So long story short, if you die in Canada, you die in real life. It's a meme, and we all know that people actually die in Canada.

Why do I need to clarify this? I'm showing this one guy, a student resources person at one of the local colleges, this Canada-themed sewing project that I'm working on. "Canada, there's a place we need to learn lessons from. They don't have any murders up there."

"Well, not as many," I clarify.

"No, almost none at all. Did you know that in the last ten years, there have only been two murders in all of Canada?"

He wasn't referencing the "die in Canada, die in real life" meme. He really meant it. I tried telling him that, yes, Canada does in fact have murders every year. It's at a lower rate than in America, and I gave a few statistics for why that is, but I'm pretty aware of what goes on in Canada and, among other things, I could guarantee him that there were a lot more than only two homicides in the last decade. I have no idea where he got his information from.

This isn't a knock on Canada. Canada still has some pretty low rates. But seriously, it annoys me when people think that Canada is some sort of literal utopia that doesn't have any problems. I have a lot of Canadian friends, and my final verdict on Canadians is...they're just people. Shocker. You don't magically become something that transcends humanity if you have Canadian citizenship, as awesome as that would be. Although I'm pretty sure that Canadians do have magical Disney Princess powers to summon fauna to help them with their chores. That's a different story altogether.

Now, where was I? Ah yes, the subject of people dying in Canada. Well, it happens. Just remember folks, avoid dark and scary allies, don't walk alone at night, remain in public spaces, don't leave your drinks unattended when there's a guy with an eye-patch hanging around who looks like he deals with black market organs, don't join a gang, and always keep your apartment door open when someone comes claiming to be there for repairs. No matter what country you're in, these are generally good tips.

However, I've done my research and discovered that the country of Sealand impressively is an exception to everything. In its entire history, it hasn't had a single murder. Not one.