Is it possible to manually install the updates? Maybe that will force it.

Maybe if I could get in in the first place, but I can't puncture the feedback loop it's put itself into

Can you boot into Safe Mode?

Can you boot into Safe Mode?

It doesn't change anything, the loop just begins when I try.

oh bugger it happens on startup, not shut down...

you did try system restore yes?

@Chols: I only got that option once so far, and that didn't help any.

Also I am too incompetent to know how to do that from the get go.

So you can hit F8 at boot and get to the startup menu? Is there a "Startup Repair" option?

So you can hit F8 at boot and get to the startup menu? Is there a "Startup Repair" option?

I was coming here to say this. If you can access the System Recovery Options (The mode with "Startup Repair" listed), try running a Startup Repair. That usually (but not always) fixes this issue.

I've got another idea if that doesn't work.

I've got another system restore starting, so I can at least something that isn't a [censored] iPad, but some other ideas would be welcomed so I have backup plans.

You could try putting your Win7 disk in your cd drive and booting directly from that. There should be a Repair Windows Installation option.

I don't think I still have that.

In any case, I got in by system restore and disabled auto-update, so here's hoping things work now.