

1/3/12 - Daiker
1/10/12 - None
1/17/12 - Volant
1/24/12 - Nidman's Chute Shoop Shop
1/31/12 - None (Brickshelf down)
2/7/12 - None
2/14/12 - Atomic Lime
2/21/12 - Spearhead
2/28/12 - Glatorian Kahi
3/6/12 - Seeker
3/13/12 - Skyscraper
3/20/12 - Microphone
3/27/12 - Toa Vultraz
4/3/12 - Flammenwerferjüngeres
4/10/12 - Umbrella
4/17/12 - Lime Beetle
4/24/12 - Special - Flame Sculpture
5/1/12 - None (BZPower down)
5/8/12 - Purple Ninja
5/15/12 - The Original Sumiki
5/22/12 - 7/24/12 - None
7/31/12 - Tahu
8/7/12 - None (BrickFair)
8/14/12 - Special - Chess Set
8/21/12 - Heavily Armored Wasp
8/28/12 - Spaceship Drill
9/4/12 - Scuba Vehicle
9/11/12 - Orange Guy
9/18/12 - Strange Flying Thing
9/25/12 - Goblet
10/2/12 - None
10/9/12 - Aim .............................. Down
10/16/12 - Gold Bot
10/23/12 - Teal Mech
10/30/12 - Special - Teal Mech (#2)
11/6/12 - Bits and Pieces
11/13/12 - Two Spaceships
11/20/12 - TARDIS Interior
11/27/12 - Christmas Creep
12/4/12 - Toaraga
12/11/12 - Fireplace
12/18/12 - Abstract Duckling
12/25/12 - None (Christmas)
1/1/13 - Black Bot
1/8/13 - 1/22/13 - None
1/29/13 - Handheld Rhotuka Launcher
2/5/13 - 8/6/13 - None
8/13/13 - The Hinklebot
8/20/13 - Special - Post-Apocalyptic Piyufi
8/27/13 - 8/5/14 - None
8/12/14 - Another Chro Original
8/19/14 - Kanohi Zatth
8/26/14 - Miniland Hatpile
9/2/14 - S. S. Starfish
9/9/14 - Special - Claude Hairgel
9/16/14 - Green Flame
9/23/14 - Avohkah Tamer
9/30/14 - Special - The Havoc Wreaker
10/7/14 - Fire Snake

    

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Formerly known as the Bring Back Teal Club, the Unused Colors Society is a club that serves to promote colors that are little-used or discontinued, such as teal, old purple, or metallic blue.

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Leaders:
Sumiki
Waffles

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If you learn one thing in life, learn this:

You should never, ever question why demons would possess a soda.

just a heads up - Cthulhu would probably eradicate mankind before bringing back Bionicle

so yeah, all I'm saying is, please think twice about this okay

nothing gets democracy flowing like erratic capitalizatION

[the NSA] couldn't say no when I offered them an ostrich farm in exchange

Sumiki -- nice try but we all know Toa Mata Nui stuffs its bra




You have a great understanding of history, but don't forget, war, murder and other poor decisions are also huge characteristics.

Also a long line of really great hats.

Shhh, I'm trying to focus on the negative to justify my dislike of history.

have we mentioned hats

To be fair, I am the one responsible for the invention of Mafia in the 1320s by seventeen bored italians locked in a mine shaft.

It's a long story.

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