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#1 Offline Mr. House

Mr. House
  • Members
  • Defender of Mata Nui Defeated

  • 06-March 08
  • 3,162 posts

Posted Aug 21 2013 - 04:52 PM



[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]I awoke to the sound of a drip. But no, not just your average drip. It was a melodic drip, almost musical in quality and sound. It went drip, drip, drip, pause, drip drip. Over and over again, cyclic and repeating. All across the cold, dark room I was in. Normally, I would have assumed that this was a faucet, or maybe water dripping from a cave-top. But last I saw, I was not in a cave, nor in a room with a faucet. And the water did not sizzle upon impact with the ground.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]I realized that I was somewhere unknown, and without any ability to open my eyes. Almost as if they were glued-no, welded together like pieces of metal. Every time I willed, they did not budge. In the coming seconds, I realized my entire body did not budge, did not move. They felt like weights had been set upon them, pinning them to the slime-covered ground. I could breath, but my chest did not rise. The air simply cycled through my gaping mouth, somehow keeping me alive.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]Where am I?[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]There was no memories but vague, scattered images and scratched, violent sounds. Zyglak, screaming battle cries high and savage. A young Toa, laughing and happy. Her body dead in my arms, a Zylgak blade in her heart. A mad Turaga, cackling and filthy on the floor. Friends' houses, abandoned and bare. The fishing docks, devoid of ships and scattered with the bones of the unwilling.[/color][/color][/color][/color]




[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]Those words came from everywhere. Thousands of voices, saying the same word in clear, deep Matoran. At once my body was set free, one part every minutes, three minutes in all. The weights were lifted off my body, my lungs resumed control over my breath, and finally my eyes were allowed to open, to see the surreal realm before me. Surreal could hardly describe it. No, for a matter of fact, no words in the Matoran universe could properly describe it. At least all of it.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]I was laying on a stone table, floating in midair. Below me were swirling droplets of green liquid, suspended above a black void. Above me was a wall of tan stone, laying on its side, and floating right atop my head. It was adorned with dozens of alien masks, shaped in ways foreign and bizarre even to a traveler such as me. To the right of my little table was a bridge, of plain white stone. It had nothing near it that I could see, no threats, it was safe. I prayed it was safe.[/color][/color][/color][/color]




[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]The voice came again, far more angry, far more terrible. I came to the conclusion that it wanted me to go across the bridge, to wherever it led. The thought of going scared me, but the thought of not going was equally terrible. Avoiding the acids dripping out of nowhere, I precariously jumped onto the bridge. Nearly I fell into the abyss, but it was an invisible hand, pushing on my back, which saved me.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]Am I mad?[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]That thought aside, I did not want to anger the voice, by staying in a place too long. So I continued along the path, walking into a tunnel. The tunnel was full of mirrors. Mirrors above me, mirrors below me, and mirrors to either side of me. I discovered soon that they were not mirrors, but screens. They were visions, each and every one of them. Windows into places known and unknown. I saw Matoran, fishing upon a lakeside, beings of purple wandering a forest, Toa-like figures walking through deserts vast and free.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]I walked for what seemed to be centuries, but seemed not to tire. The tunnel was seemingly endless. That was until I saw I the tunnel's mouth. An actual mouth. It's stone jaws, lined with strangely gilded teeth, opened and closed in the distance. Every five minutes they did this. Beyond the mouth, I saw a curious sight, tables, covered in cloth, vast, rotating bookshelves, and what seemed to be living chairs. Fearful of my life, I pulled the protosteel blade from its sheath, and approched slowly.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]Timing it just right, I jumped through the mouth, and entered the room. Gazing around, I saw that it was a kind of unearthly study, or at least it seemed to me like one. There were more bookshelves, statues and paintings, floating in fields of energy, and machines large and small marching the floor. They were carrying everything from drinks to eyeglasses. Servant robots?[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]What in Mata Nui's name?[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]"How is your Mata Nui doing, Toa?" came the deep voice, in, however, a kinder tone. Right next to him.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]I tried to respond. However, nothing came out but babble. Words I tried to say were turned to mumblings, grunts, hisses and screams. Turning around, I looked at the being with my own eyes. He was a Matoran, small, with purple and grey armor, and a beaten old Kaukau colored green. He called one of the animal-chairs, and it came to him in seconds. Taking a seat, he stared at me with a fatherlike seriousness.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]"Sheathe your blade. Even if you could use it, you'd have been vaporized if it reached a foot of me." He smiled as I complied. "Thank you for the information."[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]I tried to talk again.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]"Why did I take you? Well, I needed to know something quite important about your world!"[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]I protested in an angry babble.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]"You are one of the oldest beings in the universe. And you've been more active in it than Artahka, by any standard."[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]I calmed down, slightly. Asking what this place was got me a rather annoyed response.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]"Well, it's a study. Might look quite strange to a being like you but it is a study."[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]I asked why he held me down.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]"Well, I needed to frighten you into compliance."[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]I asked who he was.[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]"Too many questions! Back to Nynrah with you!"[/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]I felt a vacuum appear above me. It in seconds sucked my body in with it. One moment, I was in the study, another moment, I was hurtling through the cosmos. Planets, stars, suns, all zoomed past my eyes in a flash. My body was protected by a field of blue energy, with I assume kept me from being blinded, harmed or vaporized. It all lasted about a minute, until my body entered into the atmosphere of a planet covered in water. [/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]In plunged into the ocean, dry and unscathed. When I hit the sand, I expected to impact the ground and scatter into a million pieces, I instead phased through. I passed through miles of sand, dirt, magma and steel, like it was air. I realized that I had entered my universe, when I passed through layers of steel and sand, to find myself in another blue sky. Hurtling down into Nynrah, I prayed I would phase through the island. [/color][/color][/color][/color][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]But inches from the ground, I paused. The blue field around my skin buzzed and hissed, before fading, and letting me hit the grass softly. [/color][/color][/color][/color]


[color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);][color=rgb(0,0,128);]What the Karzahni?[/color][/color][/color][/color]

Edited by Mr. House, Aug 22 2013 - 03:13 PM.

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#2 Offline krikanalo

  • Members
  • Tohunga

  • 13-March 13
  • 33 posts

Posted Aug 22 2013 - 12:39 PM

hmm. interesting story. very cerebral and compelling. i would've liked to see more out of the premise, admittedly, since you wrote it so well, but i can't say i'm not happy with what i got.


a few errors, like such:


[color=rgb(0,0,128);font-family:helvetica, arial, sans-serif;]"Sheath your blade, even if you could use it, you'd have been vaporized if it reached a foot of me." he smiled as I complied. "Thank you for the information."[/color]

  • change sheath to sheathe
  • change the comma after "Sheathe your blade" to a period, since the sentence is a run-on otherwise
  • capitalize "He"

but nothing too major. all in all, very well done.

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