Things You Don't Want To Hear
When the doctor is holding up your newborn child: "Look Ma, no hands!"
When you're taking a taxi to an important location and you need to get there quick: "Okay, mister, which way did you want to go, again?"
If you're Oprah: "Wait, why are any of us watching this show?"
When you're performing heart surgery on somebody: "Hey, doc, this is the wrong patient."
Again, when you're performing heart surgery on somebody: "Uh-oh, looks like the anesthetic wasn't strong enough."
When you're asking your five-year-old how their day went: "I learned a new word from the bus driver today! He said it a lot of times!"
When you've just spent all night studying for the chem test: "We have the history test today, not chemistry."
When you're at a fantasy convention full of neurotic fan boys: "I think Eragon isn't a festering sack of plagiarism and Chris Paolini is creative!"<-- Death sentence for whoever says that, really.
If you're on a bus crammed with people and another person gets on: "Wow, that was a lot of beans I ate! But I needed them after that sweaty workout at the gym. Which reminds me, I haven't showered in a week!"
If you're Tom Cruise: "Wait, why do you count as a person?"
When you just finished a meal at a restaurant: "Boy, we've been waiting to get rid of that cheese for years!"
... That was all just to try to numb the pain I know I am due to suffer today.
Mother's day. The day you're supposed to appreciate your mother. I'm not worried about that. We got gifts for my mom, and my dad's mom, and we're all fine with that. It's the fact that the house will soon be overcrowded with relatives. Among them small children. *crosses fingers and hopes*
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