Review - Journey Into The Light

[GaliGee]

Journey into the Light (Part I: The Bohrok-Kal and Part II: Peacetime) is Takua's journal as he chronicles the Toa's confrontation with the Bohrok-Kal and the following time of peace, up to the day he stumbles onto the golden mask that changes his life forever.Tell me what you think!

[AZBlue]

GG, you have blown my mind with the new chapter. I keep having to tell myself that this is a fanfic, not a retconned piece made official by Greg. I don't know how much you have followed the official story, but this still fits in perfectly!Are you planning on any more about Takua/Takanuva post MoL? I would love to see more! JItT fits in perfectly with the history of my Bionicle Legacies stories, which were inspired by all of your stories, Journey included.

[Bilbo Baggins]

I just have to say I absolutely love your writing style. You bring so much more depth to all these characters and you've made me fall in love with Bionicle's early years again. you are a fantastic writer and I'm so glad you're writing Journey into the light chapters again. I'm glad to have you back and I'm looking forward to new chapters.

[GaliGee]

AZBlue & Bilbo, it's great to hear from you guys. If any of y'all are still out there, I posted a new JITL chapter today. Thrills, chills, and spills!Plus, I've published my book! Check out my signature. The paperback is available from my eStore, through Amazon.com. I plan to start a COT topic about it soon.

[Lielac]

Whoooooooooo! New chapter! Hurraaaaah!I'll admit I was kind of horrified when I realized what was going on with the Ta-Wahi telescope, because... well... in canon it never gets moved, and Nixie just gets another one! I trust you to know what you're doing, though. :PI really like the Toa messing about and being silly and a bunch of play-fighting brothers. I've not got a clue what is up with Tahu's inferno of a mood, though, but again, I trust you to make things make sense by the end of all this.I love Kapura's brief appearance. Then again, I love Kapura period, because he is weird and awesome. The disk-stack thing made me snicker, as did Takua's thought about him and Kapura being the flakiest guard unit on Mata Nui. (And about Nixie not needing guarding. Dang straight!)Also: pssst, you misspelled Macku as Maacku about halfish-way through the chapter. (But you mentioned Kotu two words later, so s'all good.)

Edited September 25, 2012 by Lielac

[Cederak]

Hello, Galigee. I stopped in because Journey into the Light Part I: The Bohrok-Kal was my assigned ECC review cycle piece. Admittedly, I wish I could've said I was drawn here of my own volition, because this epic was marvelous. Of all the reimaginings I've read about Takua's journeys, this was a truly memorable experience to read through. You fashioned a tale that interwove with the Bionicle comics, Bohrok-Kal Online Animations, Mata Nui Online Game, Bionicle Chronicles books, and even more, I'm certain. This felt like a piece of fanfiction fully realized, integrating so much of the Bionicle universe and yet, so very little. My history with your written work is sparse. After having seen the sheer detail you provide to every moment and every single event, I am entirely convinced you are deserving of the praise BZPower writers have expressed in conversations with me.Before going into more analysis of your epic though, I wanted to outline a few minor slip-ups I came across. All quick fixes, I assure you.

It felt good to ride instead of walk, because my feet are weary from days of trekking. After his night watch, Jala he was so tired he began to stumble.

1:16 - Should be "feet were weary" and "Jala was so tired".

He folded his knife and put back in his pack.

1:17 - Should be "put it back".

“You know, following those two around would pretty good training in being a Toa, if it were possible get promoted.

2:1 - Should be "would be pretty good" and "possible to get".

Where we’re going, we’re going to need to use caution.”

2:1 - Remove one of the instances of "we're going." The repetition seemed to ruin the flow.Also, this only came up a few times, but I noticed that when your characters spoke with emphasis, you used an all caps word rather than italics. Perhaps it's just a style preference, but I've never been all the partial to all caps words in writing…acronyms aside. Having taken inspiration from so many places, this felt like a part of the 2003 storyline I wish we could've seen - a look at all the events through the eyes of my favorite Chronicler. His journeys across the island of Mata Nui, sprinkled with references to his eventual transformation into a hero of light. I also liked the subtle hints to the true history behind the island and the Matoran's origin in the Matoran Universe below.Your take on Mata Nui wholeheartedly felt like the real thing. All the locales, the villagers, the Toa and Turaga, even the tree-speak - it was all very much in line with the island Bionicle fans came to know and love. I honestly have nothing negative to say about this story, because it's a fun, journalistic view of so much over the course of a little more than a month. The detail was always just right, never too much or too little. In short, I am truly amazed with the story you gave me, despite the fact I've read the story across comics, animations, books, etc. This made it all feel so new again, gloriously full of the brilliant light your protagonist is soon destined for.Thank you for sharing this with BZPower, GaliGee. It was nothing short of outstanding. -Ced