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Lego Exo-Force Book 2: Golden City Origins (Review Topic)


joev14

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Hello again, joev14, here is part 2 of your official ECC review. Once I finished Golden City Origins, I don’t agree with your statement that these two stories needed to be critiqued by the same person. While both The Gorge and Golden City Origins occur during different eras in the Exo-Force universe, they are disconnected to the point that I’m entirely certain I could read and understand Golden City without knowing about Gorge. Anyway, let’s talk story issues. First off, I should’ve mentioned this in part 1, but the walls of text you created throughout both epics should really be condensed into smaller chunks. It’s easier to read that way.

Ilana aimed her sphere canon at the Blade Titan, firing a shot at it.

sphere cannon

(Insert Elevator Music Here!)

Much like your little comment in Gorge, this ruined the pacing of a serious moment.Y’know, I love a good prequel as much as anyone and I think it was nice to see you showcasing your talents when you have a bit more space to breathe. Gorge was claustrophobic compared to what you were able to come up with in Golden City. I’ll admit, your dialogue remains stunted and flat, but you gave your characters a bit more personality this time around. The plot plays upon the dynamic between the Exo-Force and the robots and takes us back a century or so, where humans are still plagued by machines. Hence, they have their own array of mechs to battle with. I’m still rather curious if the mechs predated the machines or if it was the other way around, but I suppose that doesn’t matter much.It’s hard for me to say too much regarding Golden City, because your writing skills remain relatively the same as in Gorge. The major difference is that your canvas was larger this time and you made excellent use of that. There’s still a notable lack of detail regarding scenery and the world around your characters, opting to only describe the finer points of mech battle. I’ve already outlined where you need improvement and what is working, now you just need to utilize and practice your skills.-Ced
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Hello again, joev14, here is part 2 of your official ECC review. Once I finished Golden City Origins, I don’t agree with your statement that these two stories needed to be critiqued by the same person. While both The Gorge and Golden City Origins occur during different eras in the Exo-Force universe, they are disconnected to the point that I’m entirely certain I could read and understand Golden City without knowing about Gorge. Anyway, let’s talk story issues. First off, I should’ve mentioned this in part 1, but the walls of text you created throughout both epics should really be condensed into smaller chunks. It’s easier to read that way.Y’know, I love a good prequel as much as anyone and I think it was nice to see you showcasing your talents when you have a bit more space to breathe. Gorge was claustrophobic compared to what you were able to come up with in Golden City. I’ll admit, your dialogue remains stunted and flat, but you gave your characters a bit more personality this time around. The plot plays upon the dynamic between the Exo-Force and the robots and takes us back a century or so, where humans are still plagued by machines. Hence, they have their own array of mechs to battle with. I’m still rather curious if the mechs predated the machines or if it was the other way around, but I suppose that doesn’t matter much.

The mechs you see in this book are eventually used by the Exo-Force team later on, and the robots use the battle machines left by the Chronoids on the southern half of the mountain.

It’s hard for me to say too much regarding Golden City, because your writing skills remain relatively the same as in Gorge. The major difference is that your canvas was larger this time and you made excellent use of that. There’s still a notable lack of detail regarding scenery and the world around your characters, opting to only describe the finer points of mech battle. I’ve already outlined where you need improvement and what is working, now you just need to utilize and practice your skills.-Ced

I did feel more open when I was writing this book, and had a lot more ideas to work with since with the exception of Book 4: Ghost of the Past of the canon books, there is no information we know about the Old Golden City Era. I tried my best to keep the book as short as I could as I wrote it, and it came out at about 6,000 words, while The Gorge was at about 4,000, I want to try and keep them all about the same length, and if it had gotten too long I would have probably split it up into two books. Thankfully it didn't :PThanks for your review, I've fixed the grammatical errors that you pointed out, and I'll take into consideration what you pointed out in my next book, Book 3: Peace Origins.
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