Tooth Fairy Rejection Letter
Dear <insert child's name here>:
Thank you for leaving ____ tooth under your pillow last night.
While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your request for the following reason(s) indicated below:
____ the tooth could not be found____ it was not a human tooth____ we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny____ we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odor____ the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash____ the tooth did not originally belong to you____ the tooth fairy does not process fingernails____ your request has been forwarded to the Nerve Ending Fairy for appropriate action____ you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth fairy____ you are age 12 or older at the time your request was received____ the tooth is still in your mouth____ the tooth was guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit____ no night light was on at the time of our visit____ the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or were missing____ we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:[ ] string[ ] pliers[ ] gunpowder[ ] hammer marks[ ] chisel[ ] no dental care____ other:Instead of the usual redemption, we have provided the following discount certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in the future.
Sincerely,
The Tooth Fairy
-fin-
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