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The Final Battle Reinvented


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#1 Offline Dual Matrix

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Posted Jan 21 2013 - 05:29 PM

The Final BattleTahu stepped out of the Great Spirit Bot, as scout of the massive army which followed him. "The adaptive armor he wore revamped his mask completely, which gave him a new visor that functioned as sunglasses. With this new mask, it helped shielded him from the scorching sun."

A battle was already raging and all seemed to be lost, the weird beings wouldn't stand a chance against the rahksii and skadi.A miscalculation was made, an army was too big and even the mightiest heroes would fall. An army,  threehundred strong marched out of the robot, consisting of Toa, Dark Hunters and even some Brave matoran.But their hopes meant nothing, the Toa had courage and wouldn't surrender, but even the might of Tahu's army would soon fall for the numbers of the rahksii.Soon the fifteen know elements where all used, lightning struck, fire burned, water washed away and ice froze. But even all those powers didn't stand a chance against the vicious skadii. Bodies where broken, kraatas smashed to dust and metal armor was molten. But where darkness is, light will always arrive, a portal opened, beings passed trough.A mighty army which did not belong in this very world had arrived, as their way of thanking the brave Takanuva who had saved their home."Let us attack, for Mata Nui, for Takanuva... ,  FOR THE KINGDOM" shouted a double Helryx who leaded the army, which stormed at the dark army from the other side.The balance of good and evil turned equal, no-one seemed to win.But light brings shadow, and shadow it was, for they were Skrall, a once mighty army, now outcast, just thinking of one thing: Revenge.And a vault of thick protodermis broke, a killer was unleashed.Time had run short the power reserves were running low, the battle had to end soon or everything they  knew would be gone."Krakua, Bohrok now!" wise Tahu shouted, knowing these creatures would turn the tides for the side of Light.A sonic scream powered by all the elemental and toa power which where stored in the brave Krakua were used.A call was made, a mission was given:  Help the Toa, cleanse the shadows. Marendar, the ancient killer, arrived and started to carry out his mission, whith only the swarm to stop him.By now, all know races fought in the masive battle, the battle whith the fate of both the known and the unknown at its sake. Toa were dieing , Skadii celebrating, Marendar succeeding. A strong voice spoke:" Light will find itself and find it's final destiny" , the voice of Mata Nui.Takanuva, Toa of light understood all now, he knew his task. Some have to sacrifice for others to celibrate. The time of light had come.Mass turned into energy, energy in the form of light spread consuming all the shadows along the way.Nothing was left, no shadow, no reflection of what once was, just pure light illuminating the battlefield paying tribute to the fallen heroes.Tahu was dead, the swarm had met there equal and were both cleansed, Krakua had used all his power and turked into a Turaga, which many Toa would do too.The losses were countless, and sadness struck them An army returned home to nerver come back.A price was paid, and victory isn't cheap, but light once made will never fade.The Battle was over, Makuta was gone, destinies werd furfilled ...And the legendary Avhokii broken.A legend was born.Light had won.


Edited by Dual Matrix, Jan 29 2013 - 11:50 AM.

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#2 Offline Grandmaster Lehvorak

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Posted Jan 25 2013 - 01:04 AM

[color=#000080;]Hmmm[/color]

 

[color=#000080;]This sentence:[/color]

 

[color=#000080;]The adaptive armor he wore gave his mask a new visor, funtioning as sunglasses, as protection against the burning sun.[/color]

 

[color=#000080;]This can be fixed by changing it to: [/color]

[color=#000080;]"The adaptive armor he wore revamped his mask completely, which gave him a new visor that functioned as sunglasses. With this new mask, it helped shielded him from the scorching sun."[/color]

 

[color=#000080;]There are more corrections that can be made to several more of the sentences. Make sure you read aloud before you submit it in, and also you can check spelling errors using the spell check on MS Word if you have that, if not you can use the G Docs.[/color]

 

[color=#000080;]The story was kinda interesting though, good job on it.[/color]

 

[color=#000080;]Lehvorak[/color]


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#3 Offline Dual Matrix

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Posted Jan 28 2013 - 04:15 PM

[color=#000080;]Hmmm[/color] [color=#000080;]This sentence:[/color] 

[color=#000080;]The adaptive armor he wore gave his mask a new visor, funtioning as sunglasses, as protection against the burning sun.[/color]

 [color=#000080;]This can be fixed by changing it to: [/color][color=#000080;]"The adaptive armor he wore revamped his mask completely, which gave him a new visor that functioned as sunglasses. With this new mask, it helped shielded him from the scorching sun."[/color] [color=#000080;]There are more corrections that can be made to several more of the sentences. Make sure you read aloud before you submit it in, and also you can check spelling errors using the spell check on MS Word if you have that, if not you can use the G Docs.[/color] [color=#000080;]The story was kinda interesting though, good job on it.[/color] [color=#000080;]Lehvorak[/color]
Thanks for the tips, altough I can't edit my story now(contest rules). I'll surely edit and check them after the contest is over. Also, I write all my stories on my ipod at night, and this story was posted the last day before the entry period closure, so I didn't really have the time to double check it the day after on my PC. I'm glad you liked the story, I'm considering writinh an epic fully focussed on this battle.

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