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Need Help With Choosing Christmas Gifts?

Aftermath A2 TBTTRAH One Shots

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#1 Offline MT Zehvor

MT Zehvor
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Posted Nov 19 2011 - 08:39 PM

The following is what is known as a one shot. It contains some sort of advice/life counseling that very rarely reflects the opinion of the author. Please do not be offended by it. None of it is meant to be taken seriously.Well, most of it, anyways.========Pridak: Hello there, everyone!Xplode: Pridak and me are here to-Vakama: Pridak and I!Xplode: ...I beg your pardon?Vakama: It's "Pridak and I!"Xplode: ...yes....yes of course...Pridak: Stupid grammar Nazi Turaga.Xplode: Anyways, we here at Aftermath, or, Aftermath 2, thanks to the lovely, absolutely wonderful, beautiful "update" of the servers, are always in favor of holding out on thinking about Christmas at least until after Thanksgiving.Pridak: Except for presents. Presents need lots of time to think about. Xplode: So, for the second straight year, we're here to tell you what we think you should buy for your friends, family, and, of course, us.Pridak: Pay attention to the last part.Xplode: First off on this list is: ParentsPridak: Parents are some of the most important people in your life, outside of us, so you should most definitely be considering what you can give to them.Xplode: Thinking creatively is probably your best bet for people who are fully able to buy anything you can, and then some. Pridak and I sat down and brainstormed...Pridak: ...Xplode: ...well, actually, we sat down and I brainstormed.Pridak: Hey! I helped too!Xplode: Are you kidding me? All you did was draw pictures of ponies for like 30 minutes, and then mumble "mhm" to every suggestion I came up with!Pridak: ...that's helpful.Xplode: Whatever. Anyways, some of..."our"...suggestions were along the lines of medical plans. Maybe an AARP package?Vakama: ...we're going to get a lot of nasty letters for this.Pridak: Think about the future. You could even buy them a lifetime membership in your local Bingo club for a long time in the future.Vakama: ...REALLY nasty letters.Xplode: Just use your head, and you'll be ok here.Pridak: The next group of people we thought about was: Siblings.Xplode: This group is obviously divided into two sections: The infidels and the chosen gender.Pridak: ...for fear of getting even more nasty letters, we won't specify which gender is which.Vakama: Thank the Lord.Pridak: JUST KIDDING!!! THEY BOTH SUCK!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA-Vakama: (facepalm)Xplode: For any brothers you may have, we suggest some sort of video game, since that appears to be all the rage these days.Vakama: Crazy whippersnappers and their fantasy worlds.Pridak: Hey, you! You're supposed to be editing this PSA, not talking over it!Vakama: ...Xplode: For the one who doesn't like video games, there's still plenty of fun things for them to do. Like Pridak and me-Vakama: "and I."Xplode: SHUT UP!!!!!Vakama: Just saying.Xplode: ...as I was saying, as Pridak and ME do in our free time.Vakama: *cringes*Xplode: For example, when the 360 or Wii isn't working, we'll often....um...Pridak: ...Xplode: ...we'll....umm....hmmm....Pridak: What DO we do in our free time when we aren't playing video games?Xplode: ...y'know what? Just buy them a video game machine. There. That takes care of the problem.Pridak: Right. Well, moving on to the...Xplode: ...Pridak: (bursts out laughing) HA!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!Xplode: What?Pridak: Look at this script card. It says that sisters are the "fairer" gender. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!Xplode: ...Pridak: HA...ha...heh....oh man...that's TOO funny.Vakama: I hate my job.Xplode: *Ahem* For sisters, well, we really have no idea what so ever.Pridak: Barbies? Are they still into barbies? Barbies are cool, right?Xplode: (turns to Pridak) You're a "My Little Pony" fan. You have NO right to make fun of Barbies.Pridak: Who was making fun of them? I was validating them as cool. Xplode: ...that was another thing about you I could have lived the rest of my life without knowing.Vakama: BACK TO THE SCRIPT!!!!Xplode: ...oh...yes. Well, um, long story short, we have no idea what to get for girls.Pridak: Barbie.Xplode: So just wing it. Or, if you rather, you can take your chances and ask Cleverbot. We don't particularly care. Make sure, however, if you do get a gift that you're unsure about, that you have a good getaway plan for escaping the ensuing carnage in the house.Pridak: Now moving on to FRIENDS! So much more fun to hang around than siblings.Xplode: Friends are a bit easier to buy for than brothers or sisters, since you actually WANT to buy a gift for them.Pridak: Really, though, in this case, it's all up to you. Buy them whatever they're interested in. Ask them. Just not too directly.Xplode: For example, if you want to buy them a T-Shirt, don't go straight up and ask them what size their neck is. That's far too obvious. Instead, go figure out what their wrist size is, and simply double that.Pridak: A human wrist's width is almost always approximately 1/2 the width of their neck. So just go figure out what neck size corresponds with what shirt size, and you'll be good to go!Xplode: However, we do not recommend using this tip with Endermen, Grunts, or Metroids. It is inneffective on these species.Pridak: Also, avoid blatantly asking the friend his wrist size. Find out in a roundabout way. Otherwise he may think that you're trying to buy handcuffs in his size.Xplode: Of course. And now, the final, and most important part of this..."show"...what to buy for US!!!Pridak: That's easy. You won't even have to buy it. Instead, go to your back, find whatever money you may have in savings, take it out, and ship it to our address! And here is the lovely address to send it to!!(Address blanked out to prevent anyone from actually trying to send money to Pridak. Worst idea ever)Xplode: There you are. Our guide to shopping this Christmas season. Well, that does it for us. We'll be back next time!Vakama: Unlike me.Pridak: Bye everyone!-MT
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#2 Offline King of the Madness Isles

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Posted Nov 20 2011 - 06:17 PM

Another great one-shot.I'm gonna go ask people for their wrist size now.Oh, but gift tip: If someone never shuts up about a video game, make sure they don't have the money saved up, or have it pre-ordered before buying it for them.oh and consult their parents (if its a friend) to make sure your gift doesn't match someone else's.That's never happened to me, but it could.So be careful.
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"The moral of the story is, I chose a half measure when I should have gone all the way. I'll never make that mistake again. No more half measures Walter."





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