krikanalo
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Tohunga (4/293)
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kinshasa is the capital of the democratic republic of the congo and a naming choice like that isn't something you normally see with bionicle OCs, let alone the actual toyline itself but besides that... interesting chapter, if a bit short. very compelling. i liked the dialogue. forgot to put punctuation marks at the end
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hmm. interesting story. very cerebral and compelling. i would've liked to see more out of the premise, admittedly, since you wrote it so well, but i can't say i'm not happy with what i got. a few errors, like such: change sheath to sheathechange the comma after "Sheathe your blade" to a period, since the sentence is a run-on otherwisecapitalize "He" but nothing too major. all in all, very well done.
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another well-written chapter. i liked the dialogue and use of detail.
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interesting prologue. i like the status quo you've established.
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huh. i swear the golden being was messing with the narration. maybe i'm confusing this story with another. great chapter, by the way. i especially liked the introduction of kinshasa. clever inspiration for a name, that.
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very interesting start. i like how you've developed your OC so far.
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one. lime paradox's insanely surreal SBaHJ homage has spoken to me in unorthodox terms, as it usually always does.
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cool drawing. i like the kaukau and the LOMN-styled torso. the colouring was a little lazy, though.
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another well-written chapter. keep it up. the fourth wall breakage (?) was a bit confusing, but you made it work. best lines
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I admit I'm coming into this conversation a bit late, but wouldn't the lack of female characters seem to imply an overarching sexist theme in the narrative? yeah pretty much the great beings were so sexist that they couldn't even bother to add in more and make the ones that are already there more personable man what is even up with those guys
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woah, great short story. i like how you built up suspense around what exactly was attacking the village until near the end. lovely use of description and metaphors and your voice is awesome. nicely done!
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great chapter. really well paced. that's a good question, actually. very thought-provoking. these two sentences read kind of awkwardly imo. maybe you should add some extra words or punctuation marks to make them flow better. hoo hoo hoooo :B well played tacker
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aaah, nicely done! this was a great story- really well written, characterized, paced, and described. it might not be the finish to the story that you (and I) were hoping for, but it sure as heck makes for a nice elaboration on it- as disciple previously mentioned, i especially like the last line! makes for a nice full circle book-end, if you will.
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iirc it was a horrible comedy involving tahu and gali going on a date or a speculation on who was the toa of light honestly both of them are excruciatingly cringeworthy to think about
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another great chapter. keep it up. best line. interesting interpretation of an average toa's mindset. no punctuation mark at the end of the line of dialogue why did the font suddenly get so small? (in the actual story, anyway. i didn't render it here)
