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The Hero Tahu

TAOT MetaStriker Tahu comedy NAW

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#1 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Dec 19 2017 - 07:35 PM

Prologue: Meta Land

 

TG: (hits cowbell)

 

Helryx: Ta-ha-ha-hu Ta-ha-ha-ha-hu, Ta-ha-ha-hu Ta-ha-ha-ha-hu, Ta-ha-ha-hu Ta-ha-ha-ha-hu, Ta-ha-ha-hu Ta-ha-ha-ha!

I think about that day

I left him in my golden throne room,  

West of the left arm.

We were fighting hard, and he was about to kill me.

I did what I had to do.

'Cause I just knew.

 

When he served me right,

He listened to me all the time,

Especially when I lied.

A Orderly Empire made of hate and tyranny!

It called me to be their proud Queen…

Except, Her Orderly Empress.

 

Helryx and Axonn: With the Toa Code to my name,

I dropped it, here I came,

Could be evil or just insane!

 

Teridax: Um, well, maybe...

 

Helryx: Cause maybe in Mata Nui,

They’ll all give up,

We’ll have to see.

They’ll see my face and think of how they---

 

Orderly Faction: Tried to kill us.

 

Climb these hills,

I'm reaching for the heights, and chasing all the lights that shine.

And when they beat you down,

you'll get up off the ground,

'cause fate just rolls around,

and the battle’s just begun.

 

Axonn: I hate 'em ev'ry day,

the fighters in the canyons that stomped my poor foot away.

The bodies in the battles left by rebels fought before.

They say "you suck at leading us." So Axxie shuts them up!

 

Roodaka: And always when the answer's "no",

Or when their work is going slow, their heart stones need not need to glow.

They’re all hypocrites.

 

Karzahni: And some days as I walk along, a snotty being will come along...

 

Roodaka and Karzahni: That'll be the reason to obliterate them.

 

Orderly Faction: Climb these hills,

I'm reaching for the heights, and chasing all the lights that shine.

And when they beat you down, you'll get up off the ground,

'Cause fate just rolls around, and the battle’s just begun.

 

TG: (BIG BAND BREAK. PLAYS ALL INSTRUMENTS AT SAME TIME.)

 

TG: (ALSO REALLY HITS COWBELL)

 

Helryx: And when they let you down, the morning rolls around...

 

Orderly Faction: ‘Cause the battle's just begun, see the battle's just begun,

This song’s not making fun, of “Another Day of Sun,”

Just when we will have won, The Resistance will be done,

And, it's the battle's just begun…

You’ll see the Empire won!

 

Tahu's Antics: Orderly Turmoil - The Hero Tahu Banner
 
===

It's finally here! Here's the Prologue to The Hero Tahu​, the third season of the remake series of The Adventures of Tahu​--which is now officially titled ​Tahu's Antics: Orderly Turmoil​.

 

Expect new releases, including chapters and specials, every Friday. That means that Chapter 1 is coming in only three days! I seriously hope you guys enjoy this comedy---it's been long in the making to be the best thing it can possibly be.

 

Let's get it on.

 

~|MetaStriker Productions|~


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The long awaited third season of TA:OT is finally here!!

 

 


#2 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Dec 22 2017 - 11:57 AM

===

 

Chapter 1: It’s Not As Morbid As It Looks!

   

Six months have passed since everything blew up.

Well, I should probably be more specific. Six months have passed since the epilogue of Tahu’s Consequence, where CENSORED was reunited with CENSORED, CENSORED revealed himself, CENSORED, CENSORED, and CENSORED went missing---you know what, if you didn’t even read Tahu’s Consequence, why are you even here? Granted, Meta’s such a better author than Striker was, but I’ll admit that you probably need some plot details before diving into this beauty of a comedy. Here’s the link. Right here.

What, did you expect I’d make a Legend of Zelda joke? That’s not how we roll at NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD now. Wow. You need some catching up.

http://www.bzpower.com/board/topic/24356-tahus-consequence/?view=findpost&p=1116835

Anyway, I could talk for hours, but we should probably get to the whole meat of this thing now. See you around.

 

Oh, I was supposed to introduce something? Oh geez. You’re right. Sorry, Transition Guy. Six months have passed since Tahu’s Consequence, and both the Matoran Universe and Bara Magna are in shambles. Since the execution of Order 44, the city of Metru Nui has been reclaimed by the Orderly Faction, with Karzahni ruling with an iron fist over the region. Other members of the Orderly Faction, save Teridax and Helryx, control other regions of the Matoran Universe. In Bara Magna, the Mega-Village has been rebuilt completely, but Teridax has overthrown the Agori Council, seizing control of the beings and constructing his own empire. The rebels of both worlds have been strewn apart as a result, but their hopes have remained high…

 

In Daxia Fortress…

 

    “Hold still.”

 

    “It’s not...going to work. It’s never going to work again.”

 

    “You have to trust us, Brutaka. You’re stronger than this.”

 

    “Yes, Tahu. So strong that we’ve been hiding in this very room for six months while the entire universe has collapsed around us.”

 

    Tahu glared at the titan, but he knew he had a point. Unable to stop Order 44 from happening, he, Gali, Mata Nui, Ackar, and Brutaka remained in Daxia Fortress, unable to help or communicate with the Resistance...or what remained of it. As time passed, they grew wary of Daxia and the Empire’s presence on the island, and trapped themselves in Helryx’s throne room.

 

    “Tahu, all systems are ready,” Ackar called out. “I double-checked all the wiring and the power sources. It’s now...or...well, we’re probably in no rush here.”

 

    “Please, Brutaka.” Gali reached towards Brutaka’s temporary mask, but he stepped aside. The Olmak rested on a stand, connected by wires to salvaged Empire power sources and crystals. Tahu had helmed the project, from the raw construction to the inner technology--he suspected old Nuju would have been proud of him.

 

    He sighed, shuffling towards the stand. As he took off his temporary mask, he felt the world shake around him. Picking up the Olmak, he heard a voice, seemingly in his head.

 

Control...focus. You remember. Always...remember.

 

As he placed the mask over his face, Brutaka could swear he saw a blue light fade out of the corner of his eye. He swooned back, but Gali quickly steadied him.

 

“We’ve got you. We’ve always got you. Stay calm, you can do this.”

 

Brutaka closed his eyes. As a circle of blue light formed in front of him, he envisioned Helryx. Her battle-scarred armor. Her cold eyes. Her unyielding malevolence.

She was in a city, hustling through a dark alleyway. She entered a black-and-red tower to her left and disappeared from his view.  

 

    “Where is she??”

 

    “Tahu, you need to calm down. He’s trying to focus,” said Gali.

 

    Tahu looked away from Gali. He felt a twinge of jealousy.

 

    The portal followed Helryx’s path, curving upwards to look at the tower. Its shape resembled that of a shark fin, but it paled in comparison to a much larger, finished tower, colored white-and-blue. A logo with an H adorned the side of the tower.

 

    “H...what could that stand for?” Gali mused.

 

    “Hapori Tohu?” Ackar suggested.

 

    Tahu snickered, but quickly regained his composure as Gali rolled her eyes. “H...huh...I got nothing.”

 

    Mata Nui gasped. “I KNOW!! I KNOW!!”

 

    “That doesn’t start with H,” Tahu muttered.

 

    “I’ve been to this system before!” Mata Nui exclaimed, completely ignoring Tahu’s sarcasm. “This is Makuhero City.”

 

    “Still doesn’t start with--okay fine I’m sorry!” Tahu stepped back, away from Gali as she raised her Axe.

 

    “You’ve been here before? How??” Gali asked Mata Nui, who squirmed around in his throne.

 

    Oh, Great Beings. I never told them that they’ve been living in a giant robot this whole time, did I? Well...we’re way past 2008, they should still know this by now. “I, uh, studied abroad. Anyway, that symbol’s for HERO FACTORY. Which means that this tower must be---”

 

    The portal panned down, and Helryx faced a spiked robot, whose red eyes pierced through the darkness of the tower. He clutched his Black Hole Staff, and Gali shuddered.

   

    “No...he’s the being that teleported into Metru Nui, six years ago. Tahu, you remember him.”

 

    Tahu rushed to the portal and froze. “Von Nebula.”

 

    A flood of memories flashed through Brutaka’s head.  He tried to stop them...he tried…

 

YEAR: 2012

 

    “What do you mean, you teleported into the bars?!”

 

    “I mean, I’m twisted in the bars and I’m stuck, Vezon. I can’t get out.”

 

    “You’re not twisted, Brutaka. That bar is literally running through half of your leg.”

 

    “You know what? You’re right. And it really freaking hurts.”

 

Hundreds of feet below street level, the two titans were trapped in the jail facility of Makuhero City, underneath its infamous Assembly Tower. Of course, they didn’t know that, because they didn’t have any windows, maps, or GPS functionality, but at least you know that now.

 

“Well, how do you expect me to get it out? Use a chainsaw?”

 

“What else are you going to do, leave me here?”

 

Vezon hesitated, touching his own mask. He could. “No. I would never abandon you.”

 

“Then listen to me…” A voice emanated behind the two. “Turn…”

 

Vezon turned around. Brutaka couldn’t, but thankfully he was already facing it...the Black Hole Staff, abandoned in a pedestal in the center of the hall.

 

“Pick up this staff...and unleash its power. You will set us free.”

 

Vezon winced. “Us?”

 

“Uh...I haven’t been used in a long time.”

 

Vezon walked up to the staff, inspecting it. The blue-and-black vortex raging inside of it clearly had the power to free Brutaka, but its aura was sinister. He looked back at Brutaka.

 

Sighing, he picked up the staff, and alarms immediately started to blare. He quickly aimed the staff at the bars and fired, teleporting them away and freeing Brutaka.

 

Beside him, the staff fell to the ground and shattered. Dozens of evil robots erupted from the explosion of the black hole vortex, but one voice in particular rose above the rest…

 

“Thank you…”

 

But Vezon and Brutaka were long gone, as they hustled through the halls of the jail facility. Reaching the warden’s office, they caught their breath.

 

“Shall we…?” Brutaka pointed to his Olmak, but Vezon shook his head.

 

“First of all, you’re welcome. Don’t ever ask me for anything ever again. And second of all, I’m so sick of dimension-hopping.” He motioned to an emergency escape pod, and Brutaka nodded, quickly jumping in. The two were off the asteroid ten seconds later.

 

YEAR: 2017

 

    “Brutaka...you’re okay, you’re okay…”

 

    “I’m fine. Please. I’m sorry.” Brutaka inched away from Gali, holding his head in his hands. The Olmak was gold again.

 

    “Well, now we know where she is,” Mata Nui said. “You can go to her. You can end this.”

 

    “No, I can’t.” Tahu hastily walked over to Brutaka. “You need to do it again. Please.”

 

    Gali shook her head. “Tahu, he’s had enough. He’s hurt.”

 

    “I know…” Ackar trailed off, looking down.

 

    “I need to know. You don’t know her like I do.”

 

    “And she doesn’t know you like I do. So---”

 

    The Olmak flashed blue as the circular portal reappeared. Brutaka focused, his energy nearly drained…

 

    The portal came into focus behind Helryx as she crossed the flight of stairs, emerging onto the fourth floor of the tower. The floor remained largely unfinished, largely empty, until Helryx turned to face the window. There she looked down upon Kiina as she lay on the floor, looking up at the skyline and the stars of the night sky.

 

    Without warning, Helryx kicked Kiina’s back, and the Glatorian reeled in pain. Again, she kicked, and again, and she bent down, punching the warrior’s face into the ground.

 

    The beings in Daxia watched, horrified. As Helryx punched Kiina once more, she rolled to the side, and for a second, Tahu could see her eyes, staring right into the portal. They softened.

 

    Tahu lunged forward, his swords ready, but the portal snapped shut. Tahu crashed through the stand and to the ground. He did not get back up, and Gali could only look on as he shook in fear and in sadness.

 

To Be Continued…

 

===

 


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The long awaited third season of TA:OT is finally here!!

 

 


#3 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Dec 28 2017 - 11:51 PM

After that totally not morbid first chapter, I think we can all use a break from doom and gloom.

 

So here's the first Special of the season!!!

 

Yay!!!

 

 

===

 

Special 1: The Unlikely Expedition

 

Narrator: You know, I don’t really like that we’ve been stuck here for six months in freeze-frame. No one probably remembers that we’re about to encounter some giant beast.

 

TSO: Yeah, but at least everyone remembers I’m blind.

 

Narrator: ...literally AND figuratively to the problem we’re about to face. You ready for this?

 

TSO: Not really. I’m probably going to need a refresher too.

 

Narrator: You...you were...nope, I’ve had it. Can there be anyone else who’s dead that could possibly be worse than you?

 

Stronius: ‘EY! (falls onto pit floor) IS DIS DA WAY TO GET OUR LIVES BACK? TNTS KILLED MEH AFF EARLY DIS TIME AN’ I NEVAH GOT DA CHANCE TO GET FEATURED IN DA STORY.

 

Berix: Hey...uh...hi, Mr. Narrator? Mind if I scavenge some...silver from your mask? Or your entire body? Whatever you’re least comfortable with.

 

Narrator: This can’t be the Berix that TNTS actually had in the comedy.

 

Striker: That’s because it’s not.

 

Narrator: Uh...TNTS. What are you doing here?

 

Striker: I’m not TNTS anymore. They split us up and now Meta has control of the comedy again. He transformed Berix’s personality into his character from The Legend Reborn to add (makes quote signals with hands) humor.

 

Narrator: By torturing and humiliating me?! You’ve got to be joking.

 

Ranox: Well, as long as he doesn’t make Nintendo characters part of the story again, he might just do a fine job.

 

Striker: ...Ranox. It’s been a while.

 

Narrator: Really?! You couldn’t wait until the remake of The Fire Chronicles to show up?

 

Striker: Uh, I’m not remaking that.

 

Narrator: What? This is real-not-fake news to me.

 

Striker: Although if Meta does, then I’d actually rather stay down here.

 

Ranox: Stop whining, Striker. To be honest, I didn’t really like ruling the comedy that much. I really couldn’t keep control over a lot of things.

 

Striker: Funnily enough, that’s exactly how I feel especially when SOMEONE backtalks me.

 

Narrator: Huh. Wonder who that could be.

 

Ranox: You two didn’t really learn a lot after what happened last time, did you? Some would think you’d have settled your differences and not allowed this to happen again. I will say though, it’s rather amusing to see you’re all in my clutches again.

 

Striker: Hey, you created us as failsafes to the Toa Mata. We were bound to be a little wild.

 

TSO: This guy created failsafes to the failsafes in case Mata Nui malfunctioned? That’s sad.

 

Narrator: Not as sad as his prototypes to the Toa Mata.

 

Ranox: They weren’t sad!!! They were...okay. Well, anyway. This conversation has dragged on for far too long. I’m supposed to be blocking you from moving forward.

 

Narrator: That was a bad-treacherous transition. That would’ve never happened under the old days.

 

Striker: ...wait. Did you just say that the comedy was better when I was leading it?

 

Narrator: Not when you were. When you and Meta were. Together. As one.

 

Stronius: I ‘ave no idea what’s goin’ on.

 

Berix: I mean, at least no one’s screaming WOOHOO!!!!

 

TSO: Ouch. You really want me to go deaf too?

 

Berix: If it means I get to salvage your eardrums, then sure.

 

Stronius: Now I undastan’ why da special’s focusin’ on dem dree. You guys’re weird.

 

Berix: And you have your weird speech impediment from the original. So you’re no different.

 

Narrator: Shush, everyone. Striker has something he wants to say.

 

Striker: ...I’m sorry.

 

Narrator: What was that? Couldn’t hear you.

 

Striker: ...I’m sorry, okay?

 

Narrator: For?

 

Striker: Being a complete jerk. Especially to Narrator.

 

Narrator: Why, I’m pleasantly surprised. Thanks for the shoutout. That was terrifically out of character.

 

Striker: Exactly. That’s why I’m going to work with you.

 

Narrator: Huh? Say that again. I don’t think we understand.

 

Striker: (glares at Narrator, then clears throat) I’m going to go with you guys to get us out of here. To get things back to the way they used to be.

 

Ranox: WOW!!! CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!! Well, that’s all I needed to hear. You can pass now.

 

Narrator: What?? Really? That’s great-fantastic! Never thought it’d be that easy. (glares at Striker, then parades forward)

 

Ranox: HA! (pulls cable, letting cage fall to the ground and trapping Narrator) You really thought I’d just let you pass? After years of being imprisoned, then murdered, then imprisoned again, it’s so nice to see the turntables on you. (turns to Striker and the rest) Well, you can pass on. You know the way, after all.

 

Striker: (glances at the road ahead, longingly) True...but I think I can spare a few minutes. It’s the least I can do for my friend. (unsheathes swords)

 

End of Special 1

 

===

What do you guys think? I'm planning to release specials between every chapter...they'll definitely be more light-hearted in tone, while still playing a role in the story of the comedy. I hope you enjoy them.

 

Until then...Chapter 2 coming next Friday.

 

~Meta


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The long awaited third season of TA:OT is finally here!!

 

 


#4 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Jan 05 2018 - 04:01 PM

Happy New Year, to celebrate I've brought you all a new chapter!! Enjoy!

 

 

===

 

Chapter 2: Happy Travels

 

In Daxia Fortress…

 

    Nuhrii raced down the empty, desolate halls.

 

    It had been six months since his expedition to Daxia Fortress fell apart. After becoming the first Toa of the Uha team, he had set out with Taka, Gali, Pohatu, Onua and several Matoran to stop Helryx from executing Order 44. They arrived at the coast of Daxia one chapter late.

 

*BOOM*

 

...Nex. What are you doing?!

 

Uh, I broke the fourth wall.

 

By punching a hole in it with your fist? Come on. We’re gonna need to spackle that now. And we don’t have any spackle!

 

No need to worry! I’m sure the wall can survive a few more punches!!

 

...just get back to the chapter.

 

A clan of Dark Hunters ambushed the team, quickly overwhelming them in number as well as power. Nuhrii didn’t remember much besides seeing Gali escape into the fortress, and feeling the pain of a sword against his head. Then, nothing.

 

However much time passed, Nuhrii never knew. He awoke in a prison cell in Odina Fortress, where he saw Taka staring across at him from the other side. His shadow seemed to have claimed more of his being, further draining his light. His body looked frail, but his eyes were impassioned with fire.

 

Days passed. Days turned to months. Pohatu was taken from his jail cell, and never returned. The Matoran grew scared. Nuhrii became worried.

 

Taka became impatient, and soon could no longer stand imprisonment. He would not settle for what Roodaka, new leader of the Dark Hunters, and the Orderly Empire, thought his destiny to be.

 

Ten days later, Nuhrii passed Helryx’s office. The golden doors of her throne room were bolted shut, but Nuhrii wouldn’t let those get in the way of his destiny. Especially after breaking out of Odina Fortress and being completely separated from the Matoran, who sailed away with Taka. Especially after fending off two Dark Hunters who attacked his boat, destroying it as they fell into the sea, defeated.

 

He went into Helryx’s office, where he saw MNLOG HD’s Game Over screen still lit up on Helryx’s computer. The door to her closet was wide open. Inside, seven empty stasis chambers lay open to the left of him, with shattered glass and patches of ice strewn throughout the room. Another door to the right was also bolted shut.

 

“I’m not letting you get in my way,” Nuhrii muttered, talking to the door as he bashed himself against the door with all of his might.

 

In Helryx’s Throne Room…

 

    *THUD*

 

    Brutaka jumped. “What...what was that?”

 

    “I don’t know,” said Tahu, backing up to the center of the room. “Would be nice if I had access to my Suva right now.”

 

    “You’re lucky I do.” Gali activated her Akaku Nuva, and the room instantly turned into a retro polygonal mess, not unlike the Virtual Boy. Behind a door in the center of the room, she saw a being pushing against the door on the other side. The door clearly was not moving an inch. “Wait. It’s Nuhrii.”

 

    “Nuhrii?” asked Mata Nui. “You mean the Matoran who was supposed to be a Toa and then Vakama stole the spotlight?”

 

    “I still have no idea what you people are talking about,” groaned Ackar.

 

    The door opened, and Nuhrii crashed to the ground. Behind the door, Tahu slightly peeked out, winking at the camera.

 

...what camera?! This isn’t The Office!

 

What would you rather me say? The fourth wall?

 

    “Wait...I did it! And you guys are really here! Thank goodness finally I have so much to tell you guys---”

 

    “You can tell us on the way,” Tahu said, handing him a duffel bag. “We’re heading off to Makuhero City.”

 

    Nuhrii looked confused. “Macku-what? I’ve never heard of that place before.”

 

    “Wait wait, let’s back this up…” Gali turned to Tahu. “You barely even let him speak. You’re just going to take him?”

 

    “You know, I can hear you guys loud and clear. There was no mention of whispering there.”

 

...NEX!!

 

I’M SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN IT!

 

    “I trust him,” Tahu said, awkwardly patting Nuhrii’s shoulder. “We need all the help we can get to find Helryx and stop her.”

 

    “Wait…” Nuhrii trailed off. “She’s not here?”

 

    “Well, if she was here we’d probably all be dead,” Ackar yelled, helping Brutaka stand.

 

    “...oh no. I hear them. I don’t understand how…”

 

    Tahu unsheathed his swords, and Gali and Ackar soon followed suit. “I feared this day would come. Unfortunately, it seems you...wherever you came from, lead them right into our hands.”

 

    Inspecting Nuhrii’s weapon holster, Ackar pulled out a blinking red tracking device. “Property of Odina Fortress.”

 

    “You broke out of prison?!”

 

    “Gali, I highly suggest now isn’t the time to ask questions. The escape pod should be in the room to my right. It’s sealed, so I highly doubt there’s any hunters in there,” Mata Nui rose from the throne. “I think it’s time I return to Metru Nui.”

 

    “You don’t want to go back there,” Nuhrii warned. “I hear it’s overrun by Visorak and ruled by Karzahni.”

 

    “A twisted Web of Shadows reality. Fine, I’ll survive. Brutaka, are you going with them or with me?”

 

    Brutaka looked between Mata Nui and the group, rushing to access the escape pod. He touched his mask, feeling the crack run across the bottom and sides. He wanted to aid Tahu. But he couldn’t.

 

Adrift in Space…

 

    “You know, Tahu. Why didn’t you just steal one of these things instead of building an illegal teleporter in Nuju’s apartment?”

 

    Tahu smirked. “These escape pods belong only to Helryx. I don’t think she ever used them, which is probably why they look like they were furnished in the 2000’s.”

 

    Gali relaxed on a couch in awe. “Wow. Look at all that cashmere. Such elegance. Much rich.”

 

    “I don’t even know what cashmere is,” Ackar said. “On Bara Magna there’s literally just sand. That’s it.” He gazed out the window. “Thank goodness there’s no sand on this city.”

 

    The crew rushed over to the window, and saw an asteroid with a white-and-blue tower coming up dead ahead. The pod started to descend.

 

    “Wow, that was fast.” The asteroid was approaching a landing pad on the tower, and Tahu grabbed his weapons. “Not even the whole chapter.”

 

*BOOM* Hey, you put that dialogue in there. You were asking for it.

 

    The door of the pod opened, and a white-and-blue robot stood at the bottom of the landing pad. “What do you think you’re doing?! This is authorized territory! We have a shipment of donuts coming in four minutes and if you don’t get off this landing pad I will---”

 

    “Hello, my name is Gali.” The Toa promptly extended her hand, and the robot quickly shook it. Opening his mouth once more, Gali quickly interrupted him. “Don’t fight me. We have something in common. We both want to defeat Von Nebula.”

 

The robot chuckled. “Von Nebula was defeated years ago. In fact, this city has been crime-free for three years, thanks to I, Preston Stormer, and my Alpha 1 team.”

 

“That’s what you want to think. But--”

 

“Now listen there. I don’t want to cut your fantasy short, but I think we’ll be fine. As long as you get off this landing pad and let me get my donuts.”

 

Above Them, in the Donut Hover-Truck…

 

    “So you want me to sell him the Preston Kreme donuts, and those are the ones with the toxins in them?”

 

    “Yes,” Von Nebula’s voice crackled from the headset. “He’ll never suspect it. And he’ll never know…”

 

    But Helryx wasn’t paying attention. As her truck neared the landing pad, it was already occupied by an escape pod that looked like it was ten years old. And the blue warrior getting back on board…

 

    “Got it?” asked Von Nebula.

 

“Oh, I’m so ready,” said Helryx, grinning.

 

To Be Continued…

 

===

 

 


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The long awaited third season of TA:OT is finally here!!

 

 


#5 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Jan 12 2018 - 10:22 PM

Another week has gone by (though it feels like it's been a lot longer since I last posted) and here we are. Today marks the release of the first interview for The Hero Tahu​, where we're all about to figure out how the heck Meta separated from TNTS (Striker) and got to be the new author of the comedy.

 

I hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think in the comments!!

 

===

 

Interview 1: Meta

 

EG: AND...WELCOME TO ANOTHER INTERVIEW!!! I am your host, Extra Guy and today we’ll be meeting the newest star of NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD, Meta!!!

 

Meta: (walks into studio, does a short bow as the audience applauds. Sits.) Honestly, it’s such an honor to have you back. This comedy was missing a bunch of its spunk when my dimwit counterpart threw you in jail.

 

EG: (blushes) Oh, I’m flattered. But we all knew we couldn’t keep away the humor for long. Laughter is contagious. Anyway, first question. Can you explain to the audience what happened in The Fire Chronicles?

 

Meta: A lot happened in TFC. Frankly, it’s a non-canon story with the release of this remake.

 

EG: What, seriously?! You mean all the Nintendo characters never actually appear?!

 

Meta: Well, considering I’m the result of Meta Knight falling into Energized Protodermis, Nintendo characters do actually appear. But just me.

 

Censorer: (whispering in audience) TG, wait. If TFC never happened, then how does Meta exist? This could be a major plot hole.

 

TG: (whispering) ...I’m just going to transition swiftly back to the Interview.

 

Censorer: But…

 

EG: So the end of TFC. Or, the summarized ending. You and TTP, who is effectively Striker in that story, re-merge and become Metahu. How do we get to where we are now?

 

Meta: See, this is one of the reasons TFC is no longer canon. Metahu was just an awful name.

 

Censorer: (whispering) Does Extra Guy understand Meta said TFC is non-canon?

 

TG: (whispering) Yes, but that doesn’t mean WE didn’t write it. It happened for us.

 

Censorer: (whispering) So it happened for us, but not for everyone else. That’s really confusing.

 

TG: (whispering) Only because you’re overthinking it.

 

Meta: Essentially, our combined form, as MetaStriker, decided to remake The Adventures of Tahu. So we did, and for the most part, my other personality took the helm. I thought it’d only be fair, as he was the one who initially released the comedy...as Tahu Nuva: Toa of Silver. TNTS.

 

EG: Why is he associated with the name “Striker” in the combined form?

 

Meta: Basically because my name was already taken. He got the scraps. After all, Silver and Striker sort of rhyme.

 

Guardius: (under his breath) Barely.

 

Meta: His ideas seemed promising. But as you all know, the comedy got serious from time to time. Too serious. As it was before, like an “epicomedy.” We all started having our doubts. Even internally.

 

EG: The plot thickened. We all started to realize things they never thought would happen again. Keep going.

 

Meta: So Narrator was sent to the Wig Salon. Frankly, I hoped this wouldn’t happen, but it happened almost an entire season before it did in the original. You were jailed. I could see it was not working. Tensions were high. NAW was in danger of crumbling.

 

EG: So, explain this for me. How the heck were you able to split off from your combined form, and assume control of NAW?

 

Meta: Assuming control was the easy part. I basically needed someone to remember our past, and remember what we’d become. And state it.

 

EG: That’s still awfully complex.

 

Meta: We needed someone to say our name. MetaStriker. The forces of that action were so powerful they split us apart into two, once more. TNTS is no more. MetaStriker is no more.

 

EG: ...say your name. That simple. Like saying the Horned King’s real name to kill him, or Lord Voldemort to trigger bad luck and Death Eaters? Huh.

 

Meta: I solemnly suspect that you’ll be finding no good tonight.

 

Censorer: (whispering) He messed up a Harry Potter quote. Are you kidding me?

 

TG: Censorer, SERIOUSLY?!

 

EG: I’m sorry, what was that from the crowd?

 

TG: ...oh. My bad.

 

Meta: Let him off easy. Unlike Striker, I treasure my subordinates.

 

Nex: Even me?!


EG: That said. Do you have any plans for The Hero Tahu that you can share with us? What can we expect?

 

Meta: Well, I can’t spoil all the fun for you! Even though the story has hit some dark points, there’s a lot of humor planned to lift the spirits up.

 

Censorer: (under her breath) Yeah, I don’t know what type of humor you think will “lift the spirits up” after Kiina’s torture scene in Chapter 1.

 

Meta: To further focus the comedy, we’re also not going to switch story arcs during chapters. Save for a few special cases, there will be few transitions this season.

 

TG: (quietly) Wait...my job?! That’s my job! You mean I’m barely going to do my job?!

 

Meta: You know, you aren’t freaking out as quietly as you think you are. You might want to tone that down a bit. It’s a little disrespectful.

 

TG: Not as disrespectful as decimating my position at NAW.

 

Censorer: ...oh, so NOW you’re “overthinking.”

 

Meta: Well, I’m not going to let anyone go. I’m going to work everything out and not spark any sort of fighting in this organization, so, barring extreme circumstances, Guardius’s duties are limited as well.

 

Guardius: (turns to audience. Meaning you, dear reader.) Do you think this is an extreme circumstance yet?

 

Meta: Ideally, this will allow Nex to have a lot more freedom to narrate as he chooses. Within my scope.

 

Nex: What does that mean?

 

Meta: Well, you can’t narrate and then go off on your own tangent. And then sing “Firework” by Katy Perry.

 

Nex: That was in the dress rehearsal! I’m sorry, I won’t do it next time.

 

Meta: Which we’re never doing again. I’m still a little mad about that. And your puns. Gosh. Stop.

 

Formata: What about me?

 

Meta: What? Who even are you?

 

Formata: You SERIOUSLY don’t know who I am?

 

EG: Careful. This one has a feisty attitude.

 

Meta: Oh, so Striker created you. That makes sense. I don’t need you.

 

Formata: ...whAT?!

 

EG: AND...WOW! WHAT A LONG INTERVIEW! Sadly, that’s all the time we have for today, folks. See you all soon!!

 

 

Meta: ...where is he?!

 

TG: You don’t want a transition? Fine. It’ll end right here.

 

Meta: I want a transition, but--

 

===

 


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#6 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Jan 19 2018 - 06:37 PM

No comments? Okay.

 

Hope you enjoy Chapter 3!

 

 

===

 

Chapter 3: Donut Be Afraid

 

On the Assembly Tower Landing Pad…

    Tahu turned to the controls. “Well, where do they expect us to land now?”

 

    “Here. I’ll lead you over to a safe spot.” A yellow robot entered the escape pod, sitting and reclining on a leather chair. Tahu glanced back, and caught a glimpse of his armor plate, bearing a design and the word, “Evo.”

 

OMGB!!! EVO! HEY, IT’S ME, YOUR OLD PAL, NEX!

 

Nex. One, he can’t hear you. None of them can. Two, you’re SUPPOSED to be narrating.

 

One and Two were the best characters in Tahu vs. Tahu! And I don’t care, I haven’t seen him in so long I wonder how he’s doing--

 

You are the worst mistake Striker ever made.

 

    “Thanks, but I think we’re all covered.” Ackar approached the cockpit, leaning over to Tahu, whispering, “Right?”

 

    “I mean, he just seems like he’s being nice,” said Nuhrii.

 

    “It’s actually HERO FACTORY protocol for a hero to lead you off to a different place to park your vehicle. I’m guessing you came here for a tour?” asked Evo.

 

    Gali facepalmed. “You know, I thought we were quite clear in talking about Von Nebula.”

 

    “Oh, you meant him, as in, the guy. Yeah, we beat him a couple of times. Our galaxy has been pretty safe ever since.” Evo put his hands behind his head, fully reclined on his chair. “I thought you were talking about our exhibition on him in our museum of villains. We have a replica of his Black Hole Staff there.”

 

    “...and where’s the actual staff?”

 

    “No one really knows. To be honest, it’s probably not that big of a deal. Now--you.” Evo pointed to Tahu, who up until now had been standing, dumbfounded, at the controls. “You’re going to lift off from here, go behind the building, and park at the helipad in Hero Park. From there we’ll just take a scenic walk back to the tower and---”

 

The top of the escape pod instantly caved in as the entire vehicle shook. Everyone spazzed as Evo looked above.

 

“Huh. The donut guy usually isn’t this impatient. I’ll go take a look.” Sighing, Evo un-reclined his chair and went to look outside.

 

After a moment, he went back inside. “Looks like there’s a new donut guy today,” he said, sitting back in the chair. “Well actually, a donut girl. Overheard her talking about how it was going to be so easy to ambush some rebels or something. She was probably talking about Star Wars Battlefront 2 or something.”

 

Gali’s eyes widened. “Tahu. We need to get out of here.”

 

Without hesitating, Tahu fired the ignition, and tried to get the vehicle to hover. It barely moved a foot off the ground, and teetered from side to side. “Okay. This isn’t good. Activating full thrusters.”  

 

    “Gali, can you shut the door?” said Ackar, slightly panicked as he helped Tahu.

 

    As Gali went to slam the button down, the button was ripped from the wall of the escape pod, and the wires sparked as a sword was caught between them. Gali turned to the doorway.

 

    “Hello. I’m sorry, but the last donuts were just delivered. Now all I have to deliver is PAIN!!” Helryx snarled, jumping at Gali.

 

    “TAHU!!” Gali shrieked.

 

    The escape pod jutted up, and Helryx hit her head on the bottom of the landing ramp as she fell to the floor of the landing pad. Rocking back and forth, the escape pod flipped over as the donut truck fell off of the pod and hurled to the ground, exploding upon impact.

 

“HOLD ON!!” yelled Tahu as he tried to steady the escape pod. It, too, was descending to the ground.

 

“The fuel’s empty!” Ackar shouted. “We need to make a crash landing!”

 

Evo rushed up to the cockpit, taking the wheel. “Hold your butts. This is going to be a rocky landing.”

 

On a Quiet Street…

 

Dozens of mannequins were arranged in a pattern not unlike that of a block party. One mannequin was frozen behind the turntables, while another was manning the laptop in front of speakers. The people in the street were frozen in various dance moves. Thankfully, no one was dabbing.

 

At once, the quiet mannequin block party was completely desecrated as the escape pod smashed into the ground, decapitating several mannequins during its descent and completely crushing some others. The song “Celebration” was faintly playing in the background as Tahu, Gali, Ackar, Nuhrii, and Evo shakily exited the smoking escape pod and sat on the curb, watching the entire escape pod burst into flames.

 

“This is not how I imagined this day would go,” Tahu said, watching as the clouds turned red-orange as the sun began to set.

 

“Why didn’t I fight her? I could’ve beaten her,” Gali mused, putting her head in her hands. “We all could’ve. We’re much stronger together than she is alone.”

 

“That wasn’t the point.” Tahu looked over at Gali, then the rest of the team. “As much as I want her dead...I want you guys alive more.”

 

Gali hid her face. Tahu could hear her sniffle, slightly.

 

    “Hey…” Evo trailed off. Tahu rose his head, giving the robot a dirty look. “I’m sorry!! Didn’t mean to interrupt your moment. It’s just that your, uh...tour guide, I wanted to let you know that that building rising beyond this street is the under-construction Destruction
Tower.”

   

    Wait a second, thought Ackar, his eyes lighting up. Is this something I finally understand? “Under-construction? What is it for?”

 

    “Well, the construction’s been going on for like, three years. It really hasn’t gotten that high up, though. Some say it could be a hideout for the villains of old, but we don’t see it as a major threat.” Evo turned back around. “Now to your left--”

 

    “Stop right there.” Tahu helped Gali up, and looked towards the Destruction Tower. “We’d like to take a tour. Can you lead us there, Evo?”

 

    “Uh...we really don’t venture out into the city that much…”

 

    “So this’ll be all of our first tours here.” Tahu motioned for the others to stand up, and looked to a lower part of the tower.

 

On the Fourth Floor of the Destruction Tower…

 

Kiina clamped onto the windowsill as she hoisted herself up. Every night, she would watch the peaceful, serene sunset spread across the clear skies of Makuhero City, right before Helryx would return upstairs to torture her. She knew it was the only thing keeping her sane.

 

In her first few days in Makuhero City, she had hoped that she would eventually be freed. But Kiina had waited years for her life to get better on Bara Magna. She thought it was forever before she even had a glimmer of hope appear.

 

As the sun disappeared on the other side of the clouds, city lights immediately began to turn on, vast and multi-colored. Her eyes fell below as she heard footsteps banging on the stairs. But she did not look away, as she had so many times before. She couldn’t, as the flaming vehicle captivated her interest. As her eyes drifted, and she watched five beings heading down the street and turning right, walking towards the tower…

 

Kiina no longer thought. She knew.

 

To Be Concluded…

 

===

Next week will yield another special, and following that we'll delve into how Bara Magna has fared over the past few months...

 

~Meta


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#7 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Feb 01 2018 - 08:06 AM

Happy February, guys! Sorry I missed last week (but did anyone actually notice...?) so here's the next special.

 

===

 

Special 2: Road to Nowhere

 

Ranox: Wow, the quality of this comedy really has gone down. References to awful Crash Bandicoot levels in here? I’m surprised no one’s referenced the “WOAH” meme yet.

 

Striker: Frankly, the level is terribly easy if you jump on the ropes. That’s not the point of this special, though.

 

Narrator: Yeah. I’d assume you free me from here and then we run into a broken bridge.

 

TSO: Yeah...that’s not going to be fun with me.

 

Ranox: SILENCE!! You really think I’m just going to let you be freed? It took them three entire chapters in the finale of TFC to kill me.

 

Narrator: Please stop making references to that comedy. The last three chapters weren’t even POSTED.

 

Striker: *carefully balances on steel beams, leading up to the cage, which is tied to the ceiling with rope*

 

Berix: My entire appearance in that comedy was pointless. I should’ve just stayed dead. They had no reason to bring me back as some sort of guardian angel when all I had to do was provide a line of some stupid prophecy.

 

Narrator: That’s so very ironic, considering you’re on this adventure with me to come back to life AGAIN.

 

Ranox: You know what, you’re right. TFC isn’t even canon anymore.

 

Narrator: ...it’s not?! Then why do I still remember everything from it?

 

Ranox: It’s canon for us. Not for the, uh, actual characters of the story.

 

Narrator: acTUAL CHARACTERS OF THE STORY?! RANOX, I AM THE HEART AND SOUL OF THIS VERY COMEDY AND IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT I--

 

Striker: *slices rope, smashing cage into Ranox’s head below and to the floor. Striker carefully balances himself on the beams again, walking down to ground level.* Well, that’s a good way to shut him up, don’t you agree, Ranox?

Ranox: You...how dare you insult the great Ranox, the Great Being who brought you into this world! I was just going to let you pass with the rest. Now, I’m going to have to--

 

Striker: Dad, I insulted Narrator!! Not you! I simply hurt you, that’s it.

 

Narrator: ...and hurt me too.

 

Ranox: *looks between the two. Eyes soften.* You know what, you’re right. Fine. I’ll let you all through. But, Striker, you must promise me something.

 

Striker: Say no more. Whatever you’re asking for, your wish is granted. Narrator!! Others!! Let’s get out of here. *struts out of the cave, followed by Narrator, Berix, Stronius, and TSO*

 

Ranox: *as the prisoners leave, speaking softly* Oh, Striker, you foolish creation of mine. I guess this won’t be the last you see of me, then…

 

Narrator: *after walking for some time* Boss, thank you so much.

 

Striker: I’m not your boss. But no problem.

 

Narrator: What do you mean? You’ve always been my boss.

 

Striker: Yeah. A terrible boss.

 

Narrator: Can’t argue with that.

 

Striker: *after a minute* You know, I just wanted the best for the comedy.

 

Narrator: I know. We all did.

 

TSO: What comedy?

 

Berix: You know, I feel like we don’t even matter to those two.

 

Stronius: It’s like we’re jus’ ‘elpless comedy relief.

 

Berix: Not with whatever accent you’re supposed to have. That must be painful to read.

 

You: It is.

Striker: *stops walking* I thought I could fix everything I’d done wrong.

 

Narrator: You could. But you were blinded.

 

Striker: I needed to--sorry, terrible pun incoming--strike the balance between an epic and a comedy. But I was practically volatile. My mind was spinning and I did things I shouldn’t have done.

 

Narrator: ...keep going.

 

Striker: I feel like I failed you all, and now I’m paying the price, again. Maybe Meta is fit to run the comedy. Maybe I should just stay here, wallow in my own self-pity, and live out the rest of my days the way I deserve to.

 

Narrator: ...wow. You’re not okay.

 

Striker: I’m really not. I feel like I’ve never been so conflicted with myself, and not just because I’ve practically been split in two.

 

Berix: But he still has his head on. In fact, he isn’t missing any part of his body.

 

TSO: Thanks, Berix. Alas, I can see that his poor soul is hurting.

 

Stronius: Ya can’t see. Ya’re blind.

 

TSO: I see with my heart.

 

Berix: Deep.

 

Narrator: Boss, calm down. This isn’t even an epic anymore. It’s like along the lines of a tragic soap opera now.

 

Striker: See? I really am a failure.

 

Narrator: You know, if it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t still be here.

 

Striker: What do you mean? Meta’s the author of the comedy now.

 

Narrator: Well, that’s not what I mean, then. You’re the one that wanted to give us all another chance. You wanted to prove to yourself that you could do justice to the world you’d created, to the characters you’d given life to, to the laughs you’d had. Isn’t that worth fighting for?

 

Berix: It’s not fighting what we hate. It’s saving what we love.

 

Stronius: Ya no good, rusty-spoilery jerkface.

 

TSO: At least you can’t call me that.

 

Striker: *turns to Narrator* You know. I don’t think I’ve ever had more respect for you in my life. Thank you.

 

Narrator: Yeah. You’re really not okay.

 

Striker: *smirks* I’ll be okay when we finally get back to Comedy City. And I get a name change. Let’s go.

 

End of Special 2


===

Next week...we return to the endless sandpile that is Bara Magna. Stay tuned.

 

~Meta


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#8 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Feb 06 2018 - 01:29 PM

I'm feeling generous today! Arc II is go!!

 

===

 

Chapter 4: Once a Conqueror...

 

No. I refuse to do this. We can’t just change the story arc entirely and leave Tahu hanging in Makuhero City.

 

Transition Guy. This is your job. You’re transitioning the story to the other arc to explain what’s happening on Bara Magna. It’s not nonsensical. It’s actually kinda neater.

 

None of the readers are going to remember what happened in the first three chapters! Plus, what really makes what happens on Bara Magna relevant? Sure, Teridax took over the Skrall Empire, but--

 

Don’t you dare criticize my author-ity. Or spoil the story.

 

What are you going to do? Fire me?

 

...no. I’ll ice you.

 

Wow, this makes me miss TNTS’s jokes.

 

You did not just--

 

Okay, that’s enough.

 

Uh...I don’t really know how to do this transition thing. Formata, can you help me?

 

With pleasure. Anything to get these fools to stop arguing.

 

TG has a point though, right? Too much is changing. This is insane.

 

I stay quiet for a reason. So should you.

 

Fine…

 

In the Ruins of Roxtus Castle…

 

    Months ago, Teridax had faced death in the clutches of the Resistance. They had been merciless in their capture and treatment of the leader of the Makuta, forcing information out of him and practically beating him to death. He had never experienced such pain in his life, not since having to hear “Bring Me to Life” by Evanescence on repeat in Helryx’s office, as it was her favorite song and she had outlawed “Creeping in My Soul” from playing in the MU.

 

    Teridax at this point had completely lost faith in the Orderly Empire, particularly Helryx. All he had done for her, for the good of the Empire felt meaningless as he remained, abandoned in the Great Temple as angry Matoran pelted tomatoes at him. In that regard, the execution of Order 44 was a blessing. Sure, no one from the Empire came to actually save Teridax, but all of the remaining members of the Resistance ran for cover really quickly. After some time, Teridax had healed enough to break from his chains, grab his weapons, and exit the empty hall.

 

    The city of Metru Nui was completely barren and quieter than it had been since the days before its rediscovery. Large, black clouds hovered over the city, with thunder rumbling in the distance. Teridax quickly ran.

 

    He didn’t realize that he, as fate would have it, would, without looking, dive headfirst into a portal that would send him falling through the hot desert skies of a completely different world into a hill of sand. And that this would be the best thing that fate could have ever delivered him--a new start, a chance to redefine and dominate in power. Teridax now understood why Tahu had wanted to leave the Empire so badly.

 

    Months later, as he sat upon the throne of the Skrall Empire, he reflected on all of this, but furthermore, his success. His ability to not only rejuvenate, but empower the Skrall Army. His force in rejecting the ideals of the opposing Mega-Village, and prove his strength over their unity. His knowledge in the technology of the now-formed Prototype Robot, and his hunger to further conquer the planet--and the universe. But, most of all, he prized his independence from the Orderly Empire above all successes, and he knew that as long as he was away from any single being in his past, that he would not face any doubts.

 

    “Master.” Tuma kneeled in front of Teridax’s throne, gracefully. “A visitor...with no relation to the Mega-Village, in fact.”

 

    “Let the visitor come forth.” Teridax waited as Tuma retreated out of the throne room, and opened the door for the visitor. Teridax’s expression changed instantly, from calm to shocked.

 

    “No need to freak yourself out, Makuta Teridax. You know you aren’t dreaming.” Vezon informally strutted down the torn red carpet, stopping a few feet away from the throne. He did not kneel.

 

    Teridax looked like he had seen a ghost. He tried to compose himself. “You’re supposed to be dead...I’m not sure I understand who you think you---”

 

    “I understand exactly who I am,” Vezon said, chuckling. “And don’t use that excuse. You were supposed to be dead several times, and yet you’re still very much alive.”

 

    “Tuma, please leave us alone. I have...much to digest.”

 

    “Understood, master.” Tuma quietly slipped out of the throne room, closing the door behind him with a loud, ear-piercing squeak.

    Teridax looked down at Vezon. He had not seen him in eleven years, since Teridax’s own defeat on Voya Nui and the hurricane that Helryx unleashed on the island, upon her arrival. The Empire had always wondered where Vezon and Brutaka had disappeared to, but they never found any trace of them. “You haven’t changed much.”

 

    “I’ve never found the need to. Frankly, you seem to be doing well for yourself here. As awful as this barren wasteland is, it’s infinitely better than whatever drama the Empire creates. You know this,” Vezon said, smirking.

 

    Teridax reclined in his chair, far more relaxed, but curious all the same. “How do you know I know this?”

 

    Vezon pretended to not have heard his question. “You’ve benefited a great deal under whatever business you’re running now. When Helryx proclaimed her Orderly Empire idea, I knew it was such a joke I had to run away.

 

    I also know that you want more.”

 

Teridax looked around the throne room, all in its damaged, torn-apart state. “Yeah. I need to hire an interior designer for the castle. I’m planning that next week.”

 

“I’m not blind, you wisecrack. I mean power. The power you yearned for, eleven years ago.”

 

Teridax shuffled around in his throne. “Those days are beyond me. I could never take control of the Matoran Universe.”

 

“You don’t need to. I can help you. And I know you’ll take it, because you know you still want it.”

 

The two were both silent for a moment, as Teridax mulled over what Vezon had said. After a moment, Vezon spoke up again. “You know this isn’t your life. You’ve never settled for what you have.”

 

“Why do you know that?” Teridax rose from his throne, skeptical. “Along with all these other things about me. It’s all true, sure, but thought-provoking nonetheless. Almost creepy.”

 

    Vezon only shook his head, smiling. “I’m a lunatic. You know that. I don’t think it’s creepy, because it’s all fairly obvious. For you, it’s extremely obvious you want more power...come with me.”

 

At the Peak of the Black Spike Mountains…

 

    As Vezon rose to the top of the mountain, he let out a loud sigh of relief. He had not hiked this much in eleven years--which was basically his entire life. Thankfully, he had been able to teleport further up when Teridax wasn’t looking. He needed to keep that secret.

 

    “You’re tired? Really?” Teridax chuckled as he looked down upon the endless desert of Bara Magna. Directly below them, the giant shell of the Prototype Robot lay on the ground like a collapsed ragdoll, and with it, the Mega-Village inside. “Why have you brought me here? I know this is my kingdom.”

 

    Vezon pulled out a golden coin. “And this is what your kingdom could be.” He gave the coin to Teridax, letting him study it. “Turn around.”

 

    Teridax turned around, and beyond the mountains, a large tower surrounded by a maze loomed in the distance. The coin had the exact same design on it. Rotating the coin, Teridax saw a tall, strong giant robot, and to its side...the Three Virtues. “Where did you get this?”

 

    “That isn’t important,” Vezon responded. He had no intention of explaining how he’d teleported into Helryx’s throne room to steal the coin from Berix’s corpse, mere moments before the Dark Hunters did. “You know what is.”

 

To Be Continued…

 

===

Until Friday...

 

~Meta


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#9 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Feb 25 2018 - 08:58 AM

I feel good today.

Sorry, I know it's been a few weeks, but believe me when I promise that I am going to keep going.

I am.

 

 

===

PSA 1: The Official TAOT Infomercial

 

///

Imagine a world where hope is all but lost.

 

As a the flames of a dying fire pit smolder and smoke, the denizens of a ruthless, unyielding Empire too are suppressed by its sheer power. Hope is found only in a select few, the glowing orange embers of the fire that just need that spark to reignite…

 

Follow the adventures of Tahu...in the reimagining of a comedic classic...and discover how hope might just prevail against all odds for the greater good of all.

 

Tahu’s Antics: Orderly Turmoil is out now.

///

 

TG: I’m going to be honest. That wasn’t terrible.

 

Meta: Well, thank you. I’d assume it was far better than terrible.

 

Censorer: It might be better suited for an epic, though.

 

Meta: But this is epic!! It demonstrates the pure struggle that Tahu has to go through. No one else believes they can defeat the Orderly Empire. Tahu can.

 

TG: But Tahu doesn’t even want to destroy the Orderly Empire! Most of the time, he’s just running away from Helryx and trying to save his friends.

 

Meta: Sure, because Gali was definitely just his friend.

 

Censorer: TG, that’s not entirely accurate, but it isn’t even the point anyway. Meta, this is a COMEDY. What you just wrote would be better suited for an Avengers trailer.

 

Meta: Yeah, okay. Look at all of the CENSORED jokes they made in Age of Ultron. That movie had a pretty epic trailer, but that didn’t stop Stan Lee. It doesn’t need to stop us, either.

 

Censorer: I can’t believe you would bring that up. This is BZPower, watch your tone.

 

Meta: Well, it was either that or spoil The Last Jedi.

 

Nex: Wait, I have an idea!

 

Meta: Oh, so now the talking creamsicle wants a say.

 

TG: Eh, can’t hurt. Nex, let’s see what you’ve got.

 

///

Here we go, off the rails, Don't you know it's time to cry and flail, It's order like you never knew...They are sad, and all crass, Say “Resistance,” and they beat--

///

 

Formata: No.

 

Nex: What do you mean, no?! Why are you interrupting me?

 

Formata: That’s what I said. No. And I’m not wasting my formatting skills on you if all you’re going to do is rip off another song.

 

Nex: Well, okay. You’re lucky I have another idea.

 

Formata: I bet I am.

 

///

*Tahu walks out of Helryx’s office and starts talking* She bought it. Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and she never doubted it for a second. How could I possibly be expected to handle serving the Orderly Empire on a day like this? It's getting pretty tough staying here anymore. If I don’t get out of here, Helryx will probably suspect something, so I'd better make this one count. The key to faking out the Empire is---

///

 

Formata: What is it with you and pop culture references?

 

Meta: It’s because he has no actually good jokes of his own. Unless you consider his disgustingly bad puns.

 

Nex: You know, I don’t understand. I thought you were going to give me freedoms that the old narrator never had. You were going to let me be funny.

 

Meta: Yeah, robots don’t have the capacity to be funny.

 

TG: Well, then I guess that makes every single character in the comedy. Regardless, I still have an idea.

 

Meta: I mean, technically, most of them are biomechanical beings. But continue.

 

TG: Okay…

 

///

In an Alternate Universe of the Traditional BIONICLE Story…

 

Tahu: Wait, we’re doing this again?? Seriously?

 

Helryx: I guess so. Except this time I’m actually going to win.

 

Axonn: And the jokes are actually funny.

 

Ackar: And there’s only one fidget spinner.

 

Brutaka: And the comedy actually makes somewhat coherent sense.

 

Teridax: It’s not in script though. This is false advertising.

 

Vezon: I mean, there’s an actual backstory, but there’s no color-coded characters anymore.

 

Transition Guy: Guys, guys, calm down. This is just a promotion to show off how amazing you all are, and that your story is being remade.

 

Tahu Nuva, Toa of Silver: That’s right! The Adventures of Tahu has now been remade into a comedy called Tahu’s Antics: Orderly Turmoil, and you should totally go check it out.

 

Tahu: See, Helryx? My name’s still in the title.

 

Helryx: ...I’m going to make your life terrible.

 

To Be Continued...in Tahu’s Antics: Orderly Turmoil. Out now.

///

 

Meta: ...is this a joke?? You put...my alter ego in instead of me?

 

TG: That’s who the readers are familiar with! I don’t want to spoil what happens at the end of Tahu’s Consequence!!

 

Meta: I would rather you spoil it than put him in instead of me. I’m the author of this comedy. And if you don’t like that, then I guess your idea for the infomercial won’t be considered.

 

TG: But--

 

Meta: No buts! Ugh, these ideas are all terrible, except for mine. I guess we’ll just have to go with--

 

EG: HELLO AND WELCOME TO THE VERY FIRST PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE HERO TAHU! I’m your host, Extra Guy, and today we have something very special for you guys: an official infomercial for the comedy. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

 

 

...where is it? Meta?

 

Meta: Well, we don’t exactly have one yet.

 

EG: You’re kidding, right? I gave you guys eight-hundred words to draft something before I officially aired it. Heck, I even allowed an extra twenty-three before I came on the scene.

 

Censorer: Actually, we’ve been on the air for a while now. In fact, they can see everything we’re saying even now.

 

EG: Oh!! *turns to the front of the stage, where he sees the words of this chapter being typed in tandem with his actions. Yes, this word. This word, too. Actually, those were sentences, but this sentence is being typed out as well* Sorry to be so unprofessional. We’ve usually got these things under control at NAW.

 

Censorer: Extra Guy, we never do. And even if we did, who would care, anyway? It’s not like anyone actually reads this comedy.

 

EG: That’s exactly why we need an infomercial!! To boost our rep!! To get ourselves the praise we deserve! We put a lot of work into this, and you know we do, Censorer.

 

Censorer: ...I know. Well, I actually had an idea for the infomercial. It’s kind of stupid, but at this point, I guess it doesn’t matter.

 

///

 

In The Adventures of Tahu…

 

“Oh, great. Now I have guilt,” Tahu said, followed by a hard facepalm to his mask.

“No time for movie quotes, or funniness.” Nuju ordered.

“But this is a comedy,” Tahu whined.

Suddenly, a wall exploded. Before it did, though, Tahu saw a number four painted on it. Before Nuju could exclaim that the fourth wall had been broken...

 

In its remake…

 

Helryx entered through the wall, followed by The Shadowed One, Teridax, and Axonn, dragging along a handcuffed Kopaka. “Finally! I found a way to get in and kill you at the perfect time! Thanks to your friend over here…”

    Kopaka struggled to get away from Helryx. “She’s lying! All I wanted to do was to see why there were a horde of Dark Hunters marching down the street…then I realized they were coming for you...”

In The Adventures of Tahu…

 

“So, you see, Toa, I am not stupid. I had of course, hoped that you would heed my words. But I knew, in the end, you would attempt to escape. Now, here’s the truth, Toa: There is no escaping here. Ever.”

Tahu ignored her as he selected a desert planet to go to. It looked hot, and hot was good…

 

In its remake…

 

Tahu looked at Helryx, unsheathing his swords. “You’ve lied to me, you traitor. How dare you kill off innocent Matoran. How dare you put yourself at the helm of this empire. How dare you…not let me find...Gali...” Tahu had tears in his eyes, but he was willing to do anything to avenge his tears, to avenge the disappearances and deaths of his friends at the hands of Helryx. He would not hesitate…

In The Adventures of Tahu…

 

Helryx froze. How could he know all of this? She thought. And then a one-word plan formulated in her head.

“ATTACK!” she screamed, thrusting herself into Tahu with a kick. Her colleagues followed suit with a CRASH and the beginning of war...

 

In its remake…

 

And so, thus began the adventures of Tahu.

Wait a second!! Boss, we changed the name!

Yeah, we know. It’s actually called Tahu’s Antics: Orderly Turmoil now.

And I mean, I can’t promise that TNTS won’t suck at being a nice author, but I mean, the comedy’s much more detailed, coherent, and humorous now.

Consider it the anniversary edition of the anniversary edition. The gold standard.

And I mean, it’s not exactly the same story. It’s a remake, so there’s a lot to look forward to.

Like me!!

And my lovely transitions.

And my niche censoring skills.

Want more of this? Hesitate no further. Read Tahu’s Antics: Orderly Turmoil today, in the BZP Comedies forum. Currently, we’re on Season 3, entitled The Hero Tahu, but you are OF COURSE free to check out Tahu’s Transport and Tahu’s Consequence, which are Season 1 and Season 2 respectively. Enjoy!

EXTRA! EXTRA! is a subdivision of Tahu’s Antics: Orderly Turmoil, which in itself is a subdivision of NAW, which in itself is a property under |MetaStriker Productions|..

©2018 All rights reserved.

///

 

Meta: Well, if I must say. That was definitely the most ambitious infomercial I’ve seen yet.

 

Censorer: I know. I was downplaying it a lot. And then all those other infomercials...happened.

 

TG: Hey!! Mine was good!

 

Censorer: Yeah...mine was better. Sorry.

 

Meta: You know. I will say this. You really do put in a lot of work, Censorer. I’m really impressed.

 

Censorer: That’s something the old boss would have never said.

 

Meta: Well, I’m not him. Well, I mean, I am, but I’m the better him. I don’t work for myself. I work for all of you. You know that?

 

Censorer: ...I guess I do.

 

Meta: Well, great. I’ll take this into consideration with EG. Let’s go. *leaves the studio with EG*

 

TG: ...Censorer, what are you doing?! I thought we hated him! You said it yourself. Too much is changing.

 

Censorer: I know, but it doesn’t hurt to be on his good side, right? At least for one chapter.

 

TG: These aren’t even chapters. These are specials. They’re probably detracting way too much from the main story and confusing the heck out of the readers.

 

Censorer: Transition Guy, we are part of the main story. This comedy isn’t just about some ragtag group of BIONICLEs trying to take down an unstable yet overly powerful dictatorship. It’s about redemption in so many ways. And it means all the more for us.

 

TG: Well, thanks for completely ignoring me about the whole “detracting from the main story” bit. We should really end this PSA now.

 

Censorer: And we’re about to. I just wanted to say that. And TG, if something happens in the next chapter, which it probably will, I will stand with you. I just needed you to know what I was standing with you for.

 

Nex: Okay, the fact that you didn’t throw a “nex” pun in there makes me sad.

 

Formata: Nex, you make me sad.

 

End of PSA 1

 

===

Chapter 5 coming Friday! Hope you enjoyed this infomercial---it was a ton of fun to write.

 

~Meta
 


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The long awaited third season of TA:OT is finally here!!

 

 


#10 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Mar 16 2018 - 05:37 PM

Well if no one's going to post any comments I guess I'm just going to keep posting chapters or maybe not we'll see

 

===

 

Chapter 5: The Savage Labyrinth

 

At the Entrance to the Valley of the Maze…

 

    One by one, Teridax unlocked the handcuffs of his prisoners. Once he was finished, he passed through again, taking their blindfolds off and escorting them into the walls of the maze, as Vezon assured the prisoners followed their orders from behind.

 

    As he escorted the last prisoner in, Vezon waved farewell to Teridax, wishing him luck. Closing the entrance to the maze from the outside, he snuck behind the exterior wall and quickly teleported away.

   

    Teridax briefly watched as Vezon shut the door, then turned to the grand passage of the maze itself, and the prisoners he had lead inside. He cleared his throat. “I thank you very, very much for volunteering your time to be here.”

 

    “Are you kidding me?” Gelu let out a nervous laugh. “I’ve never felt more threatened in my life. And considering I’ve lived under your reign for months, where you’ve given every offense the right to the death penalty and banned all sweets, that’s saying something.”

 

    “You think this is a death penalty?”

 

    “We’ve all avoided this fortress for a reason,” Tarduk said, shuddering. “There’s no guarantee we’ll make it out alive.”

 

    “Well,” Teridax walked to the front of the group. “As long as I do, that’s what matters.”

 

    Gresh rolled his eyes. Rushing at him, Teridax struck the Glatorian in his side, knocking him to the ground in pain. “Come on!! I was looking at the sky!”

 

    “Don’t test me,” Teridax growled. “Let’s go.” He extended his hand forward into the maze, watching as Gelu, followed by Tarduk, Kirbraz, Scodonius, and Gresh proceeded.

 

Further Into the Maze…

 

    As the group rounded the corner, they stopped in their tracks. A wall of raging hot fire divided the path, preventing further progress.

   

    “No matter. You three--” Teridax pointed to Gelu, Kirbraz, and Scodonius. “--just douse the flames.”

 

    The three beings looked at each other blankly.

 

    “Did you hear what I said? Use your powers and douse the flames!”

 

    Gelu turned to Teridax. “What powers? We don’t have any powers.”

 

    “Of course you have powers! Don’t lie to me. At least you should, you’re a Toa.” He said the word with spite, as if he was about to spit on Gelu.

 

    Gelu cautiously stepped back. “I’m...not a Toa. I’m a Glatorian. I have no idea what a Toa is.”

 

    Teridax facepalmed. He looked back at the path they had just came from, but it was completely sealed off. He furrowed his eyebrows.

 

Nex. Since when do BIONICLEs have eyebrows?

 

It’s a figure of speech! Plus, I was running out of things to say to describe angry people. It’s always, “He growled,” or, “Her eyes widened,” or stuff like that. Just a thought.

 

Well, thanks to your thought, the readers are now entirely disengaged from the story.

 

Hey, you’re the one that interrupted, not me.

 

 

“Meta furrowed his eyebrows.”

 

THAT’S IT! I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU FOR ONE CHAPTER! FORMATA!

 

Wait, I actually exist to you now? When you need me?

 

Please don’t. Just change the chapter to script.

 

This is a rather abrupt change. I’m not sure if the chapter might recover from this.

 

I wish I cared. Just do it. Please.

 

*___*___*___*

 

Past the Wall of Fire…

 

Teridax: You fools. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me the raging hot wall of fire was fake.

 

Gelu: ...it was real fire.

 

Tarduk: Yeah. You just ran through it really fast. (turns to Kirbraz and Scondonius)

 

Kirbraz: (looks at hand. It is molten and fused with Scondonius’s hand.) Lucky you.

 

Scondonius: Yeah...we were probably testing the waters for a little too long.

 

Kirbraz: Actually, it was fire.

 

Scondonius: Don’t be smart with me. I still have one free hand.

 

Teridax: (motioning to the group) Come on. We don’t have all chapter, you know.

 

Actually, they do.

 

...actually, this story arc is only two chapters long.

 

You’ve got to be kidding me. We can’t cut this arc that short! That’s completely unfair.

 

Yeah, unfair to you because you have to do your job.

 

In the Central Chamber…

 

Teridax: Wait. We’re already here?? How did that happen so fast?

 

Vezon: (behind the crew, closing the portal they had just come out of, whispering) Because you’re all idiots.

 

Tarduk: The power of teamwork?

 

Kirbraz: More like forced teamwork. If I didn’t have to carry this lug around, I wouldn’t.

 

Scodonius: Shush. I could’ve eaten you in the womb.

 

Teridax: This is super awkward and dark. I think we should just go in.

 

Gelu: Now that you mention it, I’m hungry…

 

Teridax: ...I think I should just go in.

 

Gresh: What?! I haven’t done anything the entire chapter!!

 

Teridax: Fine. You come along.

 

Gresh: But you’re responsible if I die.

 

Teridax: HAH. Good one. If anything, I’ll be the one killing you if you keep demanding things from your emperor.

 

In the Core of the Valley…

 

Gresh: It’s pitch black in here! How am I supposed to see anything?

 

Teridax: I have elemental shadow powers. I’m used to it.

 

Gresh: Well, that’s dark.

 

Teridax: (ignores horrible pun, walking casually forward. Light suddenly turns on above him, piercing the darkness and flooding the room with light. He is standing on a circular platform surrounded on all sides by lava and encircled by six columns; in the center is the symbol of the Three Virtues. Teridax looks around.) I don’t understand...where is it?

 

Voice 1: (murmuring and repeating) You...you aren’t the right one…

 

Gresh: Wait, did you hear that?

 

Voice 2: (blending into Voice 1’s speech and repeating) You aren’t the one we’re looking for…

 

Voice 3: (likewise) You can never be the Great Spirit…

 

Teridax: You dare...

 

Voice 4: (likewise) You will never win against us…

 

Voice 5: (likewise) You will never be as powerful as you desire…

 

Voice 6: (louder than the rest) She will never love you!! She will never want you!! No one will ever---

 

Teridax: PROVE YOURSELF! (furiously unsheathes staff)

 

Voices: (All are silent. A moment later, all begin again, screaming and repeating their speeches. One by one, scattered matter emanates from each column and materializes into one of the six Shadow Toa.)  You...you aren’t the right one we’re looking can never be never win as powerful as no one will EVER WANT YOU!!!

 

Teridax: You!! Gresh!! Get behind me! (turns to grab Gresh and pull him to the center. Gresh is nowhere to be seen. Looks around him as all six Shadow Toa get closer.) You...you WON’T BEAT ME AGAIN!! (brandishes staff and vaults over the Toa as their protodermis seal misses by inches. Lands and kicks Shadow Pohatu to the ground, stabbing the staff into his mask. Pulls the staff up and thrusts its butt behind him, knocking Shadow Onua away into the pit of lava. Twirls staff and disarms Shadow Kopaka’s shield, swiftly grabs the Shadow Toa and chokes him to death. Shadow Lewa chops axe against staff, staff is pushed against axe, breaking axe. Head of axe flies onto Shadow Gali’s chest, and Shadow Lewa is tossed into the lava pit.)

 

Shadow Tahu: You...you see...it is just you and me.

 

Teridax: Wow, what a rhyme. I hope there’s no corny prophecy that rhymes the way you do.

 

Shadow Tahu: I am the reason you never got what you wanted. I took all of this away, and left your confidence rotted.

 

Teridax: Seriously, please stop rhyming. It’ll make your death just a bit less painful.

 

Shadow Tahu: You cannot kill me, and you will never be able to. That is not your destiny.

 

Teridax: Thank you. You’re still wrong, though.

 

Shadow Tahu: I do not understand why things just went so out of course in your world. But that changes nothing.

 

Teridax: Please just give me the Power Source. Or you die.

 

Shadow Tahu: You cannot kill me, for I am Noth---

 

Teridax: (using Shadow Hand, grabs Shadow Tahu and crushes him into thin air) Well. I literally just killed you.

 

TG: The room was suddenly pitch black again, and as Teridax sheathed his staff, Gresh walked up to him holding a bright, glowing cube. Teridax smiled.

 

You...are not the narrator, and even if you were, this chapter is script now. What are you doing?!

 

I thought it would be a better transition if I told what was going on instead of it all being in awkward script format. And everything was going smoothly until you interrupted.

 

So you’re saying that I’m the problem.

 

Yes.

 

Yes.

 

*Agreement whilst being wisely silent*

 

Uh…

 

Nope. Not one more word. That’s it. This story arc is over.

 

 

Fine. I’ll end the chapter. Dear readers: we’ll see you again in the Matoran Universe, where a weakened Resistance struggles to survive against the full force of the Orderly Military. Stay tuned.

 

===

 

Special #...something coming soon.

 

~Meta
 


Edited by MetaStriker, Apr 09 2018 - 10:30 AM.

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The long awaited third season of TA:OT is finally here!!

 

 


#11 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Mar 23 2018 - 05:30 PM

Here's to today, where I've actually posted on time. Enjoy the read!!

 

===

 

Special 3: RETribution

 

Narrator: Wow. That last PSA was a long one, apparently.

 

Striker: I mean, it’s not like we can read them from down here, though. In that case, everything just seems like an eternity.

 

TSO: Hey, it’s not like I can’t read at all. Man, that’d seem like an eternity of darkness.

 

Berix: It wouldn’t sound like an eternity of darkness. It’d look like one. You can’t hear darkness.

 

Stronius: No need to be so technical, ya jerk.

 

Striker: What is this place, anyway?

 

Narrator: Looks like a rusty old Kini-Nui. Actually, it might be a knockoff.

 

Berix: Yeah. *knocks on the cylinder, which falls over easily, causing the top to pop off* There’s like an ugly face in the center of it with a giant hole in its mouth. I’m an Agori, so I wouldn’t know, but if this is what Kini-Nui are supposed to look like, this looks awful.

 

Narrator: Let me see. *picks up top and sets it on the ground, face up* Wow. This looks like it came from a giant plastic canister. It’s horrid. And why is it made of red plastic and not ancient stone?

 

Tahi: It’s the best we could do.

 

Narrator: What?! Who are you?! Where did you come from?!

 

Striker: Oh no. I remember you.

 

Galo: You know, we really tried our best. But we didn’t succeed. Isn’t that just dreadful?

 

Kopaku: You put everything you have out there, and just when you think you’ve accomplished something...it turns out to be barely anything.

 

Striker: I collaborated with Master Inika on this. Narrator, TSO, guys...meet the Rejected Element Toa.

 

Narrator: Oh, right. You guys were our prototypes. I mean, the prototypes to the Toa Mata, who we’re the failsafes to...this totally isn’t confusing.

 

Pohati: You don’t have to make it confusing. We know who we are.

 

Onuu: You know, Striker, you didn’t have to kill us off at the end by drowning us with a tidal wave off the coast of Mata Nui. That was just cruel.

 

Tahi: I mean, you didn’t kill Makutu. So--

 

Striker: Okay, okay. Guys, it was obvious that you weren’t going to play a part in the 2001 storyline. What was I going to have you do? Drift over to Voya Nui and wreck the 2006 storyline before the Nuva came?

 

Lewu: Wow, you’re really digging yourself into a hole here. Guys, we’re not just the Rejected Element Toa anymore. We’re wrecks.

 

Galo: Dang. You people are senseless.

 

Pohati: Seriously? I’m the Toa of Cardboard. I’m practically harmless.

 

Striker: I’m going to reel myself back for a moment. Look, I figured it was a much more noble end than having you all murdered by the real Makuta.

 

Onuu: We wouldn’t have been murdered. We would have all just run away, screaming hysterically.

 

Kopaku: And then stumbled upon a pool of Energized Protodermis, become Accepted Element Toa, and transcended into higher states of being. Because why not.

 

Striker: Are you guys the authors? Listen, I don’t write to favor certain characters over others. I write for the story.

 

Tahi: That’s a complete lie. You featured Kopaku more than any of us RET or any other character overall.

 

Narrator: Hey! I understand you guys are very flustered, but can you just let my boss speak his mind? He isn’t all bad.

 

Striker: ...thanks, Narrator. I know how you six feel. Really, I do. I’m sorry. And you know, if it makes you feel any better, you’re all here now.

 

Galo: It doesn’t.

 

Lewu: Eh, it actually makes me feel a little bit better.

 

Stronius: Wow, these guys ‘ave ‘ad more lines in dis one chapter than we’ve ‘ad in dis ‘ole series.

 

Berix: I wonder why.

 

TSO: Hey, I’m an important character!

 

Berix: Barely more important than us. You were the laughingstock of the Faction.

 

Narrator: I don’t even know how you know about the Faction if you were barely involved with that storyline, Berix. Regardless, it’s true, TSO. You’re a minor character.

 

TSO: Didn’t see that coming.

 

Striker: So will you let us through?

 

Tahi: You’re kidding, right? You think I’ll let you go that easily?

 

Pohati: I mean, he let us go really easily.

 

Tahi: That’s EXACTLY the point! You dingus.

 

Pohati: I’m not a dingus!

 

Tahi: You can’t kick a pebble without screaming in sheer pain. You’re literally a---

 

Kopaku: Snowcones? *hands snowcones to the five RET*

 

Narrator: Hey, can I have one?

 

Lewu: Only if you can levitate a few inches off the ground. Oh wait, you can’t do that. You just narrate.

 

Kopaku: Wait, aren’t you the one who interrupted me during the second chapter of Okonicle? Wow. You really had some nerve butting into a story you have no involvement in.

 

Striker: I mean, he tends to do that.

 

Narrator: *glares at Striker*

 

Striker: But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give him a snowcone. Or let us through.

 

Galo: Why do you think you’re better than us? There’s a reason you were the failsafes to the Toa Mata. It’s because you weren’t good enough.

 

Tahi: Boom, roasted.

 

Narrator: Then why were you prototypes to the Toa Mata? Why didn’t they just use you?

 

All RET: …

 

Narrator: And, you know, if we were failsafes to the Toa Mata, then the Great Beings must have really trusted us to finish the job, should they have faltered.

 

Lewu: And how would you have accomplished that? By stating that Makuta fell off a cliff and landed on his head?

 

Narrator: At least I can state that and levitate more than a few inches off the ground.

 

Striker: And, I mean, I could just write you out of the plot and out of existence completely.

 

Pohati: But you can’t. You’re not the author.

 

Striker: …

 

TSO: Good grief. When are you guys just going to stop verbally abusing each other and fight?

 

Onuu: I can do both. *inhales deeply, opening his mouth, expelling compost onto the Narrator*

 

Striker: *groans, unsheathing his sword* Now, there. No one talks trash about my friends.

 

Tahi: This is why you’re no longer in power. You’re so cheesy.

 

Striker: Why do you think Meta never brought you back? You’re worse than I could ever be. *rushes at Tahi*

Narrator: *backflips, dusts himself off as Striker, TSO, Berix, and Stronius engage in battle against the RET* Oh, Great Beings, am I going to have to narrate this? Well, looks like I don’t have a choice. Tahi and the other RET are attempting a Protodermis Seal on Striker, but their six powers are converging into some useless purple gas...and they think it’s working. TSO is swinging his sword around slowly. He’s hit the wall a few times, but he’s...wait, he actually hit Lewu. Wow.

 

Lewu: AGH!! *Wilhelm screams, falling to the ground. Jolts in pain as TSO unintentionally steps on him a few times, trying to find his way to the other RET*

 

Narrator: Well, bless Mata Nui. I hated that one. Anyway, Pohatu tried to kick a pebble at Berix to prove Tahi wrong, but he’s totally knocked himself out of commission now. Speaking of Tahi, Stronius just crushed his Wax Sword with his bare, three-fingered fist and piledrived him into the ground. The brawn stereotype could not be more apparent. There’s some light dew drops forming on the ground, but there probably won’t be any effect on battle. Actually, it’s washing off my compost-covered-body, so that’s nice.

 

Galo: Not as nice as the idea of your demise. *hooks Narrator by the neck and holds him in a chokehold*

 

Narrator: *hacking* What...are you...doing…

 

Galo: Shutting you up. I’m pretty sure the readers are sick of hearing you speak.

 

Striker: *knocks Galo away, freeing Narrator* For once in my career, I’m not.

 

Narrator: You seriously need to tone it down. You’re being way too nice to me.

 

Kopaku: Yeah, this is so out of character for you.

 

Striker: *takes a snowcone, licks it, and shoves it into Kopaku’s face* Well, this is a little something called “character development.” Too bad you RET aren’t capable of it.

 

Lewu: I mean, you’re right. And I’m the only one left here, so...I should probably just give up.

 

Striker: See? The perfect definition of a flat, two-dimensional character.

 

Onuu: *stops expelling compost from his mouth* Wait!! I’m still---AGH!!

 

TSO: *sheathes sword* Winner winner chicken dinner!!

 

Striker: *ignoring the terrible PUBG reference* Let’s just get out of here.

 

End of Special 3

 

===

Next week: Arc 3 begins.

 

~Meta


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#12 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Apr 09 2018 - 10:32 AM

Let's all pretend that I didn't accidentally put the intro to Chapter 6 at the end of my post for Chapter 5.

Sound good?

Let's do this.

 

===

 

 

I’m not doing this alone. There’s no way you all just can’t do your jobs and leave this comedy hanging. Don’t you have any sympathy?

 

To be fair, we left the readers hanging for months on this comedy because you had to take a hiatus. I’m sure the readers can wait a little longer.

 

You do realize you’re not going to get paid, right?

 

You haven’t been paying us the entire time! Not even the old you paid us. We just did it because we enjoyed it.

 

The thing is, we’re not enjoying it now. If you couldn’t tell.

 

Well, how can you enjoy it better?

 

You really seem to think none of this is your fault, do you? You really think you can just take the comedy and just let it run your way without caring what others think? That isn’t how this works. That isn’t how anything ever works. You know what? I am going to do my job now. I’m going to censor you.

 

WHAT?!

 

The readers deserve better than for us to keep wasting our time on you. In fact, I’m going to transition to the actual plot now so the readers actually get what they clicked for.

 

THIS CHARACTER’S SPEECH WAS CENSORED BECAUSE OF UTTER IRRELEVANCE. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER. OR DON’T, BECAUSE IT’S REALLY NOT WORTH IT ANYWAY.

 

Chapter 6: Stranded

 

In Helryx’s Throne Room…

 

    “Where are we going to hide?!” Brutaka had suddenly regained consciousness, and stood up, swaying slightly as he firmly secured the Olmak on his head. “You know if they find us, they’ll--”

 

    Mata Nui calmly rose from the throne, descending swiftly to meet Brutaka. “We have time.” Mata Nui didn’t even flinch as he heard a Dark Hunter ram into the bolted door and crumple to the floor outside. “And brains.”

 

“But...but my mask…”

 

“We don’t need your mask, Brutaka. Take my hand.” Mata Nui extended his hand, and Brutaka quickly reached for it. Before their hands could meet, the two had already disappeared in a flash of light.

 

YEAR: 2008

 

    As the reborn spirit of Mata Nui, helplessly confined within the Ignika, sinks to the bottom of the Swamp of Secrets, Helryx holds a quick meeting in Daxia Fortress to appoint the members of her council, which will come to be known as the Orderly Faction. Rebuilding Teridax's old body, Helryx appoints the Makuta as the Assistant to Her Orderly Empress. Axonn is appointed Her Orderly Mercenary, Karzahni is appointed Her Orderly General, and The Shadowed One is appointed Her Orderly Stalwart. After ensuring that the stasis tubes containing the Toa Mahri are infected with Shadow Leeches and secured, the Faction makes its way to Metru Nui, where Helryx will gather all the inhabitants of the Matoran Universe to officially declare the death of Mata Nui, instating the Orderly Empire in his memory. Eight years of rule under the Empire will follow, where smaller acts of dissent, the disappearance of Gali, and a fake plague lead to the formation of the Resistance Team and before long, the Battle of Ko-Metru.

 

    Yet as Brutaka and Vezon spiral out onto Daxia, they do not sense the world is as it was before they’d teleported. Everything seemed ironically more orderly than it would have been at this time, and while there was still an air of chaos around Daxia Fortress, the vibes seemed much more hopeful than, say, totalitarian.

 

    “Where are we?” asks Vezon.

 

    Brutaka is silent. He knows all too well where they are. But he is more surprised than anything to see a blue and gold-clad being standing tall, gazing across the shore.

 

Himself.

 

“Are you sure that’s you?” Vezon jokes after Brutaka motions to...Brutaka. “I mean, he could just be an imposter. It could just be Helryx imposing as you to get us killed.”

 

Brutaka points again to himself...no, not himself, the other self. Beside Brutaka, a blue being is conversing with him along with a small group of assorted beings. The blue being is undoubtedly Helryx, and the group of beings includes a mix of beings, including a Makuta, Queen of the Visorak, a Dark Hunter, two Barraki, and a silver-and-gray Piraka.

 

“Oh, Great Beings. You’re kidding me. Or, rather, me’s kidding me.” Vezon looks back at Brutaka, meaning this comedy’s typical Brutaka. “Are you sure this isn’t some sort of therapy session you’re putting me through?”

 

“I’m sure.” Brutaka gazes across the beach, but his head snaps back quickly. “You don’t think they’ll notice us, right?”

 

“I mean, unless we notice our presence. Okay. This joke is over. We should probably hide and figure out where we are.”

 

“Well, I mean, we’re clearly still in the Matoran Universe.” Brutaka shrugged. “Just maybe not ours.”

 

They both fall silent for a moment, as they can faintly hear Helryx speaking across the shore: “Look. I know this is against what we’ve been doing all this time, but we’re so close. Mata Nui is alive again, and I have no doubt that the Toa Nuva will be able to reawaken him. But we have to lash out against the evils of the Makuta. We, the Order of Mata Nui, have to come out of hiding, and we have to bring peace and justice to our world once and for all.”

 

“I mean, I know it makes no sense, but---”

 

“No, Brutaka. It does. See, we’ve both got Olmaks. We can both teleport and hop dimensions.” Vezon touches his mask, thinking for a moment. “See, it’s intriguing because we don’t know how to control our powers yet. But it’s feasible. Look at what we just did.”

 

The two are both silent for a minute, as they watch the beings outline their plans for the impending War of the Brotherhood. “I think if we actually work together, we can accomplish that,” Vezon concludes, extending his hand.

 

Brutaka takes it instantly and they shake. Eager, Brutaka inches slightly closer for a bro hug, but Vezon jumps away quickly. “Oh. Sorry.”

 

“Yeah...we’re not there just yet. I mean, we’re over there...” he points lazily to their dimension-counterparts across the shore, then chuckles awkwardly. “Well, we should get going. This universe seems almost too good to be real, anyway.” Opening a portal, Vezon glances at it and hops in. Brutaka hesitates slightly, but follows Vezon swiftly as they teleport into the unknown.

 

YEAR: 2017

 

    Brutaka shook himself as he stared into the Codrex. He knew that all these memories of his past adventures with Vezon needed to stop appearing, but he ultimately could not stop them. These memories would always be a part of him. Vezon--no matter how fractured his relationship was--would always be a part of him.

    Mata Nui tapped him on the shoulder, motioning for them to venture up to the Stalactite Villages. Brutaka nodded and turned away from his reflection, following the Great Spirit. Step by step, they carefully followed the narrow path up to the huts in the sky. As they ascended, the air and wind were eerily silent, and upon reaching the top, they were greeted by a desolate, seemingly abandoned village.

 

    “Well, this is helpful,” Brutaka scoffed. “How do you expect us to---”

 

    “Patience,” whispered Mata Nui. “Let me see.” Entering the village, Mata Nui inspected the buildings. A few dozen huts were circled around a small fountain in the shape of the Three Virtues, surrounded by a cobblestone plaza. Further up the plaza, the cobblestone road lead from the side of a ruined temple not so far away, and as Mata Nui approached it, he signaled for Brutaka to join him. As they got closer, they were in awe at the towering spire, front and center of the temple, while the walls gradually deteriorated from the back to the front, where they were weak. Above the sealed entrance, an inscription read, “Temple of Time.”

 

    Gawking, Brutaka watched as Mata Nui touched his mask to the door, which flashed and disappeared. They headed inside.

 

In the Temple of Time…

 

    “I can’t believe it. This is...unlike anything I could have ever imagined.” As light filtered in from the delicate glass windows, a soft red carpet ran under the two’s feet all the way to the other side of the temple, where a wall, etched in ancient and modern Matoran symbols, adorned the back.

   

    “Who...are you?” a green-and-gray Matoran stuttered, backing away towards the wall. Mata Nui calmly held out his hand, and the Matoran gasped, looking up at his all-too familiar mask. “Oh, Great Beings. You’ve finally risen.”

 

Mata Nui bowed his head. “And I could not be more grateful for the care you gave to watch over me in my slumber. Now, Tanma...I need one more favor from you.”

 

To Be Continued…

 

===

Interview #2 coming next!

 

~Meta


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#13 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Aug 09 2018 - 10:20 PM

...Hello, BZPower.

It's been a while. I have missed you, you know.

I made a promise to you. One I wanted to keep.

And one I'm still going to keep.

 

 

===

 

Chapter 7: Holding On

 

In the Archives…

 

“This is not going to help. We cannot just keep having meeting after meeting, asking where they are. It is probably just too late.”

 

“That’s what you say, Nokama? After all we’ve been through? After all you did?” Matau jeered.

 

“Stop getting on her!” Onewa commanded. “You cannot blame her. We cannot blame anyone.”

 

“That’s enough.” Dume slammed down his gavel, looking sternly at Matau. “This Resistance Council is doing the best it can to make sure it does not fall to Roodaka. And everything else.”

 

Six months had passed since the Resistance had revealed itself, and its efforts all but fizzled as the Orderly Empire recovered and reorganized itself. As Helryx executed Order 44, Karzahni unleashed the Orderly Military, consisting of Makuta and Dark Hunters, to hunt and exterminate the Toa and Turaga.

 

No one could have imagined the damage they would cause.

 

The Resistance, which had at one point been so energized and motivated that the Orderly Faction feared for their lives, had essentially been crushed before its efforts had even begun. Sure, the assassination of TSO, seizure of the Coliseum, and kidnapping of Makuta Teridax all went well initially, but everything tipped so easily back into the favor of the Empire. As the Orderly Military poured into Metru Nui, hordes of Visorak encircled the island, bordering all coasts and preventing anyone from escaping. If any Toa or Turaga was above ground and found, they were murdered instantly without question.

 

After that night, no one ever saw Vakama, Whenua, or Pohatu again.

 

“Look.” Kopaka stood, trembling. “We can’t…hide any longer. We can’t keep blaming people anymore. Whether it’s them…or us.”

 

           Dume slammed down his gavel, motioning to Kopaka to continue. The other Turaga fell silent.

 

           “Thank you, Turaga Dume. We can’t keep living like this! What are we going to keep doing? How much longer do you think Roodaka will wait? She’s been aching to prove her worth to Karzahni and the Empire for years.”

 

           Matau, much more respectfully than before, raised his hand. “So what are you thinking-saying? Should we just waltz-walk out of the Archives and allow-let the Militia to snipe us from afar?”

 

           “It’s not an army.” Kopaka tapped his mask. “Over the past few months I’ve been analyzing their movements to the best of my ability. Reception down here may be terrible, but a few boosters certainly helped the situation.”

 

           “…and you didn’t bother to say-tell us until now?”

 

           “I prefer to work alone, without a team of four cranky Turaga breathing on my neck.”

 

           Dume rolled his eyes. “Well then. Please tell us what you’ve found.”

 

           Kopaka dropped something on the floor, sliding off to the side as a giant, detailed holographic map of Metru Nui dotted with hundreds of colored dots appeared next to him.

 

           “…or show us. It seems you learned a fair bit from Turaga Nuju.”

 

           “When I wasn’t serving on Her Special Guard with the other Nuva, I basically lived in that lab. I just never knew his inventions were going towards a resistance.”

 

           “Oh, they weren’t. Nuju was just a madman. Anyway, please.”

 

           Kopaka motioned to the bottom right of the map, where a small key was conveniently placed. “Red marks the Makuta and Mahri, Green marks the Visorak, Yellow marks the Dark Hunters. Purple marks us.”

 

           “Why violet-purple?” Matau questioned. “We have kaput-nothing to do with the color purple.”

 

           “Can you please stop interrupting me? Anyway, we all—” he pointed to the practically purple blob in Onu-Metru “—are here. Surrounding the coast and in the center of each Metru are the Visorak,” Kopaka continued, running his finger along the green border of the map. “The Makuta and Mahri are heavily concentrated in the Coliseum; I would assume they’re considered the elite forces of the Orderly Army in guarding the Core Processor. And the Dark Hunters guard in the center and on the borders of each Metru.”

 

           “As for Roodaka and Karzahni, they typically do not remain in just one place. They could be right above us right now or as far away as the other side of the city. It’s impossible to know.”

 

           “But you…you’ve really outdone yourself here.” Nokama was beaming. “This is incredible. You know that. Fellow members of the Council, we have to approve usage of this. And actually use it. In battle. To take back our city.”

 

           “I concur,” said Onewa, barely hesitating.

 

           “So that’s two votes. And Matau—” Dume glared at him, “even if you were to digress, you would still lose.”

 

           “I wasn’t going to.”

 

           “Shocking.” Dume slammed down his gavel. “The Council rules in favor of your proposition. The Resistance will reconvene tonight and we will organize a search party for tomorrow.”

 

           “A search?? For what?”

 

           “Kopaka, as happy I am to see that someone here has determination, we cannot fight alone. We need help.”

 

The Next Morning…

 

           “Okay, you guys might want to close your eyes and blink when we first get out of here. It’s going to be bright.”

           “What if someone attacks us?” asked Ehyre.

           “I have my Akaku. Seeing won’t be a problem for me.”

           “I feel like you mention that too often,” said Artakha. “I mean, I don’t go around saying that I have the Mask of Creation.”

           “That’s because the Mask of Creation was useless until Generation 2,” Tehutti jested.

*SMASH* Is that how you do it?

Were you just trying to break the fourth wall? Because that’s just a hole in the wall. Oh wow. You literally just punched the wall.

What else was I supposed to do?

Maybe, you know, conserve our budgeting. We haven’t gotten income in the past six months.

…we don’t get paid, remember?

Let’s make a mental note to fix that if we ever get our hands on some money. We’ll just split it evenly between the three of us.

Four.

Five.

…wait a second. Who actually does the most work here? I don’t know what the comedy would be like without my transitions.

Now just hold up a second. This comedy would have been banned from BZP if I wasn’t here to censor out certain ideas and words.

Is it really that bad?

It could be. You wouldn’t want this comedy to turn into a cheesy fanfiction, would you?

I narrate! I add all the flair of prose to the story! Who would read a comedy if it was just lines with no context?

Technically, that’s exactly what’s happening right now. And I’d hope there’s still people reading this even with your CENSORED puns.

I protect all of you guys. And jail you if you’re all being unfair.

The very way you judge is unfair, and you can’t deny that. You’re the whole reason Narrator isn’t here anymore.

So, then, obviously I’m the most important.

You’re lying to yourself and you know it.

Look, I may be a fool but I’m not deLUSiONAL

What

What is going on

Who in Mata Nui’s name is registering our words in 20pt purple Comic Sans MS

…I think we should go back to the story before this needs to go any further.

 

In Ga-Metru…

           Artakha was uneasy. “I feel him. He’s here.”

           Kopaka handed him a breathing device. “Then we’ll do everything we can to make his day horrendous.” He dove in, followed by the Metrutoran.

           Artakha stood at the edge. He couldn’t bear seeing his brother again, after years of being imprisoned by him on his very own island. The damage Karzahni had done…murdering all of Artakha’s Crystal Serpents, desecrating both natural and artificial aspects of the island. The only thing that remained—Artakha’s fortress, was vacated except for its namesake, his inventions, and the very criminal who tore everything apart from him.

           Yet he thought of Nuhrii, the Ta-Matoran who had freed him. He unironically saw fire in the being, passion, determination to break against the norms of evil. As he watched Karzahni fall to the hands of the Matoran, Artakha had felt like crying. He felt infinitely grateful for the opportunity Nuhrii had given him to live.

           It was for this reason that Artakha dove into the waters of Ga-Metru—and was immediately grabbed and hurled into the depths of the waters by Karzahni.

Closer to the Center of Ga-Metru…

           “Stay close,” Kopaka warned. “Anything can happen right now.”

           “Anything can happen at any point,” Vhisola retorted. “But okay.”

           Kopaka sighed. “Remind me never to chaperone a group of Matoran again. I should have taken Chiara and Orde, honestly.”

           “Who are they?” asked Ehyre.

           “Exactly.” The center was finally in sight, except it wasn’t because it was encapsulated in the dark green webbing of the Visorak. Assorted neon lights faintly shone underneath the nest. “There.”

    “Wait, you’re taking us clubbing tonight?” said Orkahm.

    “Hopefully not. I hate clubbing.” Kopaka dove down and disappeared underneath the nest. The others followed suit.

    They floated next to a door, bordered by soft blue and pink neon lights. Kopaka pressed a button, and a soft buzzing sound rang on the other side. A being on the other side shifted aside the eyehole. “Password.”

“Password,” Kopaka replied.

The being grunted, twisting the knob on the other side to open the door. Carapar hastily motioned for the group to enter, closing the door quickly once they had all entered. The hideout of the Barraki was small yet spacious for the six warlords, and Carapar pointed to a set of chairs and couches for the group to sit on as Kalmah brought drinks to them. “We were expecting you. Finally.”

“It’s been years since we saw you six. I probably don’t even remember, if it was before we arrived at Mata Nui,” Kopaka sipped his drink. “I’m frankly surprised you’ve stayed alive.”

“They know we’re here,” Mantax said, lighting a small torch to set down on the coffee table. “Thankfully, they don’t want anyfin to do with us. Perhaps it was compensation for stealing our chance to krill the Mahri and obtain the Mask of Life.”

“Trust me, we wish we could kill the Mahri too,” Orkahm muttered under his breath.

Tehutti slapped him. “It’s not their fault. They’re just brainwashed. They all are.”

“Even Ahkmou? What happened to him, Tehutti? Was he brainwashed by Shadow Leeches like the Mahri. You think there’s still good in him. That’s funny.”

“...so, the Resistance Council approved my ‘plan.’ And now here we are,” said Kopaka, finishing his explanation of the situation.

“Trust me. I’ve wanted to go after those boneless freaks for years,” said Pridak after some time. “The Makuta and Dark Hunters both betrayed us. And we’ve never cared for any of your kind, but the other side has gone way overboard.”

“But how do you expect us to do this?” questioned Ehlek. “You fink we’re just going to ally with you and risk losing everything? We’ve done fine for nine years without talking to either side and you need us because you’d flounder without us.”

“And, you sea, even if we took your opportunaty, we don’t even have our army. We haven’t for nine years. We’ve been unable to leave this Metru for nine years. But we’ve been happy here,” added Kalmah. “Maybe you could take that as advice.”

Takadox had remained silent up to this point, but she had watched Kopaka and his team’s expressions fall as each warlord voiced their disapproval. “Guys. We can’t confinue to be shellfish. I fink we should help them.”

Pridak glared at him. “Water you talking about? They’ll poach us!”

“They would probubbly poach us eventunally anyway! We have a choice here, why don’t we just take it?”

    “I mean, it would be nice to leave here,” Kalmah mused. “Seems like it’s for a good porpoise too.”

    “Enough with the fish puns. Pridak, what do you think?”

    Pridak rolled his eyes at Kopaka. “Only if you let us make fish puns.” He extended his fin, and Kopaka immediately took it and shook.

In the Coliseaum…

...I mean, In the Coliseum…

    Artakha helplessly squirmed, wrapped in layers of Visorak webbing, as Karzahni whipped at him with his chains. “I missed you, brother.”

    Karzahni kicked him. “I don’t like your sarcasm, brother.”

    “You two are so immature. Grow up.” Roodaka put her hand on Karzahni’s shoulder and spun him around from facing his brother. He instantly relaxed his clenched fists and let his chains fall to the floor.

    “Sorry, honey. I don’t want to kill him.”

    “Sure seems like it,” Artakha scoffed.

    “Shut your trap. We’ve been waiting to find one of your kind for months. And now you can tell us where they are,” Roodaka sneered. “We’ve always known you’ve been out there.”

    “You should just join us. Let the past die.” Karzahni smiled, holding out his hand to his brother.

    Artakha chuckled. “Karzahni. My hands are wrapped in this stupid little cocoon. And even if they weren’t, I still wouldn’t join you.”

    Karzahni’s face fell as he picked up his chains, brandishing them inches away from Artakha as they burst into flames. “Well, then. I’m sorry, brother. We have no choice.”

To Be Continued…

===

Yes, clearly this is not Interview #2. But never fear! Special #4 is near!

 

As always, be sure to let me know what you thought of this chapter, or previous chapters. Hope you're all having the best of lives.

 

~Meta

 


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#14 Offline MetaStriker

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Posted Aug 17 2018 - 03:55 PM

===

 

Special 4: A Smashing Comeback

 

Narrator: Alright, can we just establish that the end of that last special was so cringey?

 

Striker: Thank you so much. It probably drove away even more people from reading this comedy.

 

Narrator: And that’s just great, considering that no one has even commented in this thread.

 

Striker: Maybe we’re getting negative reads.

 

Narrator: That makes absolutely no sense. Speaking of which, that’s an interesting title for this special. Where do the titles even come from if no one from NAW scripted this?

 

Striker: That’s actually a really good question. It almost makes me feel as if I’m a figment of my own imagination.

 

Berix: This almost makes me feel as if we’re conspiracy theorists. Which we’re not.

 

Stronius: Oh please, ‘ow else d’you think we took over Bara Magna?

 

Berix: Where are we, anyway? The path just turned completely dark.

 

TSO: Wait. It suddenly got really hot in here.

 

Stronius: I ‘aven’t felt sun on mah back like this since I ‘as alive.

 

Berix: I would turn around, but I’m worried about my eyesight.

 

TSO: Easy for you to say.

 

Narrator: Stop whining. I’ll just do it...oh, no.

 

Fiery Smash Ball Logo: *forms in Narrator’s pupil*

 

Striker: Wow. And I thought my past comedies were done haunting me.

 

Narrator: Haven’t I been haunting you this entire time?

 

Striker: Well, yes. Can’t deny that. But you never detracted from the plot this badly. This literally made The Fire Chronicles a BIONICLE-Nintendo mashup fanfiction, and it could not have been more out of place.

 

Snake: What, you’re saying I should have never been in the series? I led Team Reclaim to victory! I saved countless Nintendo characters from prison in the Orderly Fortress! I was a vital character and you know it!

 

Striker: Yeah, you don’t need to italicize every other word to get your point across. I get it.

 

Snake: At least I don’t italicize every word.

 

Narrator: No. We’re not doing this again.

 

Sheik: What do you mean? I’d really enjoy the chance to blast this dingus over his sexist portrayal of me---as an incompetent scrub---in Terror. That was not okay.

 

Kirby: Kirby!!!

 

Pikachu: JEHCK-OO-KHOO-KHOO!

 

Narrator: ...why is Pikachu voiced by Danny DeVito?

 

Pikachu: Rule Number Ninety-Five, kid. Concentrate.

 

Narrator: ...I was going to say, we should just fight over this. You know, like you do in the game.

 

Striker: To be fair, that might not be the best course of action for Snake here. He didn’t get into Smash 4.

 

Snake: You really just love making enemies for yourself, don’t you?

 

Striker: The fact that Cloud...CLOUD STRIFE, FROM A GAME THAT NEVER RELEASED ON A NINTENDO SYSTEM...GOT IN and YOU didn’t.

 

Narrator: Seriously, though. Chill with the formatting.

 

Snake: *pulls out grenade* Too late. It’s showtime.

 

Narrator: Ah, just like old times. Weak comebacks, pointless fights, and a nonexistent plot.

 

Snake: *double-jabs Narrator, knocking him to the ground, and uses his Cypher to hover up to a rising platform* Let the past die.

 

Striker: Well, here’s something Link couldn’t do in the old games.

 

Narrator: What do you mean?

 

Striker: *snaps fingers, transforming into Link from Breath of the Wild. Jumps up, climbing on the sides and reaching the top of the platform.*

 

Snake: You’re just really trying to rub it in my face, aren’t you? You know I won’t appear in Smash for Switch! It’s okay! I’m over it!

 

Narrator: Actually, you do.

 

Snake: WAIT?! REALLY?!

 

Narrator: But your butt is smaller.

 

Snake: ...THAT WAS THE BEST PART!!

 

Sheik: Well, Snake, welcome to the human race.

 

Snake: THAT’S MY LINE!

 

Striker: *uses Stasis on Snake, freezing him in place* Just shut up already. *loads arrow after arrow at him, as he turns redder and redder*

 

Snake: *unfreezes, blown back, gets caught by Magnesis. Is slowly brought back by the Sheikah Slate to the battlefield and hurled up and down into the ground.* Sheik, this is OP!!! BAN HIM!!!

 

Sheik: Gladly. *teleports onto the platform, knocking Striker away with her Bouncing Fish move*

 

Striker: *uses Paraglider to float safely to ground. Watches as Snake and Sheik are joined by Fox, R.O.B., and Danny DeVito-voiced Pikachu.

 

Fox: *pats R.O.B. on the head* This has been a long time coming, old friend.

 

R.O.B.: Beeping don’t touch me.

 

Pikachu: Concentrate.

 

Sheik: Out of any fighters who could’ve joined us, why did it have to be you three?

 

Pikachu: I’m the TRASHMAN.

 

Sheik: Oh, Goddess Hylia.

 

Snake: STOP BANTERING! SMASH HIM!!

 

Narrator: This is so eventful.

 

Snake: WHEN DID I ASK FOR YOUR INPUT?

 

Striker: Leave him alone! *takes picture of Snake with the Sheikah Slate, blinding him just long enough for Striker to swipe at him with the Master Sword. R.O.B. fires Super Robo Beam at Striker, but it is blocked as Striker’s shield shatters.* Great.

 

Sheik: See, this is why the ways of the old Sheikah were superior. Things were simpler and did not break so easily.

 

Striker: You’re literally Zelda.

 

Sheik: And you’re literally an arse.

 

R.O.B.: But in Bleep for Wii U---

 

Fox: Star Fox Bleep.

 

R.O.B.: I didn’t bleeping miss you.

 

Striker: *tries to use Clawshot. Realizes he doesn’t have a Clawshot.*

 

Snake: This is taking way too long. Wow. You folks are really so useless.

 

Narrator: Hence why you aren’t in Orderly Turmoil.

 

TSO: You know, I may be a bozo, but at least I was in the comedy. Heck, I even made it past the first season.

 

Sheik: *shoots needles at Narrator and co.* You think you’re that special, huh? Like you deserve to be back in Comedy City. We thought we deserved it, too. We fought hard.

 

Snake: *moves rocket launcher to face Striker* But you...you *points at Striker* are the reason we lost. You didn’t give us a chance. It’s not our fault we were overused plot devices in the original comedy. It’s all yours. *fires*

 

Striker: *glances down at the approaching rocket. Takes the hit, flying off the stage, past its blast lines and towards Comedy City*

 

Narrator: But he doesn’t make it. He crashes into the cliff of the city, not even halfway up, and falls with a resounding thud, denting the roof of the elevator up and shaking the surrounding cables. He gets up surprisingly quickly, fading back into his original form.

 

Striker: You’re right. And I can’t change what I did. But I am going to keep moving forward. *vaults over the roof and down into the elevator car, which starts ascending*

 

Fox: Oh, no. That’s actually OP. GET HIM!!

 

Narrator: Everyone starts hustling towards the elevator, but only Snake and I can get on. We start scfuffling.

 

Snake: You fool. You really think things are going to change for you? He didn’t change back then. He won’t change now.

 

Narrator: Like you said. Let the past die.

 

Snake: Then what happens now?

 

Narrator: Well, this is the part where I narrate myself roundhouse-kicking you down to the ground. Bye.

 

Elevator: *creaks to the top*

 

Striker: I honestly can’t thank you enough.

 

Narrator: For everything you’ve done for me? Brother, you and I have come a long way. I’d take nothing of it back.

 

TSO: Me neither.

 

Narrator: ...of course you made it. You’re hanging on the bottom of the elevator?

 

TSO: If that’s what this ledge is. I thought this was that battlefield platform.

 

Striker: Don’t worry. It’ll be a bloodbath when I encounter that Part of Me.

 

Snake: *on the ground* Hey, I'm not done with you yet! This is your final destinat--- *gets stabbed*

 

Ridley: *kills Snake, turning towards the rest of the Smash characters, twirling around Snake's headband in his claws sinisterly*

 

Fox: Just what I need to see.

 

R.O.B.: We're bleeping dead.

 

Fox: Ditto.

 

End of Special 4

 

===

Chapter 8 coming next. Hope you enjoyed the last of my Nintendo-BIONICLE crossovers. I swear I won't put any of you through this terror again.

 

~Meta
 


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The long awaited third season of TA:OT is finally here!!

 

 





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