Myself. Now I'm not fool enough to post my real full name here. And since I have an unusual pair of non-last names, I won't reveal the other one of those either. I'll anglicize it to Joe. Joe is my socially cold Finnish half. Bill is my socially cold Canadian half. I've decided people can call me either Bill or Joe, according to the flavour of social coldness they prefer. Like ice cream: shall I have the Belgian Chocolate or the Choco Blast? It doesn't matter which one you choose. I don't taste as good as chocolate ice cream, of course, but you get the idea. I would be very put out if someone tried to take a scoop out of me. I'd probably flash them an indignant look and make ticking sounds with my tongue.

I'm sorry, folks. I should level with you before you all get the wrong idea. Despite what I just said, I'm not a particularly cold person. That was just my idea of playing on national stereotypes. I'm actually a rabid hockey fan, my dad's a Mountie, I use the word "eh" as verbal punctuation, and I'm unfailingly polite. Naturally, none of that is true, either. Except that I really am polite to an extreme. Someone makes fun of my face, I smile like something really is funny about it. Of course, I'm really smiling because I'm picturing the guy's nose crumpling under my fist... or whatever horrible image of punishment my imagination happens to serve up.

So, yeah. Billy Joe Finnadian. And to anyone who's thinking of actually calling me that, I have a word to the wise: Don't.

I mean it.

Really.

-BC

[Addendum: My real full name is very easy to find. I decided quite some time ago that there's no point even trying to obscure my identity online.]