Tarn Posted November 17, 2019 Share Posted November 17, 2019 (edited) read it here! i'm really doing this, yes i am enjoy Edited December 10, 2019 by King of Kings Quote [BZPRPG] (shout out to max) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonkle Posted November 17, 2019 Share Posted November 17, 2019 Just had to drink a gallon of milk, mamma mia that was spicy Quote I been away a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarn Posted November 17, 2019 Author Share Posted November 17, 2019 chapter one up in which our story truly begins 2 hours ago, Terrorsaur said: Just had to drink a gallon of milk, mamma mia that was spicy it'll only get spicier Quote [BZPRPG] (shout out to max) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarn Posted November 18, 2019 Author Share Posted November 18, 2019 chapter two is up and i went back and edited chapter one slightly to clarify something and remove an awkward line (i had izel's first line end with 'he began' and then his dialogue stopped, which makes no sense), go ahead and give it a reread if you like a note, in case anyone wonders: the unseen voice is unknowable; it isn't makuta, or a makuta. think of it like the ahamkara in destiny. that isn't a spoiler, i just don't want anyone expecting a twist somewhere down the line Quote [BZPRPG] (shout out to max) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarn Posted November 20, 2019 Author Share Posted November 20, 2019 chapter three is up meet hashei. you know, from the prologue! Quote [BZPRPG] (shout out to max) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonkle Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 Another good chapter, I'm anxious to see who gets the Toa stone and if it's even someone we've met yet. And I love the way the decree was written Quote I been away a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarn Posted November 22, 2019 Author Share Posted November 22, 2019 On 11/20/2019 at 11:07 AM, Terrorsaur said: Another good chapter, I'm anxious to see who gets the Toa stone and if it's even someone we've met yet. And I love the way the decree was written it's entirely possible the bearer of the toa stone is someone we've already met, but i could always be fooling you that decree was one of my favorite parts of the chapter to write--it comes up a couple times in there, but i wanted to establish that arrec not only wants his title of 'last toa' to stay true, but that he's deathly afraid of it being a misnomer one day been thinking about updating the first post in this review topic to be an overview of the universe this story takes place in, just to clear up some things and go into detail about stuff that probably won't come up later without the use of heavy and boring exposition (kara-nui's history before the toa civil war for example). not sure yet though (and i've made a couple mocs of characters in the story that i might share in this topic in the future...) 1 Quote [BZPRPG] (shout out to max) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarn Posted November 23, 2019 Author Share Posted November 23, 2019 chapter four is up dreams can tell you a lot about a person Quote [BZPRPG] (shout out to max) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarn Posted December 4, 2019 Author Share Posted December 4, 2019 (edited) chapter five is UP this one took a few days and after some personal deliberation of whether i wanted to keep writing this story, i soldiered on. this chapter has far more effort put in, after days plural writing it and changing things or fixing errors rather than a singular day of writing and hoping for the best. no more 'jesus take the wheel' writing, if i could put it in humorous terms. and hey. something actually happens i have also debated on changing the title of the epic itself if possible because that tagline is silly, but we'll see if my feelings change eventually. Edited December 4, 2019 by King of Kings Quote [BZPRPG] (shout out to max) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VakamaMetruNui Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Just read this whole thing and I have to say I quite enjoy it. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I enjoy seeing things people do things in Bionicle that we never got to see in the story, like a dictator Toa running an island. The only criticism I would offer at this time would be to separate different characters' dialogue into separate paragraphs so it clearer to see that someone new is speaking. Other than that, I really like it. Quote Library Topic ^ Credit to Llortor for the custom Nuva Symbols Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarn Posted January 15, 2020 Author Share Posted January 15, 2020 thanks! yes, that's a bit of a problem i noticed myself, not sure what i was thinking a few months ago haha. might go back and edit the first few chapters to not be like that but rest assured the dialogue will be better spaced in the coming parts Quote [BZPRPG] (shout out to max) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.